silent me, silent us

Hospitals were overcrowded on Saturdays.

It's not because of the holidays, but the place is always full of people wearing masks, as if they belong to a certain ethnic group, and everyone only reveals one

The eyes with double bones make it difficult to see the expression clearly.

The atmosphere here is very peaceful, but also a little gray silence.

In fact, he doesn't dislike the hospital, but the hospital always reminds him of when Grandpa passed away first, Grandma was lying beside him holding Grandpa's hand and singing "Holding"

Ruan's hand" scene.

Such a sincere emotion of holding hands until old age and death, even the rogue uncles cried.

Xu Qizhang thought, maybe some people hate hospitals because they evoke fragments of longing and sadness in people's hearts, because they can't bear it,

So turn on the disgusting defense program.

"Just sit here and wait for me."

Xu's mother limped and asked him to sit outside the consultation room and wait.

Xu Qizhang let go of his supporting hand and sat down obediently.

It's an old problem. It seems that it is because of the pressure on the nerves, so the feet are numb. I remember when I was very young, he was woken up in the middle of the night when he was half asleep.

My mother said that she couldn't stand up, and the uncle who was still living with her at that time carried her to the hospital, but when I was a child, I actually followed my mother's wishes and continued to work hard.

sleep.

It's really selfish and ruthless. Generally speaking, you should be so worried that you can't sleep... Thinking about it this way, Xu Qizhang fell into a state of self-loathing again.

Emotionally, but subconsciously blaming it on my own nature.He knew he was wrong, but he didn't understand where he was wrong.Ambivalence.

So those sudden problems were so deeply rooted in my mother's body. This morning, too, her instep suddenly started to hurt.

, like a tree trunk that is being eroded at any time, only waiting for those mottled corrosion marks to appear on the surface.

Why or how did this happen?

It must have been made up of a lot of misfortunes.

But what are those misfortunes?

Xu Qizhang would occasionally keep thinking about this kind of problem.

Temporarily canceling today's rare appointment with Ye Guang, riding their family's second-hand tattered [-] and carrying her mother to the hospital, in which department did she die?

No. He forgot, because every time my mother comes, she always goes to a different clinic.

Mom goes to the hospital frequently, he thinks it's not because low-income households are cheaper to see a doctor, the reason may be because of grandpa

The shadow of Grandma's illness.

The sudden illness caused the life of grandpa and grandma to wither rapidly, and the closer it was to the end, accompanied by the attack of various complications, in the end who of them

I don't even recognize it anymore, I just live as if being forced to breathe.

Occasionally widened tired eyes, with a bit of treachery at the end of life.

Mom was responsible for taking care of them at that time, probably because she often looked into the strange place and felt scared.

Fear of life, fear of death.

Xu Qizhang thought that he might become like that one day, but he didn't feel afraid. Maybe he hadn't experienced it himself, so he wouldn't really feel it.

of fear.

Those life and death, for him, are so close yet far away, maybe it's not something he should think about now.

The phone in the jeans vibrated, and a text message from Ye Guang came:

"Guitar boy, how is Mama Xu? O.Ob"

Looking at the emoji behind, Xu Qizhang's open smile was covered by the mask, and only his eyes were slightly squinted.Walk out of the waiting room and lean on the elevator

Beside him, he dialed the only number in the special dialing line in his mobile phone.

"Hey."

There was a calm voice on the other end of the phone.

Maybe it's because he's not used to talking to him on the phone, every time the call is connected, Ye Guang's "Hello" is like a failed customer service Mr.

The tone leaked his nervousness.

But usually this pattern will not last for too long. Sure enough, when he heard Xu Qizhang's puff, Ye Guang broke his power immediately.

"You laugh at me again! What are you laughing at!"

Annoyed, gritted his teeth and growled.

Xu Qizhang felt cute just by imagining that scene.

The watch showed that it was close to noon. They had made an appointment to see the sneakers, so maybe they still have time later.

"Where are you?" The voice became more gentle, even Xu Qizhang didn't notice it.

"Stay at home, read a book." Grasp the trivial time and study hard, which is the key to the success of the elite.

Sitting at the desk, Ye Guang drank the goji berry and ginseng tea that Maria made for him, spinning his pen in boredom.

Xu Qizhang looked at the consultation room with his head. Before his mother came out, he leaned back again.

