Pavlov and the White Moonlight

"What happened to you?"

The sky seemed to be dark immediately, and Tang Shuhe's expression became stiff and blurred. I waited for him for a while, and heard him say, "Am I different now?"

I didn't speak.

"I..." His tone was like a child who failed an exam, "What do I have now, does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Don't do that," I said, growing uneasy, "don't say that."

"...Is it because of this?" he said, "Because of this?"

He rolled up his cuffs and put his wrist in front of my eyes: "You, touch it again."

I didn't move.

He stubbornly proved to me: "You can touch it again, I'm fine."

I asked directly, "Are you sick?"

He froze there, his pale wrist like a river with its tail broken in the twilight.

I sighed: "Go back first, and speak slowly."

"When I was studying abroad." He said suddenly.

"Well." I said.

"When I first arrived there, I couldn't speak the language, and I was under a lot of pressure...something happened."

"What disease?" I asked.

He immediately said, "I'm not sick!"

I froze for a moment and said, "Did you see a psychiatrist at that time?"

"It happened many years ago," he is still asking, "Is there anything I am different from before?"

"No," I said, "Stop talking, let's go back first, it's getting dark."

"Lu Huai," he grabbed my sleeve, "I really have no problem, I assure you."

The late gust blows people's hair against their faces. I opened my mouth, but didn't say a word. I wrapped my coat tightly, and my sigh was shattered in the wind.

"Go back first," I said, "isn't it cold?"

He took off his coat in twos and tried to put it on me, but I blocked it.Holding his clothes, he hurriedly poured out all his words: "My parents, you don't have to worry. I will never let the past happen again."

I suspect that he has always wanted to say these words, so he can speak so smoothly. He looked at me as if he was looking at a floe that was about to break, and I looked at him as if he was looking at an old friend who had changed beyond recognition.

"Don't you understand?" I may have just had a serious illness, and the aftertaste of pain made me surprisingly tired and calm, I said, "It's never been between us."

He looked at me blankly.

I smiled and said, "Let's go, let's talk again when we go back?"

Tang Shuhe's expression suddenly twitched, and he turned his head suddenly. At that moment, I felt that he was about to shed tears, but he didn't. After a few seconds, he turned his head and stretched out his hand to me.

A crack opened in the night, and he and I looked at each other silently, and he smiled hastily at me.

I shook my head, laughed too, pinched his wrist, and led him back to the ward.

This time he didn't make any money. I held his thin wrist loosely, feeling like I was leading a kite in the field.It was silent all the way, step by step, as if walking for the past eight years, when I walked into the hospital corridor, the lights were bright for a moment, I looked back, but he was smiling.

I didn't mention asking him to go back. He just sat down and opened a book he brought over casually. I watched him for a long time, but he didn't turn a page.I warmed my hands with a cup of hot water, and after a while, he slammed the book shut, rolling his Adam's apple, and said, "That summer vacation... and then I went abroad."

I looked at him: "Yeah."

"It's hard to apply," he clasped the corner of the book with his hand, "I just studied in China for another year."

I frowned, "What university do you have to repeat for a year?"

"The University of Wisconsin. The campus I'm in is very big, and I often got lost when I first went there," he smiled. "My spoken English is very average, and I didn't adapt to the environment. I was in a bad state for a while, and there were some obstacles... .”

I sat on the hospital bed, holding a cup of hot water, and looked at him quietly.The person in front of me still has a delicate and elegant appearance, with slightly drooping eye tails, slender and long, and when she smiles, the arc is very shy and soft.

I whispered, "Have you been bullied?"

"No," he said immediately, "I'm fine." He didn't know where the stubbornness came from.

"Okay, I see." I said.

"You said 'this was never what was between us,' what was that?" he asked.

It's time, it's the wounds that have been caused, it's because I'm ready to fight against the whole world, and as a result, I've been completely betrayed and abandoned, and eight years have passed without looking back.

I can't speak.

I sighed and asked, "I've always wanted to ask you, you said you were tired and couldn't move anymore, but now you come back to me, aren't you tired?"

His face froze and I said, "No apology, I just wanted to know."

His eye circles seemed to be red, he turned his head away, looked at the lights on the opposite side of the hospital, and after a while, he said, "Because I miss you."

"Would you like a hug?" I said.

He froze for a moment, then turned his head around.

I looked at his rounded eyes, wanted to laugh a little, and opened my arms.

I just wanted to give him a hug all of a sudden, so I just said that.

He slammed into my arms and put his hands on my shoulders.

I hugged him, skinny.

