you are still on the long street

Yes.

"Let's go, I'll take you home." He patted my shoulder hard, which should be revenge for just now.

☆、Chapter 13

We didn't speak until Ye Zichang's car drove into the community.My previous actions were indeed reckless and impulsive.Blowing the cold wind, I don't think I really need to do that, let us become so awkward.

I don't know what I was thinking, I just did it.

When parking downstairs at my house, he finally broke the silence first: "Lu Yang, do you think there is still a possibility for me and Yan Ji?"

I don't know what to say, I can't see whether Yan Ji has feelings for Ye Zichang, but he does care about Ye Zichang.

"I don't know, what do you think?" I didn't move, and didn't intend to get out of the car immediately.

"I don't know... When I first entered the coffee shop, he and Chen Yichen were very happy. But seeing him become so angry later, I... didn't feel happy at all." He put his hands on the steering wheel, head Slowly down.

Love when you are young is like drinking strong wine. When you are paralyzed, it will give you a stomach-burning stimulation. After a vigorous agitation, you will become groggy in the end. Maybe when you wake up, there will be no foam left .

"Come and sit at my house?" I said calmly.

He glanced at me, then forced a smile and said, "Okay."

-

"Why did you buy a house here?" In the elevator, he suddenly asked me, "The location of this community is very good, but how do you buy such a small apartment?"

Almost every friend who has been to my house will ask me this question, and I am used to answering such questions.I chuckled lightly and said, "No money."

He curled his lips, frowned and said, "Don't pretend, the watch you're wearing, the suit you're wearing, and the wallet, don't look like people without money would buy them."

I smiled and shook my head when the elevator door opened.

We stepped out of the elevator together, I opened the door, and he entered my house for the third time, expertly found the light switch, and sat down on my couch unceremoniously.It is not an exaggeration to say that his posture is "Ge Youtan", and then he looked at me and let out a long sigh of relief, and said, "In fact, the small apartment is quite good, and it is cozy to live in."

I tidied myself up, turned around and went into the kitchen to pour him a glass of water, and at the same time replied, "Yes."

"Don't you want to buy a car? It's so convenient to have a car. Or I'll give you the car after the matter is over." He blew on the hot water and took a sip.

I smiled helplessly, sat down on the sofa beside him, and said, "I have a car. Usually the subway is more convenient." Gift.This is probably a kind of arrogance, feeling that human kindness is too cheap to measure with money.

All thanks to the former man.Because of him, I often think badly about giving gifts, and subconsciously think dirty about other people's hospitality.

Seeing me in a daze, Ye Zichang turned sideways and waved his hand in front of my eyes.

I came back to my senses and smiled at him.

We looked at each other silently, and the two seconds of silence seemed to be frozen.The sound of the wind outside the house stopped abruptly and turned into a faint and shallow breathing sound. I only felt that we were getting closer. When I realized it, our lips were already attached to each other——

Alas, I must have taken the initiative again.

I slowly moved my lips away and smiled awkwardly, apologizing for my involuntary crossing the line.

The author has something to say: thank you

☆、Chapter 14

"Who was that person that day?" Ye Zichang leaned back on the back of the sofa, as if nothing had happened just now, "It was the person I saw when I came back to pick up the guitar that night. When I saw him go in and come out, I asked Didn't look for you."

I knew he was talking about Xiao Liu, but I hesitated for a while whether to tell him about it.But think about it, what does it matter if you tell him?

"He turned out to be my bed partner, we broke up that day." I said casually, my cheeks were actually burning.It felt like dumping a puddle of trash on the side of a clean road, the difference revealing its stench.Ye Zichang frowned, but didn't say anything immediately.I hoped that this question would be skipped immediately, and was about to change the subject, but he spoke first:

"It turns out that what you lack is this."

I can't tell you what it feels like.I'm a little angry, not out of embarrassment.I don't think he is qualified to judge me, so he defined me based on his little understanding of me.

