this turbulent love

Chapter 36

The competition that Jian Mo had prepared for so long was finally about to begin.

Jian Mo passed the preliminary examination almost without a doubt and entered the re-examination.Jian Mo actually felt that there was almost no suspense in this matter, and he was very calm when he received the notice. On the contrary, Gu Yan, who was by his side at that time, seemed to want to run around the dormitory several times.

Jian Mo has always thought that no matter what the result is, it is a normal thing, but seeing Gu Yan's reaction, he suddenly felt that this is also very good. For the first time, he felt that he had done such a small thing well, even if it was not his final destination. , but it still makes people feel so happy.

Seeing Gu Yan's excited look, he also laughed.He seems to go back to a long time ago, trying to do his best, playing hard, studying hard, just to get the praise of his parents who seem to never stop, or just for a word of concern.He came back to his senses, then walked forward with a smile and lifted Gu Yan who had jumped onto the sofa. Looking at Gu Yan's face flushed with joy, his smile widened:

"I passed the initial test, is there any reward?"

Gu Yan was taken aback, hugged Jian Mo with a smile, approached Jian Mo, pressed Jian Mo under him and kissed him, then was embraced by Jian Mo, and the two of them lay down on the sofa together.Jian Mo looked at Gu Yan, his eyes flickering. It's not that he doesn't want this person, but because he cherishes this person, so he doesn't want this person to have any discomfort. He must let himself learn to be patient, and then give this person a good one. anything.

In this way, Jian Mo almost made it to the finals smoothly. When Jian Mo received the notification of the finals, even though Gu Yan was almost used to it, he still took Jian Mo out for a big meal.In fact, he was not surprised that Jian Mo could enter the final. Although he knew that this competition was very strict, he knew how much effort Jian Mo spent on each drawing and each detail, so for Jian Mo's hard work, it can be exchanged. I am very happy with the result.

In one day, Jian Mo will go to other places to participate in the finals. Although he has already made preparations in advance, Gu Yan still feels uneasy. He writes down all the big and small things he can think of on a piece of paper, and then checks it repeatedly. .The temperature has dropped relatively fast these days, and Jian Mo will be going for another week, so Gu Yan has prepared several sets of autumn and summer clothes.Jian Mo took Gu Yan's newly added luggage and was really dumbfounded. Gu Yan had prepared more than enough for him to travel for a month. He rubbed the top of Gu Yan's head to signal Gu Yan not to be so nervous.

When Gu Yan came back to look at the things he had prepared for Jian Mo, the 'old' blushed, and immediately found an excuse to cook and went into the kitchen.Jian Mo looked at the food that had just been prepared on the table, and kindly didn't poke Gu Yan's embarrassment, and put those huge luggage next to his own, why didn't he take what he prepared for him?

When Gu Yan sent Jian Mo to the car, Jian Mo gave Gu Yan the key to his own apartment. This was prepared by Jian Mo not long ago, but he couldn't find a good time to give it to Gu Yan.Thinking of Gu Yan carelessly bringing only his own summer clothes in the dormitory, and it’s almost autumn again, if Gu Yan can’t find any clothes, he might either borrow someone else’s clothes to wear them or just freeze like this, he doesn’t want to do either, so he just I just took this opportunity to give it to Gu Yan.

He looked at the excitement and joy in Gu Yan's eyes when he got the key, and felt that there was probably no better and more natural timing than this.

Gu Yan originally thought that a week would pass quickly, but he didn't expect that not long after Jian Mo left, he felt uncomfortable as if there was something empty around him. This kind of discomfort caused him to go back to the dormitory to play with Li Sheng and the others. When it didn't decrease at all, he didn't know why.

Probably because he was used to going to his dormitory when he wanted to see Jian Mo, and he could see Jian Mo sitting there quietly. Such an image became a habit and he felt that it was too normal, so now he suddenly realized that Jian Mo was not in the dormitory, and he would not give it to him. He opened the door and then leaned sideways to let him in with a chuckle.Perhaps it was because he was also afraid that Jian Mo would not be there, and those things that he had finally persuaded himself to forget would suddenly be remembered like this.