At this moment, I was sure that Tang Shuhe was ill.

I stroked the soft hair on the back of his head and said, "No matter what, I still hope you can be happy."

He sniffed and said, "Yeah."

He buried his face in the crook of my neck, and the fabric on my shoulders was slowly wet a little. I knew he was crying, so I didn’t move. I hugged him, silently looked at the lights outside the window, and heard the collapse of the building in my heart. , Burning Zhulou, the rumbling sound of eternal doom.

I heard him whisper in my ear with a nasal voice: "I won't leave tonight, don't chase me away after hugging me."

I wanted to laugh a little: "No...haven't I taken my evening medicine yet?"

"An hour later, I remember," he said.

"Ah."

After a while the nurse came for the infusion, and it was really difficult for me to type with one hand, so I just closed my notebook and read the books he brought.He buried his head in writing his handouts. He crossed his legs, wore glasses, and put his notebook on his lap to type. I read for a while, and my eyes slipped to him, thinking that this man always stuttered when he was a child, why? Are you growing up to be a teacher?

time.

"What's the matter?" He seemed to notice that I was looking at him, he raised his head, his flat glasses fell a little below the bridge of his nose, and he looked a little confused.

"You told me the other day that the students didn't listen to the class." I said.

"Yes," he pushed his glasses, a little embarrassed, "I'm talking too boring."

"Which school are you talking about?"

"Introduction to Xizhe classics." He said.

"...On this lesson, no one will make it interesting." I said.

He smiled and shook his head.

His teaching assistant just passed on the ppt for the next class to him, and he flipped through them one by one. I was watching the fun and found that the teaching assistant had added a lot of emoticons to the ppt. It's so cute."

He also laughed: "I ask the teaching assistants to be as lively as possible."

I looked at the emoji of "Kant thinks this is irrational.jpg", and almost rolled a needle with laughter.

Hospital lights out early.The bed was tight, and the only accompanying bed was used by the family member of the patient who vomited blood. Tang Shuhe brought a folding bed from somewhere, shook off his coat, put it on, and just lay down, supporting half of his body before lying down. I said, "Call me if you feel uncomfortable."

"...No, I guess I slept more dead than you." I said.

The bed was very narrow and folded, with a slightly slumped waist in the middle. Tang Shuhe, a slender and tall person, seemed cramped even lying flat. I had no choice but to say nothing else, so I sighed: "You say you How nice to go home and sleep."

He turned sideways and said, "What did you say?"

I said, "Nothing."

"Go to bed early," he said.

I was ashamed to tell him that I often turned upside down day and night because I was rushing to draft, and I was not sleepy at this time, so I hummed, then stared at the ceiling in a daze, and after a while, my back and bones felt uncomfortable, and I quietly turned over.Tang Shuhe was lying on his side with his pillow on his arms, and his sideways silhouette was narrow.I stared at him for a while, thinking he had fallen asleep, but he suddenly moved and sat up quietly.

I was a little nervous all of a sudden, afraid that he might make a sneak attack or something, and was hesitating whether to pretend to be asleep, but he got up gropingly, walked to the chair in the corner of the ward and sat down, turned on his laptop computer, and turned on the screen light. Adjusted to the darkest.

...Horror, the handout is not finished.Poor see, stay up late and work overtime.

He turned his back to me, the ppt was colorful, the dark and cold light of the laptop melted on his body, and covered his whole body with a layer of fur. I just watched him in a daze, my mind was empty, and I was gently fell asleep to the sound of typing.

I woke up again because Tang Shuhe tried to move the small folding bed, and the stainless steel bed legs knocked on his calf, which made my flesh hurt when I heard it. Next to my hospital bed, but with his back to me and facing the window, he lay down curled up.

Why did you move the bed to my place just to look at the window?I was a little depressed for a while.

He held out his palm against the little light from the window.

"How old are you still playing with your hands?" I said angrily.

He was startled: "Why haven't you slept yet?"

"What's so nice about a window?" I said.

"...Nothing to see." He was a little embarrassed, and said, "Hurry up and go to sleep. It's so late."

"Let me tell you," I said, "when I was a child, my grandma told me that if you point at the moon, your ears will be eaten off by the little rabbits on the moon."

He smiled and said, "Oh."

I said: "But if you want to slap the moon directly, let alone me, my grandma probably never saw it."

he:"……"

I smiled, lowered my hand and patted his back, and said, "Go to sleep."

sleep.I am behind you.

The author has something to say:

I have no intention of writing suspense novels.The truth is smooth, dense, smooth, brutal.It's just that he didn't dare to say it.