I wanted to preach to him, but I couldn't help wanting to provoke him.

"Yeah, that's what I need. If you want to give me something, just sleep with me once after the matter is over."

I wanted to strangle myself for talking.

Ye Zichang stared at me with anger in his eyes.He was dissatisfied with my teasing him, combined with my frivolous actions again and again, I must be terrible in his eyes.He sneered twice, stood up from the sofa, turned and left.

He slammed the door hard, and the loud noise was magnified many times by the empty corridor outside.The anger in the quiet night is just a small wave in the calm.

I leaned on the sofa and smiled self-deprecatingly.

Even though the house is so small, how come there is still no feeling of being hugged?

I hate myself.

I hate myself when someone kicks me off.

I deserve it.

I woke up on the couch.Last night I seemed to be sitting on the sofa in a daze, with nothing in my mind, so I thought about work, and finally fell asleep directly.

The suit was still on, but it was wrinkled out of shape.I went to the bedroom to change, and took a good wash, but I still didn't look refreshed.I touched my forehead, I may have a low fever.Looking around at home, I only saw a box of expired cold medicine.Frustrated, I slammed it on the ground and headed out to work.

I felt a little dizzy, thinking about the crowded subway, I only felt that the fire in my chest was getting hotter and hotter, so I went to the underground parking garage of the community and drove my car.

It turned out that it was just in time for the rush hour to go to work. Looking at the buttocks of the car moving slowly in front of me, I didn’t know how many times I greeted who’s parents.

I'm going to your mother's traffic jam.

I feel like I'm a dynamite, the kind that doesn't know when it will explode.

After taking a few deep breaths, I felt that I looked a bit like Ye Zichang.

Thinking of him, I beat the steering wheel again angrily.

The pain in my hand made me wake up a little bit, I smiled and sighed, why do I always embarrass myself like this?

I adjusted my mood, walked into the company, and accepted the greetings from my colleagues.But the heating made my thinking even more confused. It was as if a heavy iron block had fallen on my temple, which was painful and heavy.There seemed to be people around me who came to talk to me. I really couldn’t understand what they said right away. In the confusion, it seemed that they said that the company’s profits this year were good, and that it had good prospects for development in the coming year. In a larger office building, I will have an independent office.

This is the first good news I heard today.

I smiled at their congratulations and promised to treat them to dinner after moving over.

The company I work for has just been established, and the scale is still small. The office area only occupies a small office building. Except for the boss, everyone shares an office area.I am one of the investors in this company. At the beginning, my investment came from the support of my parents.Later, under the operation of all of us, I watched this small company grow slowly, and I also returned my parents' money little by little.

I am relieved.

It is probably a kind of comfort to tear down the west wall to make up for the east wall.

☆、Chapter 15

My head hurt more and more, and I had to leave work early.

Unexpectedly, I passed out before I got on the elevator.

In the end, I woke up in the hospital. It should be a colleague who saw me lying on the ground and kindly sent me to the hospital.

What a mess.

I have already had antipyretic injections, and the nurse said that I can leave after hanging up the bottle of drip. The colleague who sent me here has already gone back to work and paid for me.

I was the only one in the empty ward, surrounded by paleness.The windows were closed tightly, the curtains were hanging on the sides, and there were green trees outside.From the next ward came the heart-piercing cry of a child, followed by the sound of a mother coaxing the child.It's very lively over there, but it's very quiet here.

The nurse came over and took out the needle, and gave some instructions.I left the hospital alone, and an elderly couple passed by me.The old lady supported the skinny old man, and the two walked forward slowly together.The old lady kept talking, sometimes complaining, but the hands supporting the old man never let go.The old man would sometimes teach her a few words, but there was no sign of impatience on his face.

I watched them, then quickened my pace.

Maybe it's time to try a new relationship—even if it's just for sex.

