fallen star

My heart was empty, and I was taken away by him. No matter how hard I tried to control myself, I couldn't concentrate, and I couldn't look at the things I drew. Those who didn't know said that I was in trouble. Only Song Kai and Chen Jiatong kept persuading me, but this kind of Thing... for anyone, it is impossible to get out of the shadows in a short time...

Since then, the whole person has become more closed and hypocritical. It is always easy to exaggerate a moment of sadness into the end of the world, indulge in the world of oneself all day long, and like to write some hypocritical poems:

skinny and cold body

reborn every morning

die after sunset

lonely wandering soul

suffer all the sufferings of the world

learn brilliant solitude

—— "Wild Soul"

This kind of poem is soulless, I don’t know what I want to express, it’s not even a poem, it’s not just for Chen Jiatong and others to see, occasionally for a moment, looking back at these so-called poems, would make me feel embarrassed

"There are still more than ten days until the exam, normal is OK?" Song Qi said, "You are going to be mourned, and Chen Jiatong will see your funeral. Why do you want people who worry about you to worry about you?"

"I didn't want you guys to worry about me, I'm fine~" I sat on the roof with him and smoked

"You're just doing it here~" he said, "you can't stand up to your fart when you say such things." He asked me again, "hey, what did Ouyang do to make you feel sorry? You want to hate him so much, you guys did so before Okay?"

I shook my head, "It's meaningless if you know it, it's better not to know, I don't want to mention him..."

He was not happy when he heard this, "What do you mean it's meaningless if I know it, what's the relationship between me and you?" Then he said, "I think, if there is a problem, you have to speak it out, the problem is always to find a way to analyze and solve it... ..."

Then I told him everything about it, and it seemed that he couldn't believe it.

"How? Are you sure you saw him? Or? Didn't you hallucinate or misread?"

"I wish I was wrong, but I'm sure I didn't~" After taking the last puff of cigarette, he walked downstairs, and he still didn't follow

It's not that Song Qi mentioned Ouyang to me again, my heart is not as painful as before, but the old injury is not healed, and I was exposed to the sight again, I really started to feel sad again, even sadder than before, He is gone, no one supervises me to quit smoking, no one urges me to go to bed early, tells me to eat on time, and I have returned to a person's life again

Suddenly the phone rang, and a call came in, it was Miss Li Ziqi, I answered it

"Hello~"

"Does Xiaofan have time for this week's vacation?" Her tone was still so healing

"Yes, what's the matter?"

"Come to my sister's place for a meal, come with Chen Jiatong" she said

I hesitated for a while and asked, "Is Ouyang here?"

"I was looking for you secretly when she wasn't here. Don't worry, I won't tell him." Hearing her say that, I felt relieved

Live in a daze, don’t know what day of the week it is, look at the time, tomorrow will be a holiday, “ah, it’s tomorrow?” and then say, “Okay, okay, I’ll be there on time tomorrow~”

Back in the dormitory, I walked to the opposite side of Chen Jiatong's bed. He was lying on the bed playing with his mobile phone, looked at me sideways, and asked, "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter?" I said, "See if you can't do it?"

He smiled, grinning from ear to ear, "Okay, okay, I'll show you~" Then he quit the game and changed to lying down instead of sitting "What day is it today?"

"Come and have a meal with me tomorrow~" I said, "It's still the music restaurant from last time"

He looked very excited and asked, "Is it just the two of us?"

"Of course it's more than that, there's also that young lady from last time..." As I said that, Chen Jiatong seemed less excited

"I went because of my cousin~" He began to act a little frustrated

I sighed, "It's not because of him, I don't want to have anything to do with him now, not at all, let alone go to dinner for him~" Then I said, "That young lady asked me to go, this matter It has nothing to do with her, I think we should have a good chat with her."

"Yeah, I know~ I'll go tomorrow..." He picked up the phone again, unlocked and turned off the screen and threw it aside, suddenly asked me "Do you still hate my cousin that much?"

I shook my head, "I don't even want to have anything to do with him, why do I still hate him?"

"That's right, I can't take care of that much now, just concentrate on dealing with the entrance exam, and you can talk about anything after the exam." He lay back and closed his eyes to get ready for sleep. I walked out of the dormitory and turned off the light on the way

"Where are you going?" Song Qi came back and bumped into me

Sighing, "Go downstairs and draw sketches, the sketches are too rubbish~"

Back in the classroom, there were still a few scattered people sitting on their seats and drawing. The whole classroom was so quiet that it was depressing.

"I said there was no teacher in Class A all morning, so Da Mo went to find Ouyang..." A classmate whispered, but I heard it, and turned on the phone to find that I had blocked Ouyang a long time ago. I didn't increase the desert, my heart sank a lot again

"Don't leave any pot unopened~" Another classmate reminded him in a low voice, I tried my best to convince myself that this was none of my business, although it was difficult, but I did it, but my heart ached

One afternoon and one night passed quickly. In the evening, after class, I went to the Internet cafe with Chen Jiatong and Song Qi, and went back to the dormitory after three o'clock in the morning. When I was frustrated in love, I went to Summoner's Canyon to be an emotionless killer. On the way back to school , I passed by the barbecue stand and packed some barbecue beer, this is the life I should live

"Li Jifan, you don't want it next time! Don't choose Lao Niu's support! I even suspect that you came to protect them from the opposite side!" Song Kai complained all the way, "Your brilliant support is more cowardly than my ADC!"