"Then are you going to come out later?"

"Well... don't you need to accompany your mother?" Ye Guang asked.

Accompany mother V·S accompany Ye Guang.

... Sure enough, the weight of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still needs to be balanced.

Xu Qizhang pondered for a while, and decided to allocate half and half of his time to his family and lover.

"Why don't we make an appointment after three o'clock?"

"Well, I have tutoring at seven o'clock, and I can wait for you before."

Although he said he wanted him to accompany his mother, but in fact it would be weird if he didn't see her for a day.

Ye Guang leaned back in his chair and looked out the window.

"Then... call again?" Xu Qizhang hooked off his mask and took a breath.

"Okay, you call me."

"Um."

There was silence, but no one hung up.

The advantage of not using money to fight each other on the Internet is that no matter how long the silence lasts, there will be no burden.

"Ye Guang, what do you think of the hospital?" Xu Qizhang said nonchalantly.

"Huh? You mean, the equipment or the lineup?"

Ye Guang was at a loss, trying to clarify Xu Qizhang's question.

"Well, it's okay, I just think it's better not to come to the hospital if it's okay."

The clouds behind the tree shadows outside the window gave Xu Qizhang the illusion of being isolated from the world.

What exactly is he trying to say?

What is he trying to tell?

Don't talk about it.

I don't want to talk about life and death, parting, etc. with Ye Guang.

"...I have something to say."

Ye Guang's voice sounded a bit worried, after all he knew that Xu Qizhang was a person who would keep things in his heart.

"Well, I'll talk to you later when we meet."

Say goodbye and say I miss you so much, Ye Guang also vaguely said ok ok ok me too.

After hanging up the phone, Xu Qizhang put the phone in his pocket.

Thinking of Ye Guang's face turned red again, and the clouds in his heart dissipated a little.

He was about to go back to the waiting room, but when he passed the elevator, he was knocked away by the nurse rushing out of the elevator. The thin man couldn't bear the impact, so he was knocked down

He rolled his eyes on the ground and stared twice - this is of course impossible, he grew up drinking Ke Ning anyway, in fact Xu Qizhang just staggered

Staggered, watching the two figures in white quickly run into the escape ladder beside him, he was wondering, and then his eyes were sucked away by the silver products rolled to his feet.

light.

It is a fine silver ring.Xu Qizhang picked it up and found that it was a special shape of a spoon bent into a circle. It seemed to be specially made, and it was engraved with

The name... must be something important.

So he turned around and walked to the escape ladder on the side. Before he stepped inside, he heard arguing sounds that were trying to cover up and lowered the volume.

"Chen Chen, listen to my explanation!"

"Don't listen! Smelly doctor! Who allowed you to show the ring to other nurses! Let her touch it!"

"I'm hanging around my neck and she sees it, I can't help it!"

"Why would she see it when you hang it around your neck?"

"It's against the law if she accidentally sees you when you're bending over! Sanba, don't make trouble for no reason... Speaking of which, where's your ring?"

The sound of rubbing clothes and resisting curses came from the dark stairwell, which made Xu Qizhang's already beating heart even more uncontrollable.

A doctor and a nurse, two men.

"That, that kind of thing! They lost it!"

The aggressive tone of voice, the ending sound of crying.

"Sanba, are you going to piss me off—"

The uncontrollable roar seemed to strangle someone to death.

"Uh, here's the ring."

Silently, like a little white rabbit breaking into the war, Xu Qizhang's eyes exposed outside the mask, at this moment, seem so innocent and innocent in the eyes of the two adults.

So innocent... just dark circles a little deeper.

Seeing the doctors and nurses who were sticking together instantly bounced off, Xu Qizhang was also a little embarrassed, because he had to return the things, otherwise he wouldn't want to be nosy

Yes.

Or maybe it was a strange feeling in his heart, like seeing the same kind.

Xu Qizhang returned the ring to the male nurse.

"thanks."

After receiving the ring, the male nurse's smile was very bright, and he was very suitable to be a nurse, but at this time there were tears in the corners of his eyes, which should be caused by the doctor.

Yes.

Do not argue.He wanted to tell them so.

There is a kind of hope in my heart that they will not quarrel, not be separated, and be happy forever, as if as long as they can go on, they can prove their love.

Explain what.

It can prove what he and Ye Guang can do.

