Male heart trembling

By chance, I heard a song "Occasionally Still Thinking of You" sung by Milk Coffee. The lyrics in it really express my feelings.

I still think of you sometimes

In the dead of night

Maybe I'm not used to being without you...

I still think of you sometimes

repeating familiar scenes

As if I could still hear your voice...

This song, I put it in the iphone single loop, the lyrics and melody relieved my mood, holding the phone he bought for me was like holding his hand.

I like to use the things he buys me, not because they are expensive and can hold a B, but because I feel close to him.I like to wear the clothes he bought me, not only because it looks good, but also because I feel closer to him.

In the hottest days in Tianjin, even if I can no longer wear it, I always like to take a look occasionally.

I spent quite good weekends with Mr. Tang twice, but we only exist in physical collisions, and we haven't had a single encounter with the soul, or the exploration of the spiritual world.

I don't know what his full name is, what his business is, what his family is like, whether he's married or has any children.

But I know how sexy his body is, how charming it is to touch, I even know that he has a cute birthmark on his ass, he has a big black mole on his arm, and I know that his palms are very beautiful. Powerful, knowing that he has inexhaustible physical strength.

But I don't know how he really exists in this world.

And he only knew that my name was Lu Zhenghao and that I was studying at a university, but he didn't ask which university it was.Knowing that I am short of money, I don't ask what I need money for.Knowing how hard it is for me to work as a courier, I still say that I have become ugly, but I still like it.I know that my first time is a second man every time, but I also know that I am not afraid of hardships in piston movement.Know that I am submissive, and know that I do not speak sweet words.

But I don't know how I really exist in this world.

I don't know him at all, and apart from having his number in my phone, I still can't really get in touch with him.I am, and always will be, a big boy who comes and goes when he is called, a submissive, well-behaved, money-oriented boy.

In the process of walking towards the cafeteria, "Occasionally I Still Think of You" lingered in my ears, and my heart felt very uncomfortable. I missed him and missed him very much.I thought about calling him again, just to listen to his voice, but do I really want to call?My appearance will only disturb his life. If he really misses me, he will call naturally. If he doesn't want me, my calling will only be annoying.

Thinking that it's Thursday again, if he misses me or wants to play with me, he should call and ask me to arrange time on the weekend for recreation.Even though I feel humble, cheap, and cheap, I still hope that he will call, even if I say bluntly: "Lu Zheng, let me fuck you this weekend."

I was also willing, full of anticipation, ran over, pouted my ass and let him do it.I can't help but turn around and ask him, boss, are you doing well?

I know that I have fallen into a vortex of deformed feelings, but things like feelings can't make people normal, I'm just more abnormal than normal.

On Thursday night, I did not receive a call from Mr. Tang, and it was still the same on Friday.

On weekends, I played basketball and badminton with my friends, read books, reviewed homework, and found a lot of things for myself to do, so that I could forget the loneliness during the day, but unfortunately I still couldn’t fill up the longing for lying in Mr. Tang’s arms in the dead of night .

I still think of you sometimes

In the dead of night

Maybe I'm not used to being without you...

I still think of you sometimes

repeating familiar scenes

As if I could still hear your voice...