Heartburn

Fu Nan'an made Chi Zhao blush with a few words. He said he didn't mind what Mike said, but Chi Zhao cared. After hanging up the phone, Chi Zhao's cheeks were still hot. Li Li was still thinking about it, and he had been turning over for a long time and hadn't fallen asleep.

Mike's words were still lingering in his ears, and Chi Zhao remembered what happened during the year of his internship, Aunt Zhao's distrust, and the carelessness revealed in the vice president's conversation, Jiang Mingyuan's helpless and natural The phrase "your eyes are the reason."

Although all the incidents had a happy ending due to human efforts, Fu Nan'an has experienced too many doubts just because he couldn't see this.

"You still up?"

The new roommate is a standard man in science and engineering. He is neither familiar nor new to Chi Zhao. He has no other hobbies, except that he has a very regular schedule. He must go to bed on time at ten o'clock in the evening.

Today, my roommate fell asleep and got up to go to the bathroom. Seeing that the light was still on in Chi Zhao’s room, he asked in a daze.

The night magnified the feeling, Chi Zhao shook for a while before his eyes could barely see again, the amount of light entering was too little, everything in front of him was chaotic and blurry, Chi Zhao struggled to open his eyes wide, but what he saw was still swaying shadow.

——Is this the same in front of Fu Nan'an's eyes?

Chi Zhao discredited getting up and took two steps, wanting to feel Fu Nan'an's feeling. His arms were stretched out to keep his balance, but his waist and hips hit the corner of the table all of a sudden.

There was a muffled "bang", and the sour pain spread along the skin, and Chi Zhao's heart was also sour, as if soaked in the sour and bitter taste of lemonade.

He didn't dare to say anything that was uncertain, for fear that he would not be able to do it, but he had always wanted to heal Fu Nan'an's eyes, so that he could see again.

Of course, Chi Zhao's idea is not fantasy, and Chi Zhao will not do anything that is completely impossible. Medicine is originally a discipline that fights against life. The continuous development of ophthalmology in recent years has given Chi Zhao hope. He will keep working hard.

At the beginning, Chi Zhao chose medicine because of his love. Now that he has the goal of "wanting Professor Fu to see him", Chi Zhao has exerted 120 points of energy. South Bank's eyes are concerned.

The process of working together with like-minded friends towards a goal is joyful, but the problems that have plagued countless doctors for so many years cannot be solved overnight. They stand on the shoulders of giants but still walk cautiously, again and again. After one hope and failure, the project fell into a stalemate, and Chi Zhao was inevitably a little tired and anxious to get angry.

"What's the matter, why is your voice hoarse?"

When making the phone call as usual at night, Fu Nan'an was keenly aware of Chi Zhao's abnormality.

"It's nothing." Chi Zhao didn't want to worry Fu Nan'an, so he kept smiling, "It's nothing, Professor."

Chi Zhao didn't want to show Fu Nan'an's negative emotions. It's not easy enough to be in a different place. This is the only time for talking every day. It's not enough for Chi Zhao to smile, but Fu Nan'an's senses are too keen, so he guessed it : "Is there something wrong with the project?"

"Don't put too much pressure on yourself," he said.

Fu Nan'an's tone was very gentle, but his eyes were all gray.The two were playing the video, his eyelids drooped slightly, and he fumbled to look at the screen, but his eyes were not on the screen, either because he didn't want to, or because he couldn't.

Chi Zhao's eyes were a little sore again, he tried his best to raise his smile, and said, "It's okay, professor! I'm not tired!"

When you are working hard towards your dream, you don’t feel tired, but your body is always tired. Passion alone can’t make it through. October is the rainy season in the local area. Fu Nan’an reminded Chi Zhao several times to pay attention to his body However, Chi Zhao still caught a cold. The reason was that he didn't bring an umbrella when he went back to the dormitory. It was originally just a minor illness, but Chi Zhao didn't pay much attention to it, so it got worse and worse.

The menacing virus caused Chi Zhao to burn for several days. His voice was unbearably hoarse, and he spoke weakly. He didn't want Fu Nan'an to worry, and he was still smiling when he spoke: "I'm fine, Professor, Don't feel bad."

How could it be possible not to feel distressed? Chi Zhao's hoarse voice seemed to be scratching Fu Nan'an's heart with a stone. Fu Nan'an's heart was about to be crushed when the lively child became so ill. What's more, he knew that Chi Zhao worked so hard. To a large extent it has his factor. ——Chi Zhao didn't say it, but Fu Nan'an knew it all.