I still didn't have much strength in my body, so I didn't go back to the company to drive, and took a taxi directly home.

When I got home, I didn't even change my shoes, I just lay on the sofa, but this sofa brought back some bad memories.I left the culprit that made me have a fever, went back to the bedroom, kicked off my shoes, threw myself on the bed, and turned on my phone.

I logged into the account of a certain social circle and found that hundreds of messages had been saved in it.I haven't logged into this account for many days. Now maybe it's the loneliness caused by illness. I am eager to call someone to the house and don't leave me alone again.

After looking around, there are a few that look good, and they are about to reply to their messages, and they feel dizzy again.

My body is telling me that there is nothing I can do right now.

I locked the screen of my phone, buried my head under the pillow, and felt a real sense of suffocation for a while.

The phone rang again.

I clicked on the message, and it was a person I had chatted with for a while and met a few times, who seemed to be Zhou Chunuo.When he saw me online, he came to greet me.

"I'm sick and I'm at home." I sent a voice, my voice was hoarse and weak.

He dialed my number and I was connected right away.

"Brother Yang, how are you?" Zhou Chunuo asked.

"I've had an injection, and it's much better." I threw away the pillow that was pressing on my head, "My head hurts."

"Shall I come and see you?" He asked tentatively.

I didn't even think about it: "Okay."

I just had dinner with him a few times before, and he didn't know where my home was.I sent him the address directly after I hung up the phone.I turned over and looked at the ceiling, feeling a little amused.

I was about to fall asleep when the doorbell rang.I went to open the unit door for him, and then went to change into a pajamas for myself. After all, it always seems weird to wear a suit to recuperate at home.

After he entered my house, he asked me carefully if I needed to change my shoes. I smiled and shook my head.He helped me to the bed and tucked me in.I looked at him, his hair was a little curly, he wore gold-rimmed round eyes, and his brown turtleneck sweater made his skin look very fair. He was a very delicate boy.

"Brother Yang, have you had lunch yet?" He asked me with a smile.Seeing me shaking my head, I smiled and said, "I'll make some now."

"Thank you." I said.

He gave me another smile.

It feels good to be cared for.But I always feel that the warmth Zhou Chunuo gave me was too restrained.He treats me as carefully as he would a leader.Even if we are just ordinary friends, there is really no need for him to be so cautious.

Once others are cautious with me, I will also unconsciously become cautious.

However, having someone at home is better than being alone.I turned my phone to silent and fell asleep soundly.When I was woken up by Zhou Chunuo to eat, I turned on my phone and checked the time, only to find that Ye Zichang called me twice.

I put down my phone, Zhou Chunuo put a coat on me, and I got out of bed to eat.

Opposite the dining table, sat Zhou Chunuo.

The author has something to say: something to do

☆、Chapter 16

After lunch, Zhou Chunuo helped me back to the room, and then went to clean up the dishes.The faint sound of water in the kitchen sounded, and I could feel him handling the dishes with care.

I turned on the phone, looked at Ye Zichang's number, hesitated for a moment, and called.

After he connected, he didn't speak immediately.We were silent for a few seconds, and I spoke first: "Yesterday, I'm sorry."

"Hmm." His voice was calm.

It was silent again, I was a little irritable, and was about to hang up the phone, but just as the phone left my ear, I heard his voice again: "Yan Ji... If you want to reconcile with me, should I agree to him?"

"Promise." I replied almost immediately, "Don't you like him? Then promise."

There was no sound on the other end of the phone, and I stayed with him in silence for a few seconds, then put down my hand holding the phone, and caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye, he had already hung up the phone, lying on his back on the quiet phone desktop, waiting for me to press the lock screen.

He must be busy looking for a little boyfriend to reconcile.

I rolled over and got out of bed, and bumped into Zhou Chunuo who was walking.He was surprised for a moment, and then the tips of his ears slowly turned pink.He lowered his eyes, lightly licked his lips with the tip of his tongue, and reached out to grab the belt on my pajamas.

