bucket list

Seeing things and thinking about people, Zong Chi was not too emotional, and led the way absent-mindedly.The dinner that the whole family will attend in the evening must be a Hongmen banquet. He knows very well in his heart that he should not bring Jian Changche into this kind of environment to suffer, and he also understands.But maybe it's because I have acted too much recently, as if I really need someone to protect him anytime and anywhere to be at ease, so I just pulled and dragged people here.But as soon as he had a few words with his mother, and then imagined what nonsense they would say to Jian Changche, Zong Chi immediately regretted it.

Jian Changche happened to be very preoccupied, and the two walked slowly along the path towards the town, without saying a word.Although winter is approaching, there are still some sporadic small flowers blooming among the shrubs on the roadside, the dead branches of the trees are hidden among the dark green needles, and there are faint birdsong in the mountains and forests, which is not bleak.

Contrary to Jian Changche's expectation, the place Zong Chi was obsessed with was not some luxurious high-end place, but a small restaurant with only five or six tables.Most of the food in the store is steamed and boiled vegetables prepared in advance. Zong Chi ordered a braised pork with preserved vegetables, steamed pork ribs with powder, roasted beef with radish, and a bowl of vegetable and meat ball soup. To 40 yuan.

"Dinner at home tonight..." Zong Chi thought for a long time, and finally spoke hesitantly.

"Huh? What?" Jian Changche asked, "Don't tell me to wear formal clothes, I didn't bring them."

"No," Zong Chi made up his mind - it's better for him to bear those ambiguities and intrigues by himself. "Otherwise you don't come."

Jian Changche looked up from the soup bowl in astonishment: "Ah? Why?"

"Why... didn't you always want to participate? Let's write a hotel later and put things away. Then we will go to the lake for a while, and I will go back to the meal time and come to play with you after eating. "

Jian Changche still couldn't react—it is true that he didn't want to face Zong Chi's difficult family members for a moment, but since he had done so much psychological construction, he was still very confused when his preparation suddenly failed. force.

"Why?" Jian Changche asked again, "Did you see your mother just now? What did you say to her?"

"It's nothing," Zong Chi said, "I just mentioned that I brought my boyfriend home, but it has nothing to do with that."

"What!" Jian Chang was shocked, "How serious are you! I'm not...Didn't I tell you not to talk about such insignificant things!"

"Irrelevant?! Irrelevant?" Zong Chi also became angry. He stared at Jian Changche for a long time before asking in a deep voice, "What do you think we are doing?"

Jian Changche: "Huh?"

Zong Chi moved his fingers back and forth in front of the faces of the two of them: "What do you think you and I are doing? What are we doing? What are we driving here for three hours?"

Zong Chi hadn't used such an aggressive tone at him for a long time, Jian Changche said angrily, "I don't know."

Zong Chi raised his voice: "You don't know what to say!"

Jian Changche bit his lower lip lightly and remained silent, his side face was full of anger and stubbornness.

"Don't run away anymore, you can't dodge!" Zong Chi sighed, but decided not to let him go this time: "So all this time, I was the only one who foolishly thought we were in a formal relationship, I'm the only one who begs for nothing to live in your house and doesn't leave, and I'm the only one who is thinking... no, imagining where this relationship can go in the future."

Unexpectedly, the word "future" hurt Jian Changche who was originally silent.

"Where can I go? Ah? Let me ask you, where can I go." He suddenly became emotional, "Why do you have to break everything down so clearly, so clearly... so clearly !"

Zong Chi's expression was completely cold: "What will happen if you explain too clearly?"

Jian Changche realized that he couldn't say the last half of the sentence, pinched the edge of the table and stared with his mouth half open for a long time, finally sat back on the chair, and said softly: "Forget it, don't say these things here, it will affect other people's business .”

"Are you embarrassed to say?" Zong Chi said coldly, "I'll help you."

"Are you embarrassed to tell me that you are not that serious, just for fun. Or are you embarrassed to tell me that you were with me just for fun at first, and you got used to it later, but you don't want to change the existing relationship status. You’re embarrassed to admit that you’re afraid of commitment, of intimacy. Or…”

"Or the most important reason you are with me is actually to sympathize with me."

Jian Changche asked suspiciously, "What?"

