Can't fly

The Bluetooth on the car is connected to Yang Yuanyi's mobile phone, and a Russian song starts playing as soon as the engine starts up.

Yang Yuanyi glanced at the screen, didn't say anything and didn't pause the music.There was a precarious situation between him and Fang Fei, the freezing silence would drive both of them crazy, some sounds would always be better.

Although the atmosphere was relatively peaceful at this time, Fang Fei knew that some things could not be cured in a different place or a different time.He tried his best, but he still couldn't paralyze himself.

Looking at the photos of Yang Yuanyi when he was a teenager, Fang Fei commented that he looks more like a mixed race now than before. His hair color used to be close to black, but 20 years later it is obviously a natural brown, and his outline is darker.Yang Yuanyi agreed, saying that he might look more and more like a foreigner in the future, such as his father now.

At that time Fang Fei lay on his lap, occasionally kissing the bare skin: "Do you speak Russian?"

"Know some basic language." Yang Yuanyi stroked his hair, "My grandma doesn't speak Chinese, and my father used Russian to chat with her when I was young. But when she left, I was still young and didn't learn much."

"For example?" Fang Fei imagined his tongue-tapping sound.

Yang Yuanyi paused for a moment, as if picking from a barren lexicon, and then quickly said a short sentence.

"ятебялюблю?"

Several syllables stuck to each other, Fang Fei didn't have time to hear clearly, and said "hmm" in doubt: "What do you mean?"

With an ambiguous smile, Yang Yuanyi told him calmly:

"It's 'goodbye.'"

The foreign words are similar to Fang Fei. Sitting in the car and listening to the sad song, Fang Fei began to doubt the meaning of this sentence, as if he couldn't help but wonder which of Yang Yuanyi was true.

If Yang Yuanyi hadn't said "Let's be together, Ah Fei", Fang Fei could be a humble lover, or an obedient pet, because he would have no expectations for this relationship.

But now, Fang Fei couldn't bear that Yang Yuanyi's kindness to him came from another shadow of nothingness.

If Yang Yuanyi can't explain, he will definitely leave.

The car body stopped after another bump, and Yang Yuanyi pulled up the handbrake, but did not rush to open the lock. After the music suddenly turned off, the car was completely silent.

But there was no previous tension.

The seat belt was undone with a "click" in the ear, approaching with the smell of tobacco burning, and the acidity of citrus in the back.This perfume was given to Yang Yuanyi by him in the summer, and the smell of smoke just after rubbing it on was like a fusion of cold and hot, which was unbelievably wonderful.The other party also likes it and has been using it since that day.

Warm breath brushed his earlobe, Yang Yuan wanted to kiss him.

But just before the contact, Fang Fei turned his face to the side to avoid the unformed intimacy.

Four or ten minutes' drive was not enough to melt the ice, and he didn't see a flash of astonishment in Yang Yuanyi's eyes.

At least Fang Fei seldom rejects him so bluntly.

Aware of this, the man sat back in the driver's seat as if giving up, habitually touched the cigarette case, and then remembered that he had started a new round of quitting smoking, but found nothing.

Restless, Yang Yuanyi also spoke a little aggressively: "Now you hate me so much?"

"It's just a surprise." Fang Fei suffered a lot, and couldn't hide his intentions anymore, and put aside all his obedience and meekness, "Director Yang is so busy, he still has time to pick me up."

Yang Yuanyi smiled, full of sarcasm: "You know I'm busy too?"

Fang Fei looked out the car window and pursed his lips stubbornly.

"Then what do you think I'm busy with?" Yang Yuanyi said in a deep voice, "I'm busy meeting the producers, having dinner with the censorship department to clear up joints, and busy bowing my head to those so-called 'officials' that I used to despise the most——"Sudden Time" It’s Too Late” card review, you know, no matter how busy you are, the chance to be screened will be gone.”

Like a sharp knife piercing the silence.

Fang Fei took a deep breath, his eyes became turbulent: "What?"

"It's been stuck for the second time, but if you get stuck again, you may not get the dragon badge unless you take a new shot and replace all the lenses." Half of Yang Yuanyi's face sank into the darkness, and he smiled inexplicably, "I admit, I didn't care much about you during this time, and I was afraid that I would disturb your filming status after telling you..."

"Teacher Yang, you are too self-righteous." Fang Fei interrupted him bluntly, "I don't care about this at all."