Obvious hints.

I pulled him in front of me abruptly, and bit down on his lips.

His hands also slowly became presumptuous, reaching into my clothes, and his thin nails scratched my skin, causing bursts of numbness like an electric shock.

I sneered in my heart, you are really skilled.

That day, when Ye Zichang was kissed by me, she was so nervous that she didn't even know where to put her hands.

A ridiculous afternoon.

Our clothes were scattered on the floor, his head was on my arm, and his arm was on my chest.He closed his eyes, breathed evenly, and his eyelashes curled up in a beautiful arc.The redness on his face hadn't faded away, and his lips were a little white from being bitten at first, but now they are as red as bloodshot again.

I'm thinking about how to position him.I gently stroked his head, and he slowly opened his eyes.

"Brother Yang, what's the matter?" The voice was weak and hoarse.

"Chuno, do you want to have a serious relationship with me?" I asked him directly.

He opened his eyes wide, then sat up suddenly, looked at me with brightly shining eyes, and only after a while did he say a word: "I... can, can I?"

Seeing me smiling and saying nothing, he immediately sat up straight, wrapped his arms around my neck, kissed my earlobe, and said in a low voice: "I want Brother Yang to belong to me only."

I rubbed his head, then lay down with my arms around him, and unconsciously lowered my voice: "Rest."

There is no joy in my heart, but I feel a burden on my back.Every seriousness starts in a dull way and ends in a dull way.In the past, even if I wanted to seriously start a relationship, I would never find someone like Zhou Chunuo.Now, we are so inexplicably together.

I will treat him well, but what he will do to me is his own choice.If he betrays me, I can break up with him immediately.

Seeing that his breathing became even, I whispered again: "If you want to be with me, break the old ones."

His eyelashes trembled, just now he was pretending to sleep.

The author has something to say: Xiao Zhou is highly efficient (‖?_ゝ｀)

Thank you

☆、Chapter 17

When I woke up, Zhou Chunuo was still asleep.Probably too tired, I didn't call him.His little curly hair is messy, his fair face is a little flushed, his mouth is slightly pouted, a little cute.

I sweated a lot and felt that the fever had subsided, so I went to the bathroom to take a quick wash to avoid catching cold again.

I went to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and found that there was nothing in it, so I turned on my phone and prepared to order takeaway.As soon as I turned on the phone, I thought of Ye Zichang's call again.

He should have reconciled with Yan Ji.Although I don't have a good impression of Yan Ji, one has to suffer some setbacks in life to grow, and even if Ye Zichang hits a wall, he should take it as a lesson.

Even so, I'm still a little worried.

Sitting on the sofa and playing with his mobile phone for a while, Zhou Chunuo got up, rubbed his eyes, put on his glasses, and sat next to me.

"Brother Yang, I always feel unreal..." He seemed to be cautious again.I lifted his chin and kissed his lips tenderly for a while, and he immediately hugged my head and kissed back aggressively.Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Might be takeaway.

I got up and was about to press the button to open the unit door, only to realize that it was not the unit door, but the house door.

Maybe it was a neighbor.I have always gotten along well with my neighbors. Occasionally, a neighbor would drop by and send me some specialties.

When I opened the door, I was stunned. The person standing outside the door was Ye Zichang.

I suddenly discovered that every time he came to my house, he appeared directly at the door of my house and was never stopped downstairs.

Wearing a mask and carrying a bag of things in his hand, he stood quietly at the door.

"Is something wrong?" I asked calmly.

Without saying a word, he handed me the bag in his hand.I took the bag and said with a smile, "Thank you." He frowned, and I turned around to find that Zhou Chunuo was already standing behind me, looking at Ye Zichang with unkind eyes.

Ye Zichang pulled off the mask, with a disdainful smile, said: "Yan Ji insisted on giving you something, thanks to you and our reconciliation. As I said before, after the matter is over, let me sleep with you once, it seems unnecessary , anyway, you have no shortage of people."

