stray

For a few minutes, Yan Ruizhi's mind went blank, and he even forgot how to think.

He watched He Nian weeping in front of him, his calm and handsome appearance at the hotel entrance, or his anger and impulsiveness disappeared, leaving only a puppy lost in a stormy day, his whole body was soaked, and only a pair of unknowing Cuo looked at him with wet eyes.

Yan Ruizhi felt sore and soft in his heart, he just called him sullenly, and then said, don't cry.

"I... I haven't thought about telling you."

It's not that he hasn't thought about what the other party said.

But every time I come to the opening, I can’t make a sound. Even though there have been changes, maybe I still want to escape subconsciously, or I’m still afraid that the other party will leave because of me, because of the dark past, and in the end even the hard-won warmth is grasped. Can't live.

Even he knew that He Nian was really different from everyone else.

But ah...

Yan Ruizhi frowned slightly.

His eyes were a little empty, he was clearly looking at He Nian, but he seemed to be looking at his past from afar.

"Too long," he said.

His puppy didn't shed any more tears, but raised his head with red eyes and looked at him steadily.

"It's been too long," Yan Ruizhi sighed lightly, "I completely believe in a person's feelings... I haven't lived it for too long."

He reached out and touched He Nian's face, and touched some wet tears.

That actually flowed for me.

he thinks.

Yan Ruizhi also hugged his knees, squatted down, and the two faced each other in the hallway.

"I said before that I want you to give me some time." Yan Ruizhi finally regained his comprehension, and said slowly, "What I was thinking at the time was... I have to solve it myself——"

He pursed his lips: "I understand that I'm a little evasive when things happen, that's why I...rejected you at that time."

"I really didn't mean for you to say this!" He Nian said hurriedly before he could cry.

"Yeah." Yan Ruizhi raised the corner of his mouth slightly, and rubbed He Nian's face with his palm.

He moved closer, put his lips against the tip of the other's nose, and kissed He Nian's wide-open eyes again: "But I have indeed changed."

"If you feel uncomfortable..." He Nian's voice was still hoarse, "I shouldn't say that, I will give you time, I just saw that he was too anxious..."

"I know." Yan Ruizhi's voice became calm, "Otherwise I wouldn't go today."

"It's not that I didn't want to tell you before, but I felt..." He didn't cover his face with his hands this time, and didn't turn his head to look away, but looked at him with good eyes, "I'm actually not that confident, I'm afraid The step I took with great difficulty becomes an illusion, and I am afraid that I will not be able to grasp it, and I am afraid that I will not be able to keep it.”

"I don't want to break the life I've built so hard."

Upon hearing this, He Nian hurriedly said, "I—"

"I understand what you're going to say." This time Yan Ruizhi didn't let him finish, and interrupted, "But in fact, after today—or before that, I already had a premonition."

"It doesn't matter whether such a situation will happen today, or something will happen again, but if it's you..."

Yan Ruizhi moved his eyelashes, and smiled lightly and warmly: "I will still have the courage to take this step."

Hearing his words, He Nian was stunned and seemed not so clever: "I..."

He wanted to say that this was not the reason why he lost control of his emotions just now, he just wanted to get closer to him, but He Nian couldn't refuse the person who reached out to him, so he could only be pulled up by him in the eyes of the other party, and walked into him to the past.

Yan Ruizhi gently tugged him and led him to the study.

He Nian, however, seemed at a loss for what to do when he entered his house for the first time.

"Go to my room and get some cigarettes for me?" Yan Ruizhi was looking for something, and suddenly turned to him and said.

"The last one," he rolled his eyes, "I will quit it in the future."

"it is good."

He Nian didn't ask any further questions, and immediately went to the next door to bring it as required.

He walked a few steps closer, Yan Ruizhi smiled and held the cigarette to his lips, and He Nian took out the lighter and gave it to him.

A tiny flame danced between the two of them, Yan Ruizhi lowered his head following the movement, and quickly ignited it.

No one spoke for a while, Yan Ruizhi took a light puff, the smell of this kind of smoke was mild and not choking.

He turned his back and continued to look for something, and turned back after a while.

"Niannian." Yan Ruizhi stood by the bookcase, his posture was very loose, and he waved to him.

"Hug me."

Yan Ruizhi's tone was very calm.