"You didn't like me at all, and you even hated me at first. You saw that I lost my family and had nothing, so you felt sorry for me, and you felt that you could feel at ease and come into contact with me! Because you see me and you All those patients are the same. You can see that I was miserable at the time, and I couldn’t bear it, so I couldn’t help but want to take care of it, just like you saw a grandfather who lost his wife and a mother who lost children, even if they sacrificed their own time and money. It’s tempting not to interfere. Now that my life is back to normal, you feel like this is the end of your job.”

Jian Changche was dumbfounded.

On the one hand, he was shocked that Zong Chi would think so, but what was even more shocking was that 1% of the contents were true, which he had never realized before.

When he first met Zong Chi, although the other person's appearance was his favorite, his identity and personality were completely inappropriate, and he would never take the initiative to have anything to do with Zong Chi like that.But it is undeniable that Zong Chi's fragility due to his grandmother's serious illness is very attractive, especially when it is reflected in such a strong and cold person.That also allowed him to find a certain connection between himself and Zong Chi for the first time, that is, the loneliness of watching his relatives die and living alone but powerless.

Jian Changche sometimes feels that he also has some masochistic tendencies. He is so close to the grief and trauma of different people and families that he inevitably re-experiences those unfortunate past events again and again. A desensitization cure, or a pathological paranoia.

But later it was different.

The Tyrannosaurus rex made of paper is very soft and kind. He would squat in a suit and inflate balls for children under the hospital building. Acting coquettishly and cutely.

It's just that Jian Changche's silence like being poked at the center has completely angered Zong Chi, he sneered: "I knew it, that's why you don't want to explain it to me, because if I don't accept it, the team will have to break up What, are you afraid of hurting me? You are afraid that I will force you to confirm the relationship, and you will have to break up with me. But you don’t want to be this bad person, even your ex, you have forgiven him so many times, You are soft-hearted."

Jian Changche heard him say more and more outrageous - how to make it seem that he is the crux of the problem!

"Aren't you?" Jian Changche blurted out.

Zong Chi: "What?"

"Aren't you!" Jian Changche said louder again, "If it wasn't for your grandma, would we know each other and have any intersection?"

"In such a big city, besides hospitals where life, old age, sickness and death are equal, is there any other chance for us to meet? Where you go to eat, drink, and rent a house, I will never take a step in this life The broken vegetable market where I go to buy vegetables, and the broken tube building where I live, you have never even seen. We are completely different people, from different backgrounds, living in very different worlds You have to pull me to make a statement now, what's the point? You can guarantee that you will not change? You can guarantee that you will not compromise your choice out of political or economic pursuits in the future, and you can guarantee that your family agrees with you and me How many years has this person been together? He is poor and has no background, and he looks like a gangster at first glance, and he is still a man."

"What do you care about them!" Zong Chi felt unreasonable.

"I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about you!" Jian Changche finally yelled out the words that had been held in his heart for a long time: "How much do you like me? Not necessarily, it's just because of a coincidence!"

Zong Chi stared at him like he wanted to strangle his neck.

"It happened that you were weak, lonely, and sad at that time, and it happened to be me who appeared next to you. It was because of my experience that I could understand your feelings, so you treated me like a suspension bridge or something, even if it wasn't me who appeared there... ..."

"How dare you say it," Zong Chi gritted his teeth, his knuckles turned white from clenched fists, "Jian Changche! You dare say whoever you want!"

Jian Changche was stunned, and said, "No, I just want to say... Even if I didn't show up at that time, you will get through it and get used to it slowly."

The two stared at each other for a while, Zong Chi suddenly gave a self-deprecating wry smile, relaxed his body, and leaned back on the back of the chair.He looked very sad: "You know what they say about grief. Wherever there is a grave, there is a motel."

Jian Changche had a dark face: "I'm uneducated, I don't understand."

"Get out, I don't want to talk to you." Zong Chi said indifferently.

Jian Changche stood up quickly: "Get out, get out."

Zong Chi also stood up: "Very good!"

Jian Changche quickly walked outside and left: "I'm getting lost!"

The boss chased him out: "Hey, hey, you haven't paid me yet."

Zong Chi walked out of the store with one leg, then quickly took out his mobile phone to pay, and when he looked up, Jian Changche had already disappeared.