please let go

The night before the start of school, He Chuan sent a message saying that this profile picture definitely didn't look like Auntie.

Jiang Chen found that he had changed his profile picture. Although it was still a rose, this time there were no branches, leaves, glass covers, or four thorns, only rose petals.

The red color spread out along the folds of the rose petals, like a pool of hot blood, so fresh that it seemed to overflow the screen.

This picture is indeed much better than the last one.

[Jiang Chen]: It looks good, where did the inspiration come from? "

[He Chuan]: It's just my creative talent.

【Jiang Chen】: You can get it.

[Jiang Chen]: School starts tomorrow, go to bed early, see you tomorrow

[He Chuan]: Good.

Just as Jiang Chen was about to put down his phone, he received a message from He Yi.

[He Yi]: Brother Jiang, are you dating my brother?

Jiang Chen was still debating whether to admit it or not, but He Yi kept sending messages.

His hesitation gradually disappeared. Looking at each message, he turned from shock to inexplicable emotion.

【He Yi】: I know you are in love.

[He Yi]: On that birthday, I wanted to say that your former name was Jiang Shan. Ever since I met my brother, I knew that he always hated a person named Jiang Shan...

【He Yi】: I don't know what he thinks now, but I still feel the need to tell you about it.You are so young, I told you because I was afraid that my brother would do something to hurt you.

[He Yi]: Brother Jiang, I hope you will think about it carefully, or have a good talk with my brother. This is also a knot in his heart.

Jiang Chen looked at the information on the screen expressionlessly, feeling a little congested in his chest.

【He Yi】: What I said is true. I can show you the note my brother wrote when he was a child. He has hated that person for several years, although I don't know the reason.

He Yi sent a picture.

On the note was written crookedly:

I hope that Jiang Shan is like me, trapped in the dark, full of fear and unable to love.

This passage is naive, but it is also enough to hurt people.

Jiang Chen's back was already wet with cold sweat, and he typed tremblingly. First, he typed "I got it", then he pressed the delete button, and re-typed, "I always", deleted again, and then typed, "I chased" , Back and forth nine times before successfully typing the four words "I know".

Seems like everything makes sense.

Even after he explained it clearly and found a misunderstanding, He Chuan still hated him, and was indifferent to seeing him trying so hard to please him.

The earth-shaking change in He Chuan's attitude also came after he knew his name was Jiang Shan.

Grade five and six...

Was it the age when he was locked in the small black room?

So that person is also called Jiang Shan——

Does He Chuan hate or love?

So I have never forgotten Jiangshan, and I have to buy the word "mountain" when I buy beads.

Is that why he shouldn't have changed his name?

Countless questions in Jiang Chen's mind gushed out like a flood that broke a dam. When he clicked on the dialog with He Chuan, his heart was throbbing.

ask -

Maybe it was a misunderstanding.

Jiang Chen remembered He Chuan's words standing in front of his bed again, and seemed to understand that He Chuan regarded him as that person.

The most worrying thing finally happened, or reduced to become a substitute.

How cruel——

In order to satisfy his own desires, He Chuan even pretended to be gay and kissed him so many times.

For a moment, Jiang Chen didn't know whether he should feel sick to himself or He Chuan. He looked at the red string on his wrist and felt it was dazzling. Another voice in his heart kept comforting him. It was just a coincidence. Maybe He Chuan was real. like.

But he dared not ask, for fear of getting a terrible answer.

This "like" was untenable when I saw that note, and it fell apart even more when I recalled the details of the past.

He tore the red rope from his wrist and threw it hard on the ground.

The clatter of the beads hitting the floor was deafening like thunder.

He also recalled the first time He Chuan kissed him, coercive, rough, and punishing, no wonder he felt this way at that time.

The moment Jiang Chen closed his eyes, a tear flowed from his right eye, wishing he could pinch He Chuan's neck and ask: Did you kiss Jiangshan or me?

