[Wen Ye] Hell changes

It has been raining heavily for the past few days and has never stopped.After Ryunosuke Akutagawa came out of Mori Ogai's office, he was showered all the way unexpectedly.My sister called and said that he didn't bring an umbrella and was going to come out to pick him up.Akutagawa Ryunosuke refused, saying that he would come back quickly and just wait for him.Osamu Dazai called, but Ryunosuke Akutagawa didn't answer, and let the phone ring until he was completely at peace.

He's already moved out of the Port Mafia.

Walking along the sea in Yokohama, bypassing the deep and wide coastline, there is a row of houses on the shore, and there is a hill slope opposite the houses.Because it is located by the sea and it is raining, it is very humid and sparsely populated. A deep ditch was dug on the side of the ramp for safety, and it is built on a rock cliff.The pine forest and ginkgo trees on the hillside are towering, with sparse branches and leaves, which are not enough to cover the branches. Their heights and directions are very different, and they are thick and dark under the light of the lights in every house.The ditch is very deep, and sometimes children will accidentally fall down, but they don't panic and play under the ditch by themselves.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke found that the stone cliffs on both sides of the ditch were lead-colored, not dirty at all, but beautiful. The bottom of the ditch was also paved with pebbles, and many naughty children could see crooked words written on it. .The lead-colored background somehow resembles a cafe in a book by Dickens.He stopped and stared at the purple lilac blooming in the crevice of the stone.

"So you are here."

Dazai Osamu's voice sounded from behind him, and before he could turn his head, Dazai Osamu pressed up from behind and put his arms around his neck, causing him to suddenly lose his balance and almost fall into the ditch.

"Why didn't you come back to find me after you came out? I have been waiting there."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke smelled very good, he noticed it when he was hugging, but it was a little faint, and he had to get close like this to smell it, no wonder he didn't notice it before.

"I didn't know you were waiting for me."

"Don't talk about those excuses, it doesn't make me happy at all."

"Not an excuse."

"Okay, okay, no, no."

Dazai buried his head in his neck.

This kind of skin-to-skin contact with a fragrance makes him feel as if there is something extremely beautiful and pleasant, seeping into the brain from the gap between the lips, between the mouth and the breath, and the cells in the brain start to vibrate, secreting a symbol of Happiness information prompt factor.Anyone who is careless and does not know how to love, after receiving this happy message, will become as affectionate and gentle as a crabapple flower with the help of rain and dew.

So he closed his eyes, with a sincere smile on his face: "Let's go wash your hair, there is a barber shop in front, your hair has been drenched like this." Akutagawa Ryunosuke's two white strands of hair were slowly twirling, "It's grown a lot, it's time to fix it."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke twisted his beautiful neck, turned his head and met Dazai Osamu's eyes.Dazai Osamu's eyes were as clean as snow foam, and the light spots of the light danced in it, like the milk bubbles floating in the fragrance in the Sencha cup, the whole eyes seemed so sincere.So true.Let him not understand.

He numbly followed Dazai Osamu and walked into the barber shop with him.He doesn't like these places very much, but it's easier to accept than taking a bath. After all, washing your hair doesn't require you to take off your clothes.

When he was sitting in front of the mirror, Osamu Dazai looked at him for a while, and said to the barber, "Keep the length of your hair."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke wanted to interject to refute.He likes the original look, but he hasn't had a haircut for more than half a year, so his hair is close to the length of the shawl. He wants to cut it back. This length is not convenient for him to move around.

"Keep it." Seeing his dissatisfaction, Osamu Dazai grinned at him as if coaxing him, showing two rows of white teeth, "It's very beautiful, I want to see it for a while."

"Will it look good to you?"

"meeting."

If it was the former Osamu Dazai, he would definitely say at this time, you are so ugly, how can there be such an ugly person like you in the world.Akutagawa Ryunosuke can guess it all.

If it was the former Dazai Osamu, it would definitely be like this, but the current Dazai Osamu is just a poor man who has fallen into a venomous love.No matter how different he is, no matter how unconventional he is, he is always a man with a heart made of flesh.He himself admits that he is lonely, which proves that he can fully understand the emotions of loneliness.So in the final analysis, he is just a man who will cry like an acacia tree because he is afraid of losing.

At this moment, Akutagawa Ryunosuke suddenly remembered those words of Mori Ogai, so for the first time, he felt, and for the first time, really noticed that Osamu Dazai might really fall in love with him.

He used to think that Osamu Dazai and Nakahara were two completely different people, but now he found something in common between the two.When faced with the leak of true emotions, when they tear off the mask of defense and cruelty, when they are afraid of losing him and have to use gentleness to please him, their eyes are all the same pathos and yearning, like lackeys .

Inexplicably, he felt that Osamu Dazai, who used to be extremely tall in his heart, had become the size of a fingernail, weak and humble, and it was the kind of humbleness that used countless despicable methods to pile up the appearance of a ruler.

Because he didn't fall in love with Dazai at all.

So Akutagawa Ryunosuke replied: "Cut it out after you have seen enough."

Osamu Dazai's smile froze for a second, and then immediately covered it up with his usual heartlessness.

He can see that Akutagawa is pretending to be willing to contact him, but he is actually angry with him in his heart, for example, he disagrees with him and Zhong Yuanzhong, for example, he deletes everything related to himself in his mobile phone, and so on.Osamu Dazai already felt the sense of distance in Akutagawa's body, and he also understood that Akutagawa knew what he said was a play and what was nonsense.But Osamu Dazai didn't care.What's the use of caring?Do you care if these can bring Akutagawa Ryunosuke back?Can Akutagawa be changed back to the Akutagawa who obeyed him the day we first met?

