[sherlock] Spirit and flesh

For 12 months, I have been working diligently on my unfinished cases during the day. The remnants of Serbia are still coveting my life. Their leader is dead, but his subordinates are still obsessed with me. They want revenge, but they dare not It's blatant, I won't just sit and wait to die, it's not my style to sit and wait to die, I have to get rid of them before they start to get rid of me.

The best way to relieve grief is to work. Like a fisherman who never rests, I catch these small fish that escaped the net one by one from the gutter and send them to the electric chair.

I was so busy that I often forgot to eat, and I suffered in every possible way at night, the night was so long, and I missed John so strongly.

I quietly buttoned up my shirt in front of the full-length mirror, went outside, poured a glass of water and drank it, I stood in the living room, put on my coat, and made a "swish" sound when my arm passed the silk-lined sleeve. The movements in the silent living room are particularly abrupt, it is so silent here, as if the silence of the whole world is condensed around me.

The house remains almost the same, with more bullet holes on the wall, and a layer of fine dust covering the portrait of the skull. I still subscribe to the newspaper every day and put it on the opposite side of the desk. His notebook is now used by me instead. , His mug was quietly placed on the corner of the table, also covered with dust, I walked to the table, frowned, feeling displeased, I took the mug back to the kitchen, rinsed it under the tap, and put it on the mug On the shelf, I adjusted the position of his small teaspoon, then walked back to the living room, I reached out and stroked the empty armchair, I stroked the rough back of the sofa as if it were its original owner.

"It's time to go, John." I patted the back of the sofa, then twirled my deer hat in my hand, put it on my head, and walked out.

I had a wedding ring on my hand that I hadn't exchanged yet, and his ring was hung around my neck by a necklace. I sat down in the restaurant downstairs, ordered two cups of coffee, one without sugar, and put it on Opposite me, the hot mist wrapped around the rim of the glass, I looked at the rainy season in London, the temperature turned cold, and it seemed that Christmas was not far away.

The boss was silent for a while holding the menu at the counter. After a few minutes, he still brought over a small candle in a glass and placed it between two cups of coffee. The dark yellow flame was shaking between my table. I'd been staring at the thin raindrops brushing past the billboard, when suddenly agitated by his actions, I looked up and glanced at him.

The boss smiled awkwardly: "It's going to snow, Holmes."

"Well, so what. It will snow this year, and it will snow next year. The snow never stops, and it doesn't make any sense."

The boss stared at the top of my head dumbfounded. No wonder he was so surprised. During the last snow season, John and I sat here face to face. The atmosphere was so warm and harmonious. , I am sitting here today, leaving only a deserted gray back.

The boss walked away helplessly, and I looked at the gradually cooling coffee cup again, recalling a certain morning in Baskerville a few years ago, my lovely John was flattered to drink my sweet coffee with potion, he Muttering to me in the mist of morning light that he doesn't really like sugar, but he still drank his glass to the bottom in front of me.

My John is willing to give everything for me, and he has never been able to truly reject me, why I couldn't fully understand his intention at that time, at that time, I felt that he had never dared to love me, but it was not the case, John is extremely brave, he dared to pursue what he wanted, but I still didn't understand that I should take the initiative to take a step forward to him, my cold attitude and arrogant heart made him feel insecure.

John taught me to be honest, and by the time I did, I'd lost him.

I walked into the street in the rain and went to Scotland Yard to find the information I needed. I stood in front of the metal file rack with my whole body wet, carefully flipping through the photos of the wanted criminals in the most primitive way. I don’t want to go to Lestrade The office uses his computer, and I think Lestrade's sympathetic stare makes me feel sorry for me.

I was talking to myself in the file room, I didn't have my old buddy's skull in my pocket, but I kept talking to myself, just as I did when John was behind me.

