[mouse cat] doll

In other words, Zhan Zhao didn't want to meet Bai Yutang again.However, this kind of weather turned some delicate pain hidden in some soft and dark places in his heart into unbearable melancholy.

Even when he opened the door of his house after returning to China and saw Bai Yutang for the first time, he thought so.

If some feelings continue to sink, there will be no redemption.Bai Yutang probably didn't know what kind of disaster it would be for him when he came and went, and came again and again...

Zhan Zhao stared at Bai Yutang blankly, his eyes were still clear and black, and he didn't even move his expression.However, under the deep and clear eyes is the ups and downs of mood.The Bai Yutang in front of him is exactly the same as in the past. How long can people's memories last?So hard that I tried to erase it, but unfortunately, this vivid impression has never been separated from the outline imprint in my mind.Zhan Zhao secretly sighed weakly, unable to utter a single word.

He couldn't ask, so Bai Yutang could only say, "...I'm sorry." Taking a deep breath, the first thing Bai Yutang said to Zhan Zhao was——I'm sorry.

During these few days alone in Zhan Zhao's house, Bai Yutang thought a lot.How much he hurt Zhan Zhao because he left without saying anything. Although he could feel Zhan Zhao's loneliness before that, he never had a deep understanding of it.He is a person with a healthy life experience, and he gets along with Zhan Zhao from the standpoint of a person with advantages—it wasn't until he really calmed down and tasted the cold breath in the house alone that he understood more and more deeply. , and understood Zhan Zhao's pain for so many years, and his inability to burn.

Cold from body to heart, living alone until now is because he has great courage, but courage is not enough for a person to live.

If there is no temperature, it will freeze to death.

Zhan Zhao was a little surprised, and lightly pulled the corner of his lips, wanting to smile, but when the smile reached his lips, it changed into another feeling. "Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have treated you that way last time..." Bai Yutang gritted his teeth, the hasty but tender conflicting emotions were revealed in his voice without any concealment.

Zhan Zhao shook his head, "It's a good thing you're gone." Thinking of Zhan Bozhong's face at that time, his eyes showed boredom, and he was so tired that he leaned against the wall.The jet lag that has not been reversed, the cold that has not been cured for several months, and the heaviness in his heart make him physically and mentally exhausted.Zhan Zhao glanced at Bai Yutang again, let out a heavy breath, and turned his head away.

"Besides, you have that kind of character. You come and go whenever you want. You didn't say where you were going. I don't know your contact information. Even if I wanted to find you, I couldn't find you."

Bai Yutang's body shook heavily. "Zhan Zhao!" He held Zhan Zhao's arm, and whispered in a strange tone with unprecedented urgency. "It's my fault, you should blame me, I'm sorry."

Zhan Zhao's eyes were full of tiredness, and he didn't speak for a while, until he pulled Bai Yutang's hand away after a while, and then he said, "Bai Yutang, I don't blame you. We have nothing to do with each other in the first place, I didn't It's your fault." He turned his eyes slowly, shook his head, and shook his head again. "I know your kindness. But in order to avoid any unhappiness between us in the future, you'd better go!" The unhurried words were mixed with emotions such as melancholy, sadness, and even indifference... He I don't want to be a provocative hedgehog.

Bai Yutang clenched his empty palms tightly, staring at Zhan Zhao with wide eyes, his expression full of disbelief. "You want me to go?"

Zhan Zhao smiled wryly and lowered his eyes.Bai Yutang felt that surprise was inevitable, and it was inevitable that he couldn't accept it, but unfortunately he couldn't understand... He didn't do anything wrong, everything was his own fault, it was because he didn't dare to think too much, it was because he was worried about that Once a heart is indulged, it will completely lose control and can never be taken back.So it was never that Bai Yutang was bad, he was actually very good, but I couldn't tell him the reason, nor could I keep him.

