Scum attack, he wants to change his mind

"Good morning."

Jiang Chongyuan spoke sleepily, with a hint of laziness in his voice.

I don't know if he just woke up or just fell asleep, Song Xingfei moved his arm very slowly and carefully, but Jiang Chongyuan opened his eyes immediately.

Just as Song Xingfei wanted to get out of bed, Jiang Chongyuan embraced him again, and said coquettishly, "Brother Fei, why did you wake up so early? Let me hug you for a while."

Song Xingfei was suddenly pulled back to the bed, and Jiang Chongyuan rubbed Song Xingfei's hair vigorously. He messed up a few strands of hair that were already sticking up. Jiang Chongyuan tugged at the corners of his mouth in satisfaction, then closed his eyes slightly and said, "Brother Fei , I haven't slept so well in a long time."

Song Xingfei really couldn't say anything to blame, Jiang Chongyuan's arms were very warm, mixed with a clean and clear smell.Song Xingfei asked, "What perfume did you wear?"

Jiang Chongyuan's voice was hoarse and lazy, and he said, "I don't remember. A long time ago, when I was shopping with you, you said that this smells good. Afterwards, every time I see you, I will use the same one."

"You have a pretty good memory." Song Xingfei actually didn't remember when he said this sentence for a long time, but when he heard Jiang Chongyuan say that, his mood inexplicably improved a lot.

Jiang Chongyuan hummed, and said, "Because you said it, I will remember it very clearly."

Song Xingfei couldn't help laughing.

Jiang Chongyuan opened his eyes and asked, "Brother Fei, I heard you laugh."

"Where is it?" Song Xingfei immediately closed his eyes, and put away his smile as if changing his face.

"You smiled, which means you don't hate me that much anymore." Jiang Chongyuan kissed Song Xingfei's forehead and asked, "Are you willing to forgive me?"

Jiang Chongyuan seemed calm when he asked this question, but Song Xingfei actually noticed his nervousness once, because Song Xingfei was pressing against his chest, and his heartbeat obviously accelerated.

Song Xingfei deliberately hesitated for a while, until Jiang Chongyuan could no longer pretend to be calm, sat up from the bed, looked into Song Xingfei's eyes intently, trying to find a gap that could be broken through.

Jiang Chongyuan took Song Xingfei's hand, held it in his palm like a treasure, and said, "Brother Fei, let me take care of you, I will do well. I don't want to lose you again, I dream of you every night, I dreamed that I tried to hug you, and every time you would throw me away without hesitation, I dreamed that you said you hated me and never wanted to see me again."

"Being able to hug you again is like a dream... I will doubt if all this is my wishful thinking. Brother Fei, give me another chance, I will give you whatever you want. This time I will definitely hold on to you, I won't let you down again."

Song Xingfei looked at Jiang Chongyuan's slightly trembling lips, was silent for a moment, and asked, "Do you know what I want?"

Jiang Chongyuan was a little stunned, and after a moment of stunned, he shook his head sadly: "I don't know, you don't seem to be interested in everything about me, I don't know what I can give you, if you are willing to tell me, I will be there No hesitation."

Song Xingfei said: "Since very early on, we have been like close lovers, living together under the same roof, sharing every morning and every night, but I never seem to understand you, and you have never opened up to me. My heart, I seem to be very passive, it seems that I have been pushed forward by something, and gradually understand you in some things. But until now, I have not fully understood you. "

Jiang Chongyuan pursed his lips unconsciously, as if shocked by what Song Xingfei said.

"But... what do you want to know?" Jiang Chongyuan lowered his dim eyes and said, "My past? That would be very disappointing. It's all some shady experiences. I have done many bad things. Whether it is voluntary or forced, I have done it. Speaking of it, I seem to be admitting that I am a bad person."

"The past cannot be the standard for evaluating a person." Song Xingfei could see that Jiang Chongyuan's mood seemed to fluctuate greatly, and those bright eyes were already very lonely at the moment.

Song Xingfei couldn't bear it and said: "If talking about this will make you feel painful, you don't need to tell me, but I still hope you don't get stuck in the past."

Jiang Chongyuan laughed lowly at himself, lowered his head sadly and said: "Yes, if I hadn't been trapped in the past by those experiences, I wouldn't have done anything to hurt you at that time, I shouldn't blame others, after all , or I did something irreversible. I am still here to ask for your forgiveness, Brother Fei must think that I am a despicable person."

Jiang Chongyuan's eye circles gradually turned red, and he was heartbroken. The person he cherished the most was right in front of him, but he seemed to have completely lost the qualification to hold on tight.Song Xingfei is still here listening to him now, does he really have feelings for him as he imagined, or... just sympathy?