I retorted, "Is my Brilliant support not strong? Return my mvp and win steadily!"

"You are not a support, you are the mid laner hiding in the bottom lane?" He said, and then Chen Jiatong started to complain about the two of us, "You two never look at the mini-map. How many waves have I caught for you? Can't you get up?"

"I'm up!"

"What a fart, you assistant"

When I woke up, my phone was ringing, and it was less than 10:30, and my sister Li Ziqi had already called

"Hello~" I barely answered the phone, but I couldn't open my eyes, very sleepy

"Xiaofan has to come on time." The gentle voice made me want to continue to sleep. She asked, "I don't know what kind of food you like, tell my sister, and my sister will prepare it for you."

"Ah~ I can do it anyway, I'm not picky eaters~" Sleepy without any consciousness

There was a helpless sigh from the other end of the phone, "Okay, then get up quickly, dinner will be ready soon, and it will take time to come over."

At noon in late autumn, I didn’t feel anything. It would be hot if I wore long sleeves, and cold if I wore short sleeves. I wore a casual pair of jeans on my lower body, a pure white T-shirt and a denim jacket on my upper body, and a pair of Converse on my feet... Chen Jiatong also chose a pair of denim Jacket, dark gray wick pants on the lower body, and Vance on the feet, uh... today's match is a bit consistent

It's been a quarter of an hour past eleven o'clock when I went out, and it's still the same, whether it's far or close, the nearest subway station really makes people love and hate, all the way to the subway station, the subway entrance There were not many people there, they all walked very fast, and they looked like they were going somewhere in a hurry

"No! No, wait~" Chen Jiatong called me from behind, and when I turned around, his coat had already been taken off and was hanging on his arms, and his thick arms held his short sleeves round, "I'm a little tired, walk slowly"

"What the hell, it's not hot today, so you can't do it?"

He straightened his back and stared, "I'm not good? I'm good! How can a man say he's not good?" Then he interrupted, "Are you still wearing clothes like me? It's weird like a couple's outfit of"

I just found out that it seems to be the same thing, but I put on my clothes first, and I retorted, "Listen to your fart, obviously you learned how to put on clothes, I put them on first!"

We got off the subway in a quarter of an hour, it was the same place, nothing had changed, the restaurant stood there quietly, with the same small and fresh decoration, and there were some men and women drinking coffee sitting on the terrace outside, the autumn wind blowing it's so cold

"Let's talk about the matter, we have to pay this time." It's rare to hear such sensible words from his mouth, I nodded

When we entered the restaurant, it was still the same. My sisters were waiting at the door. Seeing us coming, they still had a healing smile, as if nothing had happened, and they were still saying "Come on! You must be hungry. Everything is ready, come with me~"

At the dinner table, it is still impossible to avoid embarrassing topics. I really want to avoid them, but I can’t.

"Xiaofan...you..." Sister Li Ziqi asked, "Do you still hate him?"

I shook my head, "I don't even want to have anything to do with him, why talk about hating him?"

"Well, no matter what, just live happily in the future, forget about the past, don't take it to heart"

I didn't speak anymore, I lowered my head to eat, and Chen Jiatong asked, "Where is my cousin now? I can't even contact him."

"He went back to his hometown, I don't know what he's doing" she said, "Anyway...Ouyang is a good person, right...Jiatong" she asked, Chen Jiatong nodded

It was harsh to hear such words, so I interrupted them both, "Okay, okay, don't say he is a good man in front of me, I know he is a good man, but it's just not good for me" and asked "Is he What does that mean? Give me everything, and change the name on the real estate certificate to mine, is he using material to compensate me?"

"Actually, the name was changed before. Even if these things don't happen, everything about him is yours." Sister Li Ziqi said, "No matter what, let's meet him, just like ordinary friends, don't make him feel too uncomfortable... "

"I... oh... I feel bad too. The needle is stuck in your body, who is more uncomfortable, why should I go to him? I didn't let him down first!" I was still trying my best not to let my emotions explode

Chen Jiatong pressed my shoulder lightly, "We all know this, but... there are some things you have to face, and you can't solve the problem by running away." Then he said, "Cousin knows it's his own problem, and he can't get yours." Forgive me, so he is very uncomfortable now, instead of you and him having a hard time, why not sit down and talk, clarify the problem clearly, and then each live a good life."

"Don't tell me these things, Mary Sue plot? If you want me to find him, I still feel disgusting, don't go!"

Sister Li Ziqi probably couldn't hold back anymore, and said, "Please Xiaofan, please meet him, he really misses you, maybe if he missed this time, there will be no next time."

"What do you mean?"

"That's right, if I miss this time, maybe... I won't see him again in the future"

"What's up with him?"

