this is love

[Is it the school that I abandoned now?It's not school I'm abandoning now...it's you, brat. 】

"YIXI!" Accompanied by the dull pain in the temple, Park Xingxiu turned around and turned around irritably, frowning and closing his eyes for a long time but still crawled over without the slightest sleepiness, opened his eyes reluctantly, staring at the opposite side under the shroud of moonlight Chiseled school uniform hanging on the wall.

It's been hours since I heard that crazy line.But Mingming kept denying the credibility of that sentence in his heart, but still couldn't get it out of his mind.That guy seemed to squeeze out all the pain bit by bit from his teeth. He threw that sentence at him. The red eye sockets were filled with pain, which was full of pain. I was suppressed with all my might, are you going to cry? Is it really about to cry? That kind of sad expression that seems to really leave the most important things in life behind, nailed himself in place and couldn't move.Even the eyes were frozen, even if the other person had walked away from him, he couldn't move a single bit, as if passing through the air, passing through everything in front of him, looking directly into the heart of the person standing in front of him.

Why?Why do you want to show a painful look of reluctance in front of me.Are you kidding me?Want me to soften my heart?Why should I trust a jerk like you.How much do you think you have with me? Do you think that I will cry and be touched and then catch up and hold you? 3 years later, you are still the same jerk as you were 3 years ago.Why did you appear in front of me again, why didn't you let me go, why...

"Damn it!" Sitting up abruptly, and burying her head between her legs, Park Xingxiu grasped her hair tightly with both hands, facing the familiar and unfamiliar trembling alone again in this sleepless night.

Abandon... me?

Bastard boy, the guy who can't figure out the situation, I'm the one with the most power.Why do you want to control my life without authorization? Why?

After stepping into the door of the class, he subconsciously looked at the always bright seat by the window, Park Xingxiu couldn't help laughing, walked to his seat and sat down, ignoring Bian Kidd's nagging, staring at the tabletop as usual The outside world fell on deaf ears.The headache of a sleepless night is gradually becoming distant now, and what is left is the chaotic thoughts in my heart that are becoming clearer.

Why, you really kept the agreement this time. You are very firm at this time, Gao Nanshun.Do you think I forgive you with gratitude? It's ridiculous.

[Hey, kid, I won't abandon you even if anyone abandons you, you are my most convenient errand, huh?Obediently follow me, don't run around, do you hear me? 】

Don't be funny, you bastard.

"Xingxiu, the teacher wants to know all the possibilities, so I want to ask you, where is Nan Shun...?" Teacher Zheng looked at him inquiringly, Park Xingxiu and her looked at each other for a moment, and finally lightened He slightly moved his eyes away, and his lowered eyelids covered his emotions, "I'm also... not too sure." The moment the ending of the sentence dissipated in the air, my heart felt a dull pain for no reason.

"That's it...it doesn't matter, the teacher will find a way, go back, Xingxiu." Perhaps seeing his inexplicable depression, Teacher Zheng smiled and patted his arm comfortingly.

After bowing, he turned around and walked out silently. Park Xingxiu resisted the urge to ask "Is his application for withdrawal really effective?" for a moment, and stepped out of the teaching building.After coming to the garbage disposal room, the suffocating feeling in his heart became more intense, and he fumbled for the cigarette case on his body, and Park Xingxiu took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth.Ignoring Song Xiajing who was walking over to take out the trash, she took out her lighter and planned to light a cigarette.

"Why didn't Gao Nanshun come?" Song Xiajing threw away the plastic bag in her hand, stood beside Park Xingxiu and looked up at him.

Park Xingxiu's hand to ignite the fire stopped, and impatiently took down the cigarette from his mouth and pinched it in his hand, frowning and looking into the distance impatiently. "How do I know?" Song Xiajing looked at him, who was obviously agitated like a child, but pretended to be needlessly naive

Resisting the desire to sneer, he mercilessly exposed his cover-up: "You think I'm stupid, can't you see it? He has no reason to go to school, but there is no reason not to go to school. He didn't come so suddenly, Of course it is because of you. If there is any problem, it will be resolved, and it seems that everything that needs to be hit has been hit."

Park Xingxiu couldn't find any words to refute these straight-to-the-point words. There was something in his heart that was constantly fighting and struggling. The feeling of being trapped but not knowing how to break free was too tormenting. He didn't know why, as if Everyone else could see clearly, only he blindfolded and didn't pay attention to anything.But obviously...Obviously those feelings are only experienced by him most profoundly and clearly.

