still water deep sound

Jingze fell asleep for a while at night, and around four o'clock in the morning, Qu Jingshen felt a little uneasy, so he woke up.Jing Ze softly comforted him by his ear for a while, and seeing that Qu Jingshen gradually fell asleep at ease, he stood up and stretched himself.He accidentally caught a glimpse of someone standing at the door, and upon closer inspection, it turned out to be Su Jing.

Jing Ze gently opened the door and closed it again.He asked Su Jing, "What's the matter?"

Su Jing said: "I'm a little worried, so I came to have a look. I thought you were still asleep, but I didn't expect you to wake up so early."

Jing Ze said, "He can't sleep well, and I don't dare to sleep either."

Su Jing smiled and asked, "Then do you still want to go to sleep now?"

Jing Ze stretched his arms and stretched his muscles and bones, and asked Su Jing, "Is there any smoke?"

Su Jing took out a pack of cigarettes and handed it to him, Jing Ze took it and said, "Go to the top floor and see if you can sit on the top floor."

The two walked through the quiet corridor one after another. Sure enough, the stairs to the top of the building were locked by an iron door.But the iron gate is not high enough, and there are still many gaps between it and the roof.Jing Ze glanced at Su Jing: "Can you go up?"

Su Jing nodded, Jing Ze jumped over, lowered his head and lit a cigarette, holding it in his hand.He promised Qu Jingshen that he would quit smoking, and he stopped smoking for many days, but suddenly he missed the anesthesia and pleasure brought by the smoke.Jing Ze took a deep breath, and then slowly exhaled the smoke.Smoke is really a good thing, it can make people feel relaxed for a short time.

It was windy on the roof, and no one cleaned it for a long time, and there was a mess of garbage on it.Jingze sat on the ground, looked at the gray sky, and said to himself: "This city is like this, and the sky at night is not completely dark."

Su Jing held a cigarette in his hand, and took a puff from time to time. He said flatly, "It's the same everywhere, Jingze, don't stress too much, take it easy, he's fine."

Jing Ze held the cigarette in the corner of his mouth, raised his head slightly to look at Su Jing.Su Jing said: "There are many things, no matter how far you think, you have to deal with what is in front of you first."

Jing Ze casually spat out the cigarette butts and butts on the ground, and said, "I've grown up so much, the first time I think about it so much, I feel that time is really urgent."

Su Jing rested his arms casually on his knees, flicking the cigarette ash every now and then.He said: "It was the same when I was your age. I felt that my vision was small, and I wanted to desperately integrate into my circle and participate in various social activities."

Jing Ze lit another cigarette, took a puff, and asked, "What happened next?"

Su Jing's tone was still calm, as if these past events had nothing to do with him. "Later, I discovered that what people should pursue most is themselves, not the approval and admiration of others."

Jing Ze said: "Our philosophy teacher used to say that people live to establish contact with the world, and the medium is different people."

Su Jing stubbed out the cigarette butt, and asked, "Jingze, what are you doubting? When people doubt something, they will feel various senses of confusion."

Jing Ze didn't respond, and wanted to light a cigarette again, but Su Jing grabbed his wrist. "Don't run away, maybe I can help you if you tell me."

Jingze's hand froze in mid-air, and the lighter was blown out by the wind.He threw the cigarette and lighter on the ground a little discouraged, and looked up at Su Jing: "I doubt my feelings for him, but it doesn't mean I don't love him. I've been thinking for the past two days, if he really wakes up But come here, then what will be my connection with him in the future?"

Su Jing listened patiently to what he said, and then said after a pause: "The connection between people and the world is probably consciousness, so let me ask you this way, if he can't wake up, will you still fall in love with someone?"

Jing Ze lowered his head and thought for a long time before seriously answering: "No, no matter who you are with, there will always be someone in between. It may be possible to have a physical relationship, but falling in love... seems very difficult."

Su Jing said: "The connection between people is inherently delicate, especially the relationship of love. At the beginning of falling in love, it is to control the other person's body. After getting acquainted with each other gradually, the subconscious will control the other person's consciousness. .”

Jing Ze said: "This feeling is really terrible. Damn, if nothing like this happens, I won't think about these problems at all."

Su Jing said: "If you think about these issues, the way you get along with him will probably change in the future."

Jing Ze said: "I used to have a game mentality no matter who I was, but suddenly I found that I was being played by myself."

