looking bald

After receiving a kiss that day, I started to feel flustered, and kept looking at him with a smile, but he didn't seem to be that happy, and even avoided me the next day.

For example, he shrinks when I hug him, and he doesn't cooperate with me like before when I change his clothes.

Just one morning, I was very surprised, what happened to him?Regret kissing me yesterday?

As soon as I came back at noon, I came to him, lay next to his ear and asked him directly: "Why are you hiding from me?"

His head trembled, and then he made an indistinct sound. I couldn't hear what he said, so I stretched out my hand and motioned for him to write, and he just wrote "no".

"Didn't you realize that I was hiding?"

After I asked, he wrote a "no".

"So you're saying you didn't hide from me?"

He wrote another no, meaning he was avoiding me?

"Then you are fine? As if nothing happened yesterday?"

This time he didn't write. I was a little annoyed and asked him in a louder voice than usual: "Huo Song, what do you want?"

He remained motionless.

"Okay, then I'll just pretend nothing happened, don't hide from me, will you be like before?"

This time, he scratched my palm.

That's what I said, but he didn't let me sit next to him like he used to. Something has really changed.

But soon, he couldn't express his dissatisfaction with me anymore. This was so fast that he hadn't had time to celebrate another birthday.

One morning, he suddenly couldn't move, and he couldn't even feed porridge. That morning frightened me, and he was sent to the hospital again. When he came back, he could only rely on two tubes to survive.

One provides, one discharges.

Whenever I see him lying on the bed like this, I feel a dull pain in my heart, but there is nothing I can do.

I wanted to cry, but I didn't dare to cry to him. Although he couldn't see it, I still didn't dare to cry to him, because the doctor said that he still has feelings now, and his thinking has always been clear.

The doctor's words have been circling in my mind. I have been seeing his state before, and I have somewhat ignored this problem.

Yes, he has always understood everything, but his eyes are dull and his mouth can't speak clearly. Even when writing, he can only write the words "one", "big" and "fire". That's why I overlooked this.

For a man with a clear mind, this is simply too scary.

He perceives everything around him, and he has all his thoughts and emotions in his mind. He has a lot of pain and sorrow, dissatisfaction and sadness, but he can't express it, and others will even regard him as a body that has lost consciousness.

When he felt the loss of his life, did he ever think about giving himself a relief?

If it were me, I might have committed suicide long ago, but he is still breathing softly.

The doctor said that he still has the ability to breathe on his own, which is very good. If the only movement of his whole body is lost after being plugged into the respirator, by then, he will be infinitely close to death, but he is still breathing now. Actually he didn't want to lose his breath.

He is fighting against death, he doesn't want to die yet!

He is still so young, there are many places he hasn't been to, he can't die!

Me, I don't want him to die.

What is it that supports him?Are you simply afraid of death?If it was me, I would not be able to accept living so badly, and my brain would definitely go crazy.

Instead of this, it is better to really lose consciousness.

I still come here every day, talking loudly in his ear, just like at the beginning, but he no longer responds to me.

The doctor said that if he talks next to him every day, he won't lose his hearing too quickly. I don't know if he can hear a few words from me now, but he should always be able to hear some.

This was when I was facing the college entrance examination. I shuttled between home and school at two o’clock and one line every day. At that time, I really hoped that there would be a random door, so as to reduce the time spent on the road.

I have always been very grateful to my mother for understanding me. She never stopped me from taking root downstairs. My mother would cook porridge for me to take it down.

In fact, it's not only because of my mother's kindness, but also because I have been in the top [-] in my grade since I entered the third year of high school, so my mother didn't worry about my grades.

Before the third year of high school, I studied hard because I cherished the opportunity to live and study well. Then after the third year of high school, I was afraid that my mother would stop me from going downstairs one day because of studying.

My college entrance examination was performed steadily in a highly tense state. At this time, the word ALS, which is synonymous with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, swept through my life like a gust of wind. Even the street where I went home had the experience of ice bucket challenge point.

On the day after the college entrance examination, I went to sign up for the ice bucket challenge.

Although the process was short, the feeling it gave me makes me feel breathless when I recall it now.

It takes a lot of willpower to pour that bucket of ice down naked, but I'm ready just by closing my eyes, because the black world under my eyelids is lying on the bed He waited for me to go back.

First of all, it's not the cold, but the pain of being hit. Then, before you can feel the coolness carefully, your whole body will freeze, and the cold will crazily attack every corner from the outside to the inside, and the blood will no longer boil. To escape, to escape, to call for help.

However, there was no energy left to do these things, and he couldn't even breathe, so he could only call for help to himself hopelessly.

Real ALS people may not feel cold, but they are permanently frozen.

After I went back, I knelt and sat by his bed. I remember that I cried that day. It was the first time I cried in front of him. I felt that I was weaker than him.

After crying this time, I seemed to suddenly become optimistic, perhaps because I saw a finger pointing at me after he tried his best that day, and then slowly hooked it.

You know, he hasn't moved for a long time, and even the doctor said he can't move, but now he moves towards me.

In the ecstasy, I think he probably meant to comfort me, did he want to touch my head?

It seems that he has been comforting me all the time, at first comforting my daily unhappiness at school, then comforting my irritable mood due to study, then comforting my fear of facing death, and now comforting me again , reassure me not to worry, tell me he is fine?

This summer vacation, the summer vacation that I said I would travel around with him, turned into a scene where we stayed in the house and I gave full play to my talents in front of the picture book, reading aloud the scenery of each photo.

I will also read some small books to him. I believe he will be able to hear it. I also know that he actually enjoys it very much. This may be the last day today.

He tried his best to survive today, is he going to use it to mourn and cry?

In the countless imaginations in the past, this last period of time should be depressive, but it turns out that this is the most unafraid and most ordinary period of time I have ever lived.

I am no longer afraid of death, no longer worry about what will happen tomorrow, I just look at the book in my hand and talk about what is in my heart.

As time passed, he was still plugged in the ventilator, but within a few days after plugging in the ventilator, he passed the infinite approach.

It is often said that no matter how a person leaves, even if he commits suicide, he fears and avoids death at the moment before death.

But he walked very quietly, just like his temperament has always been quiet, without any ugliness, let alone showing much pain.

Of course, this may also be the reason why I see his own filter.

It was the end of summer, and it was hot, but no one was as hot as the sun.

I didn't cry out of control like I imagined, I just lowered my head quietly and shed a few tears, and then moved the books we read together back to my house. I want to keep these and help him put them away.

Well, I actually wanted to read it again so I didn’t bring it for him. These are the only things he left behind. When I miss him later, I will take them out and read them. Read them to him. Listen, he still won't respond to me as always, but I believe he must be listening.

He, that already thin body became even lighter, and lived in a small box.

In fact, I think he should want to go away with the wind, this is his dream when he was born.

The author has something to say:

Thanks for reading.

Thank you Hehe for the 58 nutrient solutions and Lei ~ Thank you for having you.