i don't think i will love you

After returning to the dance troupe, I often sat by the window in a daze and didn’t speak for a whole day. Huiwen was worried about this. She took me to relax and take me to see a psychiatrist, but the situation didn’t get better. signs.

My mother came, and when she saw me who was too thin to be human, her face was no longer expressionless, and I could feel the distress in her eyes.She made ribs soup for me, made chicken soup for me, wrapped wontons for me and delivered them to me, and made me my favorite noodles with fried sauce and personally delivered them to my mouth.

"Mom, I love her, I can't let go, I'm sorry, I made you ashamed, I'm sorry." My dearest mother, how much I want to be your pride, I want you to be proud of me , but I'm sorry that I still didn't do it after all, and finally let you down.

My mother stayed with me that day, and we sat side by side in silence. I have never been so close to my mother for many years. When I was young, she disciplined me severely. When I grew up, she said she didn't want to see me.Thank you my mother for forgiving the mistakes I made when I was most helpless.

I started to dance without rest, without day or night, no matter how difficult it is to dance, no matter how incredible it is to dance, even my mother who has always been loyal to dance persuaded me: "Wuyou, don't dance anymore, stop, hurry up!" Click to stop."

My ears can't hear anyone's voice, I want to dance, I really want to dance, I don't know what else I can hold on to besides having dance, so I'm spinning and jumping like crazy.

When I landed in the last flying body, I fell heavily on the floor. My body and internal organs were so painful from the shock. My brain finally stopped spinning at this moment. It would be great if everything stopped at this moment.

I took a lot of announcements, I answered those that belonged to dancing and those that did not belong to dancing. I made myself so busy that I didn’t have time to close my eyes. With more and more opportunities to appear on TV, he became a household name.

I'm a dancer, I'm a host, I'm a stage actor, I'm still something..., I don't know who knows, please come and tell me what I am.

"Worry-free, eat some fruit." Now Huiwen is guarding me every step of the way. After all, Wade and Zhigang are men who cannot accompany me, so Huiwen's task is a bit heavier. Before recording, she opened the crisper and used a toothpick. After inserting it, I sent the dragon fruit cut into small pieces to my lips.

"That Li Meng can't come today because of something, Ruobing is here as a guest, don't worry, you are ready to step down first." The director suddenly informed me that the guest of the show has changed 10 minutes before the recording, Ji Ruobing, Ji Ruobing, I'm hearing After her name, the pupils contracted quickly, and Hui Wen whispered to me among the people holding me down in horror: "Don't be afraid, Wuyou, don't be afraid, I'm here, don't be afraid."

When Ruo Bing came to me, I hugged Hui Wen's arm tightly in fright. When she took a step closer, I trembled.Because of my sudden fainting, the program stopped recording, and I was rushed to the hospital by the program crew. I didn’t know how long I slept before I woke up. When I opened my eyes, I was facing Ruo Bing’s worried gaze. I moved to the side , and pulled a certain distance from her.

Maybe my actions touched her nerve line, she reached out and grabbed my wrist and asked me loudly: "Are you afraid of me, are you so afraid of me?" I shook my head desperately, I wanted to say that I was afraid that you wouldn't want to Seeing me, I'm afraid you think I'm scary.

I remember that Ruo Bing's eyes were so complicated that I couldn't understand them. She didn't say anything, but just turned her head and looked at me before stepping out of the ward. Was that look reluctance, or something.

I didn't see Ruobing for a long time afterwards, and she seemed to avoid me on purpose, deliberately avoiding the opportunity to meet me.I kept thinking, I can’t figure it out, I get a headache if I think about it too much, and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s good that we are busy with our own things, isn’t it.

"My dear, look at the vast blue, where the fish sing happily, and where the waves are rough. My dear, look at the white clouds floating in the sky meeting the waves, how beautiful and magnificent "My No.40 drama tour with six performances ended perfectly, and I thanked the audience with the main creators on the stage and then walked off the stage.I began to like this form of performance. He uses your language and emotions to lead the audience into the atmosphere you create. It is easier to express than dance but harder to control than dance.

