love too early

There are only two things left in my life.

lethargy.Indulgence.

Yiqiao

Shen Nanyu probably used all his ingenuity to hide the trail, or used some method to deceive Fu Zhiheng. In short, it has been the third day, and no one has found this place.

Based on my understanding of Fu Zhiheng, he knew that if I was with Shen Nanyu, he would not easily call the police.But I was also worried about Fu Zhiheng's health. The doctor said he had better not have too violent emotional ups and downs. He must be very worried about my disappearance.

"Brother... what are you thinking?"

Shen Nanyu's movements interrupted my thoughts.

He seemed to have endless energy, tossing me on the bed day and night. At first I struggled, but later I realized that I was no match for him in any respect, so I stopped resisting altogether.

I knew that Fu Zhiheng would definitely find me, and Shen Nanyu probably knew it too, that's why he crazily and obsessively made love to me as if the end of the world was coming.

"I think..." My gaze slowly shifted from the empty ceiling to his face, and I said softly, "Zhiheng must be very worried about me."

……

I think I might be broken.

In the morning, Shen Nanyu took me to the bathroom to take a bath. Through the hazy mist, I saw the person in the mirror was pale and weak. He had lost a lot of weight in just a few days. Yes, there are also pinched finger marks on the thigh.

Looking up, the lips are wet and bright red, the tip of the nose and the corners of the eyes are also red, the tears accumulated in the eye sockets cannot be shed, and there is still a wave of emotion on the face.

It's fragile and unbearable.

The bathroom in the old house is small and old, and there is a faint musty and rusty smell. I used to not feel that I was delicate, but today I feel so uncomfortable because of the old tiles around and Shen Nanyu's force against my will that I want to cry.

I have shed too many tears in the past few days, half of them are physical tears, and the other half are unconscious crying after the collapse of the will.And my tears will always stimulate Shen Nanyu to be even more crazy, finish once in the bathroom, return to the bedroom and press me on the bed again.

He never tires of asking me to say that I love him, sometimes by persecution, sometimes by gentle coaxing.But even at my most delirious, I couldn't get those two words out of my mouth.

I'm rarely sober.Waking up in a daze at dusk, Shen Nanyu was sitting on a small sofa not far away, looking at me with deep eyes.

It seemed that something was being cooked in the kitchen, and wisps of sweet aroma wafted in from the outside, lingering at the tip of my nose.Feeling hungry belatedly, I slowly sat up in bed and found that the chains on my wrists had been undone.

Seeing me wake up, Shen Nanyu showed a faint smile and said, "I cooked sweet porridge."

He got up and went outside to help me serve porridge, and I got out of bed and followed, seeing the whole picture of the house for the first time.

There is no living room and dining room, only one open room with some old furniture.There is a simple pot and stove in the corner, and the soup and water I eat these days probably all come from the only relatively new rice cooker.

Shen Nanyu calmly served me a bowl of porridge, brought it over and put it on the small tea table, filled another bowl for himself, put the spoon away and said, "Eat something."

I sat down slowly, and with a creak, the sofa made an overwhelmed sound, as if accusing me of bullying an old thing.

"Where is this?" I asked.

Shen Nanyu looked up at me, smiled softly and said, "The place where I grew up."

I followed his gaze and looked out the window. The setting sun was spreading on the vast snow, and there were only a few sparrows in sight, as if isolated from the world.

"The dean has passed away, and the orphanage has also moved out." Shen Nanyu said softly, "I don't have a home anymore."

"I also wish I could just let it go, but I can't." His voice was low and harsh, like a handful of salt. "You are the only connection between me and this world. If you leave me too, I don't know who else I can live for."

"You have classmates and friends, and in the future you will have a career, a lover, and a family of your own." I looked out the window and said flatly, "You still have a lot of connections with the world."

"No." Shen Nanyu shook his head, "Don't you understand?"

He looked at me, his eyes were hot and sad like the hot sunset outside the window at this time. "I only want you, I don't care about anything else."

After these few days, my anger has become less sharp, more tired and painful, and deeply puzzled.I don't understand why Shen Nanyu became like this, and I don't understand how strong love and hatred are needed to make a person give up all of himself, or even give up himself to get another person.

Perhaps it was because of my dazed and confused expression, Shen Nanyu smiled bitterly and asked, "Do you think I'm crazy?"

I frowned and asked, "Isn't it?"

He looked at me for a long time, with sadness and pity in his eyes, and said softly, "Brother, you are so stupid."

"I've always been like this, but I didn't dare to let you see it because I was afraid to scare you."

"You think... I have worked hard for more than ten years to come to you, how could I give up on you so easily?"

"But that's not important anymore. If you can't make you love me, it's fine to make you hate me. At least you can remember me forever."

……

Every word of Shen Nanyu made me feel strange and scared. In my memory, the person whose eyes are always bright, whose heart beats faster when holding hands, and blushes when kissing, overlaps with the person in front of me at this moment, so I can't tell which one it is. That's true.Distraught, I gripped the sofa under me, nails digging deep into the fabric, and said, "Don't talk anymore."

"I want to say." Shen Nanyu knelt in front of me on one knee and forced me to look at him, "Do you regret meeting me, regretting helping me, regretting keeping me by your side? Do you really hate me now, especially Want to kill me?"

He pinched my jaw and pushed me down on the sofa, with crazy pleasure in his voice, "Brother, I want you to hate me. I want you to hate me when I'm not around, every time you make love with Fu Zhiheng Think of me."

"Shen Nanyu...don't...ah..."

In the chaos, the tea table was kicked down, and the hot porridge in the bowl spilled out onto my ankles. I was so hot that I was so hot that I shed painful tears unconsciously.

"Pain... woo... Zhiheng..."

……

From dawn to dusk, I lay exhausted on the bed, like a dying fish, staring blankly at a certain place on the ceiling.

Shen Nanyu brought a new bowl of porridge, blew it cold spoon by spoon and fed it to me.I swallowed mechanically, not wanting to look at him or resist.

After finishing a bowl of porridge, I lay back under the quilt and curled myself up in a corner.Not long after, a fiery body was attached behind her, holding me tightly in her arms, and kissing the back of my neck gently.

"Brother..." he said, "I love you."

Now when I hear these three words, I already have physical rejection, wishing to cover my ears and shrink myself even tighter.

Shen Nanyu broke away my hand, forced me to clasp our fingers tightly, and asked: "Did you really love me at all, a little bit is fine."

Love……

I closed my eyes, and a tear slowly fell from the corner of my eye.

"No."

Shen Nanyu was slightly taken aback, but as if he had expected it, he smiled softly and said, "You are so cruel, brother... In your heart, what am I..."

The snow outside the window reflects the light of the moon, and in the quiet corner far away from the city, the night sky seems to be extraordinarily low.

I was silent for a long time and said, "You are... an experience."

I know Shen Nanyu is not asleep.He stopped breathing, and the hand holding my waist suddenly tightened, as if he couldn't believe it, and repeated with difficulty: "I'm just, an experience?"

"Ah."

An otherwise beautiful experience.

If life is a long river, then the time with him will be the clearest and most turbulent section of the river.When I get old and become sluggish and turbid, I stand at the end of my life and look back, I think, I can still see the sand and stones like broken diamonds at the bottom of the river, shining brightly under the eternal sun.That is the forever bright memory brought to me by Shen Nanyu.

But now, I see that the river no longer flows in its intended direction.It starts to get out of control, it starts to get entangled with another person.

forever.