paranoid dependence

Gu Zhi regretted it.

Seeing Shen Nian in such extreme pain, he regretted it.

He really didn't expect Shen Nian to be in such pain. He thought that Shen Chongshan was not as important to Shen Nian as Grandma Qin, so at most it would be the same as when he learned that Grandma Qin had left. However, Gu Zhi underestimated the importance of Shen Chongshan to Shen Nian. Underestimated anyway, this man lying here is his father of 17 years.

Whether it is biological or not is not important.

In Shen Nian's heart, Shen Chongshan is his father and has never changed.

They may have estrangements, but they are really the only relatives in this world.

He shouldn't have stopped Shen Nian, he should have let him come.

However, it's too late.

After Shen Nian calmed down, Gu Zhi noticed that his body was getting hot.

I haven't rested since yesterday's exam, and I was drenched in the rain during the period. Now that I have experienced this emotional ups and downs, it is understandable to fall down, but Gu Zhi didn't expect it to be so menacing, and there was almost no time for people to react. , he was frightened, but he didn't dare to delay and went directly to the outpatient clinic with Shen Nian on his back. His body temperature had already reached 39.7.

Gu Zhi was so frightened that he kept calling Shen Nian, but Shen Nian seemed to be asleep or passed out, and did not respond to Gu Zhi's words at all.

Gu Zhi was relieved a little after Shen Nian's trembling body calmed down after receiving an IV drip. The nurse saw that he was so worried that he didn't know what to do, and said a few words of comfort:

"No big problem, don't worry."

This time it was Gu Zhi's turn to hear nothing, and the nurse didn't say anything, and walked away from the bedside.

Shen Nian has been dreaming, strange things, he seems to be trapped in a nightmare, he wants to wake up but can't wake up, then the nightmare disappeared and he dreamed of Shen Chongshan again, still in the cold morgue just now, Shen Chongshan is still Lying there, but this time he opened his eyes suddenly when he covered him with a white cloth, grabbed his wrist, and asked himself angrily:

"Why didn't you come to see me? How could I raise such a son as you?! My life can't be compared to an exam!"

Shen Nian was so frightened that he woke up and sat up straight away. Gu Zhi was by his side all the time. He kept calling him since he noticed that he was having a nightmare, but he couldn't wake up. Seeing him wake up now, he didn't feel relieved. Shen Nian's complexion was really ugly, he squeezed the hand that had been holding Shen Nian, trying to make him notice himself:

"Nian Nian, I know you are sad, but you still have me, I will not leave you, I will be by your side for the rest of my life and take care of you."

"Nian Nian, Nian Nian see if I'm alright?" Gu Zhi was talking to him almost beggingly.

After a while, Shen Nian's gaze slowly turned to Gu Zhi.

I don't know why, but it's just a look on his body, but it can instantly make Gu Zhi's eyes red. He obviously wanted to talk to Shen Nian to distract him, but at this moment, he was so stupid that he didn't know how to speak, as if something Words are inappropriate, and any consolation is useless.

"I regret it..." Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, and expressed his truest thoughts at this moment: "Nian Nian, I regret it, I shouldn't have stopped you, I should have let you come over, I was wrong .”

Although the result of Shen Chongshan's departure could not be changed even if he came, but if Shen Nian had been with Shen Chongshan in the last period of time, at least he would not be as unacceptable and self-blame as he is now.

"It's not Nian Nian's fault, it's my fault. Nian Nian blames me, okay? You beat me and scold me, you can do whatever you want, as long as you talk, don't be alone, okay?"

Although Shen Nian had just experienced an emotional tear, he should calm down now, but when he really calmed down, Gu Zhi would rather that he was crazy, so that he would feel like a dry well when he was so calm, and there was no more. Angry, Gu Zhi is really scared: "Nian Nian, don't be like this..."

Gu Zhi kept apologizing, and Shen Nian could hear it all. His brain was just a little slow, and his speed of processing information was much slower. When he understood Gu Zhi's words, he was wondering again, wondering what Gu Zhi did wrong. ?In fact, he didn't do anything wrong, he was doing it for his own good, he just chose the college entrance examination and didn't pass it, no wonder he was stubborn.