"Let's go!" Raising his eyes again, Zhan Zhao repeated with a firm voice.Some things, just let it repeat in your heart!Time will change what can be changed, and I will act as if I have not heard anything.Over the years, he has turned himself into a more selfish person, always guarding himself and refusing to give up.Therefore, the feelings will not be crazy, nor will they penetrate into the bones. As long as Bai Yutang can disappear, he can bring himself back to the original point, and never deviate a step from the track.

Since you have to leave sooner or later, why let it go?Why meet?The longer you get along with each other, the easier it is to fall in love, and the more passionate you are, the easier it is to get hurt...

He hasn't finished what he has to do, so give him a little more time.And before that, he couldn't pay any price.

The room was so quiet that only each other's breathing could be heard, Bai Yutang put away his shock little by little, and looked at Zhan Zhao without blinking. "You don't have to show me a cold attitude on purpose."

When Zhan Zhao heard this, his face changed slightly, and then he frowned. "I did it on purpose, so what?" After saying this, he turned his head away from looking at Bai Yutang again.

Bai Yutang turned to walk in front of Zhan Zhao, forcing his gaze. "What are you going to do if I don't go?"

Zhan Zhao smiled wryly again.He suddenly realized that he felt a deep sense of frustration. Why did the words he said seem to be of no use at all? Could it be that he was doomed to lose the battle when he met someone as stubborn as Bai Yutang?Raising his head slightly, Zhan Zhao suddenly looked directly into Bai Yutang's eyes, and said word by word: "Bai Yutang, since you have been away for such a long time, it proves that you have somewhere to go, right?" A flood of banging.He let out a stagnant breath and sighed slightly. "You're just staying at my house temporarily. Don't I presume that I've fulfilled my responsibilities to you very well."

He grabbed Bai Yutang's shoulder with his backhand, and then let go, Zhan Zhao's face turned pale.He had already made a good decision, and he had made a good psychological construction. This time Bai Yutang left, he would never come back again, and he didn't want to, really didn't want to see him again.

Do everything in one go, once is enough.

Once again, he really didn't know how to face it, what to do.

Zhan Zhao's words were also irrefutable, Bai Yutang was silent for a while, and decided to communicate with Zhan Zhao in another way. "You can leave if you want, I'll ask you one last question." He slowly stared at the person, took out the two bottles of sleeping pills from his pocket, and put them in his palm. "Why are you taking so many sleeping pills? Am I hindering your mood?"

When Zhan Zhao saw those two medicine bottles, his heart was slightly shocked. "No," he pursed his lips and shook his head. "I have some neurasthenia, so I can't sleep well all the time. I just want to sleep well after taking sleeping pills, otherwise my head will hurt even more and I can't do anything." He knew that he had developed some bad habits of relying on sleep aids. From the perspective of physical health, it is completely unacceptable.

Naturally, Bai Yutang didn't agree, his brows furrowed even tighter, his eyes were serious. "You have to see a doctor if you have a headache. Don't you know that taking too much sleeping pills is tantamount to chronic suicide?" The doctor's advice is two pills each time, no more than three times a day. And the amount you take, I'm sure, has definitely exceeded the doctor's advice. Long-term dependence on sleeping pills, what have you done to yourself?"

Zhan Zhao stared at him, eyes full of tiredness, and replied lightly: "It's nothing, I know how to control the dosage, so you don't have to worry. Okay, I'm done talking, you can go! Don't bother with me. How's the water!" In the past few months, it was the first time he spoke to Bai Yutang in such an almost rude tone of reprimand.

"Why are you in such a hurry to drive me away? If I want to go, I will go!" Bai Yutang felt sorry for Zhan Zhao, but his anger was also aroused by his continuous driving away, and he looked at him coldly, "Am I so annoying to you? You find an excuse here and there, and just say a few words to drive me away with this tone? What do you think of me? Even if I did [-] things wrong before Well, at least I care about you, right?"

Grasping Zhan Zhao's shoulder tightly, Bai Yutang looked at people firmly, gritted his teeth and said coldly: "Except for you, no one else can talk to me like this, even your self-righteous adoptive father is the same."