"Let me go and see you, okay?" Fu Nan'an said softly, touching the screen with his fingers, he was very eager for Chi Zhao to be by his side now, so that he could kiss his forehead and give He has little strength.

It will be New Year's Day in a few days, one day's vacation in the department, plus Fu Nan'an's full budget, he can make up for five days. He really planned to go to see Chi Zhao, but he didn't expect that Chi Zhao didn't even think about it He refused: "No, professor, I don't worry."

Afraid that Fu Nan'an might misunderstand, Chi Zhao hurriedly explained: "It's not a professor, I don't mean that, the main reason is that the various conditions here are different from those in China, even if you come, it will only take three to five days, I don't want to You are so fussy."

Chi Zhao really thought about Fu Nan'an, no matter how Fu Nan'an's eyes were indeed invisible, Chi Zhao was worried that he would go out alone.

One is that the auxiliary facilities on the road are not perfect, and the other is that he is afraid that he will be discriminated against and stared at. It is really inconvenient to lose sight. Fu Nan'an near the Fifth Hospital is very familiar with it, so he is not afraid of getting lost and falling, but he has to rely on others for help when he travels far. .

It is a very frustrating feeling to rely on others all the time. It is said that there are many good people in society, but there will always be one or two malicious ones. Your path is not in your hands, you need to try your luck.

Therefore, unless it is necessary, Chi Zhao is not willing to let Fu Nan'an experience these things. These situations are real, and Chi Zhao can't bear it.

Chi Zhao didn’t say anything about these things, but Fu Nan’an knew about them and had experienced them, so he felt helpless. Chi Zhao’s tone was very sincere, and he said, “Professor, don’t come. The Spring Festival will be in a few days. I'll ask for leave and go back, same."

"I see," Fu Nan'an could only sigh helplessly, "Take care of yourself."

Fu Nan'an told Chi Zhao to take care of herself.

He could only repeatedly tell Chi Zhao to take care of himself.

Fu Nan'an was not by Chi Zhao's side. He set the alarm clock and reminded Chi Zhao to take medicine on time every day, remind Chi Zhao to add clothes and bring rain gear, but there was nothing more he could do. He wanted to fly over to see Chi Zhao many times. , but it was indeed too inconvenient for him to go out, and he was afraid of causing trouble to Chi Zhao.

This feeling of powerlessness makes people tired, and Chi Zhao's condition is even more worrying. After a week, Chi Zhao's condition has not improved but worsened. Chi Zhao's health has always been good, but this time the serious illness The attack was menacing, or maybe it was because he had used too much force some time ago, and now he was finally going to be physically revenged - Chi Zhao fell ill.

Myocarditis was induced by a cold, and Chi Zhao fainted directly in the laboratory.

A few days before the acute attack, his body had already had signs, but Chi Zhao didn’t say anything and didn’t take it seriously. Perhaps it was because his status as a doctor made him overconfident in his body, or maybe it was because his mind was still on On the project, he had chest tightness and shortness of breath for several days, but he only treated it as a common cold.

One second before he fainted, Chi Zhao was on the phone with Fu Nan'an. He had just finished his day's experiment and he hadn't even had time to take off his white coat. His voice was heavily nasal but he was still talking to Fu Nan'an with a smile. The next second , but he suddenly fell silent.

Then there was a muffled sound.

——"Chi Zhao?"

Fu Nan'an called him urgently, but there was no response.

——"Chi Zhao!"

Fu Nan'an's heart suddenly tugged.He pressed his phone desperately to see what happened over there.He was too hard, and his eye sockets were painfully opened, but there was still a fog in front of him, and he couldn't see.

Can't see, can't do, can't do anything.

He wanted to call the police, but domestic calls simply couldn't reach that far. He tried to contact Chi Zhao's teacher, but the other party's phone was always busy.

In the end, Fu Nan'an could only choose the most primitive and clumsy method. He left a message to Chi Zhao's teacher, and then booked the first flight to go there. His fingers were trembling uncontrollably, and he pressed the button several times. Press the OK button.

Taking a taxi to the airport and boarding the plane with the help of the staff, Fu Nanan staggered on the road with a blind cane, every step was difficult.

He was in a hurry, but he couldn't walk fast. It's really difficult for blind people to travel, not only the darkness of the road ahead, but also the incomprehension of others. When Fu Nan'an boarded the plane through the special channel under the guidance of the airport staff, he clearly I heard the passengers behind me say indignantly - "Why is a blind man still out? Isn't this a waste of social resources?"