Yang Yuanyi turned to him, frowning.

"Busy with movies, work, and caring about your lover." Fang Fei looked straight at him with a knife in his eyes, "There is still time to meet old friends, right? There are group photos everywhere on the Internet. It has been more than ten years, and they look the same. Nothing has changed."

His heart seemed to be lifted by a thin thread, hanging in the air, and he became top-heavy for a moment.

He didn't mention Yu Nuo directly, but Yang Yuanyi immediately knew that Fang Fei was talking about her.

It was also almost the first time he understood Fang Fei's voice-over.

Yang Yuanyi's expression was incredible: "You miss me so much?"

Fang Fei started to ring in his ears again, and whispered in the buzzing sound: "You two must have a lot to talk about after being separated for so many years. It's reasonable to not take care of me."

"Fang Fei, what are you talking about?"

Fang Fei obviously didn't want to repeat it, he was still flustered, but he didn't dodge.

Yang Yuanyi's eyebrows twitched: "Are you implying that I betrayed you? Am I cheating?"

When the eyes made contact, those blue eyes flickered a little, and Fang Fei lost his breathing rhythm for a while due to the pressure.Fang Fei did not give in to Yang Yuanyi in a rare way, and still looked directly at him without dodging or avoiding.

Cheating, this word hurts two people at the same time.

"Interesting?" Fang Fei said firmly, "What do you think of me?"

"What are you doing?" Yang Yuanyi muttered, asking back or asking himself, "Why would you think that way, her and I... I never met her alone!"

His tone rose, but Fang Fei's heart heaved, and the wry smile on his lips proved that he didn't believe it at all.

His silence made Yang Yuanyi's tongue tingle for no reason, and his speech was a little incoherent: "If you don't come to ask me, I think... those reports and guesses are all true?"

"But you didn't tell me it was fake."

"Fang Fei...!"

Looking at Yang Yuanyi, Fang Fei suddenly felt happy, even though he was torturing himself at the same time, seeing Yang Yuanyi's collapse made him extremely satisfied.

So the words were even colder: "Otherwise why are you avoiding me?"

"When did I hide from you?"

"I just found out from the newspaper, didn't you hide from me?"

"That day, Ye Xiehui asked me to accompany him to the performance of the Star Orchestra, and Ye Chengrong was also there, so I couldn't not go. Xiaoye's future father-in-law is a key person in charge of content review in the General Administration, and he helped me set up the line to ask why. I can't pass the trial—Fang Fei, I went to the concert to thank Ye Xiehui, not to meet anyone." Yang Yuanyi said angrily, like a broken pot, "And I don't need anyone to cover up if I really want to meet her! "

Fang Fei felt uncomfortable, and his nasal voice was heavy when he spoke: "But you also went to Haicheng that time."

"That was a ticket delivery, a friend of Chen Yusheng's. I didn't wear formal clothes, and I didn't show up in the arena, did I?"

"..."

"Don't be so naive, think that everything is related to feelings." He finally said, full of loss and anxiety.

Fang Fei pinched himself and remained silent.

God knows he only wants one sentence, "You're not like her, and I don't love her either."

When Yang Yuanyi made him feel like an unreasonable child who refused to admit the facts, he only grasped a few clues and started crying, refusing to listen to any explanation.

But are these really explanations?

In case Yang Yuanyi did have a special relationship with Yu Nuo—and maybe it is still going on now—it doesn’t need to be too much, the “similarity” that is both true and false is enough to get him out of the game voluntarily.

"You put her photo on the desk, but now you come to tell me not to think too much?" Fang Fei asked self-deprecatingly, "Mr. Yang, don't think I'm so great."

"A Fei..."

"I'm very selfish. You told me to do it without thinking too much." Fang Fei asked, "Why do you think?"

Yang Yuanyi was stared at persistently by the eyes of the good eyes, as if stepped into the void, once the memories were overwhelming, turned into the August tide of Qiantang and beat him in turn.

There is almost nothing sweet, and what I can think of now is bloody: the broken left leg, the mother's ridicule, and the "trust" that has been vulnerable since that day...

Until this moment, the sequelae still kept hitting him.

He can be unconditionally good to the person he likes, but he is only afraid of being loved, which is another exquisite trap.

Fang Fei said it many times.

