real thing

I really miss him 2 (Chen Xi's perspective)

When Tang Yuting and I first started dating, Tang Yuting was very innocent, but I also pretended to be innocent at that time, and I can't say I was pretending, after all, it was the beginning, and I was very reserved.

Both of us have officially confirmed our relationship for a few months, and the most intimate action is still holding hands, not even a kiss.

Even the initial hand-holding was cautious, and then I suspected several times that Tang Yuting might not be interested in me, or he just wanted to talk about a platonic spiritual love.

It's not that I'm in a hurry, it's just that I feel a gap in my heart.

Let’s go back to the day I forced Tang Yuting to confess his love, Tang Yuting went home the next day, and I went to the airport to see him off in the morning.

We arrived at the airport several hours in advance, and we sat and waited in the lobby. He quietly stretched out his hand, first hooked my index finger, and after a while, hooked my middle finger and ring finger, and then he rubbed my entire hand. Wrapped up.

Tang Yuting's hands are big and warm, and he can wrap my whole hand in his palm. After holding it for a while, his palms are full of sweat. When I look up at him, his forehead is also full of sweat.

"Are you hot?" I asked him, in fact, I am also hot, but I am not a person who likes to sweat, but my heart beats very fast.

"Not hot." He wiped the sweat off his head, nodded and shook his head: "It's a little hot."

"How many days are you staying home?"

"I'll be back in about a week, and I'm going to do things in the studio when I get back."

At that time, Tang Yuting was ready to start his own business. Although he had summer vacation, he couldn't rest for a few days.

After he returned to Chengdu, he called me every day. The enthusiasm that just confirmed the relationship was like a fire, and it kept rising. The distance of more than 1500 kilometers between us became an excellent fuel for combustion.

In the first few days of that summer vacation, I was immersed in the fresh cognition that I had a partner, my partner was a man, my partner was named Tang Yuting, my partner was very good-looking, and my partner was my senior...

That feeling is amazing.

The next night, Tang Yuting asked me about my summer vacation arrangements on the phone, and I said that my parents had already returned to their hometown, and I had no other arrangements.

"Then do you want to come to Chengdu?" He asked me.

We had only been separated for less than 36 hours.

I have actually been to Chengdu several times, and have been to various attractions, but I still pretended not to know, and asked him: "Is there any interesting place in Chengdu?"

"That's too much..." Tang Yuting gave me a detailed list of all kinds of food, drink and entertainment in Chengdu on the phone. He said that he loves hot pot.

My stomach has always been bad, so I can't eat spicy food, but I still told him that hot pot is delicious.

That night I was debating whether to go to Chengdu or not. I wanted to go, but another villain in my body was pulling me hard again.

I also know where the root cause is, because Tang Yuting's confession was forced out by me. If I didn't go to Tang Yuting that night, we would probably still be in an ambiguous period.

So my idea of ​​chasing him has been lingering in my mind, and the villain told me that I have to maintain a certain degree of calmness and restraint.

I was immersed in the sweetness and couldn't extricate myself, but at the same time I was in conflict. The two strong feelings were intertwined, and I had a heart-burning and lung-burning night.

I still went to Chengdu the next day. I took my camera with me. I told Tang Yuting that I went to take pictures. A very unproficient and superfluous sentence.

Tang Yuting booked me a hotel near his home in advance, a single room with a big bed. One time when we were going out, we happened to meet his mother going out to buy vegetables. We almost ran into each other. Tang Yuting was quick-eyed and pulled me Turn quickly into a side alley.

After he went back, he said that his parents didn’t know his sexual orientation. I told him that I came out to my parents in junior high school. We've only just been together.

The lovers around me, whether they are male and female couples or same-sex couples, get together and then break up, and after breaking up, they find new people. After meeting too much, no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, not even tomorrow. .

Just fell in love, although I was dizzy, I still had that thought in my heart.

The idea that "everything will be fine if we are together and we may break up" gradually disappeared in the day-to-day relationship between Tang Yuting and me.

I never seriously thought about the process of dissipating that thought and the time it took. When I recall it now, I am sitting barefoot on the ponytail prepared for me by the proprietress of the supermarket. I also bought a bottle of mineral water on credit in advance. A box of chocolates, and a bag of potato chips.

The chocolate was mediocre, too sweet. I only ate one piece. I opened the tomato-flavored potato chips and looked up at the small TV in the supermarket while eating. A classic Hong Kong movie was playing.

Tang Yuting arrived half an hour later, carrying a suitcase in one hand and a bag with a suit of clothes and a pair of shoes in the other.

The clothes I recognize belong to Tang Yuting, and the shoes are his new ones.

The proprietress squinted at Tang Yuting, and knew that she was coming for me. The proprietress’s face was not disturbed, she ate a few melon seeds, raised her chin, and showed Tang Yuting the QR code for payment on the cashier counter.

"Forty-nine five."

Tang Yuting took out his mobile phone to scan the QR code to pay, then knelt down to put on my shoes.

