An Xia's paintings

At this time, Lin Anxia didn't know how many people were worried about him because of his actions.

His consciousness seemed to be drifting away again, and he was not surprised by this, because recently, he has always been in a trance more often than awake, and he seems to have forgotten about his suicide.

In a daze, he seemed to have returned to his home, the small villa at No. 27 Linfu Road.

Lin Anxia pushed open the door and walked in, feeling a little weird, this was obviously his familiar home, but there was something different about it.

"Wow woof~ woof woof~"

"Xedong?" Lin Anxia looked at him blankly, his memory was a little fuzzy, but he still knew that he had a very precious dog called Xuesong...but Xuesong hadn't been so full of spirit for a long time Called, because it is old and not as strong as it used to be...

Even so, Lin Anxia followed the direction of the voice, walked upstairs, and slowly walked to the door of his studio.

"Dad, I'm so uncomfortable, I'm so scared, what should I do..."

"Don't be afraid, Xia Xia, hold the paintbrush in your hand, whenever you feel uncomfortable, hold it, let it follow your heart, it understands all your fears, when you hide in your heart When you can’t explain something to others, draw it with a pen.”

Lin Anxia stood behind blankly, looking at the man in front of him and the child in his arms.Those were the two people he was most familiar with, his father Lin Xici, and...... himself.

Lin Anxia blinked, and suddenly remembered that one day long ago, his father went to pick him up from the neighbor's aunt's house.

When Lin Xici heard Tao Fuxin leave from the aunt of the neighbor's house, his expression did not change, but he silently held Lin Anxia tightly in his arms, and when he learned that his only child, his precious son was in his absence. Lin Xici finally lost his composure after knowing what he had experienced during this period of time.

That was the first and only time Lin Anxia saw her father's rage and tears.

The little Lin Anxia was held tightly in his father's arms, and he heard his father apologizing to him non-stop: "I'm sorry Xia Xia, I'm sorry father's baby."

Lin Anxia could clearly feel the sadness from the bottom of his father's heart.He was a little scared when he was still young, because when his mother left him, she hugged him and cried, and said sorry to him...

Lin Anxia was worried secretly, doesn't it mean that Dad doesn't want him anymore?

But later, things were not as bad as Lin Anxia imagined.

Lin Xici seemed to get out of the grief very quickly. When he found that Lin Anxia was easily frightened, any little thing was enough to make him feel panic, and then his mood became more and more unstable. Lin Xici resolutely gave up letting Lin Anxia like The idea of ​​studying like an ordinary child, he believes that Lin Anxia is still young and his mind is not sound. Only an absolutely quiet environment can prevent him from being stimulated by the outside world.

Not only that, Lin Xici always showed a positive and optimistic look in front of Lin Anxia.They adopted the cedar tree together, and took it for a walk together. Lin Anxia's mood seemed to gradually stabilize, and she was no longer inexplicably afraid of something, or yelling from time to time.

Just when Lin Xici thought that his child's child was about to recover, he discovered that An Xia would have nightmares every night. The fear in his heart made the little child seem to encourage the growth of those dark emotions at night.When Lin Xici looked at her precious child and often chose to hurt herself to seek inner stability because of fear, Lin Xici was heartbroken.

The uneasiness that has accumulated over the years has deeply penetrated into his heart. When Lin Xici once again saw the bruise on Lin Anxia's forehead that was knocked out by himself, he could no longer calm down.Lin Xici knew that his child might be ruined if the counseling could not be carried out smoothly.

Lin Xici knew that Anxia was extremely insecure in his heart, but Lin Anxia was a boring gourd. He didn't want to tell anyone about his inner fear, even Lin Xici was no exception. He was always so silent, accustomed to I am afraid of the devil in my heart alone, so Lin Xici can't know exactly what is the source of the fear in the child's heart. Therefore, he began to teach Lin Anxia to use painting to express the unknown emotions in his heart.

×××

Lin Anxia sat in the corner, watching Lin Xi teach herself how to draw, watching how she was trapped in her own emotions, watching Xue Song quietly sitting behind him, waiting for him to get better... ....

These are obviously things he has experienced, but at this moment he is like a spectator, watching his own story seriously.

Suddenly the scene changed, and I seemed to have grown up a bit.

"Dad, why did you show "Nightmare" to others?"

""Nightmare" is an excellent work, and an excellent work should be appreciated by everyone."

"But I don't want it to be seen! It's mine, and I won't allow it."

"Xia Xia, even if you are its author, you don't have the right to bury it."

.........

"Does Xia Xia know that "Nightmare" is the No.1 thing?"

"so what?"

"Would Xia Xia watch the awards ceremony with Dad?"

Lin Anxia stood aside, looked at himself who was still young, frowned in distress, but felt funny in his heart, he was always unwilling to look at those things, but he knew that he did not refuse...

Sure enough, little An Xia nodded.

He watched Lin Xici hold his little self in his arms, and watched the awards ceremony broadcast on TV seriously.

When the host introduced his "Nightmare", Lin Anxia was very keen to find that his father's eyes were not on the screen at this time, but quietly paying attention to the child in his arms.