Kissing in the dormitory, closing his eyes and indulging in the kiss, He Chuan observed his expression with what mood.

He stood in front of the bed and said to himself "see who can play who".

Memories were like razor blades slashing at his heart over and over again. Jiang Chen lost his strength and knelt on the ground with a plop. He carefully picked up the red rope and put it in his palm to see if it was broken. He curled up and began to cover his face and sob. He said in a hoarse voice: "I can't play with you, I like you—"

This night was too long, so long that Jiang Chen looked back on their past thousands of times.

Every time I recall it, it's like giving myself a death sentence, dying repeatedly in the memory.

When he sat in the classroom again, everyone was in a daze, a little unconscious.

"Fuck me, Jiang Chen, why are your eyes so swollen? You didn't sleep last night?" Shen Chong came to the classroom and saw him, and exclaimed.

Jiang Chen nodded, and lay down on the table, hiding his face in his arms.

"What's wrong with you?" This time it was not Mao Zhazhao's exclamation, but calm and calm, it was the voice Jiang Chen was familiar with before and after waking up.

"Go back to your seat first." Jiang Chen didn't even want to lift his head.

He Chuan left.

Jiang Chen who was lying on the table heard that person's voice, he even forgot to breathe, his hands were tightly clenched, so hard that his arms were trembling, and finally his hands were loosened, leaving only a few nail marks on the palm of his hand to prove that just move.

In the evening self-study, everyone counted the homework and handed it over to the class representative. Bai Heyi, as the Chinese class representative, walked to Jiang Chen to collect the Chinese holiday homework.

Jiang Chen quickly took out his homework and handed it to him, and continued to bury his head, but Bai Heyi caught the look of distress on his face.

"Jiang Chen?"

"Didn't sleep well, don't worry about me." Jiang Chen didn't eat for a day, and he was weak when he spoke.

Brother Qiang walked into the classroom, as if the serious mask had never been removed from his face, the first thing he saw was Jiang Chen lying on his stomach next to the podium.

Shen Chong hurriedly said, "Teacher, he's not feeling well."

According to Jiang Chen's usual words and deeds, he really wouldn't do anything illegal. Brother Qiang pretended to ignore it, and went straight to the point to explain the precautions for the new semester.

As soon as the second period's evening self-study was over, Bai He squatted down beside Jiang Chen's desk, and called out "Jiang Chen" in a low voice.

"This is for you." Bai Heyi poked his arm with his fingers, and handed him a popsicle, "Will you put it on your eyes?"

"Hehe, you can accompany me to the infirmary..." Jiang Chen's mental state was extremely bad, he obviously didn't eat anything, but he was so nauseated that he wanted to vomit, he didn't sleep all night, but his eyes were closed and his mind was so messed up that he couldn't fall asleep at all.

As he sat here, he could choke just thinking about the man on the other side of the podium.

"Okay." Bai He took his arm and walked out of the classroom door.

Jiang Chen cried for too long last night, his eyes were so swollen that he could hardly see the way, and he almost bumped into someone on the way to school today.With the white crane supporting him, he simply closed his eyes and walked forward.

Bai Heyi: "I'll support you, let's walk slowly."

Jiang Chen didn't want to go to the infirmary, so he went down to the first floor, and took Bai Heyi's hand off his arm, "Go back and continue your evening self-study——I don't want to go to the infirmary, I just want to come out to get some air."

"what happened to you?"

Jiang Chen didn't tell him what happened, but just smiled wryly: "Maybe he's broken in love..."

"Breakdown - I have experience..." Bai Heyi helped him walk towards the back garden of the school.

The bell rang, and the evening self-study of the third quarter began, and the two sat on the bench and chatted.

It was a conversation, but in fact it was Bai Heyi's one-sided speech, telling his own story.

After hearing it, there is only one word "miserable".

