The Blaze of Xueba

Boyhood ([-])

It was almost ten o'clock when Zhou Yan returned home. He took out the key from his schoolbag and opened the entrance door. The house was quiet and completely dark.

Zhou Yan has never lived in a school since he was a child, and has always been a day student.After he went to high school, his parents wanted him to live on campus for fear of his hard work, but he refused. He still prefers to live at home.

Being used to living at home, he can't imagine the embarrassment of living under the same roof with many people. He doesn't know how to get along with others, how to speak actively, and he is even more afraid of causing many unnecessary conflicts.

It's better to be at home, to live alone in the room I am used to, quiet and comfortable.

Zhou Yan's father, Zhou Shuzhi, is a civil servant who works from nine to five, with a stable salary and frequent benefits.And Zhou Shuzhi's temper and personality were born for this job, with a plain face, neither rush nor impatient, smoking a few cigarettes with a hot teapot, reading books and reading the news in his spare time, he lived a very leisurely life .

And Zhou Yan's mother, Cheng Fang, is the complete opposite of his father. Cheng Fang is a bank foreman, and she goes all out at work every day. She has a bad temper, and her voice is like a broken gong.

Zhou Yan usually reads some literature books after finishing his homework, and his father also reads these books. The father and son communicate very happily.

And Cheng Fang came out from the kitchen wearing an apron, staring at Zhou Shuzhi and scolding, "Literature! Literature! Literature ass! Why are you talking about these useless things all day long?! Can literature be eaten?!"

Then Cheng Fang threw Haizi's poems on the coffee table into the trash can, and seeing the man in front of him who was not up to date and struggling all day, he became even more angry, and cursed, "If you have time, read some poems here." It’s better to think of ways to make money if you are idle. The mortgage has not been paid off, and you still have the mind to engage in such tricks. Are you still a man?! I want your wife all day long and I work hard to make money to support the family! I was so blind that I would marry For you, marry a civil servant whose monthly salary is pitifully low!..."

At this time, Zhou Yan would automatically run to his room to take refuge, but he couldn't completely turn a deaf ear to it, only feeling upset.

Zhou Shuzhi and Cheng Fang quarreled for the same reasons as all Chinese parents: money, face, and children.The specific number of quarrels per month depends on Cheng Fang's mood. If he is in a good mood, he may not quarrel for a month. If the business is not done well or he is angry with customers, he will quarrel four or five days a week.

But compared to the quarrel between Li Lie’s parents, it’s just a drop in the bucket. Zhou’s parents can do whatever they want after venting their anger. The relationship is still there, but Li Huafeng and You Yan hate each other, and their relationship and interests have deteriorated to the extreme. Even the children can't hold them back and they go their separate ways.

Zhou Yan prefers to get along with his father. In his eyes, his father is like a kind big fat cat, which makes him feel very safe. Moreover, his father is one of the few people he meets who can have a common topic with him.

He hated his mother, he hated it secretly in his heart before, and he didn't know when this loathing became deeper and deeper, but he never showed it, he just endured it.

His patience was on a par with Zhang Gongyi of the Tang Dynasty, and he endured everything until it became a habit embedded in his bones.

Cheng Fang only gave birth to a child, Zhou Yan, and instead of making him a domineering urban child, he was extremely strict with him since childhood, and his desire for success in his son was much heavier than that of ordinary parents.

However, Zhou Yan has been shy and afraid of people since he was a child. When he sees a stranger, he can't wait to run and hide. It’s fine for a 3-year-old child, others will praise you as cute, but Zhou Yan’s nervousness and wanting to run away when he sees people becomes more and more serious as he grows up. Cheng Fang tried her best to portray Zhou Yan as a Luoluo The dream of the generous and outstanding elites was shattered like this.

Zhou Yan’s grades were not good when he was a child. He was always placed in the last row by his teacher. He stared at the blackboard blankly, staring at the Arabian Nights-like handwriting on the blackboard, and listening to the spells that the teacher spit out. if.

Sometimes I didn't understand and didn't dare to ask the teacher or classmates. I didn't understand more and more, and slowly it seemed that I didn't learn anything.

When get out of class was over, he just sat blankly in his seat, writing and drawing, lying on the table and distracted.Going home alone after school, watching the sunset gradually disappear, he went home dejectedly with his schoolbag on his back.

Cheng Fang was terribly anxious about Zhou Yan's grades. After entering junior high school, she canceled all the art classes she had enrolled in, and specially enrolled him in math and English classes.

Helplessly, Zhou Yan's grades still couldn't improve, and he was always in the middle and lower reaches of the class. Cheng Fang spent money and was heartbroken, but got nothing, and even saw that Zhou Yan's grades had dropped a lot compared to before. I didn't get pissed off, I lost my temper and complained at home every three days.

Zhou Yan hid in the room fearfully and blamed himself, and felt even more guilty when he heard his mother's angry words. He thought why he was so stupid, so stupid that he was so angry, he hit his head with both hands severely, and cursed, what's inside Is it pretending to be shit? !Why are you so stupid? !He scolded himself helplessly while crying helplessly.

There are some things that it is useless to try your best, and the destiny cannot be violated.If you are well-trained, you may be a strong beam in the future.

Every time Zhou Yan takes the exam, he is very nervous, because the exam results will be sent to his parents' mobile phone, and the comprehensive ranking of each subject can be seen at a glance. If he is at the top, he would like to be praised by his parents. Unfortunately, he is a poor student He understood the anxiety that Big Bear felt every time he came home with his report card.

