I still want to pretend after falling off the horse

In the early morning, the housekeeping aunt bought vegetables and opened the door to enter the house.It was late in the morning in winter, and the room was still very dark. As soon as my aunt came in, she saw someone squatting in the living room. She was startled, and shouted, "Who!" and quickly touched the wall to turn on the light.

As soon as the light came on, Shang Yuan bent down to pick up a piece of clothing and put it on his arm, then turned around and said, "It's me."

"Scared me. Isn't it a holiday? Why do you get up so early?" Auntie walked in, saw several clothes in his hands, and said, "Do you want to wash your clothes? Give them to me."

"No, I'll just throw the washing machine." Shang Yuan quietly hid a pair of underwear under his coat, and said when he went upstairs, "You cook some porridge, and just put it in the refrigerator. I'll come down and heat it up later."

"Huh? Don't you want breakfast? Where's Yixin?"

"Don't call him, he's asleep."

Yang Yixin had a dream. He dreamed that he was floating in a river. The turbulent river swept him to the depths. He struggled desperately, raised his head to the surface of the water to absorb air.But the more he struggled, the deeper he was drawn.

He lowered his head and saw many hands in the water holding his ankles, and many hideous and vague faces crowded under his feet, with their mouths wide open as if they wanted to swallow him alive.

"You are a vile breed!"

"It's better to have a dog than you!"

"It's you who dragged her down!"

"Go away, don't come to me again!"

"Who sent you to him?! You ungrateful thing!"

"You ruined my life and still want me to study for you? Get lost!"

"You are just like your father, it makes me sick!"

"You killed her!"

"Why are you disobedient? I told you not to go!"

Those ghosts grabbed his legs, trying to drown him.

He desperately went upstream, not daring to turn back, nor to give up, but he was too tired, really too tired.

Who can help me?

Suddenly, a pair of hands stretched out from the top of his head and grabbed his hand violently!

He looked up and saw Shang Yuan's face.

Shang Yuan said, "Don't look back."

He held these hands tightly, and kicked the ghosts under his feet vigorously. These ghosts tore off his skin, which was very painful, but something was peeled off and freed along with the pain.

Yang Yixin fell into a deep sleep, with distorted dreams haunting him, and his sleep was not peaceful.

When he woke up, the room was pitch black. He thought he had woken up early, and it was still dark, until he stretched out his hand from under the quilt to pick up the mobile phone on the bedside table, and found out that it was already four o'clock in the afternoon.Thick curtains blocked it, not even a ray of light could come in.

He didn't know what time he was struggling yesterday, and he didn't know whether he fell asleep or passed out in the end, and he was out of control.

The door was opened, and Shang Yuan saw that he was awake, so he went to draw the curtains, and the room became brighter.

"Shang Yuan..." Yang Yixin lay on the pillow and looked at him, his mouth was hoarse and his voice was terrifyingly hoarse, he had no strength in his whole body, and his waist was sore, as if his lower body didn't belong to him anymore.

"Where am I here?" Shang Yuan sat by the bed, put the two boxes in his hand on the table, put the back of his hand against his forehead to test his temperature, and said, "Did you have a nightmare?"

"En." Yang Yixin closed his eyes, the dream was so real that he was a little dazed.

Shang Yuan rubbed his face with guilt.

He somewhat regretted taking him to see the murderer, using a strong dose of medicine to wash away Shen Ke in his heart, it might be effective, but it also made him suffer.

Shang Yuan woke up early, he watched Yang Yixin frowning tightly in his sleep, struggling to say three words: "I'm not wrong."

He couldn't do anything, neither help him bear the pain, nor help him dispel the nightmare, he could only hold his hand, hoping to give him some strength.

"Don't think about the past." Shang Yuan said, "Don't let them haunt you."

Yang Yixin opened his eyes, stretched out his hand from under the quilt to hold Shang Yuan's hand, "I didn't do anything wrong."

"Of course you are right, it's just that selfish people want to impose their own misfortune on you." Shang Yuan held his hand instead, "They are not worthy to be your parents."

Yang Yixin blinked his eyes to hide the sourness in his eyes, and raised the corners of his mouth slightly.

Shang Yuan's hand is so warm, I really want to never let go.

"Are you hungry?" Shang Yuan asked.

"Not hungry." Yang Yixin looked at the box on the table and asked, "What is this?"

Shang Yuan: "The medicine prescribed by the family doctor, you have a little fever."

"Family...family doctor?" Yang Yixin froze for a moment, then suddenly woke up, and felt dizzy with pain whenever he moved.