Xu Qizhang was a little sweaty, looking at the gentle doctor, who was about the same height as him, speaking in a voice that didn't seem to be his own.

Yin said, "My grandpa and grandma, until they died, they still held hands."

Until the last moment, they still cherish each other.

To the end of their lives, they still hold hands.

So, don't quarrel... Xu Qizhang became quieter as he spoke.

The air was embarrassingly still.

I don't know why I'm talking about this, I just know that after I finished speaking, I felt a kind of embarrassment of waking up from a dream, and I said sorry, under the surprised eyes of the adults,

Turn around and step out of the stairwell.

During the silence, there was only the sound of the air conditioner running.

"Sanba... I always feel that that kid is much more mature than us."

And inexplicably accepted them?Lin Yaoyi pushed her glasses, and finally regained her composure.

"But people feel that he shines with a pure and unpolluted light... so rare."

Although he had to take it off when he was working, Chen Chen still put on the silver ring and smiled as he regained it.

Seeing Chen Chen smile, Lin Yaoyi hugged him into her arms, as if begging for peace.

"...Are you saying we are dirty?"

"It's the doctor who is dirty... well, don't quarrel, alas, working in a place like a hospital, you are paralyzed by life and death, as he said, just

Even if they are in love, they can't escape the separation of death in the end. "

That doomed separation, who is doomed to cry for whom first.

Thinking of this, the strength to fight is gone.Chen Chen felt a little lost.

"It's hard to hold hands until death." The white-robed doctor sighed heavily.

His sentimental nurse.

Lin Yaoyi really admitted that this life was in Chen Chen's hands.

"Sanba, write a poem. It's almost time. Let's make an appointment to jump into the sea together."

Stupid, think so much, why don't you fight with me, even though it's a kind of fun.

Lin Yaoyi kissed his soft lips, squeezed his face and said, "We agreed to hold hands and jump into the river together."

The serious tone doesn't look like a joke, so it makes people feel absurd, but heartwarming.

"Damn it, the doctor is so moody, at least let's use this pair of rings as a token of the next life..."

Turning his tears into a smile, Chen Chen lit up the ring on his hand.

"That's fine, but that's after death..."

In fact, he didn't believe that at all, but as long as Chen Chen was happy, he would agree.

Before he was alive, he would try his best to fulfill all of Chen Chen's wishes.

Holding Chen Chen's left hand wearing the ring, Lin Yaoyi kissed the silver ring, silently making an eternal vow.

In the dead corner of the monitor in the stairwell of the hospital, there was another salty and wet scene played by doctors and nurses, but this time, the monitor screen

There are two more old people holding hands on the upper right, looking at them with a smile.

＊＊＊＊＊＊

Mother Xu's feet are fine.

On the way back, Xu Qizhang chatted with his mother about irrelevant topics, but his mind was still digesting everything he had just seen.

Stairwell, chatting, doctors and nurses, two men, a couple.

Although I know that he and Ye Guang are not the only ones like this in this world, but when I saw it with my own eyes, there was still a kind of turmoil, and many circles in my heart

, the ripple effect gradually spreads.

gay.

Words that are equivalent to life, death, and parting, words that he does not want to discuss with Ye Guang, because behind these words are infinitely complicated explanations

And the discussion space also seems to be burdened with a little bit of misfortune.

He wanted to go on like this with Ye Guang, that was his only belief.

Even if they deliberately avoid certain things now, even if they have to face those avoided things in the future, this belief will not change.

change.

He always knew what he wanted, just like he found music, he found Ye Guang.

Just as he will continue to be passionate about music, so will his love for Ye Guang.

Unable to use age definition or any weights and measures, that is his definition of Ye Guang.

But these are all his own unilateral thoughts, Ye Guang still has the right to choose, the right to choose about the future.

But as long as Ye Guang doesn't let go of his hand, he will hold him forever.

Hold his hand forever, from the time I met him at the age of 17 until the end of my life.

He lacks confidence in many things, but only this, he has the long desire of "a lifetime".

Carrying his mother, facing the cold wind, Xu Qizhang also deliberately avoided his mother asking him if he had a girlfriend, and secretly speeded up, so that

Mom grabbed hold of him and stopped talking.

Let's talk about this matter later.

Saying sorry to my mother secretly, Xu Qizhang's "avoidance" skill was also activated as the accelerator pedal was accelerated.

