how to kill a roommate

On the first day of school, Chai Xiaoshou saw Tang Xiaogong's "magic skills" before he got to know his roommates well.The sound of snoring can be described as "the sound of thunder and thunder".Chai Xiaoshou has endless vomits.If you sleep earlier than him, you will be awakened by his snoring; if you sleep later than him, you will not be able to fall asleep at all.Chai Xiaoshou stared at a circle of panda eyes, it was as if he was thinner than Huajiao, and wanted to commit seppuku every minute!

The hard part is that not only have to endure the thunder every day, Nima also has to do military training during the day!Chai Xiao was swayed by the weak willows in the wind under the scorching sun, and finally lived up to everyone's expectations, making her complexion and dark circles form a united front.

At night, Chai Xiaoshou secretly took out the mask while everyone was away, and applied it beautifully.He was already so annoyed with Tang Xiaogong that he wanted to kill him quickly, and he definitely didn't want to have dinner at the same table with him!

After applying the mask, Chai Xiaoshou took out the paper figurine he had drawn, and poked it fiercely with a pen!There is no way, the conditions are simple, and the equipment is not easy to make up for the high-end equipment, so it is simple and meaningful.

Chai Xiaoshou seriously thought about how to kill Tang Xiaogong, the bastard who was about to spare no effort to destroy his life for four years, it must be either you or me!

He was flirting vigorously, unconsciously revealing a faint smile, when the door was suddenly kicked open. Chai Xiaoshou, who had already suffered from neurasthenia, jumped up and ran to the door.

Tang Xiaogong saw a lump of black rushing towards him, and instinctively squeezed it with his hands, covering his hands with a mask.

Tang Xiaogong: "Fuck, who are you!"

Chai Xiaoshou was shocked: "I, I am your roommate, Xiao Chai..."

Chai Xiaoshou, who was scared to pee, was like a doormat, and his voice became smaller and smaller.

Tang Xiaogong: "Damn! Why is that bitch still wearing a mask!"

Tang Xiaogong wished he could retreat from Sanshe, so he slammed the door and went out.

Chai Xiao was terribly wronged, her big eyes were watery and she wanted to cry.

No, why should he be disgusted by him!I just thought about Ri, okay! ! !

Tang Xiaogong treats the sissy Chai Xiao like a shoestring, completely ignoring her.

Aggrieved, Xiao Chai bought a pair of earplugs, hoping it would work.

After Tang Xiaogong fell asleep, Chai Xiaoshou could not only hear with earplugs, but also clearly hear the conversation next door.

Alas, when I meet such a roommate, I can only look at the sky speechlessly.

The next day, Chai Xiaoshou secretly bought a fishing rod. Tang Xiaogong slept soundly, and he planned to tie a rope to the fishing rod.When Tang Xiaogong snores, he stretches out the fishing rod, and as long as his nose itches, he will turn over, so that he won't snore anymore!

Chai Xiaoshou couldn't help but praise his wit!

When Tang Xiaogong was sleeping, he always felt something scratching his face, so he simply turned over and turned his head down.This time he stopped snoring. . .

After a good night's sleep, Chai Xiaoshou was refreshed the next day and offered to invite his roommate to eat ice cream.

On the third day, Tang Xiaogong continued to sleep on his stomach~

Until the fourth day, Tang Xiaogong suspected that he was a ghost press, and began to be suspicious.

After the lights were turned off at night, Tang Xiaogong was a little afraid to sleep.Chai Xiaoshou was very happy when he heard that he didn't snore, but thinking about it, he might snore again. To prevent it from happening, he put the fishing rod along again, and then happily turned his head to sleep.

Tang Xiaogong, who was still asleep, saw something "floating" above him in the darkness, and was too frightened to make a sound.

When the unknown object stabilized, Tang Xiaogong felt something itch on his face.After waiting for a while, he dared to touch it with his index finger.

Huh, it looks like a rope?Carefully touch it with your hand, isn't it just a rope!

Tang Xiaogong touched the fishing rod along the rope, but the room was too dark, so he decided to stand still and wait until the morning to see who was playing tricks on him.

Because of his worries, Tang Xiaogong didn't sleep much, looking forward to the dawn.

Early in the morning, Chai Xiaoshou got up in a daze and started to finish the shot.

pull, don't move

Pull again, still not moving

Chai Xiaoshou had no choice but to do it, and looked in the direction of the fishing rod with sleepy eyes, and suddenly woke up with fright!

Tang Xiaogong glared at him with red eyes!

If Chai Xiaoshou had been standing, he would have knelt in fright. . .

Before Tang Xiaogong got angry, Chai Xiaoshou grabbed the quilt and put it on his head, pretending to be an ostrich tremblingly, but he didn't know that half of the white and tender little PP was exposed outside.

Tang Xiaogong was laughed angrily, pulled the fishing rod and poked Chai Xiaoshou's little PP lightly, and poked it.