Did he disappoint Fang Fei?

Yang Yuanyi lowered his eyes, he wanted to shake Fang Fei's hand, but Fang Fei was far away from him now.

"A few days ago, I was thinking that you were about to wrap up. I haven't come back for a long time. I must celebrate it. I considered ordering restaurants and buying flowers, but I thought you might not like it because of too much fanfare." Yang Yuanyi didn't know what other expressions he could make. , "It turned out that because of such an incident, I was so embarrassed."

Fang Fei read the meaning behind his words, as if his whole body was split open, the pain was terrific.

What do you mean, think he is not good?

Finally found out that there is no difference between him and Cao Xinran and others, so Yang Yuanyi regretted it and planned to separate?

Lips parted feebly, Fang Fei was beaten so hard by this sentence that he couldn't find his way.

"Indeed, I was wrong, and I didn't explain it to you clearly, because I don't think it's necessary." Yang Yuanyi still closed his eyes as if muttering to himself, "A Fei, some behaviors may be misinterpreted in your opinion, but many things... ...I can't prove that I didn't do it, I can only guarantee that I haven't seen Yu Nuo since I was with you, let alone the so-called 'reconciliation as before'."

"Yang Yuanyi."

Fang Fei seldom calls him by his first and last name, so he looks very solemn.

"There's only one thing, and I don't care about anything else."

Yang Yuanyi looked at him in response, those dark pupils gleamed a little in the dimness.

"You said so much today, I accept everything." Fang Fei finally softened, and said as if giving up, "It's just... I hope that I am the special one for you. I hope that your 'together' is not in vain. Your 'Like' is not perfunctory. You don't need to do anything to prove it."

"A Fei..."

"I want to be with you all the time, so I have to be the only one, you understand?"

"..."

"But you didn't think to tell me, and you blamed me for guessing."

Yang Yuanyi knew that Fang Fei was asking for a confession.

He can portray love in a movie that is lingering or passionately romantic, but in reality he is a coward, he can't recognize but remembers his heart, and he only knows how to coax people to stay by his side obediently.

If you dare not say it, your sincerity becomes a show, and anyone who watches it will say that he is cold.

After more than ten years of false and unrequited love, Yang Yuanyi didn't know whether he was like this by nature or whether he was still jittery.

But there is only one thing he is sure of, if Fang Fei leaves him today, the labor pain will become a chronic disease that will torture him for the rest of his life, making him even more afraid to give anyone his arms easily.

Yang Yuanyi tentatively squeezed his five fingers together in the palm of his hand.

"I've never taken a person so seriously, and you are the first."

But Fang Fei didn't believe it.

"A Fei has no sense of security, then I will give everything to you, and I will tell you everything I encounter, and I will never take the initiative to separate from today, unless you think we are not suitable or I make you uncomfortable. Stop it - but only if you don't torture yourself in this way."

"Do you want to separate?" Fang Fei asked him.

"...A Fei, don't make me sad, okay?" Yang Yuanyi said, "I never thought that I would be separated from you."

The fingertip pulse and Yang Yuanyi's heart beat at the same frequency.

After a long while without waiting for any response, Yang Yuanyi frowned and looked at his face.

With the faint light, Fang Fei's eyes glistened with water.

The young man cried without a sound, and his breathing was normal, which did not affect his speech at all.But the tip of Fang Fei's nose was slightly red, his eyes were a little swollen, and he didn't know how many tears he had shed when he didn't see it.

Cooperation will break down, and love will break up.

A ten-year age gap doesn't mean that you don't care if you don't care, and equality doesn't necessarily exist.

"Calling to stop" was like putting a knife into Fang Fei's palm. For a moment, he really wanted to end the relationship once and for all, and end the relationship with a long-term pain rather than a short-term pain, so that he would no longer have to pull repeatedly.

In the end, the knife was reluctant to drop it.

There should always be winners and losers in wrestling, and today they all seem to be losers.

Yang Yuanyi gave up the initiative, and he chose to compromise.

He has already told the bottom line, if Yang Yuanyi cheats or conceals it again, he will not be weak again.

The breathing rate slowed down, and realizing that Fang Fei's tense nerves had finally eased, Yang Yuanyi first lowered his head and bit his fingertips lightly, supported the seat with one hand, leaned forward, and kissed Fang Fei's tears away.

"Don't cry."