Ye Zichang's eyes fell on Zhou Chunuo, looked at his head from his feet, sneered, then stopped looking at him, his face was full of contempt, and said to me: "You don't know, my sister There is a house in this apartment, and she comes to live occasionally, just wanting to be closer to you, are you stupid?"

When he mentioned An Xuan again, my heart ached, and it became difficult to even maintain a smile, and it was impossible to prepare to choke on his words.Zhou Chunuo stepped forward, and said with a blunt smile: "Want to have dinner together? If my sister is here, let her come over to play."

I wanted to hold Zhou Chunuo, but I thought, why bother.Zhou Chunuo said "family" very seriously, maybe he regarded Ye Zichang as my ex.Ye Zichang put away his contempt, became expressionless, and his voice was very calm: "No, Yan Ji is waiting for me downstairs."

After finishing speaking, he was about to turn around, but he seemed to think of something again, and said: "Feelings are not a joke, I wish you a long time."

He bit Changjiu very hard, and left immediately after speaking, without giving me a chance to respond.

I just remembered that I used this sentence to reject him at the beginning.I suddenly couldn't understand why I was able to reject Ye Zichang sternly back then, but now I can be with Zhou Chunuo casually.

It wasn't until Zhou Chunuo went to close the door and shook my arm again that I came back to my senses.

After thinking for a while, there was no result.

I have changed.

The author has something to say: Daily short

Thank you

☆、Chapter 18

Zhou Chunuo and I have a tacit understanding that we don't need to talk too much, that is, we don't ask each other about the past.We waited for the takeaway and had a meal together, but he didn't ask me anything.After eating, Zhou Chunuo said: "I'm going back to school tomorrow, so I'll go home and sleep tonight."

I nodded and squeezed his face with my hands, and he immediately showed a big smile.I patted his head again, and said coquettishly: "By the way, take the garbage out."

He was very happy, probably because he felt that our relationship was getting closer.

After he left, I looked at the bag on the side, which contained some coffee beans, which seemed to be a gift from Yan Ji.I'm not interested in finding out whether Ye Zichang has reconciled with Yan Ji, nor do I want to think that An Xuan may be in the same building as me at any time, I just want to be quiet for a while.I found an old coffee machine at home, made a cup of coffee myself, and suddenly remembered that drinking coffee could not sleep at night, so I poured the coffee down.

The coffee steamed as it flowed down the drain, swirling and disappearing.

I can't sleep just looking at the coffee flowing away.

-

Years ago, the whole company was busy.I didn't plan to ask for leave, and decided to immerse myself in the struggle of years ago with my colleagues.

It has been like this for a few days.

It wasn't until the last night before the annual holiday that we realized that it was the Chinese New Year.We have survived the busiest time and can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Zhou Chunuo and others moved into my house as soon as the school was on holiday, and spent almost every night with me.I think such a day is actually pretty good, at least I don't have to face loneliness alone.But these days with him, I always feel that something is weird.Maybe it's because I haven't had a serious relationship for too long, so I'm not used to it.

That night, I went to a co-worker's dinner, had some alcohol, and couldn't drive.I called Zhou Chunuo, intending to ask him to pick me up, but I couldn't get through.

All right, I'll wait.

I looked at the large round dining table, which was full of leftovers. The drunken crowd didn't have the tense attitude of a while ago.They toasted and yelled at each other, which made me a little irritable.Sure enough, it is easier to get along with people when they show rationality.

Unexpectedly, in the gap between these people, someone came to pour me wine again. Their blushing faces, trembling hands holding the wine glass, and those flattering words were really funny.I couldn't stop their enthusiasm, and I planned to use this to get closer to them, so I responded one by one.

The glasses of white wine were empty and full before my eyes, full and empty again.Alcohol made me sober, and when I woke up, I couldn't remember what happened.