The harassed Chai Xiaoshou had no choice but to pull the quilt under her eyes, turned her head and stared at Tang Xiaogong with aggrieved and mournful eyes, pitiful.

Tang Xiaogong suddenly felt that bullying him had gained incomparable happiness!No headache, no sore eyes, no soreness after the abuse, the body feels refreshed, red and blue are all worth it!

After his HP skyrocketed, Tang Xiaogong happily confiscated the crime props, and took his three-no-one friend to go fishing in an unrestrained manner at night.

Chai Xiao was depressed, and the few days of peace he had enjoyed with great difficulty were gone.

After thinking hard and finding no good way, Chai Xiaoshou decided to risk his life to talk to him.

night grove

Chai Xiaoshou: "Can you stop snoring?"

Tang Xiaogong: "I can't"

Chai Xiao was so angry that he didn't dare to say: "Then! Then...can you stop snoring QAQ?"

Tang Xiaogong asked coolly, "What do you think?"

Chai Xiaoshou: "But I was tortured so much that I couldn't sleep..."

Tang Xiaogong asked with concern: "Is this really the case?"

Chai Xiaoshou nodded vigorously.

Tang Xiaogong: "Oh, that's exactly what I want XD Don't you know that some people are born to be abused?"

Chai Xiaoshou clenched his fists, and after weighing the strength of the enemy and himself, let go silently.

Chai Xiaoshou: "En? What sound are you listening to?"

Tang Xiaogong: "What? This kind of wild mandarin duck land, do you still need to ask?"

Tang Xiaogong threw a pair of stupid eyes, Chai Xiaoshou blushed.

Chai Xiaoshou: "Huh? Isn't it right? Why do I hear two men's voices?"

Something flashed in Tang Xiaogong's eyes, it was too fast to catch.

Tang Xiaogong said calmly: "Then you can stay and enjoy yourself, I'm going to bed."

After speaking, he turned and left.

This is such a terrible news, now that the word "sleep" is mentioned, Chai Xiaoshou trembles all over, and immediately loses any interest, and follows back step by step.

Chai Xiaoshou, who failed to negotiate, has deeply suspected that he is suffering from depression, and now his mind is full of how to kill Tang Xiaogong.

The power of the masses is great, so Chai Xiaoshou decided to seek help from all-powerful Douban netizens!But then he spent a long time regretting his worst decision.

Chai Xiaoshou posted a post on "How Lun Killed His Roommate", expressing his heart-wrenching and literary grief about his tragic experience. He also attached a photo of the facial mask as a gift, and he got a reply right away.

A: I'll go, the host is so nasty, he wants to kill his roommate, OMG~

B: Upstairs is correct, the host looks at your photo as a little shoushou, and actually wants to take a turn for a small attack, OMG!

C: How do you catch up with the stupid and cute host, touch your hair~

D: My roommate has the same problem, I slap him every night!Solving by force is the most effective!

Chai Xiaoshou thinks about the disparity, and automatically ignores this

E: Then you masturbate twice every day when you can’t fall asleep, and the quality of sleep will be very good

The host replied E: Can you not be so obscene, the host is still fresh and fresh!

F: Drug him!

G replies to F: This is good!After taking the medicine, it will be like this, that, and that, and you will be satisfied with it! PS: Personally, I think the navel orange posture is suitable for the poster!

Chai Xiaoshou vomits blood, can you be more reliable!

H: Talk to him, if he doesn't change his mind, just kiss him directly, it's disgusting to him!

M: The landlord also snores, louder than him!

Chai Xiaoshou gave up in tears when he thought of the scene where he would be beaten up for snoring.

Tang Xiaogong couldn't stop after enjoying the fun of abusing Chai Xiaoshou, and found various reasons to torture him.

A little tail suddenly appeared behind Tang Xiaogong, and the little daughter-in-law who had been struggling all day followed behind, with a pair of panda eyes that looked pitiful.

One day, Chai Xiaoshou finally plucked up the courage to confess to the goddess, but he amused the goddess.

Goddess: "Xiao Chai, don't you know that everyone says that you and Xiao Tang are a couple? You are inseparable almost every day. My sister thinks he is more suitable for you~ And you look at your cute dark circles, which makes people look pitiful A desire to protect. I want to find a man who will take care of me, not the other way around~"

Chai Xiaoshou was hit hard, and the culprit of all this was that bitch Tang!Bullying me for so long is not enough, even the goddess has become a sister!

Chai Xiaoshou whetted his sword at Xiao Tang, holding the knife and staring at Xiao Tang, waiting for Tang Xiaogong to come back.But his panda eyes are so cute, there is no deterrent effect at all ╮(￣▽￣")╭

When Tang Xiaogong came back, he saw such a scene. Chai Xiaoshou tightly clenched his knife and fist, with a generous expression on his face, which made Tang Xiaogong amused again.

Tang Xiaogong asked with a smile: "Hey, where is this trouble?"

Chai Xiaoshou waved the knife timidly: "You, swear you will never snore again! Otherwise, I will die with you!"

