I still want to pretend after falling off the horse

Yang Yixin didn't go home, just wandered around the streets, consciously leaving the bustling urban area, looking for some quiet place to be alone.

Ran Feixing's experience made it hard for him to accept. He wanted to go to the cemetery to see Aunt Ye and ask her what he should do, but he didn't dare to go, and he didn't have the face to go.He didn't even dare to go home to see Shang Yuan.

It seems that you can escape everything without seeing anyone, pretend that nothing happened, and you don't have to be forced to make a choice.

He sat down on a bench in the park and watched a family of three pass by in front of him. The child ran ahead with a toy plane in his hand, his father chased him and played around, and his mother followed behind, telling them to slow down. run.

The family is happy.

Once upon a time, he also had such a home, and then everything was destroyed.

He suddenly felt doubts, whether he was really, as the Yang family said, an evil, a villain, who would only bring misfortune to others.

It first caused her parents to divorce, made her mother go crazy, and then killed Ye Wenjing and ruined Ran Feixing.

He owed the Ye family mother and son a whole life.He couldn't help feeling terrified, if Aunt Ye knew what happened to Ran Feixing, would she regret giving her life to save him?Would you regret inviting him who was lying on the ground doing his homework to eat in that evening?

He has no way of knowing.Even being beaten and scolded would be fine, but Aunt Ye is gone.

You killed her!

I killed her.

Damn you!

Damn me.

Yang Yixin closed his eyes and hammered his head hard to drive out the sound.

But when he opened his eyes, there was a feast of feasting lights in front of him, and he seemed to be standing in a bar, wearing the clothes of a waiter.

The man behind the desk put his arms around a waitress and cursed at him, "Get lost!"

"Let her go!" he heard himself say.

Immediately afterwards, many people rushed up and pressed him on the table, and the man grabbed his hair.

He saw the man's hideous face illuminated by the flickering lights, and the slap that he couldn't avoid, slapped himself on the face with the sound of wind.

It hurts.

Just when another slap was about to come down, Ye Wenjing suddenly came out and kicked the man over.

a mess.

The taste is disgusting.

Noisy.

The bottle exploded into countless pieces.

And blood, Ye Wenjing's blood.

Why is she not moving?

By the way, she is dead.

No!No!No!save her!

"Hey! Young man! Don't sleep!" A force pushed him out of memory, an old man shook his shoulders, and shouted in his ear: "We are going to close the park! Don't sleep!"

Yang Yixin took a sharp breath, his heart was beating violently, he felt dizzy when he stood up, and hurriedly supported the back of the seat.

"Young man, are you okay?" Seeing that he was tottering, the uncle asked.

Yang Yixin shook his head, only to realize that it was dark and there was no one around.He walked out without a word.

Recently, I always flash back some memory fragments frequently, falling into memories without knowing it, and I can't control it at all.

There was thunder in the sky, and the muffled sound echoed in the clouds.The first spring rain of this year fell in a blink of an eye, and it wet Yang Yixin's hair.

As he walked forward, he suddenly heard a sharp female voice: "I hate you! Go to hell!"

His body shook, and he turned his head to look. It turned out that a couple were arguing. The girl threw the umbrella on the ground and ran away crying.

The boy didn't chase, kicked the umbrella angrily, and glared at him: "What are you looking at!"

Yang Yixin lowered his head and hurried away.He was hungry, attracted by the smell of oden, and walked into a convenience store.

The clerk was arranging the shelves, and he called out, "Hello!"

When the shop assistant turned around, with an unlit cigarette in her mouth, Yang Yixin had the trance that he saw Ye Wenjing, and his face turned pale with fright.

"Do you need anything?" The saleswoman came over.

"No, no need." Yang Yixin didn't dare to look at her, and fled in a hurry.

He put on his hat and walked down the dark alley, away from the crowd and away from bright places. Even so, he still felt Ye Wenjing's figure was everywhere.

He was almost driven mad by this hallucination.

"Aunt Ye, what should I do? Tell me, what should I do?" He squatted against the wall, hugged his knees, and muttered to himself.

There is a way to save you.

A terrible thought suddenly flashed in Yang Yixin's mind, since Ran Feixing wanted to take revenge, maybe he could be relieved by repaying what he owed him as he wished.

As soon as this idea appeared, it invaded his mind lingeringly.It seemed feasible to him.

It's like a drowning person grabbing a rope, regardless of whether the rope comes from life or death, he will hold on to it as his last hope.

I don't know if this idea is right or wrong, but it's like a rope thrown into the water, and it's hard for him not to grab it when it's handed to him.

He wandered around in the dark like a lonely ghost, and unknowingly walked downstairs to Ran Feixing's house.

Then he walked in numbly, without taking the elevator, and walked upstairs step by step.The hallway was wet with water, and only the sound of his footsteps echoed.

Every time he went up a step, he thought of Shang Yuan.

Go up, and Shangyuan is completely over.

But the body goes up uncontrollably, like a drowning person swimming up, seeking oxygen.

When he stood at the door of Ran Feixing's house, with his fingers hanging on the doorbell, it was as if a sword of Damocles was hanging above his head.

And the sword finally cut off.

"Why do you..." Ran Feixing opened the door, was surprised by the soaked man in front of him, and quickly pulled him into the room, "Why is it so drenched?"

Yang Yixin stared at him expressionlessly, and said two words in a wooden voice: "Go to sleep."

Ran Feixing looked a little surprised, and then showed a trace of joy. He wiped his wet hair sticking to his forehead with his fingers, and found that his body was as cold as ice.