He tried his best to restrain himself from calling Jian Mo, tried his best to keep himself from looking like the very cheerful and funny Gu Yan, and tried his best to let himself go to bed when he was sleepy.Jian Mo is like a tranquilizer, with Jian Mo by his side, he feels that he is always happy; but now that Jian Mo is not by his side, Gu Yan will unconsciously imagine many things that were dispersed because of Jian Mo, He cared too much about Jian Mo, that's why he was so penny-pinching.

The temperature in City X has dropped sharply recently, and Li Sheng and the others have also put on autumn clothes one after another.Gu Yan wasn't in the mood to care about these things recently, but it was only after he sneezed twice that he realized that he should change out of his summer clothes and put on his autumn clothes.When he started school, he was lazy and didn't want to drag his luggage over with big bags and put them directly in Jian Mo's apartment. When he remembered this and saw the key that Jian Mo gave him, he suddenly realized that Jian Mo knew this. Just gave the key.

While Gu Yan felt his heart warm, he felt that Jian Mo was really a person who was cold on the outside and hot on the inside.

He happily took a taxi to Jian Mo's apartment, walked into the bedroom, packed his autumn clothes in Jian Mo's bedroom, packed them up and put them in a bag.Everything in the apartment remained as Jian Mo and he left, and the furniture was carefully covered with covers. He walked through this space that almost belonged to him and Jian Mo, as if Jian Mo would open it in a second door and gave him a hug.

He felt that it was strange for him to use such words to describe his current feeling, but he just couldn't get rid of the layer of fear and weirdness that seemed to be covered in his heart, and his eyes were always unconsciously lingering on every place ,just like.......

Say goodbye to them.

He was amused by his inexplicable thoughts, and felt that without Jian Mo by his side, he was really sentimental and not like his original self.He shook his head, and went to the kitchen to prepare a simple lunch for himself, when he heard the doorbell ringing at the door.

Gu Yan knew that it was impossible for Jian Mo to come back at this time, but he was still vaguely looking forward to this idea.He walked quickly to the door and looked at the people outside the door through the video.

Outside the door was a good-looking man who came to see Jian Mo last time. Gu Yan couldn't remember his name for a while, and every time he saw this man, he always looked very decadent.When he was wondering whether he should speak or open the door, the man outside seemed to be impatient. He yelled 'Jian Mo' in the direction of the door, but there was no response from inside.

He didn't seem to know that Jian Mo would only be here during the winter and summer vacations, and he didn't know that Jian Mo had recently participated in a competition.This means that the man outside the door is probably not Jian Mo's friend, otherwise why doesn't even Jian Mo know what Jian Mo is doing now?He thought so, and then decided not to make a sound and let the man leave by himself.

The man waited for a while and still didn't get any response. He probably felt that Jian Mo was avoiding him, so he didn't leave, but started laughing. Gu Yan didn't know what the man was laughing at, but if you see someone laughing If it sounds like tears, this man probably is like that.

He seemed to be muttering to himself: "Jian Mo, you know where he is, right? You tell me where he is..." There was a cry in his voice, and then he cried out without warning, The man who was originally as imposing as Jian Mo suddenly turned into a fragile and helpless child.

Gu Yan looked at the man outside the door with mixed feelings in his heart.That person should be very important to him, right?He reached out to open the door, told the man that Jian Mo was not here, and told the man not to be so sad.

"Do you know that kind of feeling? You have two people who love each other clearly, but they are always separated by misses and coincidences. Oh, I think you don't understand at all. You never know the feeling of two people loving each other, because now Of us like this, you are probably the happiest, Jian Mo!"

Gu Yan's outstretched hand stopped in mid-air. He opened his eyes wide and looked at the man in the video. The man was crying, and then looked at him through the camera with hatred and mad eyes. Gu Yan seemed to be nailed in place.The voice outside the door fluctuated, but Gu Yan couldn't even take his eyes off the screen.Everything he wanted to know but was afraid to know was told by the man outside the door. He didn't know how to react now, so he could only listen to him continue.

"I don't know what kind of bullshit you are, but what I know is that you are a fucking coward! Oh, you can hardly hide your humble and dirty thoughts, do you think he really doesn't know? Do you think you hide him Get up or self-righteously help him stay away from me to get the result you want? You don’t know anything about me and him, the relationship between me and him, you don’t know anything! You only know to hide behind him With that kind of pitiful eyes, with the feelings for him that you think you are covering up well, and then you just dare to look at him silently like a fool. Feel speechless, don’t you?"