"...Stop talking nonsense."

Hearing these words of self-protection, Song Xiajing finally smiled helplessly in her heart, like a little kid who pretends to be mature when she is not grown up, this is not as mature as Gao Nanshun, who snatched Park Xingxiu away and held it again With the cigarette in her mouth thrown into the trash can, Song Xiajing looked at him leisurely, ignoring his eyes of pretending to be protesting: "If you want to be a high school student, you have to use your brain more and have some ideas, can't you see Gao Nanshun's hard work? "

After all, Park Xingxiu couldn't resist this series of highly effective stimuli anymore. He looked away impatiently, took out the cigarette case and found that it was empty inside, as if nothing was going his way, so he was forced to be embarrassed on all sides, and the empty box was thrown away. The cigarette case was crumpled into a ball and thrown on the ground forcefully, Park Xingxiu's deep and irritated voice echoed in the air.

"get out."

Song Xiajing looked at him silently for a moment, then suddenly smiled inexplicably, shook her head but said nothing, turned and left.Looking at her back, Park Xingxiu recalled many previous episodes.What he bumped into again and again was Song Xiajing and Gao Nanshun talking to each other.He doesn't know what that means, and he doesn't admit that he has any desire to know what it means, but the strange feeling that arises in his heart every time he thinks of a certain possibility always makes him want to get angry.

"YIXI!" Kicking away the shriveled cigarette case under his feet, Park Xingxiu couldn't help exhaling, watching the white breath quickly dissipate in the harsh winter wind, but felt the weight on his heart intensify again, It was so heavy that he could hardly breathe.

As long as I meet you, it seems that my life will never be easy again.But you like this, why am I so worthless that I can't ignore you.

Walking alone in the cold winter wind, looking at the roaring traffic on the street, Gao Nanshun suddenly felt the melancholy of being unable to face the cold reality because of his insignificance. What Teacher Jiang said just now still rings in his ears, even No matter how bravely he insists that he can live well under this sky with his own strength, he has to admit that his strength is actually not that strong, not enough to support the exhaustion and mental fatigue imposed on him by the oppression of reality. There is the boundless emptiness and loneliness that comes from having no goal to follow.

It seems that there is only one person left in life.

At times like this, every time like this, that familiar longing would roar over and crush his body, making every cell in his body permeated with the sourness and astringency with warmth.The person I missed so much is now abandoned by myself. Even if he made a choice out of helplessness, Gao Nanshun still hated himself uncontrollably. If it wasn't for the mistakes he made three years ago, he wouldn't have the pain of being separated now.

But there was even more pain, the kind of pain that filled his body and mind when he was forced to compromise and give up, forcing him to almost collapse even after being beaten.Reluctant, too reluctant, this kind of emotion is unprecedentedly high, obviously three years ago, he was able to run away from that person in a desperate way, but now he is constantly driving him away, but it is so difficult to leave gracefully.

It seemed as if he could shed tears every moment. The torment in his heart made Gao Nanshun restless, so he desperately looked for a job to fill his time, kept a safe distance from the school, and couldn't help but run there again, ran to The possibility of being around that guy.

Park Xingxiu, Xingxiu, if I go away, you should be able to have a better future.

When did I start to be more and more enthusiastic about doing this kind of self-sacrificing thing? In the past, I insisted domineeringly on the things I needed, and was so self-willed that I could be overwhelmed by anger because of the possible departure of Park Xingxiu and trample his legs off. Even though it was not intentional, he used this bloody way to break the wings that were important to him and flew away from him.But now, even though the pain is so painful that it is difficult to sleep and eat, and the heart is bit by bit by the emptiness and loneliness, Gao Nam-sun still grits his teeth and wants to protect the life that Park Heung-soo wants.

Even though it was cruel, his existence was not allowed in that life.

If this can give you a bright future, if you can bury the shadow of the past and regain your strength... Heck, I still want to stand by your side and live like that, happy.

If the withdrawal procedures are not completed, this matter will be dragged on forever. I am afraid that the longer the delay will make my not very firm self more hesitant, Gao Nanshun still chooses to bite the bullet and come to the school to find Teacher Zheng, put on the school uniform subconsciously, stare at The buttons on the cuffs, Gao Nanshun unconsciously caressed the already flat sleeves, this feeling will be gone forever.The feeling of loneliness turned out to be so bitter. I didn't like school so much, but there was a day when I was reluctant to leave, as if that was where I really belonged.