Su Jing laughed loudly: "If people don't play with themselves first, how can they play with others?"

Jing Ze glanced at him: "Suddenly I feel that you are really not a good person."

Su Jing said: "In fact, everyone thinks that they are a good person, but in the eyes of others, they are completely different from their own definition. It doesn't matter whether I am the kind of good person defined by everyone, but I will not harm you."

Jing Ze asked, "Why?"

Su Jing said: "Because we are friends, how can there be a definition of good and bad among friends?"

Jing Ze laughed when he heard this, "I didn't realize before that you are quite thoughtful."

Su Jing said: "This is also the reason why I rejected Wei Xiaowu."

Jing Ze asked, "Then why didn't you refuse now?"

Su Jing said: "Because I suddenly discovered one day that love is irrational. If you want to love, you can love. There is no specific reason. In fact, I am quite envious of you. If I were you, I would not ask now. these questions."

Jing Ze: "?"

Su Jing explained: "Before I fall in love with someone, I think about a lot of things. Even things that haven't happened, I can't help but build them in my mind. But you don't, you just follow your own feelings."

Jing Ze was tired from sitting, so he simply lay down on the ground.Looking at the gradually brightening sky, he turned his head and said to Su Jing: "If there is no trouble, how can it be called love? In this world, there is no right and proper thing at all. If you come out to mess around, you will have to pay it back sooner or later, like I am now. All day long Worrying and terrified, wishing that something happened to me."

Su Jing said: "Originally, when people have obsessions, troubles follow. It's like a person who rents a stall to sell things, always afraid that it will rain one day, even if it doesn't rain that day."

Jing Ze asked: "Then when he decided to love me and follow me, did he feel very painful and entangled?"

Su Jing nodded: "Yes, it does take courage to fall in love with someone like you. Because you are always hard to catch, although you often say 'I love you' and other love words on your lips. Have you ever heard of this sentence? , anyone who speaks lightly will surely break their faith easily."

Jing Ze said: "After this incident, I feel that I can't do without him. Because he made me think about these things, it shows that the object of love in my subconscious is already him, and it can only be him."

Su Jing glanced at him and said, "You called me out to say this because you are unwilling?"

Jing Ze rested his arms on his pillow, letting the early morning wind blow past his ears.He said lightly: "I want to have what I have since I was a child. I have never experienced a big setback in my life, and it will always be like this. Before he woke up, when I decided to accept him no matter what he became, I had already overcome this. Kind of unwilling."

Su Jing said: "I really envy you."

Jing Ze asked, "What?"

Su Jing said: "You are the real smart person, with clear goals, knowing what you want and what you are doing."

Jing Ze asked suspiciously, "Aren't you the same?"

Su Jing shook his head: "Anyone who thinks simple things complicated is very affectionate. Because of his personality, he is always afraid of being hurt."

Jing Ze said: "Isn't it good to be affectionate? Seeing one and loving the other is considered a skill."

Su Jing smiled wryly: "You verify your emotional model time and time again from people you like, doubting and paying at the same time, but how can people have so many emotions? When you're tired, you naturally feel that feelings are nothing more than that."

Jing Ze said: "So, the reason why you decided to be with Wei Xiaowu is because he loves you more than you love him?"

Su Jing nodded: "Accepting feelings and giving them are two different modes. I am sure that he loves me. Maybe one day, I will also be sure that I love him."

Jing Ze rolled his eyes at him: "What an old fox."

Su Jing said: "I'm not as smart as you, I can only learn more smartness the day after tomorrow."

Jing Ze now has the feeling described in martial arts novels that all the meridians in his body have been opened up.What Su Jing said is right, follow your feelings, love is love, what need is there to be willing or not?Probably what caused his unwillingness was the grievance in his heart.What if he really just left him and left?

The two returned the same way, and Jing Ze vaccinated Su Jing: "Hey, you have to fall in love with Wei Xiaowu quickly, otherwise he will be very sad if he finds out, understand?"

Su Jing said with a smile: "I have been tempted since he shed tears for me."

Jing Ze asked the nurse for some gauze, fetched some warm water, and carefully wiped Qu Jing's face deeply.The nurse came to change Qu Jingshen's medicine for the trauma, she said to Jing Ze, "Help me hold his hand, don't let him move around."