But maybe the room was too quiet, He Nian even swallowed unconsciously.

He heard the sound of his own blood rushing.

He knew what it meant.

It's not some pure relationship or "try it out", but the other party has really made an effort and wants to be completely honest.

He took a step closer and hugged her almost tremblingly.

Yan Ruizhi was actually very thin, with a thin figure, and He Nian's palm easily reached the pair of shoulder blades and the waist wrapped in a suit.

There was a faint smell of tobacco on the opponent's body, his breathing was very steady, and there was no unnecessary movement.

Their heartbeats were almost at the same frequency, rising and falling slowly and slowly.

"I really want to talk to someone."

After a long time, He Nian finally heard the person on his shoulder speak.

"If you don't want to hear... or if you have something else, just tell me." Yan Ruizhi didn't raise his head, and his voice was not muffled, "Just treat me as if I'm old and chat casually."

"Why do I feel like I said it to make you feel sorry for me." Yan Ruizhi said in a joking tone, "But I still want to say it. Am I mean?"

He Nian couldn't speak, so he could only nod and then shook his head.

Yan Ruizhi quietly smoked the last cigarette, glanced at him, breathed a sigh of relief, and opened his mouth softly.

"I learned to smoke from my elder brother. It's called Yan Xue, you've seen it before." He frowned slightly, remembering that time when he pretended to be fine and asked He Nian to leave him alone, and smiled lightly, "Did you also smoke at that time?" I do care."

"Yeah." He Nian hugged him without denying it.

Yan Ruizhi said as if recalling: "Yan Xue is a few years older than me, but I studied very early, and he is at the same level as him."

"My mother—thinking about it now, she shouldn't have been happy at that time, but she was very good to us."

His story is actually nothing new, Yan Xue is stubborn, his youngest son is obedient and sensible, and he is also at the same level. After being together for a long time, it is inevitable that he will always be compared.

"At that time, Yan Xue said he didn't care," Yan Ruizhi thought for a while and said, "I'm also sensitive, and I can feel that he is not emotional."

"But he still picks me up to and from school every day. I'm afraid he won't be happy, so I want to coax him no matter what."

"I was recommended in advance in high school, but Yan Xue couldn't do it at that time. I wanted to study with him very much. I did a lot, and finally I managed to get in."

"I was so happy at the time. I don't mind if he makes troubles. I have thought about it. If he wants, I can help him all the time. It's fine."

"I've always thought so."

"I'm afraid my brother won't want me, and I'm afraid that being too aggressive will make him unhappy."

It's just that after entering high school, it's always different. Yan Xue is more rebellious. In order to save his family's worry, he can only be the "more well-behaved" person.

The more outrageous the other party is, the more obedient he is.

So he gradually said nothing, trying to "complete" such a family in this way.

"At that time, the family conditions were not good. My mother was always sick, and the poor and lowly couples were sad. Over time, I spent more money, and my father was a little bit reluctant." Yan Ruizhi said, "I saw it in my eyes at that time, and I always wanted to Now, I want to run faster, and if I run faster, life will be better."

"It's just... I never thought that the changes would come so quickly."

"I actually knew that I was a little different before I went to high school." Yan Ruizhi opened his eyes at night, "Yan Xue also made similar jokes later, but I just didn't have any interest in it."

He has a thirst for knowledge, and the book will naturally answer his questions.

"I actually don't think so."

"I was looking for some very formal research materials. After I confirmed that I didn't have any thoughts about women. The book also said that this is not a sickness. Let me face myself and don't have to worry too much. "

"I thought it was just not getting married in the future. I can maintain the status quo and never find a partner, as long as I can maintain this relationship."

In his youth, Yan Ruizhi was quiet and sensible, with clear facial features and a bookish air. He was the youngest among the students in his class, and with that brother who caused trouble all day, he naturally received a lot of attention.

Maybe it was discovered by others when he borrowed a book or something else. I don’t know if his kind wants to show him a new world, or people who don’t like him want to make a big fuss. In short, he also discovered by accident that his schoolbag There are actually more magazines and sexually suggestive books about this kind of explicit magazines that I dare not put on the table.

When he saw it, he panicked for a moment, but if he put it together with the book he borrowed, he could only treat it as if he had taken it by accident, so he just put it back.

