Unspeakable

After that, both Zhang Yang and Mu Chen went to elementary school, an elementary school that was as old as the old house.Although Zhang Yang used his bicycle to carry Mu Chen on his way to and from school, he would carry crutches to school every day.

Seven-year-old Zhang Yang is already a little sensible. He understands that Mu Chen's small body is filled with something called "strength", but he doesn't understand that Mu Chen's body is actually filled with "pride".

Mu Chen walks around the school on crutches, he doesn't raise his shoulders to clamp the crutches, but keeps his slender neck straight.Therefore, when he walks, he always walks together, falls together, falls together, falls together...

"Mu Chen, let me help you." Zhang Yang walked to Mu Chen's side.

"Do not."

Zhang Yang hesitated to speak.He wanted to say, what if you fall down...

Mu Chen glanced at Zhang Yang who was following him like a tail from the corner of his eye, and smiled: "You can follow, if I fall, you can help me."

"it is good."

Therefore, Zhang Yang continued to follow Mu Chen side by side every day, even though the two of them had nothing to say.

Mu Chen will still tell stories to Zhang Yang, still about his grandfather.

My grandpa was amazing, he was a physicist, but he died when I was very young, he was loving, caring about me...

He often plants calla lilies in his big yard, and his favorite flower is calla lilies.He told me that one should be like a calla lily, pure and elegant...

Every time Zhang Yang heard this, he would rush to say, I also like calla lilies very much, did you see how many calla lilies I planted in front of the building?

See, Mu Chen smiled, so I like to sit in front of the building.

Zhang Yang was not looking at Mu Chen's eyes.If he looked at it, he would find that Mu Chen's eyes were inexplicably complicated and painful.

I can make some more if you like.

good.My grandfather died during the Cultural Revolution. At that time, the Central Plains area was engaged in a movement. My grandfather hid in Yining, Xinjiang, and escaped the catastrophe.But his friends and colleagues were all persecuted, and my grandpa would...

Mu Chen pinched his joints softly, and continued: The holy city in Grandpa's mind is Yining, so he told Mu Shaonong that if it was a girl, she should be named Yining.

But you are a boy.

right.That's why I am called "Chen", but at first I was born on Chen's birthday, but later I thought the dust of the world was better, so I changed it myself.

Zhang Yang asked his aunt to buy some calla lily seeds, each of which was like a shrunken mushroom.

Plant it there.Zhang Yang pointed to the grass.

it is good.

Therefore, Zhang Yang chose a sunny morning to plant a few calla lilies on the lawn. The receptacles of those calla lilies were still very small, white and delicate, and the places near the stems were slightly green.

Mu Chen watched quietly from the side, and smiled at Zhang Yang who raised his head from time to time.

Surprisingly, Mu Shaonong made an exception, stood aside smoking a cigarette, and stared quietly at Zhang Yang.

Only at this time, Zhang Yang felt that Mu Chen was like Mu Shaonong, very quiet, making no sound at all, which made people doubt their existence.It was as quiet as Zhang Yang was alone.

He stood up, clapped his hands, and looked back. Mu Shaonong was staring blankly at his hands with a cigarette in his hand, but his eyes didn't seem to be focused, they were just in a daze.

Zhang Yang was a little strange. He raised his left hand and looked at it. There was nothing special about it. Except for a wine-red birthmark with a special shape, there was nothing worth staring at.

This birthmark grew in the middle of the back of his left hand, and it was in the shape of a triangle, or an inverted triangle, a regular triangle.Some people always thought it was posted, but in fact, since Zhang Yang can remember, his left hand has been like this.

Mu Shaonong, who had been silent all this time, whispered: "It would be great if Mu Chen liked calla lilies like this."

Zhang Yang was very strange, he didn't dare to look at Mu Shaonong, he glanced at Mu Chen quietly, and was surprised to find that his eyes were full of pain and sadness.

Mu Chen still has such an expression.He sighed in his heart.