When he saw that Xiao Anxia had read his part of the introduction seriously from beginning to end, and his eyes did not dodge in the slightest, a bright smile appeared on Lin Xici's face, and he slapped his son's tender face , printed a kiss, and said proudly, "Xia Xia is really my father's pride."

Lin Anxia looked at this scene and felt very confused. What was Dad so proud of?

Then, he saw himself growing up day by day, drawing more and more paintings, and winning more and more awards. He looked at the two father and son sitting on the sofa. Sitting on the sofa in the same posture watching the awards ceremony.

Every time, he can get a compliment: "Xia Xia, you are my father's pride."

Lin Anxia walked forward slowly. He wanted to ask his father why he was forced to look at his most embarrassing memory every day these years. He wanted to ask his father why he was so proud of him.

At this time, Lin Xici's eyes suddenly turned from the TV screen to him.Lin Anxia was stunned, a little surprised, at that moment he even suspected that his father could see him.

"Xia Xia, what's the matter?"

Lin Anxia was so excited that her teeth chattered, "Dad?"

Lin Xici nodded with a smile: "Yes."

"Daddy...can you see me?"

Lin Xici did not answer, but said: "Xia Xia must have many questions in her heart, why don't you ask them?"

Lin Anxia didn't know what to say, Lin Xi resigned: "If Xia Xia can be brave and ask the questions in his heart, then there won't be so many things bothering you."

"dad?"

Lin Xici smiled: "So now, Xia Xia, do you want to try it? Ask your question."

Lin Anxia pursed her lips and said, "I want to know why Dad is proud of me? Is it because of those awards?"

Lin Xici shifted his gaze to the child in his arms, and said softly: "Xia Xia, look at yourself. You obviously have a strange fear in your heart, and you clearly know that those works are the memories you least want to face However, you are still trying to overcome the fear in your heart, you have not escaped..."

Lin Anxia was very surprised. Lin Xici turned his head and looked at Lin Anxia very relieved: "How can such a strong Xiaxia not make Dad proud?"

"dad?"

"Xiaxia, my father once told you that a person's life is like a painting made of various colors. Pain and fear are only a small part of it, but you are deeply trapped in this small part. Extricate yourself. Now that you have jumped out of the quagmire you drew, why don't you try to look at your life from the perspective of a bystander?"

"Dad, what do you mean by this?" Lin Anxia took two steps forward, trying to grab Lin Xici in front of him, but as soon as his fingertips touched the corner of his clothes, Lin Xici and the whole family became ripples , disappeared without a trace.

The scene in front of Lin Anxia's eyes was constantly changing. It was something he had experienced before, but he discovered details that he hadn't seen before.

He seemed to have returned to the scene when he and Qin Ruihe rushed to Zhou Qisheng's dinner together. He found that before he knew it, the mother who had been ignoring him was secretly looking at him with eyes that he didn't care about. Unfamiliar love and longing, he found that his mother still remembered that he loved fish, so when the dishes came, she deliberately put the plate of fish in front of him.Then the time went back more than ten years ago. When her mother hugged him, her eyes were actually full of guilt. When his mother threw him away, she was actually very reluctant. When her mother got in the car and left, she actually shed tears. …

His mom was actually...not completely unkind to him.

Lin Anxia's heart loosened inexplicably...

×××

"In my life, I am most sorry for my closest people in this world, my children and my husband, or...my ex-husband."

Sitting in front of Lin Anxia's hospital bed, Tao Fuxin caressed Lin Anxia who was still unconscious, and said softly, "My ex-husband is Lin Xici, and my child is Xia Xia."

Everyone in the ward, except Qin Ruihe, was surprised by Tao Fuxin's remarks.

Tao Fuxin didn't seem to care about other people's thoughts, she just continued on her own: "At that time, I was still very young, but my throat was damaged due to an accident, so I couldn't continue my singing career. It was Xici who gave me hope. , we got married, but chose to hide it from the public because we didn’t want to be disturbed.”

"The time when I just had Xiaxia was really the happiest day in my life. I have a husband who loves me and a lovely child, so what if I can no longer sing? I am already very satisfied to be able to live so happily."

"But later, Xici's painting career encountered a bottleneck. He couldn't even paint a single work for a long time. At that time, if a painter couldn't paint a painting, it was equivalent to cutting off his own livelihood. To make a living, Xici chose to sell our villa and discounted everything, and our family of three moved into a dilapidated small bungalow."

At this time, Qin Ruihe suddenly interrupted Tao Fuxin: "Is it because of you that An Xia's mental condition is unstable?"

The author has something to say:

The author is about to graduate, and there have been a lot of things recently, so if there are too many bugs or other problems when updating the article, readers, please bear with me! ! !Thank you to the mochi, mingque, nino, and gegeo who sent the little red flowers.In addition, thank you Mingque and Nino for their comments to the author, and it also appears that gegeo told the author of his own feelings, okay!The author will continue to work hard on the rationality of the plot in the future o(￣ヘ￣o*)[make a fist!]