Tang Xiaogong put away his smiling face, which slowly turned into an iceberg, and the indoor temperature plummeted.He didn't move or speak, just staring at Chai Xiaoshou.

Chai Xiaoshou already felt the power of killing people with his eyes, and was immediately overwhelmed.Slowly lowering the arms, looking depressed.

Chai Xiaoshouhao, who had nowhere to go, suddenly popped up in his mind and the netizen replied: Talk to him, if he doesn't change his mind, he will kiss him directly, it's disgusting to death!

With the mentality of sacrificing one's life for righteousness, Chai Xiaoshou's small universe exploded!

He closed his eyes and shouted: "If you, surnamed Tang, still dare to snore, I will, I will!!!"

Tang Xiaogong said coldly, "Hehe", "How about you?"

Chai Xiaoshou panted, clenched his fists to cheer himself up: "I'll just kiss you! See if I don't disgust you to death!!!"

After speaking, the room was quiet.Chai Xiaoshou opened his closed eyes to confirm whether Tang Xiaogong was still there.

Tang Xiaogong was suppressing a smile, with a funny expression on his face

Tang Xiaogong: "Hahaha I can't do it, I can't do it! Let me laugh for a few minutes first! Hahahahahahahaha..."

The next 1 minute is spent in deafening laughter ==

Chai Xiaoshou, who was already irrational, felt that he had suffered a great humiliation, and finally an unknown fire of karma ignited!

Look down on me, see if I dare to kiss!

Chai Xiaoshou rushed over and pulled up Tang Xiaogong, who was still squatting on the ground laughing wildly, and kissed him!

Tang Xiaogong was stunned, and the laughter stopped abruptly.

Chai Xiaoshou didn't feel that he had done too much, and was secretly proud that he finally found a way to cure him!Well, keep up the good work!

Chai Xiaoshou kissed him twice again, the saliva dripped to his lips.

After kissing him boldly and unrestrainedly, he wiped it with the back of his hand, and smiled triumphantly and sinisterly

Chai Xiaoshou: "Hey hey, you're scared! You're disgusting! Tell you, no matter how dare you bully me, you will continue to be disgusted!"

Tang Xiaogong turned and went out with a blank expression, his movements were stiff like a zombie.

In the next few days, Chai Xiaoshou really slept very peacefully, and didn't even hear the slightest snoring!

Chai Xiaoshou felt that Tang Xiaogong was hiding from him intentionally or unintentionally recently. Although he felt awkward, his life finally returned to normal!

Half a month after the incident was a three-day vacation, and all the roommates in the city went home, leaving only the two of them.

In the evening, Chai Xiaoshou came back bouncing around, today is so happy, I have a date with a girl~ make a mask at night, and tomorrow I will be radiant and have a date with my sister paper (^o^)/~

As soon as he opened the door, Chai Xiaoshou was taken aback. Tang Xiaogong, who often came home late, sat obediently in the room.

Chai Xiaoshou vaguely felt that he had something on his mind, but after thinking about it, it was none of my business, so he started making a mask again.

Tang Xiaogong looked at the frightened figure with a gloomy face, and finally made up his mind.

Shit, I was so embarrassed about being kissed for almost half a month that I didn't even sleep much, this guy is actually like a normal person!

That night, Chai Xiaoshou passed away miserably in the thunderstorm.

The next day, Chai Xiaoshou, who was extremely haggard, rejected the date with his sister, and climbed Tang Xiaogong's ladder with messy hair.

As soon as Tang Xiaogong opened his eyes and didn't see anything clearly, he felt his mouth covered with a soft touch, and his body shook suddenly!

Chai Xiaoshou thought that the "Kiss strategy" last time worked, but he is ready to go!

This kiss is different from the last time, it's just a French wet kiss!

Chai Xiaoshou was kissing hard. Tang Xiaogong was a little shocked at first, but he adjusted his state immediately, quietly wrapped his hands around his slender waist, and was so engrossed in the early morning kiss.

Chai Xiaoshou spread all the resentment for not being able to date his sister on Tang Xiaogong, and kissed so hard that his lips swelled after a while.

Breathing lightly, she raised her head, condescending and contemptuous of these mortals like a queen.

There were traces of water marks on the sweet and soft lips, and the slightly swollen color was more red than usual, which was hard to control.

Chai Xiaoshou looked down on ordinary people and said: "Hmph, I fell ill within a few days, this time I made a big deal, let's see if you dare to do it in the future!"

Tang Xiaogong's eyes were obsessed, and he responded blankly: "I think it seems that it is not fierce enough..."

Chai Xiaoshou stared in shock: "What?!"

I have really put in a lot of effort, could it be that this guy has developed antibody immunity after the last time? !

Tang Xiaogong smiled and said, "I don't think this time is enough, let me be disgusting~~~"

After speaking, he hugged Chai Xiaoshou who was still stunned, turned over and overwhelmed him, and started a soul-stirring French wet kiss!

The author has something to say:

Fix the punctuation, hmm~o(*￣▽￣*)o