"Go take a bath first, don't catch a cold." Ran Feixing took him into the bathroom, helped him put hot water in the bathtub, and squeezed the water from the corner of his clothes distressedly, "I'll get you a change of clothes."

After he went out, Yang Yixin closed the bathroom door, took off his drenched coat and threw it aside, suddenly heard a "click" sound, and looked down to find the phone dropped on the ground.

The screen lit up, showing that there were more than 20 missed calls and more than a dozen communication messages—all from Shangyuan.

Yang Yixin looked at Shang Yuan's name on the phone and froze in place.At this moment, another call came in, it was still Shang Yuan.

Yang Yixin trembled, not daring to answer or hang up.

To walk through this door is to betray.

There is no future between him and Shang.

everything is over.

The call was not connected, and it hung up automatically after a while. Yang Yixin picked up the phone and clicked on Shangyuan's communication message after a while.

How is the chat going?

When you come back, I will pick you up.

……

It's going to rain later, call me when it's over.

……

After talking for so long, I'm going to be jealous.

……

Why don't you answer the phone?

It's been three hours, are you sure you haven't come back yet?

……

Don't be sad, I'm here.

……

It's getting dark, where are you?Can't get through the phone either.

I admit I'm in a hurry, give me a call back.

No matter what happens I will be by your side.

……

Is that kid embarrassing you? Where are you? I'll go there right away.

If you don't reply, I'm going to call the police.

……

Can I answer the phone?I won't go, just make sure you're safe.

……

Yang Yixin flipped through the news, feeling bitter in his mouth.Unknowingly, tears welled up again.

How can Shang Yuan be so good, and why should he be worthy of him?Just a selfish clown.

At this time, another call came in, Yang Yi wanted to hang up guiltily, but his hand slipped for a moment, and he accidentally answered it.

Shang Yuan's voice came out immediately, anxious: "I finally answered the phone, how are you, are you okay?"

Yang Yixin covered his mouth and swallowed the choking sound into his stomach, swallowing the bitter and salty tears together.

"Yang Yixin, talk! Is it you?!" Shang Yuan pressed.

Seeing that there was no response, Shang Yuan knew that he was not in a hurry, so it was rare to make a phone call, and said in a slow tone: "Is it because you didn't talk well, and you committed ptsd again? Just make a sound and let me know that you are all right."

Yang Yixin gave a trembling "hmm".

Shang Yuan on the other end was obviously relieved, but not completely relaxed, and then said: "No matter what happens, you can tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you want to be alone, that's fine too." , but don't answer my call, I'm really worried. Even if you reply to a message, just reply with a full stop, let me know you're okay, okay?"

Yang Yixin covered his mouth hard and bit his lip, he almost couldn't help making a sound.

Shang Yuan waited for a while, then sighed, "That's fine, as long as you know you're fine. It's fine if you don't come back tonight...but you must come back tomorrow, and you are not allowed to disappear again, do you hear me?"

Yang Yixin squatted on the ground, and finally couldn't help saying: "I'm sorry... Shang Yuan, I'm sorry."

Then hang up the phone abruptly.

Something shattered in an instant, collapsed, and was destroyed in ruins.

Presumably a part of his self, or the whole world.

He remembered the wish he made to the fairy wand on New Year's Eve, that they would be together forever.There are also the bright Milky Way and gorgeous fireworks as witnesses.

They agreed that this summer they would catch fireflies and dragonflies in the wheat fields, and pick honeysuckle by the roadside.

He spoke at the hundred-day swearing-in meeting, fought for a hundred days, and competed in the examination room.What I think in my heart is that it has unique meaning to fight with Shang Yuan.

Then work hard, get admitted to the same school as Shang Yuan, and follow his footsteps and walk side by side with him.

Is it really a beautiful dream, are you really willing to regard these as a dream?

In order to escape his inner demons, do he have to let Shang Yuan down heartily?

Who are you sorry for?

Saying sorry all the time, in the end everyone is sorry.

Yang Yixin grabbed his coat and cell phone, pushed the door open and walked out.

Ran Feixing came over hearing the sound, seeing how he got in and how he came out, he asked, "Have you not taken a bath yet?"

Yang Yixin gritted his teeth and said, "I can't sleep with you."

"what?"

"I can't be sorry to Shang Yuan." After speaking, Yang Yixin turned his head and left. He still didn't take the elevator, but ran down the stairs, running faster and faster.

It seemed that the faster he ran, the less he could catch up with those demons that entangled him, so he took a step forward and ran forward against the heavy rain, running faster and faster. The sound passed through my ears.

He was still terrified, he didn't dare to look back, he was still in a state of confusion, and he didn't dare to think about it.

But he wanted to see Shang Yuan, desperately wanted to see Shang Yuan.

The heavy rain blurred his vision, and he staggered onto the road like this, until a harsh horn rang in his ears, and the white headlights stung his eyes.

Everything happened in an instant, without giving him a chance to react.For a moment, the world was spinning, and he didn't realize what happened until his body hit the ground and burst into unbearable pain.

pain!it hurts!

He wanted to get up, but he couldn't move, he just coughed up a mouthful of blood.

On the same rainy night, there was constant thunder and the smell of blood was disgusting, as if going back to the night Ye Wenjing died, all the tragedies started from this, and it seemed to end here.

But he didn't want it to end there.

The rain fell on his face, mixed with tears, and his consciousness gradually blurred. He had never been so afraid of death.

Want to see Shang Yuan.

Shang Yuan, I'm here...

take me home...

He closed his eyes in despair, and his consciousness was finally plunged into darkness.