"You did nothing wrong." Shen Nian tried to calm himself down, not continuing to torture himself in the vortex of emotions.Who is to show the heart-piercing?What is the use of suffering after loss?What do you want to tell everyone?Do you want everyone to feel sorry for him, or do you want everyone to know that he is actually a dutiful son?It doesn't make sense.

Shen Nian's voice was hoarse because of the high fever, but to Gu Zhi, his sin was pardoned like the sound of nature. He looked at Shen Nian, and for a moment he almost doubted what he heard. He did something wrong, but when he saw Shen Nian in such pain, he wouldn't even forgive himself because of Shen Nian.

But he never thought that Shen Nian would feel that he was not wrong.

"If you knew that something like this would happen, you would definitely not do it." Shen Nian said, "So you didn't do anything wrong."

These words were not against his will. Shen Nian really didn't blame Gu Zhi, and he couldn't find the position and qualifications to blame Gu Zhi. He agreed to Gu Zhi's suggestion, he agreed to Gu Zhi's coming, he chose The exam slowed down Shen Chongshan's affairs, he couldn't have agreed and agreed at the beginning, but blamed it all on Gu Zhi because of the bad result.

This is not fair, Shen Nian's mood is not too stable yet, but he can't do such a thing.

"I was wrong." Gu Zhi said, "I have never regretted anything. The first thing I regret is telling you that I am not interested in you and I don't want you. The second thing is that I stopped you two days ago. Come here, I didn't expect Uncle Shen to be so serious, I thought he could at least wait until you came over, if I had known this, you could see him for the last time, and you wouldn't be more uncomfortable than you are now if you re-read for a year, at least you don't have any regrets."

Yes, Shen Nian is very regretful, for not seeing Shen Chongshan for the last time, for never understanding Shen Chongshan, for the love he never expressed, he is very regretful.It's the kind of regret that you can't get rid of, just thinking about it is like sinking into a swamp.

But the reason why the regret becomes a regret is because it can no longer be made up, and it can never be repeated, so he will never leave the quagmire.

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, raised his hand to touch his cheek:

"Don't let me comfort you at this time?"

Gu Zhi also realized something when he heard the words, raised his hand to wipe the moisture from the corners of his eyes and looked at Shen Nian again, like a good dog.

Shen Nian didn't stay in the hospital much after the IV drip, and he couldn't stay any longer. He wanted to take Shen Chongshan home, and go home early. Shen Chongshan wouldn't like the cold place in the morgue.He called Uncle Chen and said that he wanted to go back in the afternoon, Uncle Chen agreed and said yes, then Shen Nian asked Uncle Chen for another matter.

He is still underage and has little experience. He is completely clueless about what to do for the funeral and what to prepare, so he asked Uncle Chen to call Shen Chongshan's friends at home and ask them to help with the preparations, and the money will be returned. pay them.

Uncle Chen sighed on the other end of the phone: "Don't worry, I have already contacted you."

Shen Nian thanked him, hung up the phone, Gu Zhi kept looking at Shen Nian, and after seeing him put down the phone, he said: "Liang Qiu called, I told him about Uncle Shen."

"En." Shen Nian responded lightly, but didn't say anything else, this matter cannot be concealed.

Shen Nian originally wanted to wait for Uncle Chen to come over at the hospital, but Gu Zhi persuaded him to eat something:

"You haven't eaten since you finished the exam yesterday, Nian Nian, I know you are suffering and have no appetite, but you can't fall down now, Uncle Shen still needs you for his funeral, shall we eat less?"

Shen Nian did not have an appetite, and was even a little nauseous, but Gu Zhi was not wrong, he took Shen Chongshan home, and he had to support him for the funeral after returning home. If he fell down, he couldn't justify it, so in the end, Shen Nian still went to eat something with Gu Zhi.