It doesn't take much intelligence for anyone to understand that Mu Shaonong appreciates a child like Zhang Yang who likes calla lilies more.Zhang Yang looked at Mu Chen with eyes full of affirmation and support, hoping to tell him with firm eyes that no matter who Mu Shaonong admires, he will always be his fan.

Maybe Mu Chen didn't understand at all.

Because Mu Chen didn't look at him at all.

"Mu Chen likes calla lilies very much, he wanted me to plant these flowers." Zhang Yang said.

After a while, Mu Shaonong said slowly, "He doesn't like calla lilies."

This sentence made him even more puzzled, why didn't he like calla lilies?Mu Shaonong really has a problem with his nerves... Zhang Yang sneaked a glance at Mu Shaonong beside him, and shivered uncontrollably.

Mu Shaonong's eyes still did not focus on his hands, but there was a frenzy that could not be concealed.

Frenzy, excitement, and maybe even a little bit of pain are all strangely included in these eyes, entangled, blended, and risen in them.

Can't stay here any longer.Zhang Yang stood up and said, "I'm home, I haven't finished my homework yet!" Then he jumped up and ran into the doorway, and disappeared after turning around.

Zhang Yang took out the key to open the door, saw a note on the dining table, scooped it up and looked at it:

Xiao Yang, aunt has been quite busy recently, you go to the deli to buy something to eat by yourself, the money is under your bed.aunt.

He walked to the bed, lifted the mattress, and saw several bills of various denominations under it.My aunt has become more and more busy recently, as if she has become the head nurse from a nurse.

It can be said that Zhang Yang stayed at home alone since he was a child, and his parents did not appear in his memory.When I was a child, my aunt often came to visit him and cook for him, but recently she came less and less often.

Who will take care of a child that no one wanted since childhood?No one cares about you, Zhang Yang, maybe it was a mistake for you to come into this world, maybe you are the fate of loneliness.Zhang Yang said to himself.

No one really came to my upbringing.

When Zhang Yang heard the knock on the door, he leaned in front of the cat's eye and took a look. It turned out to be Mu Chen on crutches.He opened the door, and Mu Chen smiled with difficulty: "I'll come up and do homework with you." After that, he raised the homework in his hand.

Zhang Yang was very happy at the same time that he was unexpected. This friend with bad legs is very smart and studies very well.With Mu Chen here, he can copy homework.

He helped Mu Chen into the room and let him sit on the chair.

After a while, there was only the rustling sound of writing in the room.

Zhang Yang and Mu Chen have been friends since childhood.They never have anything to say.But Zhang Yang never felt awkward when staying with Mu Chen, there was always a special feeling.

Only at this time, Zhang Yang can feel his own existence. Unspeakable.

The ticking of clocks, the rustling of pencils, the end of the yelling of the old man who collects waste, the sound of a big broom scratching the ground, and the crisp sound of birds chirping outside the window... including some birds It's like "Kerry-Kree-Kree" and some birds are like "Ki-Li-Li-Li-Li-Li--"

Zhang Yang quietly felt his own existence.At this moment, he no longer relied on himself, but let all the sounds and smells integrate into his heart.

Only when you are really quiet, you are alive.

Of course, this was a little high-spirited for Zhang Yang at that time.

For the first time, he felt very comfortable holding a pencil to write, and he could feel the roughness of the lead when the pen passed across the paper.

For the first time he found himself alive.

He was immersed in this feeling.Did Mu Chen bring all of this to him?Then, Zhang Yang noticed a slight "click" sound coming from Mu Chen.

Zhang Yang stopped writing, looked towards Mu Chen, and saw that the standing boy in his memory was actually crying, and the tears fell on the homework book, overlapping with the sound of the clock for a while, and separated for a while.

"It's going to flood." Zhang Yang pointed at Mu Chen's workbook with a pencil.

Mu Chen raised his head to look at him, his slender pupils were wide open, his curled eyelashes were stained with tears, his eyes were filled with tears... twinkle and twinkle.