Jing Ze nodded and watched the nurse remove the bandage from Qu Jingshen's hand.There was a deep gash in front of him, with flesh and blood mixed with it.Jing Ze felt distressed again, his heart felt like something was scratching him, burning hot.

The nurse carefully sterilized the wound, Qu Jingshen began to move uneasily, Jing Ze comforted anxiously: "Honey, don't move, be good, you'll be fine soon."

The nurse gave him a strange look, and Jing Ze accepted it frankly, but the nurse was a little embarrassed, and hurried away after changing the medicine.Jing Ze kissed Qu Jingshen's exposed fingertips, and said in a low voice, "It doesn't hurt anymore, it will be fine soon."

After a while, Qu Jingshen became uneasy again. He didn't know what he was talking about, but Jing Ze lay beside his mouth, intermittently knowing that he was thirsty.Jingze went to pour water, and then cooled the water with two cups.He fed him water very carefully, but the water flowed down the corner of Qu Jingshen's mouth and onto his neck.Jing Ze frowned, he couldn't drink it at all.

Jing Ze took a mouthful of water, put it on Qu Jingshen's lips and fed him.Jing Ze pushed his lips away with his tongue, and then patiently fed him bit by bit.His lips were cold and dry.After drinking a sip of water for almost a minute, Jingze felt more and more uncomfortable, and vowed to wait for him to recover and love him well.

Not long after drinking the water, Qu Jingshen woke up.He opened his eyes for a long time before turning his gaze to Jingze's face.Jing Ze asked him, "Honey, are you still feeling uncomfortable?"

Qu Jingshen said, "Well...a little..."

Jing Ze sighed: "Do you know how distressed I am? I wish you were alive and kicking. I'm the one lying on the bed."

Qu Jing raised the corners of her mouth with great effort, and smiled lightly.Jing Ze hurriedly stopped: "Don't move, don't laugh, the more you laugh, the more uncomfortable I will be."

Qu Jingshen said: "Stupid...I...will be fine in a few days."'

Jing Ze gently held his bandaged hand in his palm, and said, "When you recover, I'll take you out to play. Fuck business, I don't care."

Qu Jing nodded wearily.Jing Ze hurriedly asked: "Are you tired? Do you want to sleep for a while?"

Qu Jingshen opened her eyes again, looked at him and said slowly, "After sleeping for so long...you talk to me."

Jingze said: "Okay, I'll ask you, and you have to answer obediently. What's wrong with you?"

Qu Jingshen said: "My head is a little dizzy... my legs... my bones hurt and itchy."

Jingze said, "Then I'll rub it for you, if you feel uncomfortable, just tell me."

Qu Jingshen said, "Okay."

It's kneading, but Qu Jingshen's leg is broken and fixed, so how can she knead?Jing Ze just stroked it gently with his hands, and asked from time to time, "Is it better?"

Qu Jingshen always replied: "It's much better...don't worry."

Jing Ze couldn't cry anymore, he kept thinking that in the future, he must love him, love him and pet him.There are too many impermanences in life, so how can you be willing to waste time on quarreling and anger?After a while, Qu Jingshen called him: "Jingze..."

Jingze said, "Huh? Baby, what's the matter? Is it uncomfortable?"

Qu Jingshen shook her head lightly, and said, "No, it's just that when you dreamed that something happened, you were covered in blood..."

Jing Ze comforted him: "What a fool, am I doing well? You are the one who really has something to do, don't think about these things, take good care of your body."

Qu Jingshen said: "When I think about it, I'm terrified..."

Jing Ze said: "It's just a dream. You only have nightmares when you are weak now. When you get better, you won't..."

Jing Ze's words were interrupted by Qu Jingshen, who said, "That's not the case, I'm afraid something will happen to you, or to me... What if only one person is left alive..."

Jing Ze's heart was overwhelmed, but his face was still as gentle as before.He said: "Aren't we all doing well? We still have a lot of things to do, and we are not willing to make trouble."

Qu Jingshen said: "But you cried, I know."

Jing Ze said: "I deserve to cry. I made you angry two days ago, so let's take it as punishment."

Qu Jingshen said: "I know you cried for me, I am very moved... I also know that you care about me."

Jing Ze asked him, "Didn't you care before?"

Qu Jingshen said: "It's different...it used to be small troubles, the kind of caring can't be seen. But this time...walking on the line of life and death is the biggest thing that happened after we were together."

Jing Ze gave him a warm smile and said, "Now you should feel relieved, right?"

