dangerous road

When I was born, I cried for three whole days. During these three days, I did nothing but cry, as if from the moment I left the mother's body, my whole body became a wailing mouth.At first, no one noticed anything abnormal, until I cried like clockwork for half an hour, the doctors and nurses began to feel that something was wrong.They tried everything they could to coax me, shake me, and stuff a translucent rubber nipple into my mouth, only to find it all in vain after a long day of work.To make matters worse, half a day later, all the newborns in the hospital cried one after another as if they were responding to me. The crying was loud and uninterrupted. Wave after wave of sound gathered into a huge torrent and shattered Hospital glass windows.The constant stream of tears set off a mini-flood on my floor, and all the beds floated and swayed in knee-deep tears.Every idle doctor, nurse, and voluntary patients formed a temporary drainage team, rolled up their trouser legs with buckets, and began to vigorously solve the flood caused by the overflowing tears of newborns.

Three days later, I finally stopped talking and turned my interest to my thumb. This ridiculous water rescue farce was over.A group of exhausted adults gathered around my narrow bed to watch me suck my thumb with relish, and after making sure I didn't mean to cry, they collapsed on the floor tiles beside my bed.

In the 80+ years since then I have never cried again.

When I was young, I knew that everything has animism, and I did not forget that soil is a living life when I talked to stones.At that time, I often had a dream, which was often a group of whales swimming in the air.Huge and docile, they make their way through lush forests and deep canyons, over snow-capped peaks and swamps bubbling with dark green water, and finally into nothingness.I remember that there was nothing in that place in the dream, only endless white light that would never die.The school of whales frolics in the middle of this pure white background, their huge tail fins billowing like bird wings.

I have had this dream many times. To be precise, it ran through my whole childhood of doing nothing.I didn't go to school like other children, because the school with iron gates was like a cage for animals in my eyes.I don't understand why every kid is sent to this place, just like I don't understand why no one tries to talk to the trees.They are obviously wiser and calmer than anyone else, with green and gentle flames shining all over their bodies.My family once tried to send me into the school gate, but I hugged a big tree outside the gate and refused to let go. One or two people couldn't pull it at all.Later, all the teachers in the school were dispatched, and they grabbed my feet like a tug of war and pulled me into the campus.My whole body was pulled parallel to the ground, like a piece of rope with a tree tied at one end and a long line of people dragging at the other end.I don't know where I got so much energy, my hands seemed to grow together with the tree trunk, and my body became a stone statue frozen in mid-air, no matter how much I was dragged behind, I didn't feel anything.This difficult and protracted confrontation ended in my victory after a day and a night.In the evening of the next day, with a loud bang, the old tree I was clinging to could no longer stand such torture and fell to the ground, miraculously skipping me and pressing down on the long line of people behind me.At the moment it fell to the ground, I clearly heard an old sigh.

So in the end I got my wish and went home and got the privilege of not having to go to school.

I lay down to sleep that night, and who knows that I slept for five years.For five years, I have been dreaming uninterruptedly, and the dreams are full of groups of swimming whales.I spent five years watching them travel the world.Every night they set off from a different place, took a different route and arrived at the same place, that empty place that I always doubted to exist.On the last night after five years, I dreamed of whales as usual, but this time I finally became one of them.I followed the group of whales and moved slowly under the blue sky. The seemingly huge and clumsy body was so light for some reason.I looked down at the vast plains and sunken basins below me, as my tail fin brushed the tops of the raised mountains to level a forest.At last we reached the end of our journey, the void of nothing but white light.In my previous dreams, I always stood outside them and watched from a distance, never having experienced the joy of swimming in this empty space; now I am in the middle of them, and everywhere I look up, down, left, and right are everywhere. It was pure white, and the white light that poured down my face burned my eyes, but although my eyes were as blind as shadows, happiness was everywhere.

I woke up after this dream, and I completely forgot about it after waking up.In the following seventy years, I never dreamed of it again, and I never met the once majestic whale group.At first I had a vague feeling that I was forgetting something, and after a few nights of sleepless sleep I started to resist going to sleep.I sat with my eyes open for dozens of days, and when the Sandman struck, I frantically ate dirt and leaves, scratching twisted marks on the whitewashed walls of my house with my nails.But gradually I forgot what I was desperately resisting for. While doubting my memory, I was tortured by the habitual suggestion that I couldn’t sleep deep in my heart.The struggle between the two came to a head on a warm spring afternoon.That afternoon I was sitting on the balcony of my home chatting with an unused flower pot. When it was babbling at me to express its dissatisfaction with not being reused, a sudden "pop" sounded in my head that was messed up due to lack of sleep. There was a sound, and then there was darkness in front of my eyes, as if all the lights in the world were turned off-I fell into a dreamless sleep again like this.So the swimming whales, the dreams with obscure meanings, just fell into the well of forgetting when they could be understood, leaving me with no fragments of memory.

