clear road dust

Lu Qingchen had already shrunk to the corner of the bed. He hugged his head and curled himself into a small ball, muttering: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was wrong..."

"I know... I know, I'm dirty."

"I take a good shower every day."

As he spoke, he seemed to have a little more courage. He stretched out his hand to pull Shen Junhuai's arm, but he retracted it halfway, and said softly, "I won't touch you, you, don't be angry..."

Shen Junhuai clenched his teeth, and tasted a bit of blood in his mouth.

That night, it took Shen Junhuai a long time to appease Lu Qingchen.He poured another cup of hot water, coaxed Lu Qingchen to take a Valium, and finally let him fall asleep until the middle of the night.

Lu Qingchen slept until noon the next day.

He woke up from the bed in the guest bedroom, stared blankly for a while as usual, brushed his messy hair, and went to the bathroom to wash up with his slippers on.He hasn't eaten since last night, and he doesn't have much appetite, but at the moment his stomach feels a little uncomfortable, so he wants to go to the kitchen to find something to eat.As soon as he reached the stairs, he found Shen Junhuai reading in the living room.

Lu Qingchen stood there in a daze.

The things that happened last night suddenly flooded into my mind like a floodgate, slapping, crying, losing control... What did he do?

His eyes were darkened, his expression was flustered, and he was full of shame, he could not stand up and down the stairs in a daze.

Shen Junhuai put down the book in his hand, walked up the stairs a few steps, took his hand, and brought him down. "Auntie has cooked porridge, you can eat some, or your stomach will feel uncomfortable."

Shen Junhuai led him to the dining table, pressed his shoulders to let him sit down, turned around and went to the kitchen to bring warm porridge, and put it in front of him.

Seeing his dazed look, Shen Junhuai smiled and said, "I'm not going to work today, I'll stay with you at home."

"Qingchen." Shen Junhuai called his name gently, until the other party was willing to raise his eyes to meet him, and then said, "Dr. Chen is coming to the house this afternoon. You haven't been sleeping well recently. He came to chat with you. Let's talk. Okay?"

Lu Qingchen had a puzzled expression on his face, and it took him a while to understand what Shen Junhuai meant.He knew that something was wrong with him. He used to resist going to the hospital because he didn't dare to go out, but now he didn't want to go to the hospital because he was afraid that he would be found deaf.As long as you don't go to the hospital, anywhere is fine.Moreover, he could no longer be a hindrance to Shen Junhuai.

So he nodded and said yes.

Dr. Chen is a middle-aged man with a kind face and looks very amiable.

The first time Dr. Chen came to the door, he was not as serious as Lu Qingchen imagined, chatting with him like an old friend who has known him for many years.From food to travel, from art to life, we chatted for more than an hour.Lu Qingchen seldom talked, and mostly listened. After the initial guard and tension passed, he gradually relaxed.

"How about we do a test?"

After the chat was almost over, Dr. Chen took out a few cards.Lu Qingchen watched curiously as Dr. Chen pushed the first card in front of his eyes. It was a black and white picture, like a pool of ink spilled on white paper.Dr. Chen paid attention to the change of his expression, and took out the second picture.

When Lu Qingchen saw the second picture clearly, he had already thrown the cup in his hand.

In order to give people a sufficient sense of security, the conversation between the two has been carried out in the studio, and because of this, Lu Qingchen has always shown a peaceful mood.But now he threw away the cup, and accidentally kicked over the drawing board when he jumped up and hid in the corner.

He hunched over, huddled in a corner, gasping for breath, with despair and fear on his face.

Dr. Chen squatted at a safe distance, and softly comforted: "Don't be afraid, tell me, what did you see?"

"Blood...the room...their faces..." He raised his head, eyes filled with tears, and stretched out his hand towards the void.

"...I want to go home, save me..."

When the sound came from the studio, Shen Junhuai heard it. He stood anxiously in the living room, but he didn't dare to go up to disturb him, his face changed in anxiety.

Finally, when Dr. Chen came down, he hurried to the studio.

"Mr. Shen, don't worry, let him stay alone for a while!" Doctor Chen signaled Shen Junhuai to calm down, "Let's talk first."

Only then did Shen Junhuai stop walking.

Dr. Chen was entrusted by someone, so he knew that the person in front of him would not be offended, and he also knew that the person above him was seriously ill.So he sank his emotions, and then said: "Mr. Lu has suffered serious sexual assault, but he has not received timely treatment and counseling, and now he has developed into a relatively serious PTSD, which is what we often call post-traumatic stress disorder."

Shen Junhuai was startled, he didn't tell Dr. Chen about Lu Qingchen's experience in advance, and he didn't expect to be seen through by the other party.

Dr. Chen: "I just did the Rorschach inkblot test on Mr. Lu, and he collapsed when he saw the second picture." He explained that this test is a typical transmissive personality test. Irregular inkblot pictures are presented in front of people's eyes. What ordinary people see are normal patterns, but what PTSD patients see is tragic trauma scenes, facts and injuries after exerting their imagination.

Based on this, Dr. Chen immediately judged where Lu Qingchen's disease was.

Shen Junhuai lit a cigarette with a gloomy and cold face, and listened to Dr. Chen continue.

"Mr. Lu's situation is more complicated. He may repeatedly reappear trauma-related situations and content in his memory or dreams, so he will experience symptoms such as emotional loss and depression. I will further evaluate his mental health in the future. Just do it."

"How to cure it?" Shen Junhuai calmed down and asked.