-

I was lying on the bed in my own home. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt a dull pain in my head, my throat was dry and hoarse, and the whole room was filled with a strong smell of alcohol. For yesterday's set, I should have been stuffed directly into the quilt.I called "Chuno" a few times, but no one answered.

There is no one else in the house except me.

I braced myself out of bed, not wanting to spend my first day of annual leave in a mess.I called Zhou Chunuo, but the phone was turned off.

Then who sent me back yesterday?

I checked last night's call log, and it was completely deleted, including those calls to Zhou Chunuo.I also had a headache. If Zhou Chunuo picked me up, he wouldn't have to delete my call history, and he wouldn't just put me under the covers and leave.My intuition told me over and over again that it was the extremely childish person.

But my intellect felt that he had no motive at all.As for whether I called him or not, I really don't know.

I don't intend to ask my colleagues who picked me up.If it is the result I don't want to see, how should I deal with myself?

In fact, I really want to record myself completely after drinking, let me see, what am I thinking?What am I lying to myself?

There was a lot of confusion in my head.

The author has something to say: thank you

☆、Chapter 19

I had nothing to eat at home, so I went to a small shop nearby to eat a bowl of noodles.The small shop is along the street, and the shop is not big. The owner is a woman in her 40s, who is easy to get along with. I often come to her house to eat noodles, and she is very familiar with me.

It's almost Chinese New Year, and there are very few people coming to eat breakfast, and the store manager is not as busy as usual.And the workers have all gone home for the New Year, so the store is much deserted.After cooking my noodles, she sat across from me and chatted with me.

"Xiao Lu, are you going home this year?" She has a simple smile on her face. This woman is not very good-looking, but as long as she smiles, people will have a good impression of her. One of the treasures.

"I still have some work, and I may not be able to go back. Sister Li, when are you going back?"

When she heard that I couldn't go home, she first showed some sadness, and then she smiled comfortingly, maybe hoping to make me less disappointed.She said: "After two more days, I will pack up and go back to my hometown."

I gave her a smile, which contained a little envy.

Two more guests came, she smiled and went to work first.

It's cold outside, but there is a bowl of hot noodles when you look down.Drinking the steaming fresh soup, it feels like being embraced by warmth, curling up your body and heart, and the cold wind can no longer blow in.

I didn't go far, she stopped me again, I turned my head and heard her say: "Xiao Lu, if you can't get home, just make a few more phone calls, how can parents not want children?"

It suddenly occurred to me that Sister Li's son was in high school in her hometown, and she and her husband came out to make money together.It's a long time before they see their sons once, and sometimes they can only go back one.

She was standing in front of the store, wearing a thick down jacket and a scarf tightly wrapped around her neck, making her look bloated.Just looking back at her like this, I thought of my mother.

Obviously, my appearance and temperament are completely different, but I still feel a little sore.

"I see! Sister Li! Happy New Year!" I waved to her.

"Hey, Happy New Year!"

I looked up at the gray sky, and once again felt that the distance between home and me was so far away.I wiped my face casually with the scarf, and walked back to the apartment.

There are still a few projects left in my hand, and some of them will start in the next year.Even though it's the new year, I can't relax much, especially when it comes to some relationship management, I have to get it done before the year before so as not to delay things.

I never liked working from home, so I decided to drive to work.Just as I was about to go to the garage, I remembered that the company cut off the heating after the holidays. If I went to work there, I would probably freeze off my skin.

No choice but to go home.

-

I walked into the study, opened my usual office notebook, made a cup of hot tea, and then started typing on the keyboard.The company is still relatively small, and there are many things that I can only handle by myself for the time being. When I move to the office building next year, I must hire an assistant. It is time to slow down the pace of busy days.

As I rested, I couldn't help but think, maybe I should change houses.This small apartment is a bit crowded for two people. I plan to go to Dongcheng to see if there is a suitable house next year.

