miss me

A short and deep "Wow" cut through the air, and then disappeared without a trace.

Xia Xinghe raised his eyes subconsciously, trying to find clues from Bai Qingzhou's expression, and met his indifferent eyes suddenly.

It was so cold that no one could see a trace of temperature.

...I must have heard wrong.

Xia Xinghe shook his head, and drove away the strange thoughts. It was all right, how could Bai Qingzhou learn to bark like a dog?

He held his breath and wanted to hear what Bai Qingzhou would say next, but Bai Qingzhou seemed to have no intention of opening his mouth, the air fell into silence, Xia Xinghe could only cough lightly, and asked in embarrassment: "Sorry, you What did you just say? ... I didn't hear clearly."

Bai Qingzhou stood beside the hospital bed, looking down at him, his eyes were heavy, as if he wanted to see through him.Xia Xinghe unconsciously pursed his lower lip, then saw Bai Qingzhou's thin lips open slightly, and spoke out a word again.

"...Wang."

Xia Xinghe: "!"

This time he heard it clearly, it was indeed a dog barking.

The man's voice was still so cold that there was no emotion, but his words were so clear.

Is Bai Qingzhou really barking like a dog?

Xia Xinghe was completely stunned.

Is this some new way to humiliate an ex?

"Wang?" Xia Xinghe imitated it tentatively, and asked him, "What... does this mean?"

Bai Qingzhou's brows furrowed quickly, and Xia Xinghe's incomprehensible emotion flashed across his pale eyes.

When the two were together before, Bai Qingzhou occasionally showed such an expression, either strong or light, but he never explained the reason.He is like the moon far away in the sky through the night, people can't see through, feel, or grasp.

Xia Xinghe thought aggrievedly, how would I know what you meant if you didn't tell me?

Suddenly there was a dog barking inexplicably, even if you find a dog standing here, you may not be able to understand it, right?

Thinking of this, the image of Bai Qingzhou arguing with the dog suddenly appeared in his mind.

Xia Xinghe was amused by his inappropriate association, the corners of his lips curled up involuntarily, and Bai Qingzhou's words brought him back to reality.

The man's voice was low and hoarse, with an imperceptible astringency: "Have you forgotten...or are you unwilling?"

what forgot?Why don't you want to?

This sentence confused Xia Xinghe even more. He wanted to ask Bai Qingzhou what he meant, but before he opened his mouth, Bai Qingzhou coldly interrupted him.

"Needless to say, I don't want to hear it."

The clear and cold voice made Xia Xinghe feel a little aggrieved somehow.

What can he be wronged?

Xia Xinghe was slightly taken aback.

But Bai Qingzhou didn't give him more time to think, and strode towards the door.

"Wait--"

Xia Xinghe didn't want to be so unclear, and wanted to catch up with him to ask for clarification, but it was still a step too late. Just as he jumped out of bed, there was already the sound of a heavy door closing.

With a "bang", the room returned to silence, Xia Xinghe's hand just hung in the air, and the words he wanted to say were stuck in his throat.

After a while, the "squeak" sound of pushing the door sounded again, Xia Xinghe hurriedly raised his eyes, but the person who came was not the one he expected.

"Good afternoon, I'm here to check the room." A little nurse walked in with a smile.

"..."

Xia Xinghe withdrew his hand abruptly as if discouraged, and sat back on the hospital bed again.

"What's wrong?" The little nurse walked up to him, flipping through the medical records on the bedside, "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

Xia Xinghe shook his head: "No."

"Have you taken the medicine yet?"

"have eaten."

"How about drinking water?"

"Several cups."

Sensing that Xia Xinghe's mood was not right, the little nurse slowed down a bit, and asked again: "Are you uncomfortable?"

She recalled Xia Xinghe's expression just now, and asked tentatively, "Or... did you quarrel with Dr. Bai?"

Xia Xinghe didn't know how to explain it, he just lowered his eyes: "No."

Even he himself didn't figure out what was going on, so Bai Qingzhou left without knowing why.

He couldn't help asking the little nurse: "Is he like this usually?"

So cold and deep, people can't guess his mind.

"Did you mean Dr. Bai?" the nurse asked.

Xia Xinghe nodded: "Is he very moody?"

"Doctor Bai...seems quite aloof."

The little nurse hesitated and blinked, "I don't have the same department as him, and we don't have much contact with him, but people like Dr. Bai are born to be admired by others, right? Although he has a cold personality, he is amazing. There are so many surgical zeros." Mistakes aside, there are very few misdiagnoses. The last time a patient with multiple diseases came here, the director of their department missed it, but he found the real cause of the disease, and that time..."

The little nurse really admired Bai Qingzhou, so she started chattering while listening to her chattering words, Xia Xinghe couldn't help but twitched the corners of her lips.

Yes, Bai Qingzhou has such a charm.

Even though he has such a cold temper, he is still the most dazzling existence in the crowd.

