Unspeakable

Well, this flashback and interlude seems a bit long.

Zhang Yang and Mu Chen also grew up slowly.

They transferred from an elementary school to the same junior high school. Zhang Yang showed more and more the temperament of the kid king when he was a child. He grew up very fast, and his sports became better and better. He joined the school's volleyball team as soon as he entered junior high school.

Mu Chen, however, seems to be still the same as when he was a child, still quiet, not fond of excitement, a little mysterious, but more and more revealing the unique slender and fair appearance of teenagers.And he never cried again.

Zhang Yang is always thinking behind his back, is Mu Chen really as he said, has grown to the end?

Sometimes when Mu Chen stood up with his crutches, Zhang Yang would find that Mu Chen had grown a lot taller, even not much shorter than him, but he always gave off a feeling of frailty, which made Zhang Yang feel sour for no reason.

Zhang Yang's aunt was getting more and more busy, and when she was free, she ran over to teach him how to cook, and left some money before leaving in a hurry.

Mu Chen's father...Mu Shaonong is getting more and more of that kind of thing, often unkempt, muttering something in the deepest part, like a half-immortal, not to mention taking care of Mu Chen.

So sometimes, Zhang Yang took Mu Chen home after school, and the two of them did their homework together, Zhang Yang practiced volleyball in the room, and Mu Chen sketched with a sketchbook.

Zhang Yang will also cook more meals and eat with Mu Chen.Mu Chen ate very little, "Are you feeding the birds?" Zhang Yang always said that.

After school, Zhang Yang took Mu Chen home by bicycle.

In the beginning of autumn, the big trees on both sides of the road have lost their leaves, and the road is covered with dry leaves. Only the old gray road can be exposed in the middle of the road.There was no one on the road, it was quiet.

A gust of cool wind blew, and the yellow leaves on the ground swirled and were rolled up. The bicycle passed quickly against the wind and drove on the wide sidewalk. Many leaves flew up and fell on the two of them.

"I'm still pressing leaves today..." Zhang Yang just opened his mouth when a small leaf flew towards him and hit him on the mouth.

"Yeah." Mu Chen replied very happily, coming home from school every day is the happiest moment of his day, only these flying yellow leaves can bring him a moment of joy.

"Okay," Zhang Yang freed up a hand to pull out the leaf that flew into his mouth, and immediately another leaf hit him in the face, "Eating the leaf!"

Zhang Yang rode off the sidewalk, deliberately stepping forward on the thickest yellow leaves on the side of the road.It is much more difficult to walk on the leaves, plus a person, a pair of crutches, and two big schoolbags, he leaned forward and rode hard.

Mu Chen was smiling all the way, took out his crutches and fiddled with the yellow leaves on the ground, listening to the "click click" sound of the crumpled leaves.The slight vibration of the broken leaves was transmitted to his hands along the crutches, and he felt that he had also become a normal child who played wildly all day long.

Mu Chen wanted to reach the carpet of leaves with his feet, but his legs didn't seem to be his own, they didn't listen at all, and could only shake slightly.He stared at the toes of his shoes and said in his heart: Move, move, move for me, but it still doesn't work.

He wanted to grab a handful of yellow leaves and crush them slowly in the palm of his hand, or take them home and treasure them.

But he didn't want to ask Zhang Yang to stop. The way home was always uphill. Every time Zhang Yang started it was very difficult, and his hands were shaking tightly on the handlebars.

So he bent down hard, trying to reach a leaf.

Zhang Yang rode the bike, pursed his lips and whistled, feeling this short-lived happiness with Mu Chen.After riding for a while, he felt that the bicycle was getting more and more swaying.

"Xiao Chen, what are you doing?"

"Eat leaves."

"Is it delicious?"

"Want to try it?"

"it is good."

Mu Chen smiled, "Please leave a [-]-word testimonial after tasting."

"It's worth it," Zhang Yang said quickly, "You eat slowly, I am most afraid of writing essays."

Zhang Yang couldn't help grinning when he thought that Mu Chen, who had always been quiet and mysterious, had a mouth full of leaves.

"Don't be too crazy, grab your schoolbag and crutches," the car shook violently, Zhang Yang turned his head, squeezed the brakes tightly in fright, and shouted, "Mu Chen, what are you doing!"

