Autobiography of a paranoid patient

(110 two)

Some people are already a gift of fate just to meet another person.

When I say gift, it means they are ugly, desolate and numb.

Abandoned and not worth it.

When you don't care about a person, that person is only a shell in your world.

That person can't love, doesn't suffer, rarely smiles, and always has no expression on his face.

Because you don't have to care.

Therefore, I am most grateful to Feng Yue for coming. He actually cared about my grief and my smile.

It is not often said that when a person is about to die, his whole life will pass by like a lantern before his eyes.

The reason for this kind of saying, I think, is that before death, people want to know why they came to this world.

Or, to sum up whether this life is worth it.

worth it.

Many people have been entangled with these two words all their lives.

I never want to, because the answer is yes, it's not worth it to anyone.

But when I heard Yunan say that, I suddenly felt that there was one thing I didn't realize.

If I jump off tonight and Feng Yue gets rid of Yunan completely, then I will be worth it.

I said I believe you mean what you say.

After I finished speaking, I saw a flash of shock across Yu Nan's face.

Did he not expect it?

(110 three)

My hands are on the railing.

The railings are made of stone, and it feels a bit cool at night, like jade.

Yunan didn't expect it.

He certainly didn't expect it.

No one could love Feng Yue more than him.

I don't mean to prove anything by dying. I never think that giving up life can prove anything. On the contrary, most of the time it means cowardice.

I gave up because I love Feng Yue, not to prove that I love Feng Yue.

The two are not the same.

Different.

(110 four)

Yunan seemed to want to say something to me, but I couldn't hear it anymore.

I hardly hesitated, and as soon as I supported my hands, my body flew up with unprecedented lightness.

Below my feet is a deep black river.

And behind me...

I think Yunan wants to give me a hand.

I glanced sideways at his terrified and collapsed eyes.

Why is he so sad?

I seem to see the scar on his finger clearly again in the dark.

Why be sad?

I hope we all keep our promises.

(110 five)

When I stood on the bridge and looked down, I felt very tall.

But falling in the air seemed to only take a few seconds.

I heard the sound of water getting louder, and the surrounding temperature suddenly became very low.

I felt like being grabbed by a giant hand.

sinking...

sinking...

(110 six)

The river is so deep.

I thought the river was warm in this season, but no, its temperature is as cold as its color in the night.

Rivers are devouring.

I think about my first time going to the swimming pool.

My dad taught me how to swim, and my mom watched us from the side.

We were all smiling then, I'm sure.

I soaked in the pool water, and through the sparkling water, I saw my father and mother lovingly touching each other's cheeks.

I jumped out of the water, and the water splashed all over them.

I pushed my dad a few times ignorantly, frowned and blamed him loudly for not pulling me. It was the first time I entered the water, and I was about to suffocate to death underwater.

I thought that I was also a child who could act like a baby at will. When I felt that I couldn't hold on, my parents were still around, and I could catch them at any time.Whether I can see it or not, they are always in love.

It turned out that there was a time like this in my life.

My arms are open, sinking and bobbing with the current, like two oars.

Feng Yue appeared in my mind, but I frowned and didn't think about him.

I know I'd give up thinking about him, I've given up so many times because of him, only I know.

I seem to understand my dad's mood suddenly.He always hurts himself but is reluctant to leave, maybe not because he hates my mother, but because he really loved my mother before, so he would rather only have memories forever.

I'm so afraid to think of Feng Yue's appearance.

The first time I saw him in a flower shop, the flower shop saved me, he saved me, and we just looked at each other.

Sometimes it only takes a second to fall in love with someone and there is no reason, I used to think this sentence was fake, it was those people pretending to be romantic, then I started to believe this sentence, because I can't think of one that makes me The reason why I fell in love with Feng Yue at the first sight.

There's not even any logic to the process.

I love him, and I'm also afraid of him.

I am afraid that he will be sad, that he will be sad, and that he will no longer be proud.

I was afraid that he would look at me and ask me, "Song Yin... why didn't you want to live for me?"

I'm afraid I'll hear his questions, and it won't be easy for me to die.

I suddenly opened my eyes in the water and stretched my arms upwards.

I feel like I shed a lot of tears and just get drowned out.