Pretend to be straight

In fact, I understand everything, I understand that Shi Jinghe likes me, but her liking is a little less than pitiful, or much less.

I am able to be with her, which has already surprised me, because she is excellent, she is beautiful, she is kind, etc., but what about me?

Mouthful of lies and deception everywhere.

Sometimes I don't even know if it's true or not.

Maybe it's because I fell in love with Shi Jinghe that I have these troubles. If I am still performing the task and I am not attracted to her, then I can still perform it like a robot.

To make her like me, oh no, it's okay not to like me, it's okay to pity me, as long as she is with me.

If I persist in this way, I may have 1000 million, and I will pat my butt and leave.

Just like my attitude towards my ex-boyfriends, no matter how much they like me, I will tell them to end until I never contact them again.

Can be biased.

But I like Shi Jinghe.

I used to feel like I was in a prison with only one window for me to breathe and survive, the room was cold and I had no one to talk to.

But Shi Jinghe came.

She flew to the window like a little bird. I looked at her curiously, but I also acted pitifully to win her sympathy.

Wanted her to stay longer, wanted her to notice me.

I did it, I made it.

She laughed with me, talked to me, listened to my talk, and listened to my cry.

But I forgot that it is impossible for a bird to rest at my window all the time. She will always fly to other places, stand on other windows or branches, and meet other people.

In fact, after we got together, I have been thinking, will this relationship still cannot escape the fate of termination?

Originally, I thought that my work was not going well but my love was going well, but after these few days, I felt that it was not the same thing.

I worry about gains and losses many times, not only because of Zhong Nian, but more because of Shi Jinghe.

The night I confessed, I thought of her look, she was gentle, and she looked very afraid of losing me, but I always felt that something was missing.

It may be that she likes me badly. She doesn't like me enough, not because I am too demanding, but...the distress in her eyes is more.

Feel sorry for what happened to me in the past, and take pity on the hurt I have suffered.

So she restrained herself and kissed me only on the eyes, not along the way.

So she restrained herself, and when the two of them got along, she was waiting for me to take the initiative.

So she restrained herself, and asked me to hold back even when her lips were touching, the reason was because she had a cold.

I know all of this, I understand it all.

But understanding is one thing, accepting is another. Now that I think about it, my heart hurts and my eyes burn.

I don't want to cry, I just shed tears last night because I mentioned Qin Yiwen again, but now I feel sore because I think Shi Jinghe doesn't like me that much.

Seeing my appearance, Xiao Xu took a tissue and put it in my hand, and said, "But, Zhi Zhi, when I first met Shi Meimei, I felt that the liking in her eyes was not fake. Especially when she said 'my little branch', she really only had you in her eyes."

"I didn't say she didn't like me." I corrected him, "I just said she didn't like me that much."

Xiao Xu looked hesitant, he pursed his lips, and said to me: "But, I don't think it's good for you to guess here alone. Some things have to be asked before you know the answer. Many lovers break up because they didn't make a good decision. Communicate." He raised his hand and touched my head, "Zhizhi, if you're so scared, you can ask her. If the answer is the same as what you thought, it's not too late to cry, but what if? What if Miss Shi likes you more than you are pitiful? Maybe she doesn't even have pity, and it's because she likes you from the beginning to the end?"

Xiao Xu is worthy of being my emotional consultant, a series of analysis and questions made me stunned on the spot.

I shook my head: "I dare not."

I said, "I'd rather lie to myself than ask her to get the answer. I just said it today to make myself feel better. I didn't think about breaking up with her."

I blew my nose, and said to Xiao Xu: "If you want to say that we broke up, she is the one who did it. I won't take the initiative to say it. I have said it too many times before."

Xiaoxu: "..."

Shi Jinghe's hands are cold, but her heart is very hot, I don't want to take the initiative to leave her.She is like a hand warmer in winter, you don't want to be let go when you hold it.

She said that we need to get better and better, so even though I feel lost again now, I quickly held back and changed the subject with Xiao Xu.

I couldn't drive after drinking some wine, but Xiao Xu didn't drink at all, so he drove me back.

I remembered the time I was drinking in the bar before, Xiao Xu did the same, sent me back, and carried me upstairs when I was unconscious.

Fortunately, I didn't cause any more trouble today, I didn't drink too much alcohol, and I didn't even shake when I walked, so I persisted to the door of the house.

But when I was at the door of the house, I don't know if I had hallucinations, because I saw Shi Jinghe.

I closed my eyes again, and opened them again within two seconds.

But it's not an illusion, Shi Jinghe himself is indeed standing in front of my house.

strangeness.Why is she at my door?

I raised my hand and grinned at her, but Shi Jinghe's face was serious, and she approached me: "How much did you drink?"

"A bottle of beer." I didn't lie, it was indeed a bottle of beer, because it was too cold, and I felt so cold drinking it.

I asked her, "Why are you here?"

"Let's not talk about this first, you open the door."

"it is good."