Due to inertia, Mu Chen suddenly leaned forward and almost fell off the car.Zhang Yang looked at it and blamed himself, why did he pinch the brake so hard... Mu Chen leaned out his upper body just now, holding his schoolbag and crutches tightly in his arms, stretching one arm far enough to reach the leaves of the tree, Zhang Yang Turning his face slightly, he could see his pale hands.

"Pick up leaves from trees." Mu Chen almost fell out, with a calm expression on his face.

Zhang Yang was a little helpless: "Then you tell me, I will stop."

"Isn't it very troublesome for you to start?" Mu Chen looked at the big slope in front of him, which was covered with yellow carpets.Their home is on the top of the hill.

"What's the matter?" Zhang Yanggang wanted to say that I would pick it up for you, but after thinking about it, he changed his mind and said, "Then you pick it up."

Normally, Mu Chen is not used to being blindly taken care of by others.

Mu Chen bent down and hugged a large handful of leaves. Zhang Yang looked at it and stuffed his schoolbag into the car basket.

"Take so much?"

"You can pinch and play all the way, it feels super good." Mu Chen grinned, lowered his head and concentrated on pinching the leaves.

It turns out that Mu Chen was so innocent and cute...Zhang Yang sighed in his heart.

Zhang Yang looked at Mu Chen's white fingers gently rubbing the leaves, with a satisfied smile on his face, feeling a little mixed.Very happy, Mu Chen is happy when he is happy, and distressed?emotion?pity?Maybe a little... sympathy?

There are enough five flavors!

He stretched out his hand and flicked Mu Chen's plump forehead, and said, "I heard that children with autism like to pinch things to play."

Mu Chen raised his head: "Are you saying that I seem to have autism?"

"Teasing you." Zhang Yang turned his face away, leaned forward, kicked the pedal hard, and the car ran forward slowly.

Mu Chen raised his head, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing across his face, causing his hair to float together.With Zhang Yang standing in front of him, the wind blowing on his face would not be so strong, and no leaves would fly over.

Zhang Yang was very strenuous to ride the bicycle, he would leave the seat once he pushed the pedals, and his body kept leaning forward.Mu Chen watched quietly from behind as Zhang Yang used his left hand to lift away the leaves that hit his face from time to time, feeling very strange.

Inexplicably, there is a sense of security, a feeling of wanting to keep going.

For more than ten years, he has been resisting this feeling, and no one has really protected him. He feels that security is a very insecure thing.

If a person is used to relying on a sense of security, his heart will become weak.There will be a day when the sense of security will disappear, and at this time he will lose his spiritual support and will not be able to stand up.

Therefore, Mu Chen has always set the motivation of life as hatred for Mu Shaonong.

Why do you feel this way all of a sudden?

He said in his heart, don't worry about this feeling, I just need to be happy at this time.After finishing the self-direction, he looked up at Zhang Yang, hoping that the self-direction would be effective.

A tiny drop of sweat slid down Zhang Yang's neck, Mu Chen shouted in his heart, don't be so moved!But Mu Chen knew very well that he was quite moved.

Finally at home, Mu Chen let go of his hands all at once, and all the yellow leaf fragments in his arms floated out, densely packed like snow.

Zhang Yang helped Mu Chen shake off the debris from his clothes, and Mu Chen said, "Can I still move my hands?"

"Ah?" Zhang Yang was stunned for a moment, then scratched his head, "Okay, you can take the picture yourself, and hold the crutches."

The two walked slowly towards the community, and when they crossed the middle avenue lined with paulownia trees, Mu Chen suddenly said very sadly: "The paulownia flowers have all fallen."

"It's falling early," Zhang Yang was a little surprised. Mu Chen sat in front of the window every day looking at the paulownia avenue, so how did he know, "The leaves are about to fall."

"Go and see that tree." Mu Chen pointed to the front.

"it is good."

As long as Mu Chen said "that tree", it must be the seventh paulownia tree on the right side of the road. This paulownia tree is tall and straight, looks good, and has the most upright shape, but there is a big piece missing in the middle of the trunk, which is a fly in the ointment.

Zhang Yang still remembers that he noticed this tree when he was four years old, and he often led the children in front of and behind the building to play under the tree, or drink mung bean soup under the tree.

Let's go, let's go to Paulownia Avenue to play.When Zhang Yang was young, he always waved his hands in a very calm manner.