But it happened on this day.

"I remember that day that Yan Xue seemed to be having trouble with someone I didn't know..." Yan Ruizhi didn't expect that when he brought it up again for the first time, he was much calmer than he imagined, as if it had nothing to do with him, "I'm going Look for him, and when you find someone, you've already started fighting."

"I don't want to join in the fun, but Yan Xue looks weak, so I have to help him."

He Nian hugged him, so Yan Ruizhi couldn't see his expression clearly.

But his movements became tighter subconsciously, Yan Ruizhi simply leaned on him, and said indifferently: "I rushed up without thinking much."

"You should guess it later," he said.

"I haven't typed it, and the things in the schoolbag have been dug out, including those books that I borrowed myself and those that appeared at an unknown time."

"Actually, I didn't think anything was wrong. I didn't think it was such a shameful thing to be discovered. Yan Xue promised me that he would not tell his parents..."

Yan Ruizhi hardly described the situation at that time. As for the trouble, how big it was, he covered it all with a smile: "I was not afraid of what others would think of me."

But the following things became uncontrollable. It was just a matter of orientation, but the best student in the school was actually a dark and terrifying pervert who would stalk and harass him.

"But even so, I can accept it, because Yan Xue hides it for me, and my parents don't even know."

Yan Ruizhi suddenly took out a photo: "This is my graduation photo from high school."

He Nian took it for no apparent reason, subconsciously began to search, eager to find out what he was like back then.

It was only the next sentence that made him dispel this idea.

"Don't look for it, I'm not there."

New Year's breath stagnates.

Yan Ruizhi said calmly: "On the day of the photo shoot, they locked me in the equipment room, saying they didn't want to dirty the photo, but Yan Xue never came to me from the beginning to the end."

"I didn't go back until evening, and that was the day I found out that the one who leaked the news was none other than the elder brother who said he would keep his mouth shut for me."

"Okay, okay, let's go to bed, shall we?" He Nian was trembling, trying to persuade him.

"I'm really fine." Yan Ruizhi touched the back of his neck and said softly, "It was like this in middle school, but I barely managed to graduate."

"Actually, there were early signs. It's just that I was too young at the time, and I always found reasons to convince myself." Yan Ruizhi said, "I wanted to escape when I was in middle school, so I went to the best school with No.1 grades. , I thought, wait for the university, the university will be fine, and if it’s not good enough, I will survive until graduation... I thought I could escape."

"—I thought I could get away."

At that time, Yan Xue failed in the college entrance examination, the two did not completely fall out, but the university was not peaceful for a long time, because of an unnecessary trivial matter, the rumors that they changed to another city unexpectedly revived.

Although the atmosphere of the university is more open, but if you have the heart, it can have a greater impact on people.

"That time I finally had a showdown with him."

"He even falsified my information and did a lot..." He paused, his voice lowered, "Anyway, I wasn't too surprised when the head of the department found me."

"The testimony of my biological brother is always more credible. He finally told me that he hated me from the beginning. He said that I was the one who stole his life. He thought I was abnormal, disgusted, and people like me. It’s impossible to be liked.”

There was a bit of doubt in his voice: "But I don't really understand. I obviously didn't do anything. I just don't like women. Is it worth killing them all? Or is this just an opportunity Yan Xue was looking for."

"I still remember what I thought when I was fighting for him." Yan Ruizhi said with self-deprecation, "What I thought was, if I could help him, even a little bit, that would be great."

"And then... nothing after that. I was young at that time, I was not convinced, I couldn't figure it out, and I didn't want to admit it. I didn't accept all the accusations that didn't match. Gradually, it really seemed like a different person. I even It once became what Yan Xue used to be, until..."

"Until my mother got very sick."

"When I arrived at the hospital, my mother was already speechless due to the illness. She could only watch me open my mouth, but I didn't know what she wanted to say to me."

"I kept thinking afterwards, did she know? Was it aggravated by me? Did Yan Xue tell her?"

"She was looking at me all the time, and I was looking at her, but the disinfectant smelled too bad, and the ECG monitor was too harsh, so I couldn't hear a word."

"Until she closed her eyes and let go of her hands in front of me, I could dream of this scene every day. If she knew, would she also accuse me of being a complete homosexual?"