Xia Xinghe suddenly remembered the scene when he first saw Bai Qingzhou.

It was at the freshmen's opening ceremony, Bai Qingzhou spoke as an outstanding student representative, the huge auditorium was bustling with people, the moment Bai Qingzhou took the stage, the audience suddenly fell silent.

The stage was pitch black, only the place where he was standing had light, and the clear voice sounded, attracting all the attention of the audience.

The short 5-minute speech earned almost the same amount of applause and cheers, and it also brought... Xia Xinghe a hot heart.

From then on, Xia Xinghe never took his eyes off him.

The little nurse finally finished telling Bai Qingzhou's legendary story, and finally concluded: "...In short, many of us admire him very much."

Xia Xinghe lowered his eyes and sincerely agreed: "Yes, he is very powerful."

He is so powerful that he can no longer tolerate others in his heart.

Xia Xinghe's tense expression eased, and the little nurse also breathed a sigh of relief, jokingly said, "That's why we all envy you."

"Envy me?" Xia Xinghe was puzzled.

"Yes," the little nurse nodded, "I've been working here for almost a year. Dr. Bai has always kept strangers close. This is the first time I've seen him care so much about someone."

"Their cardiologists are very busy. There are many patients and the operation is difficult. Sometimes they are too busy to drink a sip of water all day long, but Dr. Bai still insists on coming to see you every day and supervise you to take medicine... Your relationship Must be good, right?"

Xia Xinghe shook his head and smiled wryly: "Not really."

The name boyfriend sounds sweet, but adding the word "front" immediately changes the meaning, as if separated by an invisible barrier, even the most ordinary friends can't compare.

The little nurse didn't believe his words: "How is it possible!"

She cautiously approached Xia Xinghe, and said softly, "I'm telling you quietly, we still have people guessing if there is something wrong between you two!"

"How can it be..." Xia Xinghe opened his mouth to retort, but his mouth suddenly stopped.

Bai Qingzhou's slightly hoarse voice echoed in his mind, causing his heart to miss two beats uncontrollably.

He was muttering about to say something when there was a loud voice outside the door.

"Where's the nurse? Where's the nurse here!"

The rough voice carried an impatient tone, and the little nurse responded quickly: "Come here!"

She told Xia Xinghe to pay attention to rest, and then ran out of the ward without looking back, not caring about Xia Xinghe anymore.

The door was closed again, and the room fell silent again.

Xia Xinghe sat on the bed with downcast eyes, and after a while, picked up the phone from the table.

[Xiao Zhuzi: Brother Yan, are you there? ]

Zhuzi is Xia Xinghe's WeChat name, when he took the pen name "Zhuzhi", he changed his WeChat name to Zhuzi casually.

The WeChat was sent, and the message from the other side came back quickly.

[Yan is not a pickle:? ]

[Yan is not a pickle: Are you still alive? ]

[Yan is not a pickle: I thought you had ascended and reincarnated. ]

Xia Xinghe silently flipped through the news, only to realize that he forgot to return Yan Cai's news in the middle of the last chat.

The two were college roommates and kept in touch after graduation.

Roommates in student days are like a scratch-off lottery, they have to face all kinds of possibilities, but Xia Xinghe is lucky, and several roommates have become heart-to-heart friends.

[Little Bamboo: Isn’t it back. ]

[Xiaozhuzi: Last time the editor suddenly asked me to revise the manuscript, and then forgot to reply to you. ]

[Xiao Zhuzi: Brother Yan, don't be angry, I will treat you to dinner next time. ]

[Yan is not a pickle: Don't explain, just apologize by harakiri. ]

Fortunately, Yan Cai knew Xia Xinghe's temperament early on, so he wouldn't really get angry with him, so he joked a few words with him, and the topic quickly returned to the right track.

[Yan is not a pickle: Why do you suddenly think of brother? ]

[Yan is not a pickle: don't say it's a conscience repentance, I don't believe you. ]

After a while, it came back again.

[Yan is not a pickle: Did you encounter any trouble? ]

Friends are like this, they are careless on the surface, but they really care about you when they encounter problems.Xia Xinghe couldn't help curling the corners of his lips.

[Little Bamboo: No. ]

[Little Bamboo: I just want to ask you a question. ]

[Yan is not a pickle: what? ]

[Little Bamboo: I have a friend...]

[Yan is not a pickle: If you have something to say, you know that this friend is yourself. ]

[Little Bamboo: ...]

Xia Xinghe hesitated for a while, and finally sent the message.

[Xiao Zhuzi: If someone suddenly barks at you like a dog, what does it mean? ]

Yan only replied in seconds.

[Yan Cai is not a pickle: he is mentally ill. ]

[Little Bamboo: ...]

[Xiao Zhuzi: Oh, I just can't figure out his thoughts. ]

[Yan is not a pickle: who? ]

Xia Xinghe's hands were quick, and he typed "Bai Qingzhou" and sent it without thinking too much. As soon as the message was sent, Yan Cai's phone call came right away.

