my ten boyfriends

My fourth boyfriend, called Melancholy.

I have thought carefully about leaving my current company.Audit work requires precision and patience, and I have to face a lot of boring data. I gradually feel that the daily work content is very similar and lacks passion. The idea of ​​trying other departments was declined again.Counting the savings, I have been working for two years now, spend very little, and live at home. I have saved enough money to fail and start over, so after the leaving party thrown by my colleagues, I became unemployed .

I didn't find a good next job before resigning. I wanted to have a dedicated time to sort out myself and get ready to go.I don't plan to find a job purely for my livelihood. Of course, I don't have any bigger intentions. I want to start a family business from scratch. I just want to find a job that can realize my self-worth and make me feel "I have to" .

My mother was very supportive of my decision and poured me a pile of chicken soup as usual.

When looking for various job fairs and paying attention to job information, I often go to the library to sit.I seldom have such leisure, without purpose, and read purely for the sake of reading.The university library also has a rich collection of books, but I either borrow professional books for my thesis, or borrow weapons and football magazines, which are utilitarian and careless.

After sitting in the library for a month, reporting every day, I found out that there was a man who used to go there on weekends.I was able to notice him among many passers-by because he was handsome enough.Sometimes, our positions are still very close, he always lowers his brows and eyes, very close to the book, his face is full of shadows.I saw the spine of that book, it was Huysmans' "Defying the Sky".I have also read this book, and I hate the translation of this name. "Against the Current" is so good, "Defying the Sky" is like a YY novel from somewhere.

At this time, I saw that a software R&D company was recruiting a product manager assistant. It was very interesting just from the recruitment notice. I also used a financial software made by their family. It was full of originality and practicality, and the UI design was beautiful. It's really good-looking, but it's a pity that the publicity is not good, and not many companies use it, which is a pity.

The product manager assistant recruited this time does not require relevant experience, which is just right for me.I submitted my resume, and I specifically focused on my experience in participating in geek clubs and being the minister of the external relations department at the university, so I entered the first round of screening.I was very interested in this job, so I returned the books I hadn’t read before, and borrowed books on product management and marketing. When I was borrowing books, the man happened to be standing next to me. With the bibliography in my hand, I hesitated to speak, so I immediately asked him if there was anything he could recommend.

He replaced two books for me, and told me that these books are not very useful. I wanted to chat with him more, so I chatted with him and said that I would like to ask for advice.He didn't look easy to get close to. He looked like a calm and self-possessed person who usually has no emotional ups and downs. He agreed to my request.There is a special communication area in the library, where you can find like-minded people to communicate and discuss in a low voice.I asked his name and he said his name was Melancholy.

Melancholy understands the question I asked for advice very well. If it wasn't for being polite, I really wanted to pester him for a while.I borrowed the book back, I took it back and chewed it again, and then went to the interview.

The company attaches great importance to interviews, and the interviewers hired are actually professional.I anxiously went home and waited for the result, and felt that I had done what I could.Three days later, when I received the notification of approval, I was really happy and jumped up with my mobile phone in my hand.

I packed up and went to the office where I was going to be, only to find the library blues, sitting at the head of the office.It was such a coincidence that I applied for an assistant product manager, but he was the product manager.

The four eyes met, and they were all a little surprised, but tacitly did not mention the acquaintance in the library.I followed behind him and started studying seriously.I have an internship period, if I can't satisfy this man, I have to leave.

Melancholic business is strong.Product manager is a very important position and needs to know the entire company well.The company is developing a mobile app that specializes in enhancing the saturation of photos and modifying the color tone. It has reached the output stage, but it is still in testing. Melancholy will use this example to explain to me.He is very nice and doesn't hide his secrets. I learned a lot during this process. Of course, I have a good impression of him, but I don't know if he is gay, and I can't provoke straight men.

I decided to give it a try.I talked about related topics, and tentatively made physical contact closer than my friends, but he didn't show any disgust. Maybe he is bisexual.Then there is the worry about dating in the office. He is my immediate superior. Will my pursuit of him make him misunderstand in other directions?I'm afraid it will affect my work, I don't want to leave yet, and love is not my purpose in life, so I didn't say anything.

But Melancholy was aware of it, and he was unexpectedly keen.The other day I was writing a random survey page for the web, when Melancholy walked up behind me and asked me, are you gay?I froze and said yes.He asked again, do you like me?There was no disgust in that tone.

