love too early

The winter night was very cold, Shen Nanyu stood outside waiting for me foolishly.When I arrived, his hands were cold and the tip of his nose was red.

"Why don't you go inside and wait?" I held his face to keep him warm and asked.

Shen Nanyu held my hand and said, "I want to see you soon."

His eyes were bright, and the white steam from his breath froze into a thin layer of ice crystals on the eyelashes, which seemed to be shining under the street lamps.

After speaking, he hugged me into his arms, rested his chin on my shoulder, and said, "It won't be cold after a hug."

The library behind it was brightly lit. Even though it was night, there were still students coming in and out. Almost everyone who passed by had to take a look at this side.

I remembered that Shen Nanyu was the chairman of the student union, the chief violinist of the school band, and the first grader. There should be quite a few people who knew him, so I whispered, "Wouldn't it be nice to be seen by your classmates here..."

"You see it when you see it." Shen Nanyu rubbed the tip of his nose against my neck in dissatisfaction, and said, "There's nothing you can't see."

I was wearing a turtleneck sweater today, and only a small piece of skin under the ear was exposed, so Shen Nanyu kissed my ear by the way, and asked, "Are you cold, let's go inside."

"Can I go in?" I asked.

"Of course." Shen Nanyu took my hand, "I'll take you in."

The library was overcrowded on the eve of the exam, but luckily the seat next to Shen Nanyu was empty.He let me sit in his original seat by the window, and he sat on the outside, took out a huge thermos from his schoolbag, and poured me a cup of hot water.

I held a water glass and watched him tidy up his computer and books. I forgot where I read that the smarter the students, the messier their desks. Shen Nanyu is obviously this type.

His textbooks, notebooks, and scratch paper piled up the desk. I noticed something drawn on one of the draft papers, and when I took it out, it was a three-panel comic strip.

The first frame draws a pair of kittens and puppies cuddling each other.

A familiar rabbit appeared in the second frame and kicked the puppy away.

In the third frame, the rabbit and the kitten are kissing.

"..."

I looked up at Shen Nanyu, and silently asked with my mouth: "Are you reviewing?"

Shen Nanyu rarely showed embarrassment, his ears turned red.He snatched back his draft paper and stuffed it into his school bag, ignoring my question because he couldn't speak in the library.

The two people sitting across from each other were probably Shen Nanyu's classmates or roommates. They just looked up and shook their heads tacitly.

I have been away from the university campus for many years, and when I look around, I feel a sense of dislocation in time and space.In my school days, I rarely had the experience of endorsing in the library before the exam, but stayed up late in the studio more often.

At that time, I lived off-campus and had no roommates, only Fu Zhiheng was with me. Sometimes when I was painting, I would find Fu Zhiheng falling asleep in a pile of debris.The small sofa in the studio was too cramped for his long legs, and sometimes he couldn't sleep comfortably. He would kick the drawing board or other things down with a kick, and then wake himself up with fright.

like a fool.

I was thinking about this, lying on the table with my head tilted in a daze, quietly watching Shen Nanyu reviewing.He was obviously not that attentive, always looking down at me intentionally or unintentionally, writing with a pen in his right hand, and holding my hand quietly under the table with his left hand.

The hand holding the bow is as slender and sharp as the hand holding the paintbrush, the difference is that Shen Nanyu is thinner.I hooked his fingers around intentionally or unintentionally, and played a game of chasing after me with him. After playing for a while, Shen Nanyu grabbed my hand and squeezed it, as if telling me not to move around.

I was sober at first, but in the environment of the library, I soon began to doze off in a daze. I closed my eyes unconsciously, and there were rustling sounds of writing and low voices in my ears, mixed together, Makes me more and more sleepy.

I don't know when I fell asleep. I was awakened by the sound of a water glass falling to the ground in my deep sleep. I opened my eyes suddenly, thinking that I had slept for a long time, but I raised my hand and glanced at the time, only less than one hour had passed. Hour.

Shen Nanyu was reading a book, when he noticed my movement, he turned his head, stroked my hair and asked, "Are you awake?"

"Hmm..." I was still in a trance, rubbed my eyes slowly, and asked in a low voice, "Why didn't you call me?"

"You look so good when you're asleep, I don't want to call you." Shen Nanyu said, "Are you tired recently?"

"fine……"

It's not that I'm tired, but I'm just thinking about Fu Zhiheng, and I'm always tired.

Shen Nanyu glanced out the window and said, "It's getting late. I'll take you back."

It was late at night, colder and quieter outside than when I came.Shen Nanyu and I walked hand in hand on the deserted tree-lined road. When we reached a certain place, he stopped, and I also stopped. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and suddenly he lifted my chin and kissed me.

This kiss was as gentle as the hazy moon in the sky. I raised my head and hooked his neck, and put my lips on it.After kissing for a long time, Shen Nanyu let go of me, put his forehead against mine, and asked in a low voice: "Brother, why are you so active today?"

Why... I don't know.

Maybe I need something to drive away the bad thoughts in my heart. If I don’t, I can’t help but think about what the doctor said, and then think about everything Fu Zhiheng has done for me, and then complain about my selfishness and powerlessness.

I do not like this.

I looked into Shen Nanyu's eyes and asked softly, "I want you. Can you?"

……

The night was dim, and the moonlight shrouded a dark car in the corner like a flowing veil.

The soft sweater on my body was pushed to my chest by Shen Nanyu. He pinched my waist and buried his head between my legs.There is a brand-new leather smell in the car, as well as a faint sandalwood fragrance, which is the fragrance that Fu Zhiheng likes.Thinking of this, the mist accumulated in my eyes condensed into a tear, which slowly rolled down from the corner of my eye.

I don't know how long it took, when my consciousness was about to lose consciousness, Shen Nanyu folded my legs, leaned on me and called my name in a low voice: "Shilu..."

He seemed to have not called my name for a long time, I looked over dimly, his eyes were deep, and asked: "Are you thinking about him?"

"me……"

……

The crusade went on for a long time.

The carriage is cramped, and I can only let him fiddle with it.The long-lost pain eroded my consciousness, I grabbed Shen Nanyu's back tightly, leaving glaring red marks on his body.

He kissed my eyes to coax me not to cry, and asked me why I said I wanted it, but I was so wronged in the end.

The only answer to him was my sobs.

In the end, I lay down on the seat in a daze and didn't speak for a long time.Shen Nanyu held my ankle, carefully wiped the marks on my legs with a wet towel, and lowered her eyes in silence.

Moonlight leaked in through the narrow car window and spread on the ends of his hair.I looked out the window and said softly, "Nanyu."

"Huh?" Shen Nanyu looked up at me, "I'm here."

I lowered my eyes, thought for a long time, and said, "I have something to tell you."

The air fell into silence, Shen Nanyu seemed to have a premonition that he didn't want to hear the next words, and after a long time, he asked in a low voice: "What?"

"If, I mean if, I want to leave with Zhiheng."

"Can you, go back to your previous life and pretend that I have never appeared before."