"Why are you getting involved with Bai Qingzhou again?"

On the phone, Yan Cai's voice was obviously angry and unbelievable, "The scar is healed so quickly, has the scar forgotten the pain?"

Xia Xinghe was silent for a moment, then said, "No."

How could he forget.

Yan Cai is his friend since college. He didn't hide from him when he chased Bai Qingzhou, and he didn't when they broke up. Yan Cai knew the whole story of them, how he was addicted step by step, and was heartbroken. .

That's right, it was Bai Qingzhou who Xia Xinghe took the initiative to chase after.

Young people's feelings are open and warm. After the entrance ceremony, it was love at first sight. Xia Xinghe quickly found out Bai Qingzhou's class and name. Later, he also found out that Bai Qingzhou was gay. He came out with his family right after he entered university.

When he knew he liked the same sex, Xia Xinghe could almost hear the sound of fireworks exploding in his head.Before this, he had never liked others, but after this, there was only one thought left in his heart, and he wanted to chase him.

Xia Xinghe doesn't have much experience in chasing people, after all, it's his first time liking someone, and the only one who can do it well is obsessing over this ability.He will not pester Bai Qingzhou to make him feel bored, but just follow him silently like a planet chasing the moon.

At that time, Bai Qingzhou was already in his fifth year of college, and he was an eight-year undergraduate and master's degree in clinical medicine. He spent half of his fifth year in the hospital as an intern. The most common thing Xia Xinghe did was rush to the cafeteria after class Two meals, and then he was sent to the hospital.

The hospital was quite far from the school, and it took an hour to go back and forth. Xia Xinghe still enjoyed it even though he was late for the whole lunch break.

At that time, Bai Qingzhou never expressed anything. His friends asked Xia Xinghe if he was worth it. Without thinking, Xia Xinghe said, "It's worth it. Just seeing him is worth it." His smile was so bright.

Somehow these words reached Bai Qingzhou's ears. After the meal was delivered that day, Xia Xinghe was about to go back when Bai Qingzhou suddenly stopped him.

"Don't come at noon in the future."

With a cold voice without any intonation, one sentence sent Xia Xinghe to hell.Xia Xinghe froze instantly, and the lunch box in his hand fell to the ground with a "clack". A moment later, Bai Qingzhou got up and walked to his side, bending down to pick up the lunch box.

"My internship is over." Bai Qingzhou handed him the lunch box, his expression still calm, "You can come to the graduate student building to find me in the future."

"I will send you the class schedule when I go back, and I will send yours to me too. You are not allowed to come when there are classes."

Xia Xinghe took the lunch box, still in a daze.The lunch box was still warm, and it seemed that Bai Qingzhou's body temperature was still there. Xia Xinghe rubbed his fingertips against the place that Bai Qingzhou touched just now, and blurted out for no reason: "I really like you."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Xia Xinghe regretted it.He stood there, fingering the corners of the lunch box unconsciously, trying to say something to make amends, but saw Bai Qingzhou gently lift the corners of his lips.

Bai Qingzhou gave a low "um" and said, "I know", then pushed him behind the door and kissed him with downcast eyes.

This kiss was very light and tender, and the moment the skin touched, Xia Xinghe heard the sound of flowers blooming.

Young people are too innocent, thinking that kissing the side of the cheek will last forever.And Xia Xinghe was also stubborn, he fell a big somersault and his head was broken, and in the end he finally understood the simple and easy-to-understand truth that twisted melons are not sweet.

He thought that his persistent pursuit finally got a response, but later found out that it was only Bai Qingzhou's compromise; he thought that he was different to Bai Qingzhou, but later found that Bai Qingzhou didn't like him that much, so he promised him , it's just because he chased him tighter.

Disappointment is accumulated bit by bit, and no matter how strong the feelings are, they will be wiped out and consumed in daily life.

Bai Qingzhou never said he liked him, never shared with him every detail of his life, never told him about his emotions, and sometimes did not respond to messages for no reason.

Rationality and emotion kept going back and forth, Xia Xinghe kept telling himself that Bai Qingzhou's character was just like this, he tried his best to match his rhythm and habits, and never complained, until the day of the final breakup... Bai Qingzhou's actions made him I can't lie to myself any longer.

He thought, they were not from the same world, probably no matter how persistent he was, he still couldn't get into Bai Qingzhou's heart.

Recalling the past, Xia Xinghe's heart felt heavy, and Yan Cai's voice sounded at the same time.Reluctantly, with a hint of admonition: "Xiao Xia, please let yourself go."

"Haven't you already tried once? Falling twice in the same place?"

Yan Cai's words were like pouring cold water on Xia Xinghe's body, giving him a blow to the head.Countless joys and sorrows of the past flashed through his mind one by one, and for a moment, he slowly closed his eyes.

"Brother Yan, I understand."

The voice was so soft that it almost lost itself in the wind.

I get it, and it won't happen again.