This time, without the slightest hesitation, I said yes.

He said, okay, let's try it.I was ecstatic, but I had no idea.Because he didn't agree because he likes me.Are you curious?Is it sympathy?Did you get through something with my company?I didn't bother with that, anyway, we dated.

After dating for a period of time, I feel more and more that there is an unknown delicacy, sensitivity and fragility hidden in the melancholy, calm, self-sufficient, calm appearance.When walking with him, he is particularly prone to ecstasy, and when watching movies, he is always prone to red circles.He is not like Lin Daiyu, but there is no doubt that some qualities are very similar.

Our communication is relatively light, not in-depth.When dealing with him, I even unconsciously become cautious.He never said what he had been through, what he wanted to do, or his family.For a while, his spirit was particularly unstable, as if he was going to collapse at any time, and I was helpless.

I wanted to suggest that he see a psychiatrist, but I didn't dare to mention it.But he took the initiative to do it instead. When he talked to me, it seemed that he had finally made a decision that he had struggled for a long time.The psychiatric hospital I went with him has the most famous psychological counseling center in our city.Before going to the outpatient clinic, the doctor needs to chat with him to determine what tests are needed. I want to avoid it, but the depression is holding my hand tightly, making me unable to get up.

The doctor on duty was in his early thirties, and he liked it when he saw it.He briefly chatted with Youyou about his daily life, and asked him what discomfort he had recently.There is no hesitation to avoid melancholy, in fact, he has always been straightforward.He said that he has been emotionally unstable recently, easily collapsed, and always thinks about bad things.What bad things do doctors ask?Suicide, he said.Always thinking, always fantasizing.

I was stunned, I didn't even know that he had such thoughts in his heart!I just felt that the melancholy hand was holding me tightly.

The doctor on duty was not surprised, he had seen many people.He then asked if there were any specific sources of stress.Melancholy said that his mother wanted him to give up his current excellent job and take the exam for a civil servant where it is difficult to support his family, just because she was worried that he would lose his job, and urged him to get married and have children, but did not consider his thoughts. And at this time I confessed to him, and he recklessly agreed.I didn't expect that I was also a source of pressure for him!When I gently comfort him, will he hate me, because I am also oppressing him, an enemy?He must have regretted it.

As he spoke, his eyelashes were wet with tears.The doctor skillfully took out a tissue and mailed it to him, and then issued an order for me to pay the fee.He talked about the process, first did two assessments, and then started a five-to-ten-minute consultation. The appointment consultation now has to wait for half an hour.

Melancholy never let go of my hand.So we went hand in hand to pay the fee.He has never been so tired of me, combined with what he said before, it makes me feel very upset and very sad.Did he let me listen to this on purpose, is he trying to break up with me?

We sat on soft sofas in the waiting room.He leaned against me, leaning on my shoulder.We didn't say anything.It was a really hard half hour, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe, but the depression was silent, almost without sound.But finally, the doctor on duty came to call us, and said it was ok, come over for the assessment first.

There are many computers in the evaluation room, but no one else is there.My hand was still held by melancholy as he began the first test.

The first test is the Eysenck Personality Test (for adults).At first glance, this test does not seem to have any sensitive issues, but Melancholy always chooses some options that I would not choose, even though the beginning of the test said that there is no right or wrong for each option.I looked at the computer, as if I had done it with him.

After the test results were printed, the second item, the 90-item symptom checklist, began.There are so many questions, I can't figure out what they are about.The psychiatrist who made an appointment took two results and looked at them for a long time, but didn't speak.Maybe melancholy is the same as I am now, eager to know the result?But we're all waiting for the doctor to speak.I'm waiting for the doctor to tell me to go out, I think I'm here, and I'm afraid the depression won't open my heart.

The doctor glanced at our holding hands—I moved, tried to break free, but failed.Doctors pretend I don't exist.He said that he had read the records of the doctor on duty, otherwise we should start talking about the family?

Melancholy said, good.

The author has something to say: Thank you Aoba for mine!Thank you christian2 for mine!I have always been curious, is there no cold medicine like Daqingye over there?I eat this at home, but I can't buy it outside.

By the way, I want to post a column collection, my column hopes to be able to make two thousand in the new year=3

Off topic, this chapter is my favorite chapter, I think it is very gentle w.I sincerely advise everyone that if bad emotions affect your life, you must see a psychiatrist in time to stop the loss in time. Anyway, I think it is quite useful.