"Did you see the scar on my wrist? I killed myself because of him. I really loved him so much that when I knew he was good to other people and good to me, there was no difference. I was so angry that I wanted to kill those people, but I thought again, maybe I was not good enough, so that he could not treat him differently, I hated myself, I cut my wrist, watched the blood flow out, but I didn’t feel any pain at all, I felt very comfortable, I was very satisfied, my family found out and took me to the hospital for emergency treatment, and after an examination, I found out that I had depression.”

Bai Heyi sighed, and took off his watch, "During the treatment, I also figured out a lot. Depression - this thing is simple, but it is not simple. So many people die because of it every year. It is complicated. Well, that is, the patient’s heart disease is not healed, at least I think so. I used to regret it, and regretted leaving myself with this scar, but now I don’t feel it anymore. This scar can always remind me that such difficult days have survived Come here, what is the suffering in front of you?"

Jiang Chen listened silently, and unconsciously touched Bai Heyi's scar.

Yes--

Just lost a love, was played once, so sad what to do.

Bai He wanted to withdraw his hand at first, but then he handed his wrist to Jiang Chen, letting him touch it.

"Is it better now?" Jiang Chen's eyes were so sore, tears came out again, he had to close his eyes to force back the tears.

"I'm still taking medicine, but I'm feeling better." Bai He grabbed the hand attached to the scar, "You're already like this, and you're still thinking about me."

Jiang Chen used his index finger to outline the scar.

Bai He asked, "First love?"

"Yeah." Not only first love, but also his first secret love.

"With her, if the sadness is greater than the joy, then it's a good thing to leave. You...Can you tell me the reason why you broke up with your girlfriend?"

"Playing with emotions..."

Jiang Chen was hurt because he gave sincerely, not sincerely, and he also hated himself for being too cowardly to question.

"Ah...we both suffer from the same disease - I can only say that we are both unlucky." Bai He looked at the packaging bag placed aside, "The popsicles have all melted."

"Reality is not a novel. Our love may not be as smooth as the novel, and it will not be as unforgettable as the novel, but what we have to do is... find an ending that belongs to us."

Is it the end...

Jiang Chen's eyes were deep, his expression was extremely sad, and he sighed again, feeling that he was about to die in this plot before he found the ending.

Finding someone to talk to, he calmed down a bit, but he was still panicked, afraid that when he saw He Chuan again, all the enlightenment he received would be in vain.

"Thank you, you go back first - I'm better, I'm a little hungry now, I'll go to the cafeteria to buy some supper."

Bai He was a little worried, but was still persuaded by Jiang Chen to leave.Before leaving, he stuffed a toffee in Jiang Chen's hand before returning to the classroom.

Jiang Chen went to the cafeteria to order some noodles, but after a few mouthfuls he felt like throwing up, so he had to throw it away again.

As soon as the bell rang for the end of the third quarter's evening self-study get out of class, he went straight back to the dormitory, sat on the bed with his head down, thinking about how he would face He Chuan later.

Go up and punch him?

What's the use of punching, it can't change the ending, and it can't make myself feel better. The pain on the fists and feet can't compare with the pain He Chuan brought him.

Grass.

So fucking uncomfortable.

Jiang Chen peeled off the candy wrapper, and threw the milky white candy into his mouth.

The taste of milk filled the whole mouth, and even the saliva was extremely sweet, but it couldn't alleviate the emotional pain.

Jiang Chen was lying on his side on the bed, and when he heard the sound of the door opening, his heart couldn't stop trembling. He restrained the urge to turn over and question everything, but he didn't know how to face this person. He sensed that He Chuan had stopped in front of him. before bed.

"Jiang Chen."

Instead of waiting for He Chuan to speak, let him say first that he would at least be decent enough to end the relationship on his own initiative.

"He Chuan," Jiang Chen gritted his teeth to adjust his emotions, not letting himself choke up: "Why don't we break up—"

The author has something to say:

Xiao He: "I don't agree."