"Wuyou, you're fine, let's go and celebrate." After the actors in the backstage changed their clothes, they went out to celebrate the perfect end of the tour. I was dragged into the restaurant by several actors. He brought me a glass of beer and said, "Wuyou, don't be tense, take a sip to relieve fatigue."

I picked up the wine glass and took a sip before putting it down again. The elder brother next to me had a glass of wine and he turned his face to me and said, "Wuyou, actually you don't have to be so restrained, let go, we have been performing together for so long, Nothing else to say."

Then other people also began to persuade me not to always tense my nerves. Life is when it should be loose and when it should be loose and when it should be tight. If you are always tense, you will break sooner or later.

When I returned to the dance troupe after the dinner, I seemed to be quite different from when I first came back. Not only were my nerves tense, but I was also neurotic. It seemed that I had symptoms of schizophrenia.

I started to panic and went to see a doctor, but it didn’t work after a few conversations. I stopped going to the psychiatrist, and started to empty myself while meditating, and kept telling myself in my heart: “Wen Wuyou, take it easy. , Take a deep breath, breathe, and exhale." I began to actively adjust myself, and after constant psychological hints, it really got better.

We re-recorded that episode later, and I asked Ruo Bing, "Do you think dancing is an artistic pursuit, or is it just a skill?"

"For me, she is my obsession and the pursuit of my life."

"Ms. Ji, do you have other things that you value besides dancing?"

"Have"

"what is"

"emotion"

"So Ms. Ji is a woman who attaches great importance to feelings. Then may I ask Miss Ji if there is anything in your emotional experience that you will never forget."

"my first love"

"Oh, can you tell me."

"Well, she is a very simple child. She likes to eat sweet cotton candy, and likes to cling to you and act like a baby. I still remember when I first met her, she was so bright, she stood in the lush Under the big tree waved to me, and shouted to me loudly: Ruobing, here, I am here. We danced together and went in and out together. I held her hand and told her not to force myself if she didn’t like it. I like it. She, I fell in love with her before she confessed to me, but I dare not say it, not sure if she has the same feelings for me. Later we got together, she became more and more clingy and I also liked being called She is clingy, I will buy her cotton candy that is too sweet to make her happy, I like looking at her clean smiling face in the sun, I like her staring at my face without blinking and saying, Ruobing, I am so happy I like you, I like you so much. At that time, my dream was to fulfill her wish. She didn’t like to be bound, she longed for a free life, she didn’t like a step-by-step life, she wanted to go out and see the world outside, she didn’t like it Dance wants to do what she likes to do when she grows up, and I swore in my heart at that time that I will do my best to fulfill her dream in the future."

Ruo Bing said calmly, a hint of hatred appeared in her eyes, I turned my head away from looking at her, but I didn't expect her to say after a moment of silence: "But I misjudged and loved the wrong person. Her own selfish desires left our years of relationship regardless, she used her impeccable disguise to bias me and everyone who knew her. Her scheming, obedient obedience, and sweet words are all disguised, she Made a decision long before I left, and tricked me into a world of illusions, she made me believe we'd be together forever, she made me believe she'd never let go of my hand, she made me believe her , I believe her love for me is not false."

Ruobing's words only stop here and there is no follow-up, and the sentence I blocked in my throat, I didn't lie to you and I didn't say it to her.I don't know if she still needs me to give her an explanation for leaving, but even if she wants to hear it, what can I say, don't you let me say, Ji Ruobing, don't wrong me, I chose to wander alone because of you .

After the recording ended, I sat on the steps slumped, my trembling fingers embedded in the loose hair, tightening more and more, and then she walked quietly by my legs.

Ruobing, I'm a nasty bad guy, right?