Someone else sneered and said, "Have privileges for blind people? Can they take special passages?"

Of course, there were also some people who enthusiastically came up to help, and some people whispered in whispers. The chattering and fussy discussions mixed with Fu Nan'an's anxious mood at this time, and there were all kinds of tastes.

He opened his mouth to explain, wanted to say that his lover had fainted, and he was going to find his lover, but he could actually guess how those people would react.

——"What's the use of you going blind? Can you take care of him?"

There are always kind people, and there will always be malicious people. It is unreasonable to talk to those who are malicious. They wear colored glasses, and they cannot be persuaded.

Numerous experiences flashed through his mind, Fu Nan'an didn't say anything in the end, just sat in his seat and closed his eyelids lightly.

We often say "empathy", but in real life, few people can do this. Misunderstandings and discrimination will always exist. Fu Nan'an can't explain it, let alone explain it. He can only try his best to be himself. He staggered and ran to Chi Zhao He asked countless people on the road. He fell down twice because he was not familiar with the road conditions, and his clothes were covered with dust, but he finally found it.

It was already the afternoon of the next day. Chi Zhao's teacher called later the night before and said that he had sent Chi Zhao to the hospital. Fu Nan'an followed the address directly to the hospital ward. Walking forward, when he finally reached the door of Chi Zhao's ward, he was suddenly blocked by a person.

"Are you Chi's boyfriend?"

It's Mike's voice.

Fu Nan'an had heard this voice on Chi Zhao's phone, and he recognized him right away. He ignored him and pushed the door straight to enter the ward. Mike snorted softly, his tone full of sarcasm: "You're going to show up like this In front of Chi?"

Fu Nan'an's clothes were covered with dust, he walked too hastily, he fell twice in a row, until now his knee still hurts, obviously the skin is broken.Fu Nan'an couldn't see his condition but could feel his distress. He did his best, but he still arrived too late. Not only was the distance far away, but his eye disease made him have to ask for directions repeatedly, which wasted a lot. time.

"You're too late," Mike said, "We've already settled the pool."

His voice was disdainful, even ironic: "But it's useless even if you arrive in time, you can't help Chi at all."

"Chi hit his head on the table, can you help him with the medicine?"

"Chi needs someone to walk these two days. Can you walk without crutches?"

"Or to take a step back, even if you were by Chi's side when he fainted, without the help of others, would you dare to give him first aid? You can judge his specific condition by yourself, see whether his face is pale, his pupils Are there any signs of loosening?"

Mike questioned one sentence after another, and his words were extremely merciless. Before Fu Nan'an could speak, he had already answered for Fu Nan'an.

"You can't," he said. "Your eyes can't see, you can't do that, but that's just the basics."

The knee injury was still painful, and the pain spread along the nerves. Fu Nan'an opened his mouth to argue, but he had to admit that what Mike said was indeed the truth.

He really couldn't help Chi Zhao apply medicine, and he couldn't help Chi Zhao walk, and he couldn't even see some basic conditions of Chi Zhao, so he couldn't detect something wrong with Chi Zhao at the first time.

——Before the acute attack of myocarditis, there were signs, pale complexion, and mental and mental changes. Fu Nan'an couldn't detect these because his eyes were blind. If a healthy person was calling Chi Zhao at that time, he might be able to find out earlier Chi Zhao's abnormality was dealt with in a more timely manner.

"So I really can't understand why Chi chose you." Mike said, "Mr. Chi said that he loves you, that he can't live without you, and he rejected countless other people for you, and he wanted to do experiments day and night for you." Heal your eyes."

He paused, and then asked Fu Nan'an word by word: "What about you, you can't even do these most basic things, do you really deserve this love?"

Are you worthy?

Mike's words are both a sword and a sharp edge. He is merciless, but his words are true and poignant.Fu Nan'an knew what he said, and he knew it but he couldn't refute it. This was indeed something he couldn't do. No matter how high he achieved, no matter how much he made achievements in the professional field, he couldn't do it. He was helpless.

There are always too many things that people want to do but can't do, no matter how capable a person is, the same is true. Fu Nan'an's eyes make him have more regrets that cannot be made up. Many things that normal people can easily do are for him. To say it is an impossible task is indeed too disappointing.

Fu Nan'an was never afraid of being slandered by words, nor was he afraid that someone would compete with him. Mike's hundred words could not hurt him, but at this moment, when he deeply realized that he had too many "can'ts", in his When his lover was in danger but he was helpless, he still felt a strong sense of powerlessness.

Powerless, or rather, low self-esteem.