Qu Jingshen said, "Well...do you smoke?"

Jing Ze chuckled: "I'm too worried about you, smoke a cigarette to relax. So you must get better soon, or I will fall back into smoking again."

Qu Jingshen said, "You still have such a childish temper."

Jing Ze said: "I'm only showing it to you. Are you tired? Do you want to sleep again?"

Qu Jing shook her head deeply: "Come over here..."

Jing Ze stood up obediently, leaned over and faced Qu Jingshen face to face.Qu Jingshen said: "Let's go lower."

Almost cheek to cheek, Qu Jing kissed Jingze's chin deeply, and he said, "Don't cry, I don't want to see you cry, I feel bad..."

It was just a very ordinary kiss, but it made Jing Ze feel like he had been electrified.That numb feeling spread all the way to the bottom of my heart, if he wasn't injured and lying on the bed now, he would definitely love him dearly.Until he wants to refuse and welcome, until he begs for mercy.Probably the way men express love is possession, which also contains many meanings of conquest.

Qu Jing asked him deeply: "What are you thinking..."

Jing Ze leaned against his ear and said in a low voice: "I want to hurt you hard, baby, I feel like there's a fire in my heart right now. You light it, and I'll save it for you to extinguish."

Qu Jingshen's face flushed a little, and he said, "You're never serious..."

Jing Ze sat on the chair and touched his face: "From now on, I'll only show you this indecency, okay?"

Qu Jing asked him deeply: "Why did you suddenly become a good person?..."

Jing Ze said: "Stupid, because it is in front of you, because it is against you. Be good, go to sleep, I will accompany you."

Qu Jing closed her eyes obediently, and waited for Jingze to confirm that he was asleep before letting out a long sigh.He read it in a book before, if you love someone very much, you will empathize with the misfortune that happens to the other person.With Jingze's character, when did he ever believe such a bastard?But at this moment, he found that this was really reasonable.He didn't empathize, he wanted to bear it for him.

Time passed by every minute and every second, the sun outside was scorching hot, half of this summer passed unknowingly.Jing Ze looked at the person on the bed, and couldn't help but sigh with emotion.Time flies, and sometimes time slips by relentlessly before you are sure what you want.When you were young, you had the mentality of following the crowd, and you also loved others, and envied the glittering roads of others, but when you walked up, you found that the soles of your feet had been horribly pierced.

Jing Ze was glad that he met someone like Qu Jingshen, who always gave him a chance.Give him a chance to love, give him a chance to grow up, if he walks slowly, he will wait patiently for him.When he catches up one day and understands his difficulties, he says to him in a flat and warm way: You are fine.

Thinking of this, Jing Ze suddenly wanted to call his mother.He found a quiet place in the corridor and dialed through the number that he had memorized many times.When the phone was connected, Jing Ze shouted: "Mom—"

Jingze's mother opened her mouth and scolded: "You son of a bitch, you finally remembered that there is another mother here?"

Jing Ze said: "Shh, Mom, don't talk, just listen to me quietly."

"Damn boy, what's the point? Tell me, I'll listen."

Jing Ze told his mother clearly what he had thought about in the past few days. "Mom, I have spent more than 20 years sorting out my life, and I finally know what I have to work hard for. You have provided me with good material things before, which made me feel that life is nothing more than this, and that's it. Play the past That's good. But now I suddenly feel that life is extremely short, and if I don't do what I want to do, I will be old."

Jing Ma said: "Little bastard, in fact, choosing a mate is a very complicated matter. Even if you like men, have you ever thought that if you two don't have the same high level of outlook on life and values, getting along will be very painful. Maybe you are in love Yes, but it is precisely because you love each other that this pain will be doubled."

Jing Ze said: "Mom, I fell in love with a very broad-minded person. Compared with him, I feel that I can't stand on the stage in terms of certain characteristics."

Mother Jing sighed, and said, "Son... the first element in choosing a spouse is: the other person may not be your favorite, but it must be in harmony with you. Mom also had this idea when she was young, but the deeper the love, the more It’s easy to be harsh on the other side.”

Jing Ze said: "Mom, don't put your women's mate selection criteria on us men. Also, the purpose of my calling you is not to discuss this with you, I just want to tell you what I think. Okay, Hang up, goodbye, my dear mother."

Jing Ze took a long breath, reasoning with women was even more difficult than finding moons in the water or picking flowers in the mirror.