takeaway spoof

Two men in suits and leather shoes were sitting in a room in the backyard of Qingyunguan. Opposite them were two Taoist priests, one old and one young.

"Fang Guanzhu, last time you said that you were going to our Lihua Mingju to do something, can you keep a low profile, this... I am afraid that the surrounding residents will be scared." One of the men in suits and leather shoes subdued Glasses, "This is the information you asked for last time, please accept it", as another man in a suit respectfully handed over a folder.

In the front yard, it was very lively. The Qingyun Temple was full of incense. Although it was in the mountains, it couldn't stop the determination of these uncles and aunts to come here to burn incense, not to mention that this is a national second-class cultural relic protection unit. Every holiday, Visitors come in waves, and the censer has to clear a large basin of ashes every day.

"Mom is here!" A middle-aged woman waved to Zhang Ya. Zhang Ya was squeezed in the crowd. It was a hot day, and he regretted coming.

"mom......"

"Hey! Where's Miss Li that I asked you to take? Where is she? Did you go to the bathroom?"

"She, she works overtime at the company today, so she can't come," Zhang Ya casually found an excuse to prevaricate.

"Then you give mom her birthday horoscope, and mom will ask the Taoist priest to calculate it. Let me tell you, last time mom counted with him, she got lucky. She bought a lottery ticket and won 100 yuan!"

"I, I don't know..." Zhang Ya was dragged by his mother to count fate, felt very embarrassed, and dared not tell her directly that he planned to break up.

"I don't know why you should call and ask! Mom told you that the money you call mom every month will be saved for you, plus some deposits from mom, I will give you the down payment for buying a house and the decoration fee It's all there!"

Seeing his mother's excited look, Zhang Ya pretended to take out his mobile phone, "Hey! My mother asked you about your birthday...you don't know...you only know your birthday... ...."

"Mom, look, it's only about birthdays, why don't we stop making trouble, and I'll buy you something delicious when we get back home, and I'll take you home after eating!" Zhang Ya said while trying to pull his mother back.

"Hey! Let go! Look at you, last time I told you to wash off the tattoo on this hand, why haven't you washed it? What a bad impression it is to see the woman's parents in the future!"

"Mom, I was wrong, it was because I was ignorant back then..."

"Wait, don't be a mother, this is exactly what has not been done today, let's go to the Taoist priest Xiao Wang!"

Zhang Ya finally followed up the mountain with a helpless expression.

After arriving at the Taoist temple inside, I found the little Daoist Wang who knew the lottery place. The lottery was free, and the lottery was paid for. Zhang Ya casually talked about his birthday and fooled around for a while. Fu, Zhang Ya thought about the takeaway order from the unfinished building recently, and pretended it.Then he pretended to be happy and went back with his satisfied mother.

When Zhang Ya arrived at the store the next day, the employees and the boss in the store were very silent. Zhang Ya patted a co-worker who delivered food, "What's wrong, I was away all day yesterday, you guys are missing me Think about it?"

"Let me tell you something." The colleague still had a serious expression on his face, "Xiao Li had an accident last night."

"What's wrong? A traffic accident?"

"Didn't you watch the news... also, the news is blocked..."

"What's the matter?"

"Xiao Li had an accident delivering food last night, and he poked through the steel bar. He will be lying in the hospital. Fortunately, he called me, or he didn't know how he died." The boss said and handed He gave Zhang Ya a few takeaways, "Be careful on the road."

After delivering the food at noon, Zhang Ya and several other employees went to the hospital with the boss to visit the unconscious Xiao Wang. The small bread was very quiet along the way, so quiet that it was suffocating.

"Boss, where did the accident happen to Xiao Li last night?"

"Lishui Tea House..."

"Or the homeless man's pay order?"

"...", the boss was silent for a while, and said, "The person who placed the order ran away, and the police are still looking for him."

Zhang Ya was a little scared after hearing what happened last night. If he hadn't asked for leave yesterday, he must have delivered the order for the unfinished building. I am afraid that he is the one lying in the hospital right now. Maybe he doesn't even need to go to the hospital. Lying in the funeral home.

After arriving at the hospital, Xiao Li's wife greeted them and then continued to sit in front of the hospital bed and wipe her tears. A man in a suit comforted her by saying that they covered all the medical expenses, don't be sad, and she will get better.The nurse who came to change the dressing told Zhang Ya that luckily the rebar didn't pierce the internal organs, which saved Xiao Li's life.

After sitting for a while, everyone was about to leave. After all, the business would continue in the afternoon. When they were about to leave, the man in the suit called Zhang Ya.

"Mr. Zhang, please wait a moment." The man in the suit pulled Zhang Ya to sit in the corner of the single ward.

"What's the matter?" The other two police officers who were sitting in the ward also moved the benches and sat down, which inevitably made Zhang Ya a little nervous.