Not in the mood and not particular about it, he ordered a bowl of noodles from the ramen restaurant next to the hospital. Gu Zhi had been carefully taking care of Shen Nian's emotions, but even so, Shen Nian couldn't bear it when he ate half a bowl, and ran to After getting into the bathroom and throwing up in the dark, Gu Zhi patted his back in distress beside him, but the effect seemed to be negligible. He didn't say anything about what he ate, and even when there was nothing to vomit, he kept retching. He seemed to be against eating anything.

Finally stopped vomiting, Gu Zhi was afraid that he would vomit again and dare not persuade him, so when he walked out of the noodle shop, he ran to the small supermarket next to him to buy a few boxes of milk and some bread for Shen Nian, waiting for him When he returned to Shen Nian with his things, Shen Nian saw it and didn't say anything, but he probably knew in his heart that it was a waste.

It was already very hot in June, and Uncle Chen's car was a truck. It was fine to take Shen Chongshan home, but they couldn't expose him to the sun, so they asked some people and found an ice factory to buy a large piece of ice. , and then bought two more quilts and brought Shen Chongshan home.

It was almost 8 o'clock in the evening when we returned to Jianjia Alley, there were many chattering people squatting at the entrance of Jianjia Alley, and there were also lights on at the entrance of Shen's house in the alley, and when Shen Nian jumped down from the back, he had already borrowed those lights Seeing the dazzling white, it was the same as the previous funeral of Grandma Qin.

No one expected that in less than three months, there would be two funerals in Jianjiaxiang.

The crowd came to help and carried Shen Chongshan back home. With their help, the north room has been turned into a funeral hall. Because it is Xia Tian, ​​in order to prevent the corpse from decomposing, the funeral bed was replaced by an ice coffin.

When Shen Chongshan changed into the shroud and was placed in the ice coffin, Shen Nian put on a heavy filial piety, and when someone next to him was discussing whether Gu Zhi should wear it or not, Shen Nian spoke up and made the decision:

"He doesn't wear it anymore. He was originally fostered in our house. As a distant nephew, he just wears a filial piety."

After Shen Nian said so, everyone nodded and put a filial hat on Gu Zhi. Gu Zhi stood beside Shen Nian and gently pulled his hand:

"Nian Nian, I can wear it."

Shen Nian didn't speak, just looked somewhere quietly, not knowing what he was thinking.Later, the musical instrument class in the courtyard played mourning music, and the juniors all knelt down, mourning, Shen Nian knelt down in front of Shen Chongshan's ice coffin, but did not cry out.

With so many crying sounds, it can be heard that Shen Nian didn't cry, he didn't call out 'Dad' from the beginning to the end, and he didn't shake his shoulders from the beginning to the end. Uncle Chen knelt down and whispered a reminder:

"Xiao Nian, cry twice, this is the rule."

But Shen Nian didn't, he was always very quiet.

After the mourning was over, Gu Zhi, who was kneeling next to him, helped Shen Nian up, and everyone saw that his eyes were slightly red. Uncle Chen: "Uncle Chen, this is my dad's card. During this period of time, all the expenses for the funeral are taken from it. Uncle and uncle helped to advance the payment before, so please return it."

Uncle Chen took the card and nodded: "OK."

It's settled here, but there are other chores, before everyone left, Shen Nian stopped them:

"Uncles and uncles."

Everyone stopped and looked back at Shen Nian, not knowing that there was nothing else going on here, Shen Nian just said indifferently in the eyes of everyone:

"I'm young and ignorant, and I have to ask all the uncles and uncles to help me with my dad's funeral. I'm here to thank you first."

After saying this, Shen Nian knelt down and kowtowed heavily to them.

The Shen family has no other relatives, this funeral is all thanks to the help of the neighbors, Shen Nian's end they can bear it.Everyone didn't refuse, and the person standing in the front helped Shen Nian up together with Uncle Chen:

"Everyone will help, don't worry."