Gu Yan was really speechless. Apart from receiving the man's words in his head, he could only hear his heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat. He knew who that 'he' was, but he thought it was before, even I feel that these things no longer exist when I am with myself.

He lowered his head, looked at his palm, and stood there quietly until the man left disappointed and angrily without any other movement.His head was in a mess, his emotions changed back and forth, he suddenly turned around, walked to the cabinet where Jian Mo put the keys and took out the keys.

Jian Mo just said not to let himself into the study, but in fact he kept all the keys together.Gu Yan stared fixedly at the key in his hand.He now feels like he is holding the key to Pandora's box in his hand. He doesn't know if he should open the room, and he doesn't know what consequences this action will cause.

But Jian Mo's previous hesitation and hesitation to speak are now clearly magnified in his mind, and the man's desperate and angry voice is echoing in his mind.He gritted his teeth, clenched the key in his hand, and then walked upstairs to the study room, no matter what the result was, he wanted to know.

But when Gu Yan opened the study room, he still felt that his heart was being tightly squeezed by someone's hands, and it was very painful. He only now knows what 'curiosity killed the cat' is.

The curtains in the study room were lowered, and under the dim light, the room was filled with paintings and calligraphy, large and small, all of which were about Yu Wenqian without exception.There are cabinets on all sides, and the words, calligraphy and paintings inside, as well as large and small gifts that are slowly preserved to perfection, mark the time, place and what happened, everything is written neatly with a pen On the top, there are also yellowing photos of the two people now carefully placed in the frame.

Gu Yan could only see the word 'Yu Wenqian' in his eyes now.Yes, what is placed in the entire study is not books, but the past of Jian Mo and Yu Wenqian, or the past of Jian Mo's unrequited love for Yu Wenqian.

He couldn't control his footsteps, endured the pain and read the text in the room bit by bit, and then felt the despair in his heart was stronger. He wanted to stop such self-abuse, but he was not allowed.The last time he saw it was when Jian Mo was drunk, the gift on it hadn't even been unpacked, there was Jian Mo's handwriting on it, no words were written on it, only the neat date.

When he got to the only table in the study, Gu Yan already felt numb. He didn't think that the simple and childish "so-called love" between himself and Jian Mo was comparable to Jian Mo's deep and deep feelings for Xiaoqian that he had instinctively for so many years. every bit.

He thought back to Jian Mo's attitude towards things when he met Yu Wenqian, and felt that his heart was being hollowed out bit by bit, as if a big hole had leaked. He thought of Xiaoqian's flustered appearance when he had a fever; Jian Mo once asked himself if he knew if someone he liked was irritable; thinking of Jian Mo who was so busy, but accompanied him to the library every day, caring for him extremely.Before, he thought it was just because of growing up together, but now that he thinks about it, Jian Mo's eyes are so strong that they are about to turn into real feelings...

no no.He held his forehead, Jian Mo said he liked me.Thinking of this, Gu Yan laughed out, as if deceiving his ears and stealing the bell, he put his gaze on other places.But "Yu Wenqian" is everywhere, he can't find a place for his existence, there is no trace at all, in this room with Jian Mo's past and present, only himself and Yu Wenqian, no one else left a place at all .

Gu Yan wanted to find something else in vain, even a little bit.

Jian Mo has a very strange hobby. He likes to sort the things he wrote and the models he made according to the year. Gu Yan dragged his legs to the cabinet where Jian Mo's notebooks were obviously.This place is probably taken care of by Jian Mo himself. It is neat and tidy, and every book looks brand new. He struggled for a while whether to read Jian Mo's notes. He knew it was wrong, but he still trembled. He pulled out a book from his hand, he couldn't care about anything now.

After the days when he and Jian Mo realized they were together, he finally despaired.Heh, he naively thought that after being with Jian Mo, his relationship with Jian Mo would surpass other past experiences, but it turned out that everything was just his thought, which was never true.

In Jian Mo's diary, only Yu Wenqian's name was written. Even after they got together, his last insistence was shattered by the words about Jian Mo and Yu Wenqian.

He allowed himself to sit on the floor of this room, sitting expressionlessly, his face ashen.

He thought, what is he?

The author has something to say: Amount, I changed it again...

It will affect reading a lot...

Ahhh, all I can say is sorry...

what should i do...