"Hello." Mr. Customer Service failed.

"I'm at your door." He couldn't hold back his smile.

"Oh, good."

Not long after, Ye Guang appeared behind the white carved iron door wearing a down jacket, exhaled hot air, pushed open the iron door and walked towards him.

"It's so cold, why are you wearing so little?" Ye Guang frowned and looked at the black coat on Xu Qizhang's body. Without thinking, he took off his white scarf.

Get it down and put it around his neck.

Because I want to see your worried face.

Xu Qizhang didn't speak but smiled lightly.

While chatting, on the way to the bus stop, Ye Guang kept peeking at Xu Qizhang.

With two coughs, he successfully attracted Xu Qizhang's attention.

"Cough, didn't you ask me how the hospital is doing today?"

Unusual, Ye Guang was a little embarrassed, as if he wanted to say something.

"Yeah." Xu Qizhang looked at him quietly.

"At that time, I thought... You know, I want to be a doctor... It's not really necessary, I just set a goal first

. '

Because it’s really about my own future, unlike when I was a child when I wrote about becoming president, when Ye Guang said it to Xu Qizhang, he was a little ashamed

Embarrassed, but with the confidence he should have.

Seeing the brilliance on Ye Guang's face, Xu Qizhang nodded his head and said, "You can do it."

As long as Ye Guang wanted to do something, he would be able to do it well.He believed so deeply.

"Well, it feels good to be a doctor, and I can help you see your mother for free... Ah, that's not the point, right, I'll tell you

Already... You have to tell me, what are you going to do in the future?I know you want to develop into music in the future, do you want to be an artist?still walk away

back?Still be a teacher? "

As if eager to know Xu Qizhang's thoughts, Ye Guang asked like a cannonball.

Obviously so far away from the future, yet anxious to understand him, so as to grasp him.Ye Guang's question created a faint white mist in the air.

It's like a small train, puffing forward eagerly.

"Well, I..."

Xu Qizhang looked aside, stroked his chin with his index finger, as if he was thinking about something.

Seeing Xu Qizhang thinking about it for a long time, Ye Guang felt anxious and couldn't wait to express his thoughts:

"No matter what you want to do, in fact, I... I don't really want you to be an artist, although it's a bit selfish to say this because you have stage charisma

Power, but the private life of artists seems to be exaggerated. I don't want us to be chased by paparazzi in the future. ’ and there must be more

More fans now...

unhappy.

Habitually sucking his upper lip, Ye Guang said in a low voice.

Because I want to participate in the future of the other party, I want to think about the other party, and I want the other party to think about myself.

Because I want to be together, for a long, long time.

Because of your future, there will be me.

As if suddenly comprehending the meaning of Ye Guang's words, Xu Qizhang couldn't bear the numbness in his heart, so he took his hand, regardless of whether there were people nearby or not.

Someone kissed him on the face.

How can I be so moved.

Mom, I'm sorry, no one can really touch me like this.

"Hey!"

Frightened, Ye Guang punched him, then looked around hoping no one would see him.

"Actually, I want to be your doctor's wife."

Leaning shoulder to shoulder, Xu Qizhang leaned his body weight towards Ye Guang, seeming a little shy.

"...Where can such a tall doctor's wife come from?"

If you ask serious questions, call me haha ​​again.Ye Guang pinched his waist, causing Xu Qizhang to escape with a whoosh.

"I'm serious, I want to be Ye Guang's doctor's wife."

He ran up and shouted, it's rare for Xu Qizhang to be so relaxed outside the stage, but it's not a good thing, because the attached

Nearby is the park, and there are many old people watching them under the trees.

I'm really afraid that others won't know about it.

Ye Guang frowned.

Looking at Xu Qizhang's figure looking back, he wanted to be angry but couldn't, and the corners of his mouth curved upwards.Ye Guang caught up with him, borrowing his white coat

Covering it up, the hand just slipped into his, and he held it tightly.

In the distant future, if we can still hold each other's hands, we don't really care so much about who will sing "Holding Ruan's Hand" first.

So the hands that were released when getting on the bus, were held together again when sitting on the seat.

The direction of the bus, maybe the future is not certain.

Looking at the scene moving backwards outside the window, Xu Qizhang softly hummed "Take Ruan's hand".