The funeral was pushed forward in such an orderly manner, perhaps because of his young age, Shen Nian was rarely used, and there were almost no things that required him to make decisions. He spent most of his time kneeling next to Shen Chongshan's coffin , didn’t go anywhere except going to the bathroom, rarely talked, and hardly slept, even if he fell asleep under Gu Zhi’s persuasion, he would soon be awakened by the nightmare, and then couldn’t fall asleep again, opening his eyes until dawn.

He knows how to eat, even after the funeral meal is served in front of him, he will eat it, but he will spit it out after eating. It has only been three or two days since the accident, and Shen Nian has lost a lot of weight.

He didn't cry anymore, even if he came to express condolences, he just lay down symbolically, without a single cry, all his grief seemed to be left outside the morgue that day, without any trace.

Liang Qiu's family arrived on the third day. They entered Jianjia Lane, passed through the crowd, and entered the small courtyard. He heard Gu Zhi on the phone saying that when Shen Chongshan passed away, he didn't quite believe the news, but now looking at The familiar small courtyard is full of white, the familiar room has become a mourning hall, and Shen Chongshan, who always smiles and calls him "Xiaoqiu" every time he sees him, is lying quietly in the ice coffin, and Shen Nian, who is intimate with him, is wearing heavy mourning , Kneeling and sitting by the wall as if he was a completely different person, he had to believe it.

Shen Chongshan really left.

When Liang Qiu knelt down, shouted 'Uncle Shen' and began to cry, Su Xiaoxiao and Liang Chunchao also arrived, and the mourning and music rang out again, Shen Nian glanced at the kneeling person and blinked his eyes , Lie down almost mechanically, still no cry.

Gu Zhi didn't cry and didn't lie down, he just looked at Shen Nian like that, he was so distressed that he could hardly breathe.

He didn't know what to do to make Shen Nian get better, when he was unhappy before, he had a thousand ways to make him happy, but now he tried his best to make Shen Nian laugh, even if he didn't laugh, I can't even cry.

His emotions seemed to be frozen in ice.

When the sorrow and joy stopped, Shen Nian straightened up, Liang Qiu got up, walked over, squatted down and hugged Shen Nian tightly without saying a word, Gu Zhi's hands hanging on his body tightened, subconsciously trying to pull him away , But in the end, I finally endured it.

If Liang Qiu can make Shen Nian get better, Gu Zhi can also accept it.

As long as Nian Nian gets better, even a little bit is fine.

"I'm late." Liang Qiu said hoarsely, "I'm late."

When Shen Nian was hugged by Liang Qiu just now, he was stunned for a moment. It wasn't until he saw Su Xiaoxiao and Liang Chunchao who were standing beside him that he realized that it was Liang Qiu who was hugging him. It took a while to react to what he said before he patted him on the back with a smile:

"It's not too late, I haven't seen him for the last time."

Liang Qiu let go of him, looked at Shen Nian, and sized him up carefully, although it was only a sentence, but Liang Qiu keenly sensed something was wrong, but before Liang Qiu could ask anything, Shen Nian got up, Gu Zhi Immediately he got up quickly, he had experience these days, Shen Nian knelt for a long time, his legs and knees were stiff, every time he got up he had to wait for a long time, Gu Zhi was afraid that he would fall, he would always be in the first place Time got up and supported him.

When Shen Nian straightened her body, she walked up to Su Xiaoxiao and Liang Chunchao, bent down and bowed solemnly:

"Uncle Liang and Aunt Su, I have delayed your work, and you came back on purpose."

"You child..." Su Xiaoxiao burst into tears as soon as she spoke, and she couldn't finish what she said next. Liang Chunchao put his arm around her and patted her on the shoulder, and said to Shen Nian, "What did you say, old Shen? After such a big incident, can we not come back and give him a ride? You are also a child who grew up with me and your aunt Su, how can we rest assured. "

Shen Nian almost subconsciously wanted to say, "It's nothing, I don't know anything after death", but when the words came to his mouth, he remembered that it was Liang Qiu's family and swallowed them back, fell silent, his eyes were slightly red, but in the end Still did not cry, endured it.