Jean Love

The Internet is a very good platform and a very good tool. I am very glad that I bought a computer, and I bought a computer in time. It gave me a lot of cognition. The homosexuality I read in the text before is just The three words seem so abstract, but now through the Internet, they become concrete, concrete to specific people, so many people, all kinds, all kinds.

When I was still in the Tencent chat room, there was a 200-person chat room called Same-sex Youai, which was full almost every night. The screen kept scrolling red, yellow, blue and black fonts, and various chat sentences. jump up.

I don't know what to say, who to talk to, because typing is too slow, so I just stay there, watching other people chatting, after a while, I also learn to say a few words, no one pays attention, finally someone I agreed, and when I asked about the situation, there was no more content, and I was a little bit blind.

After some time, I typed a line on the public chat: "Xianxun is near Guangzhou, has a family, loves, has a sense of responsibility, has a stable job, and can occasionally accept same-sex sex without affecting the families of both parties. A middle-aged man who behaves, please chat with me if you are interested! QQ827603101"

I copied this sentence, then watched it on the screen, and swiped it up from time to time. That night, two people added me, both of them were in Guangzhou, one was in Tianhe, the other was in Liwan, and the other was wearing a chef hat. , a little penguin appeared in the lower right corner of my computer, Didi Didi, Didi Didi, beating non-stop, chug, chug, chug, making my heart beating violently, excited.

The normal way of chatting, in my long memory later, these two people are very sincere, we greet each other, greet each other, exchange basic information with each other, and then say good night to each other.

The next day, when I see the other party online, a smiling face, or a cup of coffee, a cup of beer, say haha, the words are said without pain or itching, time is passed in such a leisurely way, a simple A simple friendship can no longer be maintained in such a lukewarm way.

Chat-video-chat-meeting, this is a process, or a purpose, so I am.

A few months later, the middle-aged man wearing a chef's hat came to me. We met in a cafe in Foshan. We seemed so familiar to each other, but so strange. He wore a white shirt, a pair of black trousers, and a pair of I don’t know the brand of brown leather shoes. He holds the coffee in his right hand, looks at me, raises his eyebrows, and the eyes cast a fire-breathing light.

After the deep chat, the subsequent intersection, and the subsequent forgetting, I can’t say against my will that it’s because I don’t like it. There is always a gap in that cloudy feeling, a hazy gap, a clear gap, like a dream, not quite Reality.

Let me dare not be greedy, only escape, escape from the body that can't find any breath that can confuse my mind, escape from the room that was opened just for some kind of sexual intercourse, escape from the name without a surname.

Gradually, the avatar wearing the chef hat no longer jumps, the avatar wearing the chef hat no longer shines, and the avatar wearing the chef hat is no longer among my QQ friends.It disappeared, it was over, and it didn't hurt or itch, and it was indifferent.Is the love of two men so simple?Just to make love?Is it numb?Is it indifference?It doesn't seem to be the case, because my heart is still searching and looking forward to it.

"Hello, are you back?" One night, I saw the little penguin that didn't often shine with red, white and black lights, so I wrote a few words and clicked send.

"Still in Beijing, I bought a plane ticket for noon tomorrow." The other party sent back a message.

"What time do you arrive? I'll pick you up." I sent a smiley face incidentally.

"Thank you, don't bother me." He politely refused.

"Old Qin, do you accept agency for your jewelry?" I had a plan in mind.

"Okay, acceptable, you think...?" He was always so lukewarm.

"I want to see first. When are you free? Let's meet and talk." I said.

"This Wednesday, um... Forgot, I have an appointment with a Canadian client on Wednesday, how about it, Sunday, I usually have nothing to do on Sunday, so I can make an appointment to meet and let's have a glass of wine together."

"Okay, I'll go find you then, see you then." I wrote down my phone number and real surname, and received his reply two or three seconds later, a string of Arabic numbers is his phone number, followed by Write a Qin character.

This is Lao Qin, who is in the business of high-end jewelry in Liwan, Guangzhou. He has two or three stores, wholesales, and most of them are exported to various countries. He chooses materials, designs, and markets by himself. , and can speak fluent English. Before we met, we had chatted on and off for a year.

