looking bald

"Happy birthday, sorry, I—"

"Open it and have a look," he interrupted me, took a few breaths and continued: "Open it, let's have a look together."

I nodded slightly, walked over and picked up the box, which contained a photobook about Changbai Mountain, Changbai Mountain in four seasons, Changbai Mountain in various angles.

We act as if nothing happened in the past few days, as in the past when I held up the book and we read it together, his hand would be on my wrist, and when he finished reading a page, he would lightly touch it with his thumb A few clicks, and then I turn the page again.

I often have to complain about the content in a few sentences, and he will smile when he listens to my complaints.

We watched for a long time, and when I finished speaking and didn’t get any response from him, I turned my head and saw that he had fallen asleep, his eyes were closed, the corners of his mouth seemed to be smiling, and the tip of his nose quivered from time to time.

At this moment, I feel very happy and satisfied. All the fear and anxiety of the past few days have disappeared, like a wandering prodigal son returning to the place he missed the most at the beginning, and also like the place that has been empty for a long time finally welcomes back the original person .

I wanted to hug him tightly, but I didn't, I just leaned close to his neck and smelled his breath.

It still smells like medicine, but it is very gentle and pleasant, which makes my nose sour after I haven't smelled it for several days.

If only it could be bottled so I could take it out and smell it when he's not around.

However, if that is the case, I must be reluctant to open the bottle cap to smell it, because I am afraid that the only breath that belongs to him will escape.

I put the book next to his pillow and left his house.

After that day, we were back to normal.

He is even getting more and more angry, he is no longer expressionless and lifeless, nor is he disgusted and bored, he will joke with me as before, and he will lean against the window and look out when the sun is good, he seems to have hope , with a goal.

I learned a lot about nursing work, and I even thought that it would be okay to be a nursing worker if I couldn’t find a job in the future, but this idea was erased by me in a flash.

Except for him and his parents and family, I don't want to do these things for others.

Moreover, this is too close to death, and I don't want to touch any more things related to the hospital, such as doctors, nurses, and nursing staff.

Not being able to spend his coming-of-age birthday for him became a hurdle in my heart, so I prepared for him very seriously for his 19th birthday, even though he is completely blind and can't hear or speak clearly, but I think he must know.

On this day, I went to the cake shop to make a cake myself, relying on the fact that he couldn't see it, I wrote "Happy Birthday" on the cake and then wrote "To my love" in the lower right corner.

Yes, I have long been sure that I like him. I am not sure if he likes me, but he must have a sense of dependence on me, and he cannot do without me.

Maybe if others know that I think this way, they will think that I am being sentimental, and then say "who can't do without someone", but I can be sure that he will definitely not be able to do without me.

But I can only say that I will not leave him but I dare not say that I cannot leave him, because I am afraid that this thought will make me commit suicide in the future.

So what if I can't live without him?I'm sober, he'll leave, so what?to find him?

He said to me many times that death is worse than life.

He loves this world so much, even though his days are rough and sick, he still loves this world very much, so I am afraid of death.

Although people are mortal, early death and late death are all dead, but dying at birth is definitely different from dying at the end of life.

After I got home with the cake, I asked Grandma Wang to go back. He was lying on the recliner by the window, and I carried him up in the afternoon.

"I went to cook."

Although he was hard of hearing, I told him and went to the kitchen to cook.

He can only eat some soft food, mostly porridge, which happened to be dinner, so I didn't cook anything else, and we cooked a pot of porridge for our dinner.

I served a large bowl of porridge and brought it to the reclining chair. First, I put the porridge on the tea table, then slowly helped him up. I sat on the position where he was lying, and then hugged him and let him lean into my arms.

He doesn't have much flesh all over his body now, and his bones are even more special, but it makes me, who is still in adolescence, desire again and again.

The first time I felt wanting to touch and kiss him was last year, just a few days before he was hospitalized.

That day I saw a man and a woman hugging and kissing in the school’s bus area. At that time, I was so scared that I pushed the car and hurried away, restless along the way.

After all, this kind of thing that I only saw on TV has never been encountered in my life before, and I am still my peers.

But what frightened me even more was that when I helped Huo Song take a bath at night, I really wanted to hug him and kiss him like the two people I met during the day, of course I held back.

That night I dreamed that he hugged me, he kissed my whole body including there, and I woke up the next day with nocturnal emission.This is my first nocturnal emission, I didn't expect him to be the object of my dream.

But I just worried about this for a few days, and this thought was lost by him in the hospital. After I was discharged from the hospital, I didn't think about it again because of the sudden change.

But after that coming-of-age birthday, I had this urge to him again, and I was straight up hard. Fortunately, he didn't see it at the time, otherwise it would be really embarrassing.

From then on, I felt that I probably liked him.

The author has something to say:

Thank you for reading, every time I write this article, I feel extremely uncomfortable.