Of course he knew that he was going too far and being unreasonable now.This is not something he would do, never was, and it is impossible for him to be so ignorant, unable to see who cares about him and who ignores him, but even for this... he still can't avoid... fear...

In Zhan Zhao's heart, he had already smiled wryly several times.The air in the room began to become so thin that it was suffocating. He didn't know how to answer Bai Yutang in order to make himself seem reasonable. Sneering was never his style, and even he himself couldn't accept it. These are far-fetched, and they can't grasp anything that can be proved.

At this time, the mobile phone in Zhan Zhao's pocket suddenly rang, breaking the stagnant atmosphere and making him feel dazed.Pressing the increasingly painful temple with his fingers, Zhan Zhao pressed the call button.The incoming call from the mobile phone traveled through thousands of complex optical fiber circuits from another country, and was reversed.Bai Yutang was originally scrutinizing Zhan Zhaoming's stubborn performance, but he didn't want to see a bleak look flash across his face not long after he picked up the phone.

The call didn't last long.After hanging up the phone, Zhan Zhao felt a splitting headache, probably because of his unhealed cold, but he didn't expect it to be so severe.Turning around and pushing open the door of his bedroom, he took off the cloth covering the dust on the bed, rolled it aside, and then lay down on the bed with his clothes up, raising his left hand to cover his tired eyes.

"What happened?" Seeing Zhan Zhao like this, Bai Yutang followed the bed in surprise and worry.

"...An Ran is dead." Zhan Zhao hesitated for a moment, but still answered, he changed his posture slightly so that Bai Yutang could not see his gloomy mood.

An Ran... Where did I hear this name?Bai Yutang began to search for information about this name in his mind.

An Ran is the only girl who has some relationship with Zhan Zhao.

Bai Yutang pulled Jiang Ping's original sentence out of his memory.

According to reports, she seems to have resigned and went to a pharmaceutical research institute in the United States. How could she have died suddenly?

"Before she went to the United States, she signed up for the international humanitarian aid organization to go to Tanzania to do drug analysis of the sampled virus..." Zhan Zhao said slowly, "As a result, she contracted a local fever a few days ago and died soon .If I keep her, maybe she won't go there?" He held his forehead hard, feeling that there is a strange force in the dark that is always against him, and it seems that he is not allowed to have a little bit of peace or closeness. happy feeling...

"You like her?" Bai Yutang's face was also a little ugly, he squatted beside the bed, looking at Zhan Zhao's back with an inexplicable mood. "Why didn't you stop her from going to such a dangerous place?"

"Why stop her? That's her ideal, even if she dies." Zhan Zhao's voice came from the other side, a little muffled. "I don't think liking is enough to stop a person from doing what she wants, and besides, I don't really have a lot of affection for her. But I'm still sad that she's so young...Anyone I know has an accident I will be sad..."

After all, this is the only girl he can treat calmly.

A feeling of emptiness that stretches as far as the eye can see makes Zhan Zhao extremely painful.Could it be that he was born just suitable for that kind of near-happy feeling?Just like he was next to his mother's tombstone, when An Ran was still with him day and night, and even accompanied him before Bai Yutang, and he hadn't understood some of his intentions for a few months, and then there was always a stage where he needed to do something. To make a choice, could it be that he can only approach infinitely like this, but can't fully own it?

While Zhan Zhao was thinking wildly, Bai Yutang seemed a little annoyed by his words, "You never tell the truth to others?"

"I didn't..." Zhan Zhao retorted subconsciously, but Bai Yutang interrupted him, "If you care, you just care. What can't you say or do? I don't understand why you have to hide your true feelings , Pretend not to care, let yourself gradually become a person who thinks you can continue to live alone if you don’t care? Aren’t you tired like this?”