I didn't feel dizzy either, and the amount of a bottle of beer is really not much.

After opening the door, I turned on the light again, because Xie Ying called me again to tell me that she would not be coming back tonight, and she was going to stay at her friend's place for the night, otherwise I wouldn't have gone out to find Xiao Xu, and maybe I would confide my heart in front of Xie Ying up.

After Shi Jinghe came in, she closed the door, and I took out the disposable slippers from the shoe cabinet and put them on the floor for her.

But Shi Jinghe basically didn't move, she just looked at me, and I realized something was wrong when I changed my shoes.

She hasn't smiled since she saw me, and the emotion in her eyes is also unpredictable to me.

The atmosphere between the two of them seemed a bit strange, they were obviously fine this afternoon, dating like an ordinary couple.

I licked my lower lip and asked her, "What's wrong?"

Shi Jinghe blinked her eyes after hearing my question, she took a step forward quietly, but I involuntarily took a step back.

When I was pushed against the wall, and when my waist was pressed against the cabinet and I could no longer retreat, she gently blew on my face, as if trying to wake me up.

Then she asked, "Why drink?"

I smiled and lied without blushing, "Maybe it's because I'm so happy to be with you today." My acting skills seemed to be okay, because I immediately lowered my eyelids, "I can't accept being with you when I go home. There is a gap in separation, so I just thought about going to drink, maybe it will be fine."

"Is it just like that?" Shi Jinghe was a little unconvinced.

I nodded, then leaned my head forward on her right shoulder.

I actually want to cry right now, but I forcefully hold back, because I don't want Shi Jinghe to see it—see that I exposed her.

I closed my eyes, stretched out my arms to hug her, and quietly smelled the pleasant scent on her body that made me feel at ease.

Shi Jinghe didn't raise her hand, and she didn't make any movement. After a few seconds, she asked me aloud, "Aren't you curious why I appear here?"

"I obviously asked why you are here, at the door." I smiled slightly, "Are you a fish? Seven-second memory?"

Shi Jinghe ignored my teasing, she sighed softly, and continued: "Qian Xu sent me a private message on Weibo, I happened to see it, and you didn't answer when I called and sent you a message." , so I came here."

"Don't you read private messages on Weibo?" I asked.

"There is no read reminder now, I will read it when I am bored."

I raised my head to look at her, Shi Jing and she finally moved, raised their hands to caress my face, her expression was very gentle, and her voice was soft, she called me: "Zhizhi."

I raised the corners of my lips and asked her, "What's wrong?"

"Don't think about it, don't think I don't like you, don't think I'm pitying you."

...What exactly did Qian Xu say to Shi Jinghe!

I opened my mouth, wanting to refute, but couldn't say anything.

It turned out that she knew everything, she knew about my psychological struggle that night, she knew about my struggle that night.

Shi Jinghe sniffed, she obviously also had mood swings, she laughed: "I am not trusted by my girlfriend, should I go to a bar?"

I shook my head: "Don't go..."

She tilted her head and looked at me with bright eyes: "But it's so unfair, why are you only allowed to drink and not me?"

I lowered my head slightly and sighed, admitting my mistake: "I'm sorry."

Xiao Xu and Xie Ying also said before that I always keep my thoughts in my heart, what they said is not false, I always get used to thinking about things alone.

Thinking about it, I began to mourn, and sometimes I wondered if my depression was not cured, but comparing the time when I was sick with the present, it must be cured.

There is still a big difference between depression and depression, and I can still tell the difference.

"Accept the apology." Shi Jinghe smiled and let me go.

Before she changed her shoes, she said to me, "Then I'll go back."

When she came to my house for the first time, she was still suffering from a cold and mistakenly thought that I hadn't recovered from the broken relationship, so she came here to give me candy.

And this time she came to my house when she had a cold again, but the cold was milder.

But every time I came here very anxiously, and every time I was very worried about me.

I couldn't help but blame myself for thinking too much, and made Shi Jinghe come all the way, and she had to go to work tomorrow.

I thought about it and asked her, "You... just sleep here?"

After I finished speaking, I choked my throat nervously, looking at her eyes and trying to stay calm.

Shi Jinghe looked at me, and after a while, she raised her hand to cover my eyes again, and asked me softly, "Zhizhi, I haven't coughed much."

I was sweeping her palm again with my eyelashes, and the light came into my sight from the corner, but I still couldn't see Shi Jinghe's face.

After she finished saying this, she slowly moved her head closer. I held my breath and slowly closed my eyes.

Shi Jinghe whispered: "But I...would you believe me if I said I never kissed before?"

...I wanted to laugh a little bit, but I held back, and just opened my mouth in surprise: "Huh?"

I grabbed the hem of her clothes with my hands and said, "I don't have much experience either."

It's true, when Qiu Yu and I were together, we rarely kissed, let alone falling in love with boys later on, not at all.

As soon as my words fell, Shi Jinghe kissed me with a slight breath.