"Lie down and don't move." Shang Yuan pressed his waist, reached into the quilt and rubbed him gently.

Yang Yixin's complexion changed. The family doctor saw him like this... He chose to bury his face in the pillow.

"Don't be shy, she doesn't know." Shang Yuan saw his thoughts and rescued his face, "Don't be suffocated."

"I really don't know?" Yang Yixin asked suspiciously.

"I really don't know." Shang Yuan coaxed: "Eat something and take medicine, okay?"

Yang Yixin responded, and Shang Yuan hugged him and turned over, and put two pillows behind his waist for him to lean on.Yang Yixin was at his mercy the whole time, feeling like a paralyzed man, and said: "If I am paralyzed, you will have to take care of me for the rest of my life."

Shang Yuan squeezed his chin and kissed him, and said jokingly: "Take care. Crow's mouth should not talk."

Yang Yixin felt warm in his heart. The sadness and grievances that erupted yesterday were like a passing cloud, leaving only shallow traces.The emotions accumulated in my heart poured out, and the whole person became much more relaxed.

His hesitation and hesitation about feelings slowly dissipated, he never trusted anyone, but this time he wanted to trust Shang Yuan.Give him your whole heart and trust his feelings for you without reservation.

Shang Yuan brought up the warm porridge, fed it to him mouthful, and poured a glass of warm water for medicine.

After taking the medicine, Shang Yuan knelt on the bed with one knee, hugged Yang Yixin again, removed the pillow he was leaning on, and let him lie back on the bed.

"I want to sit for a while." As Yang Yixin said, he suddenly felt half of the quilt being lifted and his trousers being ripped off.His scalp was numb, thinking that Shang Yuan was coming again, he grabbed the quilt with his backhand, and said weakly: "It's really...it's too late."

Shang Yuan's hand paused, knowing that he was thinking wrong, but he was not in a hurry to explain, but deliberately said: "Who insisted on it yesterday, so this is not enough?"

Yang Yixin is typical of speaking without considering the consequences. He can say anything when he wants to, and he only knows how to cry when he gets burned. In the end, he shouted until his voice was hoarse, and his eyelids were swollen from crying, and now he can't open his eyes.

"You..." Yang Yixin wanted to say a few tough words to refute, but he really didn't have the strength, and finally choked out a light sentence: "Forget you are ruthless, come if you have the ability, don't be afraid."

Shang Yuan didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he didn't know if he was really stubborn, or if he had a fever and was stupid.

"Then get ready and relax." As soon as Shang Yuan finished speaking, he felt his whole body stiff, laughed silently, and took a box of plasters from the bedside table.

Yang Yixin thought he was coming for real, and made up his mind that he would not be able to get out of this room alive, but the expected pain did not hit, but it was cool and comfortable.He turned around and saw Shang Yuan rubbing medicine on himself.

He breathed a sigh of relief, but before the breath was over, he suddenly reacted and turned around, "Where did you get the medicine?!"

Shang Yuan said without raising his head, "The doctor prescribed it."

"Didn't you say that the family doctor didn't know?" Yang Yixin's face turned green.

Shang Yuan paused for a moment, and said without changing his face: "She doesn't know."

"I don't know how to prescribe the medicine?!"

"Maybe it's a guess."

"!!!"

Yang Yixin really wanted to kick him, but he really didn't have the strength, so he could only let him go.After a while, I turned around and said, "Just apply the medicine, can you not put it in?"

Shang Yuan raised his eyes to look at him, and saw that his face was flushed, his eyes were red, and he was biting his lower lip with a forbearing expression.Shang Yuan's breathing became a little heavy, and he quickly looked away and said, "Paint both inside and outside, don't move, it will be ready soon."

After applying the medicine, Shangyuan went out again. Yang Yixin pricked up his ears to listen to the sound of him going downstairs, and slowly got up from the bed with his upper body propped up.He wanted to go to the bathroom and held back for a long time, but he was too embarrassed to ask Shang Yuan to help, so he could only move to the bathroom quickly while he was away.

He stood up with the support of the table, and moved along the wall in small steps, sweating profusely after walking one meter.

No wonder some time ago Shang Yuan was like Liu Xiahui, no matter how tempted he was, he would not go to the end. As it is today, he would at least take two days off to lie down.

Every step he took was very difficult. He was about to touch the bathroom door when footsteps suddenly sounded behind him. He gritted his teeth and took a big step forward enduring the pain to touch the doorknob.Suddenly, a hand was stretched out behind him to hold his waist, and he hugged him.

"What's wrong?" Shang Yuan asked.

"I...I'm going to the bathroom." Yang Yixin forced a smile, "Don't worry about me."