Dr. Chen: "I'll prescribe some medicine and let him take it first. But psychotherapy is currently the most effective way to cure PTSD. In the later stage, it can assist hypnosis, eye movement desensitization, and psychoanalysis."

He thought for a while, and then said more cautiously: "He may still have emotional limitations and excessive frightening performance, for example, he cannot feel loved, and he may also have a tendency to self-mutilate or commit suicide."

Shen Junhuai tightened his grip on the cigarette, and there was a muffled sound as if something broke in his heart.

After confirming the follow-up treatment plan, before sending Dr. Chen out, Shen Junhuai finally couldn't help asking: "Is there anything I can do?"

Dr. Chen turned around and looked at the man in front of him. After a few seconds of silence, he said: "Many people with mental illness collapse or commit suicide. The last straw that overwhelms them is not the trauma itself, but the secondary injury of the people around them."

"He hid the trauma for so long, not because of anything else, but because there is no trustworthy person who can share the traumatic experience." Dr. Chen thought, unfortunately, these "untrustworthy" people often include partners , relatives and friends.

Can't be trusted?Shen Junhuai thought about Dr. Chen's words.

I'm afraid so!After all, I haven't done many things worthy of trust.

Lu Qingchen has no parents, no friends, all life is centered around Shen Junhuai, crying for him and laughing for him, and dare not cry out for pain when he is hurt.And what did he do for Lu Qingchen?Taking the other party's contribution and love for granted, ignoring and neglecting, indifference and violence, possessiveness and control, is not treating him as an equal partner.

It was obvious that he was not a very good partner.

"Spare him more!" Dr. Chen finally said.

After seeing off Dr. Chen, Shen Junhuai sat alone in the small garden for a long time before entering the house to find the way to clear the dust.

Lu Qingchen had already buffered from the excitement of the test, and his whole body felt tired and sluggish.

Shen Junhuai's steps were heavy, but the expression on his face was the same as usual, but when he treated Lu Qingchen again, he had the meaning of being cautious, speaking, doing things, and even his expression was very restrained.

After all, after four years of living together, Shen Junhuai's subtle changes were quickly caught by Lu Qingchen.

As a result, the more careful Shen Junhuai restrained himself, the more Lu Qingchen walked on thin ice.

There seems to be a layer of flexible gauze between the two, which looks thin, but it is very difficult to tear it apart.Gradually, the two got along, and the atmosphere became deliberate and stiff.

What broke the deadlock was a phone call from Zhan Yue.

Zhan Yue solemnly asked Lu Qingchen to meet, saying that he needed to talk face-to-face.Lu Qingchen promised Shen Junhuai not to see Zhanyue alone, so he said that he would ask his family before making a decision.

Zhan Yue felt that the other party was a little cold.This is not like Lu Qingchen's character. He will be nervous and shy, but it is difficult to refuse others, and he is also very polite. To put it bluntly, he is a slightly flattering personality.

Zhan Yue has never seen such a cold look like now.

The call came back after a while, and Lu Qingchen agreed on the other end of the phone.

The two made an appointment at the coffee shop inside the painting club. Zhan Yue was waiting at the door early on. He was not surprised to see Shen Junhuai and Lu Qingchen appearing together, and greeted them with a smile.

The three sat down, Zhan Yue looked at the two people opposite.

Shen Junhuai is tall and straight, unsmiling, his rich background and superior IQ make him look a little arrogant and indifferent, and there is a kind of calm aggressiveness in his temperament.On the contrary, Lu Qingchen has a slender figure, a gentle and agile temperament, and his facial features are also exquisite.

These two people look like a good match from the outside.

Unfortunately, a good match is not necessarily a good match.

Zhan Yue suppressed some chaotic thoughts in his heart, and opened his mouth to say the first purpose of this meeting. There was a salon event for nationally renowned painters on the weekend, which was hosted by Han Xing.Among the contracted painter representatives sent by Han Xing, several are at the level of big bosses. Originally, this arrangement is enough, but one of the themes of this event is "Youth School". After negotiation, the organizer hopes that this year's newly signed Lu Qingchen will be The best of the young generation participated in the event.

Lu Qingchen knew this painter's salon, it was not just a simple activity like what Zhan Yue said lightly.As a newcomer, it is a rare opportunity to participate with the top painters in the country.

But he doesn't want to go.

He feels tired.

Zhan Yue is used to reading people's thoughts, but this time he can't see through them.Lu Qingchen looked sleepy, his eyes were always blank, and his eyes didn't move when he looked at people. He seemed to be listening, but he didn't respond to these conversations.

There was pleading in Zhan Yue's eyes: "This event is at the Intercontinental Hotel, stay for one night, and come back after lunch the next day." The InterContinental Hotel is in the next city, not far away, about two hours by car.

This is much closer than going to the Arctic Village.

Lu Qingchen still didn't respond, staring at the straw in his cup in a daze.

"Okay, let's go then! Just to relax, I'll go with you." Shen Junhuai interrupted suddenly, he held Lu Qingchen's hand, leaned over slightly, and half embraced him in his arms, possessive A very strong pose.

Hearing Shen Junhuai's words, Lu Qingchen was stunned for a while, then nodded.

Seeing Shen Junhuai like this, Zhan Yue couldn't say anything more.When he knew that Lu Qingchen's lover was Shen Junhuai, he basically gave up the idea of ​​pursuing him, and he didn't want to become the next Fang He.

Now he is even more certain that whoever touches Lu Qingchen will die.