Sitting opposite Teacher Zheng and listening to her seemingly calm words, Gao Nanshun suppressed the slight uneasiness in his heart. He took out his mobile phone and found out his father's mobile phone number and handed it to him at the request. The matter of dropping out of school that I told my father was pushed to such a crossroads by myself.But Mr. Zheng still can't hide his dedicated character, and tried his best to delay the time.

When Teacher Jiang poked his head in from the door, Gao Nanshun expected that the two teachers were still trying to dissuade him from dropping out of school, so he followed to the door of the consulting room, but unexpectedly saw Park Xingxiu waiting there.The moment he met his gaze, Gao Nanshun clearly heard the reverberation of the ringing of the bell in his heart.

Park Xingxiu, who was waiting outside the consultation room, Mr. Jiang, slightly thought that this might be something related to Gao Nam-sun. His insistence of forcing himself not to think about anything about him was now constantly being shaken, and he stared at him ecstatically. While sorting out the inner chaos on the wall, I heard approaching footsteps.The moment he turned around, he met the eyes of Gao Nanshun who came out behind Mr. Jiang.At that moment, she was really stunned in place. Park Xingxiu looked at the haggard face of Gao Nanshun who hadn't seen him for a few days, and his heart seemed to tighten in an instant. Know how much fatigue he has put on himself.The boy who has always only known to grit his teeth and endure, why did he torture himself like this.

Because of me?

Jiang Shican looked at the obvious strangeness in the two people's eyes, and understood that the so-called dropout accident was entirely due to personal grievances. He resisted the urge to tease the two of them, smiled slightly and said: "You two are with me. I'll come." But Gao Nanshun's gesture of turning around and about to leave made him want to laugh even more helplessly in his heart, a naive boy, he knew to ignore my words. "Do you want to be beaten again?" Gao Nanshun was successfully stopped, Jiang Shican's smile deepened, and he ordered word by word: "Follow me."

Seeing Teacher Jiang's battle, which was bound to win, Park Xingxiu followed silently. He didn't want to admit it, but there was still a glimmer of hope in his heart that Teacher Jiang could find a way to get Gao Nanshun back to school. The sound of footsteps following, and the sense of comfort spreading from the bottom of my heart can't be ignored.

When standing face to face in the center of the gymnasium, the two people coincidentally did not look into each other's eyes, as if they were avoiding or fearing, but their different hearts were equally tangled and messy.Jiang Shican walked between the two of them with two mops, put the mops in front of them, and assigned one to each of them: "Clean here for me."

Gao Nanshun looked at him and sneered mockingly: "Who are you learning from?" Last time the physical education teacher used this method to improve his relationship with Mr. Jiang, but now Mr. Jiang used it on him and Park Xingxiu. I don't know why. Should I laugh at him for being stupid or cute? Anyone with a discerning eye should be able to see that the relationship between him and Park Xingxiu can't be improved so simply. He has tried so many times to get close to him again, but Park Xingxiu resisted him again and again. .

Even Park Xingxiu couldn't help but cast a mocking glance at this too nonsensical teacher, turned around and walked straight to the gate of the gymnasium.He even secretly counted on him to find a way to improve the situation. Park Xingxiu felt that he had no more stupid thoughts in his life. The relationship between him and Gao Nam-sun...could not be solved by being forced to get along with each other with a joke at all...

... No, it shouldn't be like this, Park Xingxiu is frightened by what he thinks now, shouldn't I smile and watch him leave, then I can live the most relaxed, beautiful and splendid life, even if there will be no Fulfilling my dream, chasing the future where football is galloping on the field, but I can completely throw away those dark pasts and truly save myself.Didn't I always force him to abandon his most important things to make up for the sin of destroying his most important things? Why now I am starting to worry about how to ease the situation in front of me.

Why can't I help but look forward to Gao Nanshun's return... Park Xingxiu, you trash.

Life is short, but I think life is too long, so long, it seems that I am going around in the world with you forever, deceiving myself and saying that I have escaped to see the sun again, but I still can’t get out of everything you brought me The piece of sky that shrouded it.

Gao Nanshun, Gao Nanshun.

You make me feel that life is really hard.