Fenghua Zhengmao

Chapter 19

The celebration should still be going on in an orderly manner.

Because it is the [-]th anniversary, the entire hotel is not open to the public.

Except for the lobby on the first floor, other places can be said to be desolate.

Fenglei and Linhua were sitting in the private room, the overly bright winter sun came in through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, stretching their shadows long.

"What do you want to say? Say it." Lin Hua spoke first, forcing him almost fiercely. If there was a third person around, his obviously angry tone would be fully exposed.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing.

Feng Lei looked at him greedily, then he lowered his head deeply.

"I...can I beg you, I want to say, do I have a chance to beg you..."

One sentence places one's own identity in a position as low as dust.

Lin Hua didn't know why this happened. In fact, he thought that Feng Lei would really explain to him. He even had a plan for how to answer, how to deal with it, and how to end the conversation in the end, but this sentence , let all his plans come to naught, and even made the darkest loathing and hatred for himself sprout in his heart.

"It seems that you don't intend to explain." Lin Hua used cold words to cover up his lack of plan, but in the end, these words were more like a stab in his own heart, and the pain was sudden.

"I want to say I'm sorry." Feng Lei's mind was a little messed up, and now he didn't know how to express what he had thought about a lot before. Instead of being panicked, he was more caught off guard.

"I didn't tell you because I was worried that there would be no chance to connect with you. If I said it at the beginning, I might not even be able to get along with you, and I might not even see you in person. It's not to trick you, but because Afraid not to say.

"I'm so afraid of losing you...

"But I didn't expect that the more I was afraid, the more suddenly I lost."

The glare of the winter sun made it hard to keep your eyes open. Linhua leaned against the floor-to-ceiling windows, her back was scorching hot, while Fenglei was facing her, her back was icy cold.

"I thought, as long as I treat you well, one day you will understand, don't ask you to forgive me because of this, but at least don't let me find someone, but knowing that you have treated me from a very early age, I first I was startled, and then my heart went cold.

"In the past two years, I have realized that it is a kind of despair. I have been immersed in despair every day for these two years."

Lin Hua lowered her eyelids, looking at her blue and white fingers, her right hand was caressing the ring finger of her left hand unconsciously.

Fenglei rubbed his brows and continued, "At that time, I only realized that you would be angry when you knew the truth, and thought that I had lied to you, but I didn't expect you to hate, and even stay away from everything you are familiar with. I thought about it, you are good It’s fine, I let go, but every time the pain after thinking about it makes me think again, I won’t let go of death, that kind of pain is as uncomfortable as if I want to peel off my body and take away my soul, it makes me think that it’s better to die together.”

"Have you ever thought about me?"

Lin Hua suddenly interrupted everything he said.

"Have you ever thought about whether it will hurt when I leave, have you ever thought about what kind of life I live outside alone, have you ever thought about whether I want to die at any time?"

"I thought about—"

"Have you thought about it? What did you do after you thought about it? Call me or send me a message?"

"I don't even have your phone—"

"If you don't have it, you don't have to call, right? If you don't have it, you don't have to contact me, and you don't even ask me to ask? Is this what you call loving me? Or does it show how great and selfless you are?"

"That's just because—"

"Because of what? Because I said I don't want to see you again? Because I said I hate you? Or because you think it's better not to disturb my life? Ha! This is your love, so selfless, so profound, It’s really unforgettable!”

"..."

Fenglei stopped talking, and Linhua's aggressiveness stopped.

Like gunpowder smoke piled up by words, now that the words are gone, the smoke has dissipated.

After that, the real thing also revealed its true colors from behind the smoke.

"I didn't forgive you," Lin Hua stood up from the chair, "My heart hurts too. During the three months abroad, I learned to smoke, drink too much, and was hospitalized for a month. Injury, in the end I really wanted to die like this.”

Feng Lei was shocked when he heard it, and the sweat on his palms was completely cool.

"I told you this, not to revenge you, but to say," Lin Hua walked to his side and stood in a line with him, but the two of them were like two intersecting lines. At that point, who I can't see anyone, but I can feel the other person's presence, "I want to tell you that I'm back."

With the pain that only you can heal, and not afraid to face greater pain, return with a body.

"Waiter, let's serve."

Plates of dishes are served, and you can tell that they have been prepared.

"I greeted Qi Ji, she ordered food, but she didn't know I was coming back, now this is my invitation to you, ah... yes, I invite..."

The last three words seem to be a kind of determination.

Looking at the dishes served, Fenglei understood his repeated and determined mood.

The last dish, the soup.

The waiter went out and closed the door, and the private room was intertwined with the aroma of food and eerie silence.

Lin Hua ate on her own, Feng Lei looked at it for a while, and then slowly picked up the chopsticks.

"You remember."

Lin Hua took a sip of soup, "I remember everything, clearly."

The bowl that Fenglei picked up suddenly felt heavy in his hands, and he was terribly flustered. He didn't know whether it was the kind of panic that he would put down his chopsticks and leave in a second, or if there would be some unbearable announcement after the meal.

"Have a meal."

Lin Hua said without raising her head, finished eating the shrimp in front of her, and then turned around to move another plate.

Feng Lei didn't move, looking at the things in front of him, he only felt a slight pain in his stomach.

The doctor once said that too much psychological pressure will burden the stomach. Now he feels that he may be too nervous and has begun to hallucinate.

Lin Hua put the peeled shrimp into the bowl he was holding, took out a tissue and wiped her hands seriously, "Drink some soup, eat quickly."

The tone is neither salty nor light, and the content of the words sounds casual.

Fenglei was a little uncomfortable, this kind of communication made him feel that he really didn't care, and the peeled shrimp seemed like a polite behavior - since it was better before, it is also appropriate to peel the shrimp for you when we meet again.

Lin Hua has been eating in silence, like someone who hasn't had a full meal for a long time, now that there is a table full of food that can fill him up, he can't stop eating with chopsticks.

In fact, in the past two years, he did not have a full meal, not because he couldn't eat, but because he didn't feel hungry.

No hunger, no satiety, no smell, no taste.

But just now, he felt that everything was delicious.

Looking at the person next to him with a chair, I just feel very at ease.

"Eat." Lin Hua softened her voice.

He said, "I'm with you."

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