He was afraid that all he could get in return was sympathy, and the inferiority complex engraved in his bone marrow burst out in an instant.

Such a self, why should I expect to forgive.

Song Xingfei was also taken aback by Jiang Chongyuan's huge reaction, and subconsciously grasped Jiang Chongyuan's gradually loosening hand.

Jiang Chongyuan raised his eyes, his eyes were full of misty sadness, but at the same time he was also a little confused. He watched Song Xingfei clenched his hand, and was speechless for a while.

"I'm sorry." Song Xingfei said in a low voice, "I shouldn't have mentioned those things that made you sad, I..."

"You never have to apologize to me." Jiang Zhongyuan said softly: "I owe you too much, Brother Fei, you are the first person to like me without reservation, I don't even know how you can like me like this People. It's my fault that I didn't fulfill my boyfriend's duties and always hurt you."

Song Xingfei sighed, he was actually also afraid, afraid that Jiang Chongyuan was just possessive, and that Jiang Chongyuan would still be a person who didn't know what love was after all. His psychology was very complicated, like two villains fighting.

If Jiang Chongyuan was a person blinded by hatred in the past, then he himself seemed to be bound by the past. He obviously still had a glimmer of hope in his heart, and obviously he couldn't let go of Jiang Chongyuan, but he still stubbornly ignored the changes Jiang Chongyuan made for him.

He kept saying that he hoped Jiang Chongyuan would look forward, but he didn't seem to do it either.

"You said to give you another chance." Song Xingfei took a deep breath and said, "Maybe... I also need a chance."

Jiang Chongyuan looked at Song Xingfei with some puzzlement, and Song Xingfei continued in a low voice: "I don't want to pretend that nothing happened, but I am willing to try to forget those unpleasant experiences, and these gaps need to be filled by you, and you can only make up for them." to make up for it."

Just as Jiang Chongyuan was about to speak, Song Xingfei looked away embarrassedly, and said embarrassingly: "You must love me very much, love me more than every day. Similarly, I also hope that you will give me a chance to enter your world, I don’t want to just have your perfect side, and partners should be loyal to each other, so I don’t want you to carry it alone, I can share it for you, and I am willing to embrace your imperfection.”

Song Xingfei said in a low voice: "I don't want you to agree now, you can think about it for as long as you want, this is also responsible for our relationship, don't agree just for the sake of agreeing."

Jiang Chongyuan shook his head and said, "I don't need to think about it. There is nothing I can't say about my past. I'm just afraid that you will sympathize with me because of it. That's why I dare not say it."

Song Xingfei touched Jiang Chongyuan's head reassuringly, and smiled lightly: "You always separate sympathy from liking, but in fact, human emotions are inherently complicated, and I would be willing to listen to you, it is based on On the basis of liking, because I want to know you better, and also want to know how I will get along with you in the future."

"Yeah." Jiang Chongyuan's expression showed signs of loosening, he nodded and said, "I will tell you slowly, it may take some time, because the past is too long, I even forgot the whole story of many things, I only remember that time Since I was very young, there seems to be only hatred left in my world."

Jiang Chongyuan smiled and said: "I thought I was a cursed person, destined to go to hell. But I didn't expect that when I met you before going to hell, I suddenly didn't want to die. As long as I can look at you, I feel alive A nice thing."

Song Xingfei suddenly discovered that he himself seemed to be the same. Many memories melted in unknown places. He gradually forgot many things in the past. His life before coming here seemed to be just a dream. The room collapsed, and now only a pile of ruins remains.

But those... don't seem to be important anymore, Song Xingfei just wants to hold on to what is in front of him, he can't chase after yesterday, but he can still go to the future that belongs to two people together with the person in front of him.

"Although I admit that I still like you, I have to think about being together." Song Xingfei smiled and said with relief: "If you can successfully pass the boyfriend inspection period, we can be counted as officially in love with you." Together. During the inspection period, I hope you can take me to get to know you, whatever you do, tell me the books you like to read, the music you like, or show me your childhood photos..."

"A photo?" Jiang Chongyuan was silent for a moment after he finished speaking, he walked to the study, and returned to the bedroom after a while, with a silver thing in his hand.

Song Xingfei saw clearly that it was a pocket watch. Jiang Zhongyuan gently opened the cover of the pocket watch and said, "This is something left by my grandmother. The photo above is her, my mother, and the one in the middle is me."

