silent me, silent us

Any accident is produced by a series of coincidences.

When he came home that day, it was just dawn after taking a shower, and he saw his mother had gotten up, her eyes were still open, and her face looked dull in front of the fluorescent light of the TV.

Suddenly want to say something to her, or let her say something.

Although everyone is always in a mess in the morning, Xu Qizhang's heart will ache as long as he sees his mother's expression.

Abandoned, abandoned, hurt, hurt, regretted, regretted, past, irretrievable, unwilling...

The fluorescent light of the TV flickered, and Xu Qizhang always felt heartache because he found such emotions on his mother's face.

Presumably it was the pain of a deep, incurable injury.

"Mom." Suddenly, Xu Qizhang called out.

Mother turned her head and looked at him with questioning eyes, making Xu Qizhang suddenly at a loss for what to say.

"Uh...Mom, do you want to see the photos of my performance? Someone took them for me yesterday, they are very handsome." Without waiting for his mother to answer, Xu Qizhang walked into the room and turned on the computer screen, uploaded the photos from his mobile phone to the desktop and then After printing it out, he went to the living room and showed her the photo printed on A4 paper. Xu Qizhang waited for her response.

Seeing Xu's mother put on the reading glasses beside her, Xu Qizhang felt that it was a bit abrupt, but so logical.

Because everyone will have presbyopia when they get old, so it is normal for my mother to wear presbyopic glasses.

But when did she grow old?

When he was in school?When he went to PUB to perform?

The only family he's close to is slowly growing old when he's all thinking of others?

Suddenly the eye sockets were sour, not only because my mother had no reaction after watching it, but because I felt that nothing was as ruthless as time.

"You, don't stay up too often, it's better not to go to that kind of place, can't you find another job?" Mom returned the photo to him, and said to the TV.

He knew that these words were caring for him, but he felt lost because he didn't get any approval.

After all, time will gradually pull them apart until they can no longer understand each other's language.

Maybe Ye Guang is the person who knows him best now.I really want to see his face, the kind of face that makes me feel great no matter what I see.

Holding the piece of paper, Xu Qizhang hummed lightly, as before, he didn't try to change anything.

The repeated rules, the tightness in the chest, quietly condensed again.

Xu Qizhang is used to arriving at school early, which allows him to sleep soundly in the still empty classroom until the bell rings for the first class.On the campus in the early morning, the chirping of birds and the wind with a bit of water mist lead the crooked faucet into the carport and unlock it, and stride towards the classroom on the third floor.

At noon, I will be publishing my political opinions. What should I say... In fact, I am not prepared at all, otherwise I will sing "Love is Simple" to Ye Guang, and the guitar is still in the classroom... Xu Qizhang is confused Thinking about it, he yawned and passed the tutor's office, the conversation inside made him stop unconsciously.

Humans can gossip and eavesdrop on other people's speeches. Teachers are human, so they can gossip too; Xu Qizhang is also human, not to mention he is used to "eavesdropping".

Especially when he heard the word "Ye Guang", he heard it more clearly.

The window of the office is open, it seems that the air conditioner has not been turned on yet.

Through the iron railing, Oda's voice floated over.

"...Ye Guang's recent studies seem to be a bit poor. Although his grades are still very good, they seem to have declined compared to before." Sitting on the wicker chair beside him, Oda rubbed his hairless head.

"It's enough to be among the top grades." Xu Qizhang recognized the gentle female voice as Teacher Guo's voice.

"No, Ye Guang is an asset of our school, he is a treasure, it is rare to have such an outstanding student, we should ensure his quality."

Students are not commodities.Hearing what Xiaotian said, Xu Qizhang frowned.I didn't hear Teacher Guo's answer, so she probably didn't want to talk to him either.Xu Qizhang leaned against the wall and squatted down because he was tired.

"...It may be that he and Xu Qizhang often get together recently..."

The context is not important, the point is that Xu Qizhang's whole body was woken up by Oda's words. He stared at a certain point on the floor with his eyes wide open, feeling that something had been dug open in his heart.