"Are you Zhang Ya?" a policeman asked.

"Yes."

"Please cooperate with our investigation, we want to know about the situation of Lishui Mingju," the policeman said while opening his notebook and recording, "Have you delivered all the orders there recently?"

"Yes, I allocated the area on the North Second Ring Road."

"Is the person who placed the order surnamed Shen? Can you tell us about this person."

Zhang Ya thought for a while, and only said that he had delivered food. The man was a bit weird, and he didn't know anything else. After explaining everything, the police signaled him to leave.

"Mr. Zhang," the man in the suit pulled Zhang Ya again, and told him again, "In order to cooperate with the investigation, please keep this matter secret, and don't worry about your colleagues. Do your best to heal him!"

"Okay", Zhang Ya nodded, and quickly left the ward. As long as the unfinished building and the weird homeless man are involved, nothing good will happen.The words and deeds of the man in the suit are also weird. Whoever is mentally ill will help others pay for the medical expenses for free. I don't know what's tricky in this, but it's better to do less than to do more. Anyway, someone pays for it.

While waiting for the food to be delivered in the afternoon, Zhang Ya was still thinking about it. That unfinished building is really weird inside and out. I don't know if it is really haunted as the homeless man said. Could it be that he wants to murder for money?Under the pretext of being haunted?

With a "bang", the absent-minded Zhang Ya bumped into a fire hydrant. Regardless of the pain in his body, he scrambled and opened the takeaway box with trembling hands. When he saw that it was empty, he thought it was okay. The car overturned on the way back after delivering it. If you brought a box full of takeaways, it would be over!

"Oh, I've been unlucky recently!" Zhang Ya picked up the small battery, sat on it, and was about to go home, but the small battery was damaged somewhere, and it took a long time to start it. Can ride back.

"Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" An inexplicable bird call made Zhang Ya, who was riding a small battery, stop. The sound was still very close to him, and he was stunned for a second before he realized that it was his phone ringing.He took out his mobile phone and saw that it was an unfamiliar number. He panicked and his heartbeat accelerated a few times. After thinking about it, he pressed the call button.

"Hey?"

"It's me." The voice from the receiver chilled him all over. Who else could that hoarse voice be except for the unfinished homeless man, "I haven't paid for the delivery money for last night... "

"No, no, no, we're all off work, just don't leave a bad review..." He didn't want to recall the oozing unfinished building at all.

"You turn around..."

Zhang Ya, who was about to hang up the phone, heard this sentence, his heart was half cold, he turned his head slowly, and there was the homeless man standing more than ten meters away, his thin body was covered with a worn and whitish blue suit. He was wearing blue jeans and a slightly stained white long-sleeved T-shirt. He was also wearing a dirty white baseball cap. His face was hidden in the shadow of the brim of the hat, and his appearance could not be seen clearly.

Hold!Zhang Ya put his mobile phone in his pocket, got on the small battery and turned his head to run, but today the small battery was broken and couldn't start at a critical moment. Seeing that weird homeless man was coming, Zhang Ya dropped the small battery Then he ran wildly, "Brother, I don't need the money! I really don't need it! As long as I don't give bad reviews!"

Seeing him running, the homeless man ran after him. Zhang Ya twisted and turned into a small alley. He wanted to turn around and get rid of him like this, but he didn't expect that the surrounding residents built a small sundry shed in the alley. , blocking his way.

"Fuck! Illegal construction! I want to report it!"

Before he finished complaining, the homeless man behind caught up. Zhang Ya was so scared that he held his phone and stepped back step by step, "Don't come here! I'm going to call the police!" Now Zhang Ya only felt that he was really unlucky, Being entangled by a pervert, thinking about the miserable situation of Xiao Li lying in the hospital, I am afraid that it will be his turn next!

There were no street lights in the alley, it was very dark, only the cell phone in Zhang Ya's hand was on and off.The strange homeless man approached step by step, and his walking posture was a bit weird. He got closer and closer, so close that he almost touched Zhang Ya's body. Zhang Ya raised his arms in front of him. He took out two crumpled renminbi from his trousers pocket and stuffed them into the small bag on Zhang Ya's chest.

"Big, big brother, I received the money, I'm leaving..." Zhang Ya thought it was over, but he didn't expect that the homeless man had no intention of letting him go, and instead posted it even more .The homeless man stretched out his dirty bandaged hand and touched his shoulder. His dirty gray-black nails slid along the bare neck outside the short-sleeved T-shirt to Zhang Ya's face, and even touched his lips. . The contact at a distance of "0" made Zhang Ya ask that the homeless man had a faint rancid smell, mixed with a faint fragrance, I don't know if it was sandalwood or something.

"Long time no see." The hoarse and unpleasant voice sounded again, and Zhang Ya's scalp went numb when he heard it.