When I was in my twenties, I suddenly realized that I had stopped growing years ago, as if I was an orphan abandoned by time.My body hasn't changed since then, and tomorrow, the day after, and the next year, the year after, are today for me.I shut myself up at home and shaved my head for convenience.I don’t wear any clothes, and wander around the house naked. Only when outsiders come, I will reluctantly put on a bath towel.My life has remained the same for more than 50 years since then.In the morning I slept until I woke up naturally, got up and opened the window to let the air outside the house reunite with the air inside the house, and then sat by the window and listened to their long-lasting whispers all morning.In the afternoon I took a walk in the house, the route was the entrance, living room, kitchen, dining room, guest bedroom, study, toilet, master bedroom, and finally arrived at the balcony smoothly.On the balcony, I would dig out the earthworms in the flower pots and play with them in my hands, so as to kill a lot of time in the afternoon.Later, I knew the name of every earthworm in the soil, and they even introduced their mates and offspring to me.After I memorized the genealogy they provided me, we became relatives, and every humble little couple would invite me to be their witness when they got married.At night, I went back to the bedroom, broke up the reluctant air, drove the indoor air into the room and closed the windows to sleep.This cycle of days has continued for more than fifty years.I watched the people around me age a little bit under my nose, and I could touch the life flowing out of their bodies with my hand—they circled and criss-crossed over the room like a river, not accepting any change or any change. yield.

I have lived alone and monotonously for more than half a century. One day after half a century, when I counted the days, I found that I should be 80 years old, but my appearance is still the same as 50 years ago.This realization tormented me all day. For more than 50 years, I have lived an unchanging life every day, as if the flame of my life had only twisted and burned in the previous short twenty years before being extinguished in the cold eternal darkness.I feel like I've never lived.Maybe I really haven't lived in this world, maybe I haven't been born, or maybe I've died long ago.In short, that night, when I closed my eyes sadly, I once again saw the scene that appeared thousands of times in my dreams when I was young: that grand and never-ending whale group.For the second time I was one of them, and for the second time I followed them through lush forests and deep canyons, over snow-capped peaks and swamps bubbling with dark green water, before we reached the glowing Before the mysterious realm of white light, after I had already seen that small and bright spot of light in the sky, I suddenly woke up from my sleep profusely sweating. When I opened my eyes, the first ray of morning light happened to pass through the glass window of the bedroom Brush on my face.Then without warning, for the second time in my eighty years of life, I felt like crying.

This crying took my life, and my body was visibly aging under the splash of tears.My skin became saggy, my flesh sagged, my teeth fell out one by one, and my spine curved in sections.I was exhausted from crying until the end, and when I reached out to wipe my tears, I found that my fingers had turned into dry branches.Tears wet my bedsheets, and the thin blanket slumped heavily to the floor because it was full of water. Tears flowing wantonly flowed out of the bedroom along the crack of the door, turning the whole house into a vast ocean.I sat on the soaked pillow and cried like a baby, but this time I didn't cry for three days and three nights because I realized that my body was slowly shrinking.Two hours later I found myself the size of a pillow, like a crumpled baby.After another half an hour, my body completely disappeared, leaving only a puddle of unexplained tears—in a trembling dawn, I finally disappeared in this world, licking the wound and walking into another more In the era of cleanliness, a void of pure whiteness.There was a dreamy pod of whales frolicking waiting for me, and I was pulled across by an invisible thread, dragging my disillusioned symbol into eternity.

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【The End】

The author has something to say:

There is also a copy of this article, put it here:

I just finished One Hundred Years of Solitude, and then I'm going to be 19.I must take something to put on the altar of my youth when I bid farewell to the magic. The last sentence of "One Hundred Years of Solitude" is "The family destined to endure a hundred years of loneliness will not have a second chance to appear on the earth", and I believe that everyone is destined to never have a second chance to be lonely and appear on the earth. noisy.In the past, I desperately wanted to be an adult quickly, and I desperately wanted to become a mature and rational adult.And now I find that although I can still be called young, I no longer have the capital of childishness and recklessness, and I no longer have the golden amulet that can be easily forgiven for wrongdoing.I look forward to hearing people tell me that you are still young and there are still many things you don't understand; however, what I receive now is more of a sigh, plus a sentence that you are old.

With this article alone, I end my mediocre life.Sorry folks it's not even a BL, it's just some rambling after my brain is broken.Well, I took a big shot and posted the text below.Would you believe me when I said this is actually a science fiction article?

PS: The inspiration comes from "One Hundred Years of Solitude" and "All Fires Return to One".A tribute to Latin American writers.