His lips were pursed and his jaw line was tense. I knew he was angry, so he put on my shoes and handed me the clothes again.

I took the clothes and stood up and asked the proprietress: "Is there a changing room?"

The proprietress pointed me to the corner of the last row of shelves: "That's the bathroom."

Tang Yuting's clothes are a bit too big for me, the shoulders are wider, and the shirt hem is longer. The clothes are full of his smell, and I used to smell of him too, but it disappeared after we broke up. up.

I pinched his collar and put it on my nose and took a deep breath. There was also the smell of laundry detergent at home, which was familiar and warm. Only then did I realize that the smell can be soothing...

After getting dressed, I sat in the mirror for a long time, feeling a little complicated and subtle.

Just now with my bare feet and wet clothes, I felt pitiful. The call I made to Tang Yuting was because I just crawled out of the sea. I didn’t care about anything because I just wanted to talk to him. Listen to his voice.

I groaned for a while, and I could hear the proprietress talking to Tang Yuting, and soon a dark shadow appeared outside the glass door of the bathroom, it was Tang Yuting.

He knocked on the door: "Chen Xi, have you finished changing your clothes?"

"It's over, I'll go out right away."

As soon as I opened the door, Tang Yuting's face was still dark and angry, this time not only angry, but also a little distressed?

I smiled at him, he sighed slightly, took my hand and walked out.

We didn't speak along the way, just followed him silently, and arrived at a hotel within about 5 minutes of walking.

Tangyu Court led me to check in, 8th floor, room 803, single room, double room, the key is couple room.

Tang Yuting's palms were sweating again, and my palms were also wet.

I was covered with the fishy smell of sea water, I pulled out my hand and said to take a shower first, Tang Yuting hummed, and said nothing else.

When I got out of the shower, Tang Yuting was on the phone, which sounded like a work call.

I walked around the room with my bare feet, and finally sat on the sofa. I didn't know where to look, so I kept staring at the floor.

Tang Yuting hung up the phone, sat on the edge of the bed and faced me: "You were wrong last time in Yunnan."

I was still thinking about what topic to talk to Tang Yuting, but when he spoke suddenly, I didn't react.

"Last time you said in Yunnan, I regret it, what you said is wrong."

The sofa was creased by me, I looked up at him: "Why is it wrong?"

Tang Yuting looked at me seriously: "I have no regrets, I have never regretted it, and I have never felt that it was not worth it. You are wrong."

I have been listening in a daze, the first time I saw such a serious expression on Tang Yuting's face, helpless, at a loss, flustered, and obviously sad.

There are two balls of black ink in Tang Yuting's eyes, it is Tang Yuting that I have never seen before.

He just looked at me like that and talked to me a lot.

"You said that our relationship has faded. During this period of time, I have been thinking, how can it be considered that our relationship has faded? Because we have not talked as much as before? Because we have not been as clingy as before? Because we understand all the shortcomings of each other ? Or because we are tired of the life we ​​have now?"

"I admit, these years I have had... a period of exhaustion. We used to quarrel, but we didn't even quarrel. I see you every morning and every night. I haven't been separated from you. .”

"During this time, we were separated. We couldn't see each other in the morning or at night. The people who had been running around in my life disappeared all of a sudden. I found that I couldn't accept it. The room was empty and no one was with me. We ate together, no one gave me a bath when I was drunk, before I went to bed and when I woke up in the morning, I used to touch the sheets with my hands, it was empty and cold.”

"I couldn't find you no matter how hard I searched last night. After getting off the plane, I lost contact again. My mind is empty..."

"Scared, I've never been so scared..."

I don't know when the tears came out. They fell on my thighs, and two shaded areas were wet on the gray-blue cloth.

I tilted my head, not wanting Tang Yuting to see it, and rubbed it with the back of my hand. I didn't realize when Tang Yuting came to me, but he touched the top of my head and pinched my neck again. pinch.

I didn't want to cry, but I was too hopeless, and the tears wiped more and more, covering my face.

"Chen Xi, shall we make up?" Tang Yuting half-kneeled and half-squatted on the ground, wiping away my tears.

My nose was blocked and I couldn't speak, so I could only inhale and exhale through my mouth.

"If you don't want to reconcile, then we will talk about the relationship again. If our relationship fades again in the future, then we will talk again. If it does not exceed 7 years each time, according to the fact that we can live a hundred years Counting years, we can still talk about 10 more times. Of course, it would be even better if we can last until the age of one hundred, because I also want to experience what the relationship is like after the exhaustion period. experienced."

Tang Yuting held my face in his palms, and his eyes were red: "Let's get to know each other again, hello Chen Xi, my name is Tang Yuting, I'm two years older than you, what a coincidence, I'm an alumnus of you, I'm from Chengdu , I like to eat hot pot, but I don’t have to eat it... I came to Qingdao to find someone, and now I have found someone. My luck is really not very good recently, so would you like to share your luck with me? Because before People have said that I am lucky together with him..."

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Come, come, happy Mid-Autumn Festival~