Confession

Guo Shule smiled disapprovingly, "Lin Xu, it's been so long since that incident, why are you still brooding over it?"

Lin Xu was breathing quickly, his eyes were red, his hands were clenched into fists, he didn't feel his nails sinking into his flesh, and blood beads overflowed from the cracks in his nails.

"I can't worry about it?" Lin Xu spoke slowly and slowly, exhausting his energy with every word, "What face do you have for me to let it go?"

Guo Shule frowned, "Everyone is an adult, can you..."

"No!" Lin Xu was like a balloon that was constantly pouring water. When it reached the critical point, it suddenly burst. His unprecedented sharpness, plainness and calmness were gone. He took off the mask of disguise. Sharpness and collapse are his real appearance, " Guo Shule, you are not qualified to ask me, let alone talk to me. Get lost! I said I would never see you in this life, why did you show up?!"

Lin Xu turned around while speaking, like a person insane, his transparent eyes became ferocious, and the red bloodshot inside became more and more obvious, making him look a little scary.

In contrast, Guo Shule was extraordinarily calm, calmly looking at the crazy person in front of him, without any change in his eyes, standing on the commanding heights and looking down at this person who has been stuck in the same place for five years, it is sad for him.

"It's just a chance encounter. Would your reaction be too big?" Guo Shule asked, "Lin Xu, if you still care about what happened in the past, you are too aggressive."

Lin Xu was dizzy, Guo Shule's face was contorted in front of his eyes, and every time his heart beat, he felt severe pain. He was obviously sweating, but his whole body was cold as if soaked in ice water.

"Everyone can say that I am competitive." Lin Xu's voice was still hoarse, and he gritted his teeth, "Only you."

Guo Shule was silent for a moment, and said in a low voice: "Well, I don't want to say anything to you, anyway, we are destined to be like this for the rest of our lives."

He walked to the sink to wash his hands, and when he rubbed shoulders with Lin Xu, he took a good look at him and said with a chuckle, "You look at me exactly the same as you did five years ago. Lin Xu, five years later, what are you still doing?" Nothing has changed."

He took out a tissue and wiped his hands, opened the door of the bathroom, and said lightly, "It's still the same as before, when things happen, I only know how to get angry and go crazy."

With a "bang", the bathroom door was closed. It was like an order, draining all of Lin Xu's strength, his legs gave way, and he fell heavily to the ground.

Lin Xu exhaled tremblingly, the light in the bathroom was so bright that it gave him a splitting headache, and the symptoms of photophobia started again. The bright light fell on his trembling body, and the memories locked deep inside Regardless of his resistance, it swept over him overwhelmingly.

【"Guo Shule, you did this right? This is mine! The fruit of my labor! Why do you take it away?!"】

【"I didn't take it, don't make it so serious, okay?"】

【"It's not you who was scolded, of course you can say these things out of your own affairs! You explain, and you immediately send a message to explain."】

【"Are you crazy? This matter has been settled, what's so important about explaining? Why drag me into the water?"】

【"You are so shameless! Do you have the bottom line of being a human being?! To achieve your goal, you will use all means?! You make me sick!"】

"Uh..." Lin Xu covered his face with his hands, and couldn't notice the blood stains on his face. He broke down and pulled his hair, trying to relieve the severe headache.

Numerous needles pricked his nerves, the scene in front of him was broken and chaotic, and Guo Shule's face appeared repeatedly, false and real, true and false, making him unable to distinguish whether it was reality or a memory.

At this time, he was like a drowning person, caught in the bottomless tide, and the boundless darkness swallowed him. The haze that he had finally gotten out of through the medicine these years, with the appearance of Guo Shule, he was easily pulled back.

Everything in the past was a huge stone, and his body was filled with heavy stones, and the darkness overwhelmed him as always.

After an unknown amount of time, Lin Xu vaguely heard someone calling him, the voice suddenly approaching and then far away, "Lin Xu" revealing anxiety.

This voice was very familiar. He wanted to open his eyes to see, but his eyelids were as heavy as a thousand pounds. The white light in front of him made his eyes hurt. He subconsciously avoided the light and buried himself in the darkness that made him despair and feel safe.

This time Lin Xu slept very restlessly. Guo Shule was a forbidden word in Lin Xu's world. It took him five years to let himself gradually come out, learning to let go with Zhao Xiwen's company and comfort, but the culprit was... Appearing, the high-rise building he worked so hard to build collapsed and shattered into a mess.