The voice fell, and no one spoke again.After a while, in the silence, someone's faint voice sounded. "Bai Yutang, you don't understand at all... Who in this world doesn't live a very tired life? And who would like to hide themselves, when they don't even know what mask they will face life with tomorrow?" Zhan Zhao said at the same time While feeling raw pains all over my body, "Have you ever experienced the feeling of having to accomplish something because someone is gone? Do you know that for the past 20 years, I have always thought about A life that you can't get rid of, but you can't get rid of?!" He unknowingly exposed some places that he didn't know.This is the first time that Zhan Zhao allows others to hear his inner voice, and it is most likely also the last time.

Bai Yutang's heart beat suddenly, and he listened to this in a daze. Zhan Zhao never said it, and kept it in his heart all the time, and those things he never knew, the pain suppressed in his heart!

"But this... has nothing to do with whether you keep someone...?" His eyes flickered a few times, with a puzzled look on his face.

Zhan Zhao turned over and sat up, looking at him, with an inexplicable feeling in his heart, "When you care about a person, but find that the other person can't repay you with the same affection, what will you do?" Go for a question mark.Bai Yutang's heart skipped a beat, thinking he saw something.But Zhan Zhao's spirit seems to be a little dazed, it doesn't matter whether he gets the answer or not, he is already tired and has no extra energy to pay attention to the reactions of others. "If a person doesn't want to stay, if he doesn't want to stop for you, it's useless to keep him, let alone what if he stays, he always has to go."

This may be the feeling that Zhan Zhao experienced after his mother passed away, and after being adopted that can be called "ridiculous".Bai Yutang was speechless on the face, but after seeing the almost "hurt" look in his eyes, he endured his already ups and downs of temper.He admitted that before he asked the previous question, he had never really thought carefully about why Zhan Zhao had such a personality today.

He doesn't insist, he is not a forceful person, and he doesn't like to be forced.And he is considerate, too easily because of the situation, because of reason, because he doesn't like other people's unpleasantness, so he doesn't go beyond, and doesn't expect extravagantly.His eyes are always clear and sharp, but how much emotion is real?How many emotions are illusory?

The most important thing is that he always feels that what he gains will also be lost, so he thinks that retention is not important, so he deliberately does not pay attention to it, and never strives for it.

Bai Yutang held Zhan Zhao's hand unknowingly, wanting to give him some comfort. Comforting is actually good for everyone, but everyone may become a passer-by in his life.At this moment, Bai Yutang seemed to finally understand his feelings for Zhan Zhao.Only in Zhan Zhao can he find those things that make his heart move, maybe it comes from the pity that has been planted unconsciously since the early days. "Why did your adoptive father treat you like this?" This was the question Bai Yutang had been asking all along, and he blurted it out suddenly, and suddenly found that Zhan Zhao's hands were unusually hot, so he was shocked.

"Why?" Zhan Zhao seemed to have forgotten his physical condition, with a strange sneer on his face, "Do you still remember the laboratory you saw in Zongheng? That place is inextricably linked to my life experience." The reason why he treats me like that is because in his eyes, I was born with traces of an experimental 'product', and because I can't find my biological father, he puts the purpose on my father. body. So I must not let him down, and I must live to satisfy his purpose, otherwise it is an unforgivable crime..." He opened his eyes and looked at Bai Yutang with strange eyes, and his tone of voice showed a Empty and in a trance, he had no idea what he was talking about.

Bai Yutang was terrified by Zhan Zhao's appearance, and his heart felt cold for a while.His throat was astringent, and the swelling and tumbling in his heart had reached its limit. He didn't dare to ask Zhan Zhao any more, and without thinking about it, he put his hands into his arms, and in the situation where he was so nervous that he couldn't do anything, he kissed his lips. I wanted to bring him back to his senses, and not to wallow in thoughts that were chaotic because of the fever.No matter what he encounters, I will accompany him, hoping to repair the torture he has experienced for so many years.

Not long after, Zhan Zhao regained his composure and stared at Bai Yutang suddenly approaching him in a daze. After the confusion in his eyes flashed, he frowned suddenly, pushed him away and slapped him.