I can go to the newspaper to recruit an assistant at any time, pay him, let him take the adventure with me, I know there will always be someone who is willing to go with me, looking for the blood and excitement of life in the investigation, somehow, the more I think of me To share my joy of discovering the mystery with someone other than John, the more frustrated I am, I am lonely, but I don't want to meet new friends. There is a piece of my heart that is missing, but I don't want to make it up.

The snow fell as soon as it was said, and within a few days, I just walked out of 221B, and a fluffy snowflake fell on my face, falling on my forehead, and the cold touch made me close my eyes in pain.

You and I split up...John...you go through the back of the building and go around to the edge of the woods...Remember, don't disturb anyone, I'm really worried...John, I miss you...Remember , John, take your steps lightly...I know you can do it...I know you can avoid all dangers...

It was as if there was an electric shock in my mind, I felt very uncomfortable, I opened my eyes again, the pupils were hurt by the bright light, I tried hard to stabilize my emotions, I almost fell to the ground due to the headache, and then Uncontrollably digging the floor tiles on the sidewalk with my nails, I resisted it.

I took a deep breath of the painful and stinging air, put my hands in my pockets, and headed for the nearby elementary school with my head under the snow.

Sherly rushed out with her schoolbag on her back, hugged my thigh vigorously, raised her head and smiled at me, the parents-in-law who took care of her had something to go out today, and asked me to pick her up from school, I came as promised, she stretched her arms, Grabbing the corner of my coat, I walked slowly on the path where the pigeons were flying. The pigeons in London are not afraid of anything. In winter, you can see them staggering and pacing in the snow looking for crumbs.

"Uncle Holmes, what's for dinner tonight?"

"Go back to my apartment, let's order takeout."

"But I don't want to eat takeaway, I want to go to the children's restaurant."

Huh, kid's restaurant, disaster and creamy kid's restaurant, I never step back easily, but today it's snowing, I'm afraid my mood won't allow me to sit on pins and needles in that apartment full of memories, I said: "Then the kid's restaurant Come on, pick up your brother."

I almost turned my head to the air and asked, John, do you think you need to pick Johnny up with you?

I walked on the road full of melancholy, and the pigeons cooed and circled under my feet.

"Great, my brother is coming too! I want to order the set menu from last time!" Sherly jumped up happily.

I raised my head and looked at the distant view of London. Suddenly, a black umbrella spread out beside me, blocking the snowflakes for the petite Sherly. Mycroft appeared beside me with no expression on his face. If I'm picking up a child in the snow, I'll bring an umbrella."

Sherly happily tugged at the hem of her other Uncle Holmes' shirt, and Mycroft's presence meant she had something to do this weekend.

I was too lazy to answer, and walked quietly in the snow with my hands behind my back. Mycroft followed me. Rather than saying that he followed me, it was better to say that he was dragged away by Sherly. He said to me: "This Christmas, take the children to the Go home, Mom and Dad want to see each other."

I'm not interested in the festival, so I nodded lazily to let him go, and Mycroft said, "Sherly really looks like John."

As soon as the name was mentioned, I glanced at him with sideways eyes, and Mycroft also looked at me, and he said with a smile: "Sherlock, I think you are not normal recently, I didn't want to interfere with your private life , but I'd better bring it up, I'm worried about you, you have been very decadent this year, although you look energetic, but your heart never cheers up, you keep pretending that John is still there, I know that Yes, you haven't dealt with his relics so far, and you always call out his name inadvertently to yourself. How long can you pretend?"

I watched the snowflakes swirl in the air, fall to the floor tiles with irreversible force and melt silently, "Maybe forever, Mycroft."

"Do you blame me, brother, if I hadn't told you to go to Serbia, things wouldn't be like this."

"You and I both know that it is an inescapable catastrophe. If I don't go to Serbia, many people will be sacrificed there. I will have to face it sooner or later. It is an imperative journey, and it is my negligence during the journey. It was my mistake in choice, not your fault."

Mycroft frowned and said, "It's not your fault either..."

"It was my fault. I misjudged, I made wrong decisions, and I caused irreparable consequences."