"Xu Qizhang is the best student in our class."

He heard Mr. Guo say this, but Xiaotian's words were like a hail of bullets, hitting him with nowhere to hide.

"Oh, Xu Qizhang's grades are very good, that's right, he can play the guitar as well as I did when I was young, but I don't know what his character is. Tell me, is it because he wants to choose the president? Are you close to Ye Guang?"

exaggerated words.

What is he saying?Is that what a teacher said?What an adult said?

Xu Qizhang squatted on the spot, and the world began to deform.

"Teacher Tian, ​​don't say such things again." Even if it was a joke, it was too much.Rarely, Teacher Guo no longer had a smile on his face, and his tone sounded a little annoyed.

"Hey, why are you angry? I'm not wrong, maybe Xu Qizhang's mind is very good, yes, he can study while playing, but Ye Guang, I know he is a hard-working kid, if he goes out with Xu Qizhang or How about it, there will be less time for studying!" Oda didn't feel that his words were mean at all, and continued to talk at Teacher Guo. "And you, you are partial to Xu Qizhang because his family is a low-income household. Speaking of which, even if the monitor of the third class is not elected, there are other better students. It's not that I don't like Xu Qizhang. My child, but it is an indisputable fact that Ye Guang's grades have declined..."

Unable to bear any more words, Xu Qizhang stood up and felt a little dizzy, only to realize that he was holding his breath from beginning to end and forgot to breathe.

Why can Oda say these words without thinking?He must have thought about it for a long time, right?

So he felt that Ye Guang's grades had deteriorated, was it his fault?

Why?Why is it not good to be with yourself?

Are you not good enough?He has worked so hard, why can't they see it?

He actually doesn't want to care what others think, but Oda's words seem to be in front of him, pointing at his nose and cursing words that no matter how he hides, he will eventually reveal himself——

You are not good enough for Ye Guang.

He doesn't deserve it... These words made him clenched his arms in the cold, gritted his teeth, and leaned against the corridor with shortness of breath.

The sound of footsteps and laughing words gradually came from a distance, and those sounds that sounded like ridicule forced him to dig out those buried memories.

"You are really ignorant."

The deceased grandpa and grandma were good to their mother and son, giving them food and shelter, so it was right to scold him as a child occasionally, because he shouldn't cause trouble for them.

"You child without a father."

Fighting with his cousin when he was a kid, he hurt himself like he was on TV, and he really succeeded, because until now they are all grown up and have become better, he still hates saying that at the time he.

"Your family is a low-income household? Then why do you still have money to buy guitars?"

A classmate in junior high school accidentally learned about his family's situation and told him in an exaggerated tone.Low-income households are not no-income households...but he just smiled and didn't speak, and he didn't like to talk much after that.

"What your mother owes is equal to what you owe, bring the money."

That night, he couldn't help but say "Fuck me, it's my mother's debt, not me", so he deservedly beaten by his uncle.

He knew that he couldn't say that sentence, but he couldn't help but say it, because he wanted to see the angry expressions of his uncles, he wanted to see their expressions that they thought he was bad, and he wanted to use their disappointed expressions on him as a means of revenge.

Those reasons that made him feel that he was not worthy of Ye Guang were not caused by him, why did he have to bear all this?

He just simply wants to be with the person he likes, why not?

The lonely face of the mother, the ferocious faces of the uncles, and the hypocritical face of Oda are all mixed together.

An impulse surged up, just like that night, the impulse that he knew he couldn't do, but couldn't help it, made him open his schoolbag, take out the paper that was printed this morning, and stuff it into Oda's mailbox beside him. , and leave.

You hate students who break the rules of your holy school, don't you?Teacher Tian.

At the moment when he dropped the letter box, he really felt a sense of disobedience.

Xu Qizhang lowered his head, walked back to the class, lay down on his seat, and closed his tired eyes.

Very calm, like nothing happened.

Once again, he brutally uses himself as a means of revenge on the world.