The past events played in my mind like a movie without stopping for a moment.

He had many dreams, and the memory of the university he was least willing to face appeared in opposition.

In the dream, there were Guo Shule, Yang Xiaoling, and his dead parents. Those things would bully him in the dream. He was sprayed with countless spittle stars. Even his parents stood at the commanding heights and accused him, questioning why he did such a thing without a bottom line matter.

He was helpless, shook his head frantically, endured the spurning and abuse of thousands of black shadows, looked at his parents and shouted: "I don't have it, I really don't... You believe me——"

"Bang——" A car rushed out suddenly, and Lin Xu's parents were hit hard by the car, forming a parabola in mid-air and falling in front of Lin Xu.

The two elders opened their eyes, and stared at Lin Xu with cloudy eyes. A large amount of blood gushed out from their bodies, and a strong bloody smell radiated out. The blood stains covered Lin Xu's feet, and the bright red consciously spread upwards. From the ankle to the knee, and then to the half of the body, it gradually swallowed the whole person.

"what--!"

The excessive fear woke Lin Xu up. He sat up and panted heavily, his body was drenched with sweat, and there was still fear in his eyes.

The heart was beating too fast, causing pain in his chest. Lin Xu clutched his chest and bent his body to relieve the unbearable throbbing.

This feeling is very familiar, he used to have it often, insomnia, nightmares, heart palpitations, decadence.

If it wasn't for Zhao Xiwen, he would have been rotten and smelly, or he would have been turned into a handful of ashes five years ago, blown away with the wind, completely erasing all traces of his existence.

He stared blankly at the black and white checked sheets, everything about last night was very clear.

He met Guo Shule and said that he hadn't changed all these years, he was no different from before, he only knew how to escape and go crazy.

Lin Xu twitched the corners of his mouth and took a hard breath.

The pain in his chest became more and more intense, and he couldn't bear it. He wanted to get some medicine, but when he looked up, he realized that this was not his room.

His room was not so tidy, the table full of tobacco, alcohol, and snacks was empty, with neat folders on it, and a photo frame on the table, which was a photo of Jiang Yang and a middle-aged woman.

Lin Xu frowned, threw off the quilt and got out of bed. The sudden dizziness almost made him fall, so he supported the wardrobe for a while before he got better.

He walked to the table and picked up the photo frame. Jiang Yang in the photo was a little young. According to his age, it should be a photo before he went to college.

Jiang Yang smiled brightly, and his neat hair made his handsome features look extraordinarily beautiful. The woman next to him had the charm of a mature woman, and her eyebrows and eyes were very similar to Jiang Yang's.

Lin Xu put down the photo frame, and his eyes fell on his bandaged hands. The palms were painful, wrapped in several layers of gauze, like two chubby rice dumplings.

His clothes had been changed, and he was wearing a T-shirt, which was too big, and the clothes were so long that they covered his thighs, and he only wore underwear underneath, leaving his legs bare.

Lin Xu stared blankly at his attire, like a rusty machine that couldn't be turned on for a long time, unable to react.

He wanted to open the door and go out, but when he walked to the door, he saw the post-it note pasted on it.

[Senior, last night you were not in good condition and you didn't want to go to the hospital, so I had to take you back to my house to take care of you.I washed the clothes for you and dried them on the balcony.I don't know when you got up, bought breakfast and frozen it in the refrigerator, if you want to eat it warm up.The mobile phone is charging on the sofa, please send me a message after you wake up, I am a little worried. 】

"..." Lin Xu tore off the post-it note, looked at Jiang Yang's scribbled words, his eyes moved slightly, and a faint light flashed in his dark, empty eyes.

He opened the door and walked out. The bright light in the living room made him close his eyes, and he opened them after adapting for a while.

The layout of the house is the same as Lin Xu's, the living room is very spacious, and the lighting is better than Lin Xu's. The sun shines through the glass of the balcony, filling the whole room, and the small dust in the air exudes a warm feeling.

Lin Xu saw his clothes and trousers hanging on the balcony, and his shoes beside the shoe cabinet, and immediately had a subtle feeling of cohabitation.

The temperature in summer is high, the sun has already scorched the floor, and Lin Xu's bare feet don't feel cold.