"My father was only disappointed with me, and he stopped looking at me, leaving only vicious accusations. Naturally, I had nothing to say to Yan Xue, and I never went back after that."

"It's just that there were too many rumors in college, and because of my mother's affairs, in short, it came and went..." Yan Ruizhi thought, "At that time, I was still too impulsive and wanted to escape too much."

"But it wasn't like nobody believed me at the time."

"Zhou Hongsheng was my roommate at the time, and he was the only one among everyone who was willing to contact me after I left school."

"He said he didn't mind that, that he was still my friend, that we had the same hobbies, that I was so talented, maybe we could try other ways together." Yan Ruizhi curled his lips calmly.

"I believe it."

"After all, I can't refuse such 'goodwill' under such conditions."

"I really thought he was my only friend."

"After that, Hao Shuai should tell you."

"He was on campus and I was off campus. At that time, I managed to save a little capital. I didn't even think about it, so I just spent it on the project at that time. I didn't hide anything from him, otherwise I wouldn't end up with nothing. .”

"You guessed right, "Planet of Capri" is indeed mine, but it's different from the ones circulating on the market. Zhou Hongsheng took my data at the time and changed the ending drastically. It was Ah Zhou who met a Rabbit, then novel adventures and experiences, and then everyone is happy, and even a new world..."

Yan Ruizhi suddenly paused before asking: "Do you know what the ending of the original "Planet of Capri" was?"

He didn't wait for He Nian's answer, so he continued.

"There are no wonderful explorations and colorful adventures at all..." He looked out the window, "I wrote all the scripts by myself. The rabbit is just a broken toy that can't talk. A Zhou may have had adventures, but he was never saved. , he committed suicide on the busiest New Year’s Eve in winter, and all the checkpoints were rolled back, presenting another cruel truth.”

"But after Zhou Hongsheng changed the ending, the sales were very good. At that time, I thought, maybe Zhou Hongsheng's idea was right. If the version I made was released, would it really be bleak?"

"So you made "Nostalgia"?" He Nian asked.

He nodded slightly: "I was in a bad mood when I made the previous one, but after Hao Shuai came back from abroad, the two of us tried to design according to the direction that the public liked, and the result was indeed better than I imagined. "

The smell of tobacco in the air became very faint, and the window was half closed, Yan Ruizhi finally finished the story: "Okay."

"Isn't it quite old-fashioned and boring?"

He spoke casually, and just as he was about to end the topic, He Nian suddenly said, "So, the little rabbit in "Nostalgia" is Ah Zhou's rabbit, isn't it?"

Yan Ruizhi was stunned for a moment, and even lowered his voice because he couldn't believe it: "How do you know...there is..."

"Didn't I say it before, when I played Capri, I felt that the ending was wrong." He Nian said, "But I always feel that it is my illusion, and I can't guess the producer's thoughts. Can I question what they are doing differently from what I think?"

"But these are obviously two unrelated stories."

"I know."

"It's just that my anger towards Capri was so persistent that when I first tried to feel "Nostalgia", I used exactly the same mode as before."

"It's obvious that the two worlds are merging, how could there be a useless rabbit hidden in the starry sky?"

Yan Ruizhi seemed to be a little surprised: "But I remember that this frame is not even a hidden ending. All the analyzes on the Internet don't have this item. It's just a picture of a certain world."

"I also understand, but I just have a hunch that you are related. I even found a lot of information, and there is no evidence to prove my guess."

"But look, did I guess right?"

Yan Ruizhi didn't answer directly: "But judging from the current point of view, Ah Zhou is really not a good protagonist. He is cowardly, evasive, inferior, unable to let go of the past, and unable to welcome the future."

But He Nian was right. At that time, he really missed that Ah Zhou who was somewhat similar to himself. In the huge new game world, he still stubbornly pinched a piece of data and hid it in it. He thought that no one would pay attention to it. Accompanying Ah Zhou is the imaginary little rabbit.

"But Little Rabbit seems very sad." He Nian looked at him and said, "Even though he talked about the past so lightly."

"Can I give him a hug?"

Although He Nian was asking for opinions, he didn't act like he wanted to wait for an answer at all.

While he was speaking, he had already stretched out his hand, re-embracing the soul that was once pessimistic and sensitive, but now finally willing to accept him again, and truly embraced him.