Big Bear has Doraemon, he has nothing.

During the mid-term exam in the second year of junior high, Zhou Yan was not feeling well, but he still frowned and finished the exam. He imagined that poor students like him were just cannon fodder in the exam room, not even a passer-by. what differences are there.

He has always been used to being serious, and he still went all out to finish the exam papers.But God didn't show any mercy to him. As soon as the test papers came out, the results were sent to his father's mobile phone in the form of text messages. Naturally, his mother knew about it.

He didn't dare to go home that day, he did poorly in the exam, worse than all the previous exams, he walked to the subway station, he didn't want to go home, he really wanted to spend the night in the subway at night.

After dark, he returned home anxiously. Sure enough, his mother began to ask him why he was so poor in the exam this time, whether he listened carefully in class, and how many times he failed to make progress in the exam. The last place!

The more I talked, the more excited I became, and seeing Zhou Yan's cowardly look with his head down, he couldn't help cursing, "I spent so much money on you and signed up for so many classes, it's good for you to get such a bad grade in the exam to repay it." Me?! Are you trying to piss your mother off?! You have been so stupid since you were a child, I don’t know whose genes you inherited, and you are expected to be admitted to No. [-] middle school! Now it’s hard to get into Xigao must go!"

Zhou Shuzhi persuaded Cheng Fang, who was furious, to go aside, "You have to finish the meal before scolding. You can see what time it is. The grades are like this, and the child feels uncomfortable. You should calm down first."

Zhou Shuzhi winked and made Zhou Yan, who had already been terrified by scolding, hide in his room. Unlike Liu Xing in "Family with Children", his mother also scolded him for hating him, but Liu Xing turned around and forgot up.

He's not Liu Xing, he can't forget it in a blink of an eye, he's more sensitive than a mimosa, he's already uncomfortable, he's not feeling well, plus the scolding just now like a fucking machine gun, he fell on the bed with a headache, his stomach started to hurt , Dense cold sweat broke out on his face.

Zhou Shuzhi knocked on Zhou Yan's door, but found no movement, opened the door and saw Zhou Yan curled up on the bed, looking very uncomfortable.Zhou Shuzhi was terrified, and hurriedly sent Zhou Yan, who was weak with his eyes closed, to the hospital. After examination, he was found to have appendicitis.

Zhou Yan's endurance was already very strong at that time, he was so sad and disappointed that he would rather let himself suffer from illness than call his parents.

Appendicitis removal is a minor operation, and Zhou Yan will be fine soon.Cheng Fang was overwhelmed with motherhood for a while, and then realized that she had pushed Zhou Yan too hard, and she finally resigned to her fate. If her son is not a dragon, the only way to force him to death is to force him, why bother.Realistically speaking, Zhou Yan will definitely not be able to enter No. [-] Middle School, but Xigao can give it a try, even if it is an ordinary class in Xigao, it doesn't matter, as long as there are books to study.

Without Cheng Fang's persecution, Zhou Yan's mood gradually improved. In that year, his body began to grow taller like bamboo shoots, and his face also grew, which was very delicate.

Destiny is really in your own hands.Zhou Yan cursed this sentence in his heart when he was in the third year of junior high school.Because he understood that the pronunciation of English words is similar to that of Chinese Pinyin, he had an epiphany. He suddenly realized that English is so simple, and he began to memorize words madly, and his English scores improved by leaps and bounds.

There is also mathematics that uses theorems to prove, and the questions to be done are the same. Physics is just buoyancy and speed of motion. If you memorize the periodic table of elements in chemistry, you can calculate equations. As for other subjects, you can just rely on your back.

He suddenly looked like the protagonist in the anime, who had been beaten by fate in the early stage, and suddenly his head opened up as soon as he had a flash of inspiration.The next thing can be said to be smooth sailing. He went from an unknown person in the class to the top ten in the class, the top three, then the first, and then the first in the grade. First.

Cheng Fang no longer frowned and lost her temper with him, the teacher no longer put him in the last row, and the students looked more respectful when they saw him.

It's just that his grades suddenly improved, and the people around him seemed to treat him differently.Zhou Yan felt that he had experienced the coldness of the world before he came out of society, and his heart was also much colder. There was an ice-colored light in the depths of a pair of black pupils, which was very indifferent.

He still walks alone, at most he only shows his face when he is receiving the award and speaking as an outstanding student.He has no place to talk about his depression over the years, and he doesn't trust anyone. He has never opened his heart to anyone, including his father. He has completely given up on his mother. It is only a mother-child relationship on the surface, and there has never been a conversation longer than 3 minutes.

Over the years, he has been autistic and stubbornly paranoid. Apart from doing questions, he reads books, and the books he reads are only books by the same author-Haruki Murakami.

He never brought Haruki Murakami's books to school, he just put them under the bed, from the debut novel "Listen to the Wind Sing" to the very long "1Q84", including the essays written by Murakami, he bought them back and read them all.

Murakami said that the existence of some people is a kind of harm to others.

When he saw this sentence, he cried. He thought maybe he was the one who hurt others and was hurt by others.

To exist is to hurt.

Perhaps only Murakami understands him in this life.

Zhou Yan returned to his room, put down his schoolbag, and took out the questions that he hadn't finished today. He made a cup of coffee and began to write quickly.

It wasn't until eleven o'clock that he finally put down his pen and fell asleep with a tired face.