When I am busy, time always passes very fast. When I heard the sound of the door opening, it was almost twelve o'clock.

Zhou Chunuo carried two bags of snacks and put them on the coffee table.He walked towards me again, with a slightly guilty look on his face.

"Brother Yang, we had a class reunion last night. I drank too much and didn't hear the call. I got up late again this morning, and I..." His eyes were a little erratic, his hands were hanging down, and there were still some bloodshot eyes. I really drank too much last night.

I am glad that there are human voices in the empty house, at least someone will pay attention to me.I hugged him, patted his back tenderly, and turned my face to rub against his furry head.

"It's not an example."

The author has something to say: thank you

☆、Chapter 20

Zhou Chunuo was very quiet.When I was working in the study, he kept playing with his mobile phone in the living room, and sometimes he would bring a plate of peeled fruit, smile at me, and go out lightly.

At noon, he was about to cook, but I stopped him.

I plan to take him out to eat and go to Dongcheng to see the house by the way.

I drove out of the car parked in the underground garage, took Zhou Chunuo, and drove towards Dongcheng.The road is still a bit crowded these days, and there are many people in the direction of Dongcheng.There is a business center in the Dongcheng area, and many people go there to buy new year's goods.

While in the car, Zhou Chunuo kept talking to me about their party that night, his eyes were filled with uncontrollable excitement, and he was still thinking about last night endlessly.I laughed and talked with him, but later, we seemed to be in a situation where we had nothing to say.

During the traffic jam, I asked, "Are you still here during Chinese New Year?"

After asking, I suddenly felt a little funny, isn't this obvious?

"No... My parents and I... will rush back to our hometown tomorrow and stay until the sixth day."

"Where is your hometown?"

"Suzhou. Brother Yang, aren't you going home?"

I froze for a while, then suddenly remembered that his grandfather was from the south.

my home?Where is my home?It wasn't until I met his gaze that I realized I hadn't answered his question.

"Both my parents are abroad, and I don't really want to go to my relatives." I smiled wryly, "I'm probably going to celebrate the New Year alone."

Zhou Chunuo lowered his eyes and did not speak again.

After dinner, I took him to see the house, but he didn't seem to be very interested and said that it would be fine for me to decide.

I always feel that the relationship between us is always a bit strange.Maybe it's my problem, but I really don't know what the problem really is.It was only later that I discovered that the reason why we were together was just my impulse.Two people who don't know each other come together so inexplicably, every aspect that needs to be adjusted will slowly show up with time, and his patience and I don't know how much these holes can be filled.

It suddenly occurred to me that if we all tried our best to please each other, but didn't get the point, and accumulated a lot of irritability for ourselves that felt like we were stepping on the ground, wouldn't we be asking for trouble?

I didn't express my thoughts, but I felt a deep panic after thinking about some things clearly.I'm not going to give up a relationship because of this little friction, but I don't know if Zhou Chunuo will.That insecurity pushed me to be more courteous to him, which I hated so much.In the hesitation and swaying, I saw my former self again. This kind of psychology probably stems from my lack of self-confidence.

And the source of this lack of self-confidence is the person who pushed me into the mud, who felt that I was in the cloud.

The author has something to say: short

I'm almost finished posting the manuscript, I'm going to start coding, crying TvT

☆、Chapter 21

His name is Qi Kai, and he is one of the people I liked, the kind of person I liked unilaterally.

I met him when I was 21, and before I was 24, the life I lived was absurd and ridiculous.At least now when I look back, I will feel that I was a waste at that time.

After all, I have forced my parents to go abroad and they don't want to see me anymore.

I liked him the first time I saw him, just because of his appearance—the kind of appearance that can attract people's attention with just one glance in a sea of ​​people.I even tolerated his extremely bad character in my eyes at that time for a long time because of his appearance.