Song Xingfei was a little surprised that Jiang Chongyuan actually kept the photos of his childhood. He carefully took the pocket watch that was in disrepair but very simple and exquisite, and his eyes fell on the small photo inside.

The corners of the photo were a little worn, and the picture had turned yellow, but Song Xingfei could still clearly see the faces of the three people above, the gray-haired old man with a kind smile, this should be Jiang Chongyuan's grandmother.

The young Jiang Chongyuan stood between the two, with a cool expression on his face. I don't know if he was pretending to be indifferent on purpose, or because he was in a bad mood on the day of the photoshoot. The little Jiang Chongyuan wore a hairstyle that is not outdated even now , the facial features have begun to take on the specifications of a beautiful boy, he is wearing a black hooded sweater, and is being held by his grandmother beside him.

The only discordant thing in the picture is the young woman on the right, Jiang Chongyuan said when he handed the pocket watch to Song Xingfei just now, the picture shows his grandmother, mother and him.Then this beautiful woman in a wine red dress should be Jiang Chongyuan's mother.

Jiang Chongyuan's eyebrows and eyes are almost similar to his mother's. Even when his face is expressionless, there is a faint melancholy atmosphere, which is equally astonishingly beautiful.

Jiang Chongyuan's mother stood beside the two of them, still a short distance away from Jiang Chongyuan's young body. She neither went to see Jiang Chongyuan nor held his hand. If Jiang Chongyuan didn't say anything, it would be hard to believe that this expression was indifferent, as if deliberately alienating Jiang Chongyuan The beautiful woman is Jiang Chongyuan's biological mother.

Jiang Chongyuan seemed to see the doubts in Song Xingfei's heart. He moved closer, looked side by side with Song Xingfei, took the pocket watch, wiped the photo inside with his fingertips, and said: "This is what I looked like when I was a child, and it is the same as now. There is no difference, right? Brother Fei is so surprised, is he wondering why my mother stands so far away from me?"

Song Xingfei nodded.

Jiang Chongyuan said: "This photo was taken on my grandmother's birthday. At that time, my mother's mental state had already appeared abnormal, but none of us thought that someone would harm me. In my memory, I have no father since I was a child." , but with my grandmother and mother around, life is still the same. I just remember... She was a very gentle person, she would tell me bedtime stories, and she would buy me toys that boys like, but I don’t know from Since then, everything has changed."

"She started to be moody, tearing up the book of fairy tales in a fit of rage while she was reading a bedtime story, throwing my birthday present model in the trash because she saw the shadow of that man in my face, and she would suddenly Terrified, he picked up the things around him and threw them at me."

"At that time, I thought it was because I looked like the man who ruined her life. I blamed her a bit. If so, why did I have a child with that man, but I hated that man even more, that is, Jiang Yin. Unexpectedly, I actually hated him from a very early age."

"Afterwards, my mother was sent to a mental hospital, and I lived with my grandmother. During that time, I even felt relieved because there was no threat around me. They told me that my mother became like that because she was sick. When she came back, she was the same tender mother from the beginning. But not long after that, I heard the neighbors said that she would not come back because she committed suicide in the mental hospital. And my grandmother, not long after the news of her death also killed."

"Everyone said she jumped into the river because she couldn't accept my mother's suicide."

Jiang Chongyuan took a deep breath, and said in a trembling voice: "Only I don't believe it, because that day is my birthday... Someone called her and told me before she went out that she would come back before the candles went out. If I was willful and didn't let her go..."

Song Xingfei hugged Jiang Chongyuan's trembling body, just like Jiang Chongyuan had done countless times, comforted his back, gently pressed his lips against his cold forehead and said: "It's all over, Chongyuan, I believe Your grandma is looking at you from the other side of the horizon, and she must also hope that you can get out of the shadow that hangs over you. At that time, you did nothing wrong, and you had no ability to change."

Song Xingfei has heard a little about the following story, and what he probably knows is that Jiang Chongyuan was taken back to Jiang's family after that, but he did not live a carefree life like a fairy tale. He was taken from an abyss Throwing into another abyss, bearing everything that should not be endured at that age.

Jiang Chongyuan was tired from crying and fell asleep. Song Xingfei covered him with a quilt and gently wiped away the tears on his face with a tissue.

"Don't go." Jiang Chongyuan took Song Xingfei's hand, and repeated in a trembling voice with a hint of pleading: "Don't go."

"I won't leave, I'll stay here with you." Song Xingfei held his hand back, thought for a while, and said softly: "I won't leave in the future, be good, sleep at ease."

Are you coerced by Jiang Chongyuan?