He opened the refrigerator according to Jiang Yang's words, and saw sandwiches, chicken rolls, buns, milk and a bowl of soy milk on the plate.

Jiang Yang obviously overestimated his appetite.

Lin Xu directly picked up the sandwich and stuffed it into his mouth, chewing mechanically. The soy milk entered the esophagus, and the cold feeling fell all the way to the stomach. After being empty for so long, the stomach was stimulated by the cold stuff, and there was a dull pain.

Lin Xu didn't care about it, but felt a sense of self-torture pleasure. He kept stuffing his mouth, his cheeks bulged, and he ate numbly, as if he had completed a task.

He finished the sandwich in a few strokes, drank soy milk, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, picked up his cell phone and called Jiang Yang.

After dialing the phone, he remembered that Jiang Yang should be dubbing, and the phone cannot be brought into the dubbing room. When he was about to hang up and send a message, the other end quickly connected.

"Hey, senior, are you awake?" Jiang Yang's voice remnants Wei Hui's feeling, and asked with concern, "How do you feel?"

"It's okay." Lin Xu's voice was still hoarse, and it didn't sound good at all.

Jiang Yang was silent for a few seconds, and asked, "Have you eaten?"

Lin Xu held the phone in one hand, and his eyes fell somewhere in the void, his eyes were scattered, "Well, I ate soy milk and a sandwich."

"You don't need to come today." Jiang Yang said in a low voice, "Take a good rest, I will change the dressing on your hands when I come back from get off work."

Hearing this, Lin Xu's eyes became focused, and it took him a lot of effort to concentrate. He looked at his hands, but didn't answer.

"You scared me last night. When I arrived, your hands were bloody." Jiang Yang was terrified, "I wouldn't even take you to the hospital. Fortunately, I prepared a medicine box at home to simply disinfect and prescribe medicine for you."

Lin Xu said in a shy voice, "...Thank you."

"I..." Someone called Jiang Yang over there, he responded, and said hastily, "Senior, I'm going to work first, see you tonight."

After hanging up the phone, Lin Xu sat blankly on the sofa for a while, then returned home with his clothes.

As soon as he entered the door, Lele rushed over, shaking his head and tail at him, trying to stand up and rush at him.

Lin Xu didn't have the energy to greet him, so he threw his clothes and shoes on the floor, went back to the bedroom, took out some medicine, took a few pills, and curled up in the bedding.

The familiar smell reassured him, and his tense nerves were relieved a little.

He wanted to close his eyes and sleep, but his mind was spinning and he couldn't stop.

Guo Shule's face appeared in front of his eyes, and his voice was always around his ears.

【"You look exactly the same as five years ago."】

【"Lin Xu, it's been five years, and you still haven't changed anything."】

Lin Xu frowned tightly, buried his face in the quilt, feeling the darkness and suffocation.

【"Look at you, you are exactly the same."】

【"Lin Xu, you haven't changed anything."】

【"You are still the same, nothing has changed."】

Lin Xu suddenly turned over and sat up, Lele, who was guarding him, was startled.

He rushed into the toilet and poured cold water on his face desperately. He didn't stop until his arms were exhausted and his legs lost strength. He knelt and sat on the cold tiles, and the water dripped down, forming a small water mark on the ground.

The gauze on his hand was wet, red blood soaked out, and the piercing pain immediately hit Lin Xu's perception.

Lele came over and licked his arm, and groaned twice, both coquettishly and soothingly.

After a while, Lin Xu stood up and went back to the room, took off his T-shirt and took out a piece of clothing to put on, and went to get his pants.

His eyes were still dim and gloomy, but with a paranoid attachment.

——He is not the same as he was five years ago, he is Xu Tian, ​​he has already proved himself with his achievements, and he is no longer the unfettered person he used to be.

Over the years, he has written his own armor, which is the best proof to the outside world.

Zhao Xiwen is right, you can't be stuck in the emotions you used to be forever.

He was the same as before, thinking about Jiang Yang terribly.

He used to rely on audio to get by, but now Lin Xu doesn't plan to listen to those.

He was going to see him, to take the initiative to embrace the sun and welcome the warm sun.

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Question: Why do the protagonists like to pinch their palms?

Answer: Because the author loves to pinch, subconsciously substituting himself when writing [Light Cigarette]