"Fuck, damn it! I don't like men!" Zhang Ya was about to reach out and push the homeless man away, when the phone flickered, and in a flash of light, he saw the homeless man's face, which was also covered in dirty bandages, and under the bandage was an ugly green He has black skin, black and yellow teeth under dry flat lips, and only one eye, which is still cloudy and light yellow, making Zhang Ya feel scared and disgusted.

"Damn it! Damn it!" With all his strength, he pushed away the homeless man who almost kissed his face, rushed out of the way, and picked up the small battery not far away. This time, the small battery was normal. After starting the engine, Zhang Ya drove away.

In Lihua Mingjuli, a group of people stopped and walked, led by an old Taoist leader, flanked by two men in suits, followed by a few young Taoist priests, and at the end of the team were two policemen.

"What do you think is the problem?" A man in a suit asked respectfully.

"..." The old Taoist frowned and stared at the compass in his hand. He recalled the various life cases mentioned in the materials during the development of this real estate. The development process has not been smooth. Some small accidents started to kill people later. Some workers fell to their deaths by falling from the floor. Some repaired cement machines and were buried in cement. What finally stopped the development of the real estate was a bizarre incident of jumping from a building. Some workers witnessed dozens of accidents. Several workers lined up with dull expressions and jumped off the building one by one. This worker also died of illness shortly after resigning and returning home. The reason for the accident has not been investigated until now, and it has become an unsolved case left to this day.

"This place is indeed cloudy and dignified, but it shouldn't be so geographically..."

"You mean someone might have done something?"

"I don't know yet, let me check further," said the old Taoist priest and turned to the third floor, where traces of people's previous residence caught his attention.

At the same time, Zhang Ya is busy delivering food, there is no unfinished order today, and the small battery has also been repaired, very good, a beautiful day.

Zhang Ya who was in a good mood hummed a little song and opened the door.

"Oops!" However, he tripped before taking two steps through the door, "Fuck! What!" When he turned on the light, there was a cardboard box at the door, and then he looked up into the room. There is actually another person on the bed!Even covered with his quilt!Seeing that the light was on, the man sat up unsteadily, and Zhang Ya was startled by the horrible face with bandages.

"Damn why are you on my bed! Fuck! You've stained my sheets!" Seeing Zhang Ya, he was furious. "Get out! This is my home!"

The tramp turned his cloudy one eye to look at him, then lay down and wrapped the quilt tightly again, ready to continue sleeping.

Now Zhang Ya was even angrier, "I'm giving you face by not calling the police, get out!" He threw off the quilt and pulled up the homeless man inside, who would have thought that the ugly homeless man took advantage of the situation to wrap his arms around his shoulders .

"What are you doing!!" Zhang Ya watched the homeless man kiss him with horror on his face, this made Zhang Ya sick, "Mom!"

Before Zhang Ya stretched out his hand to pull him off, the homeless man retracted into the bed again.

"You!" Zhang Ya became impatient, staring at the cheating person in his bed, he had no choice but to make himself a bed on the floor and fell asleep.

When he woke up again, he found that he was actually on the bed, and the ugly tramp was even lying on top of him.

"□□Mom! Damn it!" Zhang Ya was so disgusted by this early morning, he jumped up from the bed angrily, now it's over, it seems that not only the bed sheets can't be asked, but also his own clothes "Do you like staying with me? I will lock the door and go out to call the police in a while. Don't run if you have the guts!"

The ugly and disgusting tramp sat up and looked at him in a daze.

"It's not me," the hoarse voice sounded again.

"What isn't you?"

"I didn't hurt him."

"Speak clearly!"

"At that time, there was an evil ghost who wanted to get on his body, so I pushed him, and he fell down and tied a stick..." The homeless man lowered his bandage-covered head, "He was lucky My wife is not good..."

"What! That's not what you did! Just wait and squat! You murderer!"

While talking to him, Zhang Ya put on simple summer trousers and a T-shirt, and was about to go out.

"Don't, don't, don't!" As he said that, the homeless man was about to grab him and kiss him again, Zhang Ya was so frightened that he took two steps back, almost tearing off half of his pants.

"Fuck! Talk about something! Don't keep doing it!" Zhang Ya originally wanted to sleep for a while, but now he was fully awake. He broke away from the homeless man, ran to the bathroom and brushed his teeth while thinking whether to call the police. , don't call the police, it's not a problem for such a thing to pester him, call the police, lest he jump the wall in a hurry, what should I do if I also kill myself!Although the homeless man looks thin and sick, he is actually quite strong.And the ghost he said sounds quite unreliable.Ah, life is hard.After brushing his teeth, Zhang Ya slammed the door shut on the homeless man shamelessly on his bed and left.

"Don't leave if you have the guts! Wait for me to call the police!"

The author has something to say:

I finally climbed up to update, and I am currently struggling with how to write the ending. emm...I don't bother to shape supporting roles, because I only want to write CP, I am such a hopeless author