At the beginning, we only said two or three sentences and then became silent until we went offline. Because we didn’t know what to say, he didn’t ask me about my situation, and I wouldn’t ask about other people’s situation like checking household registration. A simple hello, like hello, goodbye, couldn't be simpler.One day, like a request or an order, he suddenly sent three words: Look at you.

It caused me to be nervous for a while, as nervous as meeting the leader Chagang when I was idle.I straightened my sitting posture, stroked my hair, wiped my eyelids, and stroked my collar. The computer beeped like a landline phone, and my heart beat with it. I was afraid, afraid of the video. Turn it off, fate ends.

As soon as I gritted my teeth and clicked to accept, when his image appeared on the computer screen, my heart beat even harder. Short hair, wide forehead, bright face, round head, big ears, rough lines, thick eyebrows, small eyes, binocular focus Guang, with a beard on his face, a high nose bridge, and smooth lips, made my heart beat faster, my blood rose, and I felt a little suffocated.

He sat on an old black stool with half of his body sunken in it. When he saw me, he straightened himself up, moved his buttocks, raised his right hand and swayed slightly from side to side, tugged at the corners of his mouth, smiled slightly, and was invincible. It is enough to kill several elephants, a typical northern man's bold temperament.

"Turn it off first." He leaned forward, typing on the keyboard with both hands.

"Well, you shut it down." I was dumbfounded, with a look of reluctance, as if I had drunk ecstasy soup.After a while, I came back to my senses, lost my confidence, and wrote a few words: "Are we still talking?"

"Let's talk, what are we talking about?" he said.

"What do you think of me? The appearance in the video just now didn't scare you, did it?" I made a grinning expression.

"Well, it's good, not bad." I don't know if the other party is sincerely admiring or kindly comforting. "Hey, you really look good, why are you so inferior?" He said this again, which made my heart very happy.

After the first video, we still talked occasionally. Most of the time, before going offline, I would ask him to open the video and take a look. He didn’t refuse, and he cooperated very well. He was always rough in the video. With a gentle appearance, gentle movements, and a slight movement of her smooth lips, she revealed a charming smile.I want to meet this person, I must meet, I thought in my mind, the more I thought about it, the more nervous I became, the feeling of being in love sprouted again.

On the day we made an appointment to meet, I set off early and went to Shangxiajiu to buy a pair of black red dragonfly leather shoes to wear on my feet, and a black and white short-sleeved open-collar cotton T-shirt to wear on my body, and the original trousers. , black pure cotton casual, tidy up, stand upright in front of the frame with chest out and abdomen in, but it is still quite energetic.

"Hello, I'm at Shangxiajiu." I was so nervous that I didn't dare to call, so I had to send a message.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I may have to wait for a while. I'm meeting a foreign client. Let me see... one o'clock in the afternoon. I don't have any arrangements for one o'clock in the afternoon. How about meeting then?" full of apologies.

"It's okay, you're busy, I'll wait." I said three words briefly, and it was more than an hour and nearly two hours before one o'clock in the afternoon. My heart relaxed and tightened. , Fumbled for a while, took out a piece of letter paper folded into a swallowtail, checked it as if checking if he had lost money, and put it back in his pocket when he saw it was safe.

Standing on the bustling main road, the flow of traffic and people, going back and forth, hurrying, shaking my restless heart, I can't calm down, I asked a few passers-by, found the nearest bookstore, got into it, the wooden bookshelf , a touch of book fragrance, warm tones, few guests, walking around quietly.

Standing here, my mood can calm down a little. I paced back and forth in front of the bookshelves. There are a variety of books on preschool, elementary school, middle school, and high school counseling, as well as books on computers, software, electricians, and technology. , Food, cooking, beauty and other books are colorful.In comparison, literature books are rarely read, and they are placed quietly on the bookshelves.

I flipped through here and there, settled down, and let the extra time slowly flow and consume. Before leaving, I picked two books at random and came to the cashier. The girl at the cashier was listless and tired.

After paying the bill, I opened the flip cover of my mobile phone. It was a little closer. When I walked out of the bookstore, there was a hot wave on the road. , a young man and woman under an umbrella, leaning closely and walking.Nervous, I was nervous again, moving forward, I headed for the meeting place.

"Hello, hello, where are you now?" It was Lao Qin's call, very punctual, 5 minutes to one o'clock in the afternoon, I stood by a green bus stop, my face was red and my heart was beating, eagerly looking forward to it.