Zhang Yang froze for a moment.He had never seen such pure eyes, so distressing.

Moreover, he seemed to have seen this pair of eyes somewhere, but he couldn't say where he had seen them.

Zhang Yang raised his right paw and swore that the people he had been with could be counted with one hand, and none of those people had such eyes. familiar.

Zhang Yang was flustered and didn't know what to do.For a person like Mu Chen who is so natural, saying "it's okay" is too vulgar.So he handed over a pack of tissues, took out a few and handed them to Mu Chen, and took out a few and pressed them on his homework book.

Mu Chen didn't wipe away his tears, and lowered his eyelids, letting the tears fall on his fingers.He squeezed the hand holding the tissue, as if trying to squeeze someone to death, his knuckles turned white.

After a moment of silence, Mu Chen suddenly said, "Zhang Yang, do you know what kind of person I want to be?"

"what kind of person."

"A sigh is never felt, and a cry is never heard."

Zhang Yang pulled the pillow from the bed and stuffed it into Mu Chen's arms: "Then next time you want to cry, just put this under it, and I won't hear the sound of tears dripping."

Mu Chen was suddenly happy: "I found that you are the best at breaking the atmosphere."

Zhang Yang also followed suit: "Why do you want to do this?"

Mu Chen cast his eyes out of the window and said for a long time: "Only in this way can I feel that I am truly alive."

Again.

Zhang Yang didn't speak, these things were too incomprehensible.He also looked out of the window, from this old building next to the sea, he could see the sea under his feet.In the early spring, the blue of the waves is dark green, pushing the white foam to the reef covered with green algae.He also likes to stare at the sea outside the window in a daze, from which he can find the resonance of all his emotions.

When you are bored, looking at the sea will not be boring anymore, and the time will pass by watching it.

Maybe one day, I won't be able to wake up just looking at it.

Zhang Yang turned his head and asked Mu Chen: "Did you... Mu Shaonong asked you to come up to me?"

Mu Chen was surprised.The kids are getting smarter.But he flicked Zhang Yang's forehead with his fingers expressionlessly: "No. I like the sea."

Mu Chen's room can only see a small part of the sea, so he has always liked staying in Zhang Yang's room.

"Mu Chen, what happened to you?"

It's not me, it's us.Mu Chen wanted to say.He sighed in his heart: "I'll tell you when you grow up."

"Haven't I grown up yet?"

"No."

"Why," Zhang Yang turned his pen, "I'm only eight years old, don't you think I'm much more mature than my peers?"

Mu Chen smiled, "How about comparing with me?"

"I can't help it. You see, we are so far behind now. We are still growing up. I grow up and you grow up. When will I catch up with you..."

"Xiao Yang, what I mean by growing up is the heart," Mu Chen said seriously, "My heart will never grow up again."

"why?"

"The end of life is not the cessation of breathing. Everyone will come to the end of growth at some point," he thought for a while and added, "That is the end."

If these words came from someone else, Zhang Yang would definitely say "It's so sour, it's so sour", but once such sour words are uttered from Mu Chen's mouth, it will be a completely different concept.

Zhang Yang's young heart was very sad.

He understands that what Mu Chen said about growing up is spiritual growth.He has been looking forward to growing up, looking forward to growing up to be as mature as Mu Chen.It's not because he feels mysterious and attractive like Mu Chen, but because he is.

He really wanted to get close to Mu Chen.

Even though Mu Chen is so strong that he doesn't need the protection of others.Even if he "becomes" a person from the same world as him.

Mu Chen was so lonely, so proud, and never put himself in the world.They have often stayed together since they were young, but in fact, Zhang Yang feels that he is still far away from him.

All the thoughts about "I can approach this person" are actually illusions.All understanding and understanding is just that the other party has given you the qualification and opportunity to understand.

But Mu Chen didn't grant such a qualification to anyone.

Who came to my growth.

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