A little girl named Shanshan screamed, "Go and see Snow White!"

puff!Where did Snow White come from?

That tree, Shanshan said, it blooms white flowers in summer and is the most beautiful.

That's a light purple flower, please.

It's all the same, it's Snow White anyway.

But suddenly overnight, a large piece of the paulownia tree trunk was missing. The night before, there was only a little drizzle, and there was no thunder or lightning. People thought it was strange.

Zhang Yang still likes this tree, he sometimes thinks, maybe when he was playing with his friends, little Mu Chen was watching from the window.

I don't know if he was envious or not, and what his expression was like.Zhang Yang couldn't imagine it, but he couldn't help but wonder, at that time, Mu Chen's feet couldn't step on the pedals under the wheelchair, did Mu Chen still have baby fat...

Thinking about it, he couldn't help grinning happily.

"Hey, what are you thinking, I'm so happy." Mu Chen brushed his hands across some rough branches, turned his face and asked him with a smile.

"I didn't think about it," Zhang Yang said, "Do you really like to perceive things by touch?"

"Well, I don't want my senses degraded."

"It's not that exaggerated."

"Yes, you forgot that time when you had nothing to do and wore a cross necklace around your neck, and suddenly yelled when you were hitting the ball, everyone was frightened, but you said that you touched your neck and found a caterpillar , people say you don’t have a hair on your neck except for a dog chain..."

Zhang Yang was amused all of a sudden, he liked hearing Mu Chen slow down his speech to make him laugh, which made people feel very at ease: "Does this indicate that the senses have degenerated?"

"That's not true. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to touch it like a bug."

"……All right."

After a while, Mu Chen said: "Okay, let's go, it's late."

"What do you want to eat tonight, I'll make it for you." Zhang Yang stood up abruptly after squatting for more than ten minutes, and immediately leaned against the nearby tree, covering his eyes.

"Yo," Mu Chen said, "I thought children who struggled from childhood were very rough."

"Don't run on me, I've been squatting here for more than ten minutes after all."

"Jajiangmian, with tomatoes."

"Ah?" Zhang Yang froze for a moment.

"Hey," Mu Chen felt a little helpless, "To put it bluntly, is that polite?"

"Oh, I just asked you what to eat." Zhang Yang was a little embarrassed, scratching his head, "OK."

Zhang Yang accompanied Mu Chen up the stairs slowly, looking at his knuckles that had turned white due to exertion, he always wanted to reach out to help him, but Mu Chen's stubborn eyes could always stop him.

They passed by the door of Mu Chen's house, Zhang Yang hesitated, and said, "Do you need to go in and report to Mu Shaonong?"

"What to report."

"You're back."

Mu Chen sneered: "No need."

Only at this time did Zhang Yang feel that Mu Chen had a bit of murderous aura.Perhaps it is said that the murderous intent is too heavy, anyway, it gives people a feeling that it is difficult to approach.

Zhang Yang changed his slippers and was about to enter the house when he suddenly heard a woman's shrill cries coming from Mu Chen's house.

Zhang Yang was stunned, and looked at Mu Chen, but he didn't expect Mu Chen to curl his lips helplessly.

"What's the matter?" Zhang Yang whispered, "Is this your home?"

Mu Chen remained silent.

"Get out of here, get out, get out!"

Author's Notes:

I really like paulownia, such a majestic flower.

Sometimes I will write some inexplicable words in the notebook, some of which are quite hypocritical.Just like what I wrote today, the paulownia flowers will bloom and bloom.

Even I don't know what it means, but my chest always seems to be congested, as if I will suffocate if I don't write it out.

Sometimes the things I want to express through articles or poems are entangled in my heart. I am very distressed and want to express them, but I can't always find the right language.

It is tiring for others to sound, and it is tiring for me to speak.

They say I'm sometimes scary like the heroine of a ghost movie, and I don't know what that means.

Maybe because I am interested in the self-awareness of the dead and the living in a narrow sense, I often discuss with them.

Little Ding Ding, do you know that I have been used to being marginalized since I was a child, and I have also learned to face the difference between me and others, but do you know what I am afraid of?

I am most afraid, and everyone is afraid of me.Everyone sees me as a monster.

For this, even my sense of self was distorted and I started to hate this "me".this is too scary.

They don't know how much I fear them, how much I envy them.

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