"He is sick, it may be a disease that cannot be cured, and time is running out"

As the sun went down, I sat in the bus shelter across the road from the Second Affiliated Hospital and watched. There were many people coming in and out at the entrance of the hospital. I desperately searched for that figure in the crowd, but he never appeared. More, I'm still sitting staring at that door

At 08:30, I have been sitting for more than three hours. Finally, I saw that familiar figure, who lost a lot of weight, but I still recognized him at a glance. He is Ouyang. I didn’t call him the first time. I watched quietly as he walked to the parking space next to him and got into a Ford Mondeo. His face was so pale that it was malnourished. I looked at him and opened the window. Started the car and lit a cigarette instead, this is the first time I've seen him smoke and he started smoking too

I crossed the road and walked towards him, there was still some distance from him, I stopped, and he saw me too

I didn't speak, and he hesitated to speak. When I got closer, I saw that he had already grown stubble, and his face was very pale. smoke in the car, shut the windows, start the engine, drive away

"What do you mean?!" I yelled, but he had already driven away, disappeared in the traffic, and he couldn't even see the tail lights

There are many people on the street after [-] o'clock in the evening, there are no seats on the bus, and the subway station is very crowded. When they go back to school, they all rest in the dormitory. When they enter the dormitory, Chen Jiatong is sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette. He sees me hesitant to speak , I didn't have the energy to go back to him, I just climbed into bed

"Why do you look lost when you come back from outside?" Song Kai asked, Chen Jiatong stopped him from asking, and said, "Oh, isn't he like this recently, don't ask, don't ask, let him be quiet."

I lit a cigarette, looked up and Song Kai was also smoking. I noticed that he also looked tired, but it was not my haggard look, but more like the powerless tiredness.

"Hey, I found out..." I said, "Did someone lower the head in our dormitory? There is nothing worse than this in the world, it all happened to me." Then I asked Song Qi, "You have such a shameless face." You look cute, have you been busy recently?"

"I'm fine, I'm just mentally weak. I went to the hospital and took the medicine, but it didn't improve..." He patted his head, "This may be pre-examination syndrome~"

Chen Jiatong sat on the bed next to him and shook his head, "No, I really think you've got an evil spirit. There just happens to be a paper-making shop not far from here. Go buy some paper money tomorrow and burn it on the rooftop at night?"

"What the hell? Where did you learn this stuff?" Song Kai smiled and said, "Don't be a fool, don't you believe in the superstitions of the older generation?"

"It's better to believe that there is something than nothing." Chen Jiatong wrung his fingers and counted, "We still have to prepare a bowl of rice. We should not have something fragrant. Is it on the roof or on the first floor? It seems to be on the side of the road..."

……

Sure enough, on the second day, Chen Jiatong’s B really went to buy things alone without our consent, and he had to drag us downstairs at night, saying that he was going to the side of the road. Just after class at 12:30, the three of them tiptoed around ran to the side of the road, spread out burning paper

"Fuck! Over there!" Song Kai jumped up suddenly, his pupils filled with fear, "Crazy?"

Chen Jiatong and I looked in the direction he pointed, but we didn't see anything. Although the place is remote and there are no street lights, the surrounding area is really not dark, and it is quite bright.

"What? You...?" I wanted to ask, but was stopped by Chen Jiatong

"It's gone again..." Song Kai returned to normal, "That person really looks like an old white woman, is my mental weakness so serious?"

"No, no, no, there is something following you. The paper money prepared for it has already been burned. As long as it wants to eat or not, I don't know if it will eat or not. Anyway, if it agrees, you will be fine tomorrow. many"

To be honest, I don't believe this at all. I asked him "how do you know this?" When I went back to the dormitory, he said that he was messing around too...

"You have been in a daze recently. I know a little about Song Qi's situation. It seems that he went to the hospital for an examination and was a little mentally weak, but the most important thing is the hallucinations, auditory hallucinations... I don't know anything else." He said, "It's fun to do this, I hope he can believe it, after all, heart disease needs heart medicine." As he said, Song Qi came in from the outside with a bottle of drink in his hand

"Okay, I don't have a good appetite for food, but I drank a lot of drinks." Chen Jiatong said, "Drink your drinks as meals, kid."

Song Kai showed off the drink in his hand, "This stuff is really poisonous, it's so addictive, damn it"

When it was time to turn off the lights and go to bed, I still couldn't help lighting a cigarette in the dark, and asked Chen Jiatong, "Is it true that I won't see your cousin again?"

"Maybe..." He said and asked again, "What's wrong with you today? Didn't you go to see him? Did you see him?"

"I see." I smiled sarcastically, "He drove away when he saw me, and said he wanted to see me?"

Touching the bracelet on his hand again, he felt an inexplicable heartache, "In the future? Will I really never see him again? He knows...so why is he? Why don't you give me an explanation?"

In the dark, Chen Jiatong was silent for a while, and then said, "Maybe, this is the best explanation..."

"Whatever you think is confession is what you think is confession. You will not look at things from the perspective of others. What you do is right, what I do is wrong. I am tired of listening to your arrangements. I know what I want and what I don’t want, from now on, I don’t need your concern and suggestions for anything, go to sleep.” As he spoke, his nose became sore