"You are not omnipotent! How can you predict all endings! You are a saint, and you can do many things that ordinary people cannot, but you may not be a god."

"I should have foreseen it! I should have known it!" I stood still and shouted at him angrily, Sherly suddenly stopped smiling in the middle of the two of us, standing at a loss, like a frightened bird sparrow.

I'm mad at myself, and I've been guilty and guilty of it so many nights a year, "I don't deserve to be a hero, Mycroft, I don't even deserve to be a genius."

"But you saved the citizens of Serbia... As long as you catch the last few dangerous fish that slipped through the net, the case will be closed, and your suffering will be over by then."

I was silent for a while, then shook my head and rejected him, "My pain will not end, Mycroft. I saved so many people, but I couldn't save my John. After all, I am still a very useless man. I thought that with my I was able to protect him, but I always put him in danger, and it was always John who protected me, and he always protected me."

Mycroft hesitated to say something, he wanted to say something, but he never said it, he raised his hand, stroked Sherly's hair inherited from her father, and Sherly blinked bright blue immediately after being touched so rarely and tenderly by him. His eyes regained their lively look.

Mycroft whispered, "Sherly, I think I'm sorry for you, I'm very sorry for you."

Sherly is John's daughter's name and my nickname. I don't know if Mycroft's sorry is to her or to me. According to his character, because he never makes mistakes, he never apologizes.

But he still said sorry today, I don't believe he said it to me, but his eyes kept staring at me, so I didn't know how to reply.

"Sherly," Mycroft took the girl's hand and quietly held the umbrella for her. The two of them walked in front of me and left me on the spot. Mycroft's voice passed through his back and reached my ears , he said very softly and very lowly: "Poor Sherly, the days are still so long, you have to move on, this is what John is looking forward to, isn't it?"

Sherly tilted her head and looked at him. The words were too advanced for her. She looked blank: "Uncle Holmes, I don't understand what you are talking about. What does my father expect from me?"

"He expects you to live a good life, live hard, and try your best to find happiness and smile in the desperate situation like he did before his death. He was originally a man who lost hope, and he also experienced the darkness before dawn. His persistence led him to meet Sherlock, and I believe that if he survives, he will get a better chance."

Sherly nodded seriously. The fact of her father's death, no one made up a lie to her. Her innocent and kind father lost his life in the fight against evil forces. Sherly was forced to accept all this at a young age. She didn't know Fortunately or unfortunately, she still doesn't know what death is.She is innocent and full of fantasy, her imagination is rich and her heart is kind.

She sees death as a fleeting farewell, she sees death as her father being too busy with other things to come and kiss her good night, she sees death as a country far away, and her father travels to that frontier for some reason The country, will come back to her with a gift one day.

Death is not a loss, not a farewell. Death is a long cut, which reminds people that they have been happy in the memories of bruises.

At night, I stand alone in front of the window of 221B and look at the starlight hanging by the Thames River. The light of those stars was emitted 80 billion years ago. When I look up at the universe, I am actually looking at its past. Just like what I saw in the apartment at 221B, facing this pile of dusty furniture, what I am guarding is not the future, but the past of me and John.

I just happened to remember this description about starlight and time from a science book, and I gave a bleak mocking smile. If John was still alive, he would be surprised by my knowledge of astronomy, and he would give him Give me zero points and honestly modify it.

Maybe Christmas next year will be better for me, I will become a strong man, I will not show my fragility to anyone, and my tears will not flow for anyone other than John.

I propped my violin by my shoulders, rosin-filled bowstrings on its belly, and I remembered that John's favorite was my interpretation of Mendelssohn. I looked at his empty sofa, with only a crumpled pillows, but I always feel like he's sitting there with a stupid little book in his hand, smiling appreciatively at me.

I close my eyes, the sweet and painful memories flow out through the notes, my fingers lightly move smoothly on the strings, this deep movement is played for John, I can pretend that he is always there , I can pretend for the rest of my life.