Osamu Dazai stared at him from the beginning to the end, talking to him with a smile, but his gaze never rested on Osamu Dazai.It's just that when Osamu Dazai asked him to smile, out of formal obedience, he looked at Osamu Dazai in the mirror, curled his lips dully, and showed a terribly fake smile.Osamu Dazai seemed very satisfied, his eyes narrowed into crescent moons when he smiled, and then he grabbed Ryunosuke Akutagawa's hand when he finished his haircut and was about to get up from the chair, and gently wrapped his palm with slender veins.

Osamu Dazai never looked away at Ryunosuke Akutagawa.

In the end, this moment became Akutagawa Ryunosuke smirking at the image of Dazai Osamu in the mirror, and Dazai Osamu looking at Akutagawa's side face alone.

The mirror reflected Dazai Osamu's smile at the moment, gentle and beautiful, while Akutagawa Ryunosuke's indifferent cheeks seemed to be upside down, dull and dull.The warm lighting of the barber shop deepened the shadows on each other's faces, and made each other's specific outlines look blurry. The frame of Osamu Dazai holding his hands was also hidden outside the mirror body. The size does not allow the position of the hand to be seen, only the arm that is a little close can be seen.

Looking in the mirror, no one would have thought that these two people were actually interlocking fingers in silence.No one will notice that there are two hands that have never been separated under the dim and reflective glass wall.No one will understand Osamu Dazai's heart that was frozen in the dimension of the universe together with this frame.

This is the heart of a young but lonely mafia. There is a lot of love in it, but sadness and unwillingness are still the main emotions.And this sadness and unwillingness, as well as the accompanying dependence and loneliness, belong to Osamu Dazai alone, so others will never understand.

Of course, this is incomprehensible to others, and one thing Dazai himself will never understand is that no matter how complicated and deep his mind is, no matter how difficult he thinks of Akutagawa Ryunosuke, it is just He can never admit that he is passionate about himself.

Everything is as said in "The Red and the Black", love creates equality, but does not pursue equality.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke will only love him sometimes, respect him in certain places and times, and create an illusion for him that he is loved by Akutagawa.But he has gone too far on the road of infatuation and loss, so far that he seems to go to the ancient universe, extending to the other end beyond the meaning of time and space, and there is no way to return.Either continue to pretend to hurt Akutagawa's high profile, or put down the airs and beg Akutagawa not to leave.If he didn't choose the latter, he would never be able to keep Akutagawa, Osamu Dazai understood.

I feel that I already have Akutagawa.to feel owned by him.feel like losing him.feel love for him.feel afraid of him.Feel love for him sometimes.Feel afraid of him at times.

I fell in love with him.He loves me sometimes.

"Thank you for your company, I will go back first."

"Aren't you going home?"

"I have moved out and now live in the city with my sister."

"Ok."

Akutagawa has been exhausted these past few days, physically and mentally injured, so he has always looked like he can't lift his spirits. Although he has tried his best to make himself look okay, his physical condition cannot be acted out no matter what.His breathing and words were slightly weak, like humming a few trembling whispers.When he was coughing, Osamu Dazai moved closer to him with the excuse of handing over a handkerchief.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa has black eyes.

Black hair and black pupils, fair skin and slim neck, slender waist and phoenix eyes.Everything is the best way to show the beauty of the East, without any bias, which is enviable.

Osamu Dazai really liked his dark eyes, he just never said it.He wanted to say, you little idiot, but after he opened his mouth, it was you again, a wild dog.He wanted to say, my black eyes, but after he opened his mouth, it was me who picked you up because of my blindness.

His ruthless tongue may have hurt Akutagawa's soul, just like the No. 40 shot that Malyutka fired on the desert island back then.Malyutka didn't call out "my blue eyes" affectionately to her lover, but shot him in the heart, let him return to his hometown, and only hugged the dead body and cried out after he died My blue eyes, my blue eyes...

But no matter what, the dead can't live.

"My dark eyes."

"What?" Akutagawa Ryunosuke looked at him suspiciously, but didn't hear clearly.

"It's nothing, I'm calling you idiot."

"Call it if you like."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke walked towards home.Osamu Dazai took advantage of the fact that the two of them were on the same road, so he followed him and walked with him.

Seen from behind, Akutagawa's layered and pleated long clothes, the tail of hair spread quietly on his shoulders like a folding fan, the nape of his neck as white as a shell, and even the shadow of a crow's wing hanging from his back due to the backlight, are so beautiful. Yes, then, so people feel happy and sad.

Osamu Dazai chewed his back slowly like chewing cardamom. 60.00% is the lingering scent that spreads in every inch of the mouth, 30.00% is the bane of the raw fungus poison flowing into the internal organs, and the remaining small part is the aftermath of greedy fragrance potentially devastating potential.But Osamu Dazai can't take care of those now, and he has long since lost the opportunity to take care of them.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke walked several steps in front of him, and his shadow was always in front of his shadow.The shadows of the two are getting longer and longer, but the length of his shadow can never catch up with Akutagawa Ryunosuke, and he just follows behind in pursuit of meeting him.

However, what Osamu Dazai doesn't know is that he will always chase after Akutagawa Ryunosuke for all the time in his life from then on, just to get Akutagawa Ryunosuke's return or stay.Even if only for a second.