"That's not going to work, you can't stand anymore, let me support you." Shang Yuan also smiled, opened the door of the bathroom with a smile, picked him up by the waist, and walked in.

"No no no, no need, I can stand, really..." Yang Yixin refused powerlessly to be isolated by the ruthlessly closed door.

A voice came from inside the door: "My hand is not broken, don't... I will help..."

"Don't move, be obedient, pee quickly."

"I can't pee... wait, what are you doing... I was wrong, I peed, you let me down!"

……

Two minutes later, Shang Yuan came out holding him as before. He blushed to the point of bleeding, and lay in Shang Yuan's arms helplessly, unable to utter a word.

I just want to die.

Yang Yixin lay down until the last day of the holiday, and Shang Yuan took care of him "meticulously", which made him no longer understand what shame is, and his face was trained to be thicker than a wall.

On the last day, he recovered well, and he lay down so much that he didn't want to lie down anymore. Yang Yixin was finally able to walk around freely. The weather was not bad. He looked at the sunshine outside and said to Shang Yuan, "Let's go out."

"Where do you want to go?" Shang Yuan asked.

Yang Yixin hesitated, "Go and see my mother."

……

In the cemetery, an old man was sweeping snow, exposing the blue bricks of the road. Yang Yixin was wearing a thick down jacket, holding a white chrysanthemum in his hand, and Shang Yuan followed him, also holding a white chrysanthemum, and went up the stairs together. Walk.

Walking in the middle, I soon saw Yang Shen's tombstone. Yang Yixin walked to her tomb, looked at the black and white photo of the woman, and felt mixed emotions in his heart.

The funeral was organized by Yang Shen's relatives, and the photo was chosen by Yang Shen's parents, so Yang Shen in the photo is very young, only about 20 years old.With a youthful smile on her face, she looks pure and full of vitality.

Yang Yixin only glanced at it briefly, and has been reluctant to look at it again. Only now did he really see what the young Yang Shen looked like. To his surprise, he was almost the same as the mother in his memory.

The one he saw the most was the hysterical and resentful Yang Shen, especially in recent years, he was always dressed up, went out to find men to sleep with, and sometimes brought them home.

She thought that doing this would be revenge on the heartless man, but she didn't know that she was just insulting herself. No matter what she did, the heartless man would never look back at her, let alone care about her life or death.

"I just hated her before, but now I feel that she is quite pitiful." Yang Yixin put Baiju in front of the tombstone, feeling a little emotional.

Shang Yuan also put down the white chrysanthemum, and raised his hand to wipe the snow off the tombstone.

Looking at this photo, some memories of Yang Yixin were aroused, these memories were already very blurred, and it took a lot of effort to extract them from the memory, and then he suddenly realized that these things had happened before.

He thought about it carefully, and said: "When I was very young, she actually looked quite similar to this photo. My dad didn't divorce her, and they both treated me very well. Once when I was shopping at the night market, I rode on my dad's On the neck, we got separated from my mother, so I looked for her in the crowd. There were too many people, so I would guide my dad. If I said go left, he would go left, and if I said go right, he would Just to the right, squeezed in the crowd, and finally joined my mother. I remember that day after we met, my mother hugged me and cried, and my father and I took turns coaxing, and it took a long time to stop. Then my And secretly told me, don't learn from my mother, because men don't cry easily."

"My mother was very easy to cry at that time. She cried when she was wronged and cried every day. But I was bullied by my kindergarten classmates. She went to scold the parents for a long time. I was scared when I cried. .”

He fell into the memory, showing a little nostalgic look, and then turned bitter, "At that time, my father loved to talk about the truth, and he taught me how to be a man every day. My mother agreed with everything he said, as if this man was her. God. She was so dependent on my dad that she couldn't believe it until she was betrayed by this man. During the divorce period, she quarreled and cried every day. Maybe it felt like the sky was falling to her."

Yang Yixin sighed, "When the sky falls, her world will be ruined. She hates that man as much as she hates me. If I were older and capable of supporting her another sky, maybe she wouldn't There will be today."

"There are no ifs in the world, and you shouldn't bear everything. Don't be sad." Shang Yuan held his hand.

"After today, I won't feel sorry for her anymore, and I won't forgive her...Maybe she doesn't need my forgiveness either." Yang Yixin looked at Yang Shen's posthumous photo and said, "Mother and son, I don't hate you anymore Now, find a good man in your next life."

Since then, Yang Shen has become the past tense. Yang Yixin left this scar in this cemetery, then turned around and left, leaving behind this memory of mutual hatred, and the road under his feet only leads to the future.