sunk into the earth

Cheng Sheng felt that his life was cut into two parts of completely different colors in [-], the first half was colored, and the second half was gray.

After that year, he never listened to rock music again. He didn’t know about the up-and-coming stars in the circle. He also changed from metal core to folk songs. His hair was cut short when he grew a little bit. The tattoos on his body were also washed before going abroad.There is nothing to do except for the bruise that was sewn in. It has grown together with the wound over the past few years, and it can no longer be washed clean.

Sometimes friends accidentally mention which new band is good recently, Cheng Sheng instead asks in a daze: "Which one? I haven't heard of it."

He rented a small two-bedroom apartment near the school and shared it with a Chinese-American mixed-race named Frank.The roommate is more chic than Cheng Sheng before. His name is in a foreign language, but he speaks Chinese like his mother tongue. A few years ago, he traveled around the world. In the past two years, he has gone crazy and insisted on getting involved in the computer industry.

Cheng Sheng has completely become an ordinary person here, there is nothing else to do except to catch up with dues in class. ?The operation seemed to consume all the energy in Cheng Sheng's body. After that, his body kept going downhill, and he felt headaches and brain fever at every turn. When it rained, it was like a catastrophe, and the bones on his back seemed to be eaten by termites. , It hurts densely inside.

It rains a lot in summer, and a few torrential rains coincided with Cheng Sheng catching a cold. At that time, he was upside down day and night because of school and homework, and he only lived on a few cups of black coffee every day. His stomach was ruined by this irregular life. I couldn't eat a bite all day, and my weight dropped like a cliff.Several times, Cheng Sheng looked at his face carefully in the mirror in the bathroom. His cheeks were sunken in a large area. When the overhead light was turned on, only the cheekbones and mandibles could be seen clearly, and there was almost a shadow on the cheeks.He looked down at his body again. The pajamas hung loosely on the bone frame, and there was almost no flesh left around the elbows and kneecaps, like a hard stone stuck between two bones.

As soon as the rainstorm came, Cheng Sheng became desperate for life, and the bones in his back were numb with pain. He didn't dare to touch his back, so he had to wrap his two thin arms around his thighs and curl up on the sofa.

Outside, there was lightning and thunder mixed with torrential rain, and Cheng Sheng huddled up on the sofa, wandering back and forth with his hands on his body, thinking while touching his bare legs—this sick body, don’t care if it’s a man or a woman , no one would want to touch him.

One time Frank came back from the bar after drinking in the middle of the night. When the door opened, Cheng Sheng was lying on the floor of the living room. , pointing to his bedroom: "There is a white box in the first drawer, please help me to take it, I just wanted to get the medicine, I didn't expect to roll off the floor and never get up again."

This kind of thing happens almost all the time.

Towards the end of the period, Cheng Sheng spent the whole night catching up in the library. The library was brightly lit at three or four in the morning, surrounded by many people who were smarter than him, and he was struggling with him. A certain unremarkable person might be the first shot in a certain field in the future. ; the building next door was also lit, and the office casually pointed out that a professor who was working might be the proposer of a certain theory.

Cheng Sheng struggled to live among the geniuses, and felt that he was nothing after leaving home.

This kind of emotion oppresses Cheng Sheng all the time. He has no boyfriend or girlfriend, only a roommate who lives with him. He begins to spend his days and nights in the library, and the codes he faces consume all his energy like a black hole.

Once, Cheng Sheng, who had just finished his due, kept taking out the resume to be delivered next year and began to revise it. He felt something was wrong one second before he fell down on the table with a "bang" the next second.

Cheng Sheng had a rare dream. In the dream, he returned to that distant town, and there was a man with a vague face sitting beside him, saying in a distorted voice that he missed him very much.Cheng Sheng couldn't see his face clearly, couldn't hear his voice clearly, he knew that he couldn't stand the time and was slowly forgetting everything that happened before.

It was already the second day when he woke up again. When he opened his eyes, his eyes were full of foreign faces, and his ears were filled with English. There was no familiar Asian face around him. At that moment, Cheng Sheng felt infinitely lonely and hopeless.

"I'm homesick, I want to go back to my country, I want to drink fried liver." Cheng Sheng spoke Chinese while lying on the hospital bed.

No one around understood, Cheng Sheng stopped talking this time.

This situation continued until the year he graduated. Frank accompanied him to see a psychiatrist. Cheng Sheng filled out a lot of scales in the hospital, and was dragged by the doctor to do some strange instrumental examinations. Finally, he was judged as a coffin. ——You are indeed sick, take medicine to adjust, benefit others and yourself.

Cheng Sheng was not as difficult to accept as he imagined. He had long realized that something was wrong with him. At a certain moment, his emotions rose too violently. At that time, he felt that he was omnipotent. He also thought that everyone hated him, and everyone in the world wished that he would die sooner.

This time he acted like a good boy, obediently obeying the doctor’s orders, honestly taking medicine on time, life gradually slowed down, Cheng Sheng no longer asked himself to compete with the top students, he began to slowly try to listen to rock music again, But he is still not a domestic rookie. On weekends, Frank takes him to visit museums, and occasionally introduces him to new friends. Cheng Sheng adapts quickly to everything, and he pushes away the disease that can crush others.

In [-], Cheng Sheng signed on to Amazon right after graduation. At that time, he didn’t know much about the atmosphere of each company. He thought that the types of work in technology were similar, but he regretted it just a week after joining the company. The corporate atmosphere and e-commerce attributes were different from his. I didn't fit everything, and I had to work hard for a year before I jumped to Google, a technology powerhouse, and I did it for almost three years.

In [-], Frank, who was working on a social networking site in Silicon Valley, approached him. The two made an appointment at a bar in Mountain View. Cheng Sheng arrived before the appointed time, and he leaned on the bar and drank boredly. Frank pushed open the door of the bar almost on time. When he came in, he saw Cheng Sheng and rushed towards him like a cannonball, giving him a warm hug that he hadn't seen in several years.

The two sat next to the corner of the bar, and Frank was sitting next to his butt, talking nonsense. As soon as he sat down, he said that the United States didn't make any headway. What you want is not necessarily what you like.

After saying this, Frank refilled a glass of wine for Cheng Sheng, and then got to the point, "Would you like to return to China to start a business? The market there is really huge, and the technology has not yet filled the demand, and there are some ideas that can be done."

In [-], China's Internet market was full of gold, and pigs could fly in the wind and waves, not to mention the two of them were solid technical professionals. Cheng Sheng was sipping wine opposite him, feeling a little excited.

Jiujin slowly came up, and Cheng Sheng started to say nothing, slapping the table and talking nonsense: "My CEO, your CTO, you have to agree to give me the CEO, and we will start tomorrow."

Frank also ran the train with his mouth full: "Let's give it to you! But who will be the COO? You have to find a native Chinese, right? Are you familiar with China now? How many years have you been out? Is your home still old when you leave? One-story courtyard house? Now your national building will have a hundred floors!"

Another summer, in June [-], Cheng Sheng quit his job with Frank to catch up with the shadow of summer.The two returned to Beijing from the Bay Area with the entrepreneurial funds and technology accumulated over the years.