Dear Chen Jiu

I sat there in a daze, a sentence that was obviously very easy to understand, but it seemed to take a long time to understand.

Almost as soon as I realized it, I got up and left the cafe.

After get off work in the evening, instead of going to the hospital, I went straight home.

It was rare for my mother to cook by herself, so I took off my coat, washed my hands and went to help.

"Why did you come back so early today?" She looked up at me, then turned her gaze back to the boiling pot, "Come and taste, how does it taste?"

I leaned closer and took a sip of the soup, "Well, it's watered down."

"Light is right, I will send it to your uncle in a while."

"Mom, I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a match."

I said it as if unintentionally.

"Xiao Zong, what are you still stubborn about?"

When she said this, my mother was obviously displeased. In the past, I would think she was caring for me, or trying to persuade me uselessly, but now...

"Mom, what are you worried about?"

Teacher Mo's words really shocked me, but when I calmed down, I couldn't fully believe her.

Hearing this, my mother's hand holding the spoon shook, half of the soup she was about to bring to her mouth spilled, "Don't make any more trouble, go out if you don't help."

In my impression, she rarely loses her composure like this, especially in front of me as a son.

But I kept pushing, "Mom, my nephew is not good enough, what about my son?"

"He has no son."

Her tone was suddenly strong.

"Mom, am I..." I tentatively opened my mouth, but I couldn't finish my words anyway.

My mother dropped the spoon, turned off the fire and left the kitchen, only to hear a "click" from the bedroom for a moment.

With such an attitude, the answer seems to be ready...

I went to the balcony with the cigarette case. I haven’t smoked for a long time. The time when I smoked the most was when I first went abroad. I wasn’t addicted to nicotine at first, but I was in a really bad mood during that time.

In life, apart from chasing Chen Jiu, I almost never have a bad time, or it is very difficult to have things that make me feel frustrated and depressed.

So my mood has always been dominated by Chen Jiu. When I think of this person, I haven't seen him for more than half a month.

I really want to see him, not just hear his voice over the phone.

I've always been a man of action, and I dialed the phone before I finished my cigarette.

"Chen Jiu."

"Ah."

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"Call up."

"I didn't guess right, let me guess what you are doing, and give me a reward if I guess right?"

"... "

"If you don't say anything, you agree."

I knocked the cigarette ash casually, "Let me think about it, I guess...you are answering my phone."

I am playing a rascal.

"Is there something wrong?" Chen Jiu ignored my childish and boring behavior, but asked calmly on the other end of the phone.

It turns out that my emotions can never be hidden from him.

I threw the cigarette butt into the trash can, and sat down casually with my back to the railing, "The cruel truth or the beautiful illusion, which one do you usually choose?" Do you want to ask for an answer, or continue to live your life step by step? .

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a long time. While waiting for the answer, the balance in my heart has tilted, but if our choices are different, I think I will probably go to Chen Jiu.

"former."

Not surprisingly, it's just that this is obviously a choice he can blurt out.

***

I re-stewed the soup in the pot, fried two more dishes, and then knocked on the door of my mother's room.

"Mom, let's eat."

There was no movement for a long time, and I simply thought that she would not open the door, so I just sat down patiently across the door.

"When I was young, I always felt that you and my dad were more eccentric. Although you have worked hard to be equal, Gu Yu and I are different.

I always feel strange, obviously I am also very obedient, obviously you are also very good to me, but the feeling is different.

No matter what I do, grandma will never like me. "

Many things that I couldn't figure out before, and I didn't care about them in a daze, combined with the attitudes of Teacher Mo and my mother, suddenly had a reasonable explanation.

"Mom, I've been confused for a long time."

"There is no second Gu Yu in the world, I am not him."

When my mother opened the door again, there were still clearly visible tears on her face.

"Are you smoking?" My mother frowned.

I sniffed, how could I forget this.

"Stand up and look like that."

She walked around me to the dinner table.

"Your dad and I, we never regarded you as a substitute for Gu Yu."

My mother's tone returned to calm, "You are our real son."

Her eyes fell on the prepared meals on the table, "You have indeed grown up, you can take good care of yourself after not being with us these few years."

I don't know if it was because the few words I said outside the door had an effect, or it was simply because she figured it out, but when she spoke again, my mother's tone was calm and restrained.

"You are the son of me and Gu Chengwang, but before that, you were yourself.

You have the right to know the truth, and you have the right to make choices. "

"Yu Xiu is a person who is dedicated to seeking an official career.

The only time he made a mistake was when he got drunk and was set up by someone... When they brought the B-ultrasound and the paternity test to find him, they were not only looking for money but also for the power in his hands.

But what they didn't expect was that after knowing this, he still wanted this child, and even wanted to marry this woman.

But a woman’s fate is beyond her control, it’s just a tool cultivated by others to achieve her goal... Later, in order not to affect her official career and to allow the child to have a complete family, the child was sent to us after birth. At that time, my due date was still A week later, after Gu Yu was born successfully, we announced that they were twins. "

Speaking of this, she seemed to be lost in memories, "Actually, you both looked alike when you were young, but when you grow up, you become more and more different, and your personalities are even more completely different."

My mother calmly recounted this incident, which was more shocking than expected.

It turns out that my existence is a game set up with the participation of a group of people with my biological mother as the bait and my biological father as the prey.

We've all been in this game since the beginning, and we're all pawns at the mercy of others.

I squatted in front of my mother, and didn't realize that I was crying until she wiped my face with a tissue.

It was like listening to a stranger's story, only to realize after waking up that I was the one in the game.