We were both in college at the time.My life was messy, but my professional grades were not.I approached Qi Kai slowly, maintaining a sunny and cheerful image, I just hoped that he would notice me a little bit, so that I could have a chance to get him.

Later, I, Qi Kai and An Xuan, got closer and closer because we were in the same club and had a good chat.

I hinted at Qi Kai many times, but I never got his response.He never showed any interest in women or men, and all seemed the same to him.We haven't been in touch since we broke up, and until now, I don't know what his sexual orientation is.

His personality is very strange, sometimes even very bad.He can read other people's feelings, but he doesn't care at all, and sometimes he always pokes you precisely where it hurts.He is not withdrawn, but he is very talkative and has many friends, but it is difficult for anyone to get too close to him.

An Xuan and I are exceptions, because the three of us are very talkative about skipping classes and sleeping late, and playing tricks on our department head.So I thought that the relationship between us could be deeper, but I didn't expect that in his eyes, it was not much different from others.Being close doesn't mean you have a lot of status in his heart.

I remember very clearly that on his 22nd birthday, he held a party and invited some good classmates from the club.I bought a watch for him. In my eyes at the time, that was not a lot of money at all, but in the eyes of others, it was really not a small sum.I was a vanity-ridden fool at the time.I gave him the watch in front of everyone at the party, but he just glanced at it and threw it on the couch.

The air became quiet, and everyone felt embarrassed. Someone tried to change the subject, but he spoke first: "I think it's cheap to exchange a few numbers together."

My face was burning, embarrassment made me feel ashamed, and I clenched my fists in anger.If An Xuan hadn't stopped me, I'm afraid there would be marks on his face.

But his words are forever seared in my heart, and gradually formed a habit.When I see any expensive gifts again, these words are in my mind.

I also bear it again and again, but I don't want him to stay away from me with a disgusted face.

He is the only one I have chased so far.

But he really didn't know the importance of what he did. An Xuan and I stopped him many times, because what he was going to do was difficult even for me at the time.He always only does what he thinks is right, and doesn't care what the nature of the matter is in the eyes of others.Later, An Xuan couldn't bear his character and actions, so she broke up with him first, and I stood among them, in a dilemma.If I choose Qi Kai, I can stay by his side, but he will never like me.If I choose An Xuan, I will always have a friend who really cares about me, but Qi Kai and I will have nothing to do with each other.

Just when I was wavering, he gave me a bigger blow.He didn't know where he heard about what I did in my private life, and in front of my face, he showed contempt for me.

"I thought you really liked me? Why are you so disgusting, are you a stallion?" He frowned, looking me up and down with a trashy look.

His words have always been difficult to listen to. I always feel that I am used to it, but I did not expect that it still brought me a huge blow.I really felt aggrieved at the time, no matter how I tried to please him, in his eyes, I was still a mess from the inside out.Also, he knew my feelings for him, but he didn't care and was disgusted by it.

That day, when he said that he didn't want to see me again, the sky above my head seemed to be gloomy.

He is my sunshine and my shadow.

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☆、Chapter 22

Zhou Chunuo has returned to the south.He went to the airport with his parents, so instead of seeing him off, I just called him and told him to call me after he got off the plane.

I went back to the small apartment and gradually lost interest in seeing the house.Finally, I went back to the days of typing on the keyboard, looking out the window at daylight and darkness.

I wait for my phone to light up, to prove that I'm still connected.It's just that silence still fills my surroundings. Looking at the dazzling white snow outside, I don't have the slightest urge to go out.But I still insist on going to the gym, because I don't want others to see my decadence.Decadence is something that is left to oneself to wear away slowly.

The last few projects have made almost the same progress. After temporarily finishing work, I don't know what to do.

Zhou Chunuo and I occasionally video chat, but we both find it a torment, because our conversations are not much different from the small talk when we meet relatives.After all, we had nothing to say, and every time we searched for topics, we embarrassed each other. In the end, we switched to text communication.