blood marriage

[-]

We couldn't stay in the original city anymore. We sold our house and went to a second-tier city in Huaibei.

Ershan went to teach in a secondary school, and sometimes went to other schools as a substitute.

We rented two rooms and one living room off-campus, and we don't know what the future holds, so let's just live with it.

I want to have another one. If Xiaoyuan’s disease can’t be cured, there will be someone who can take care of Xiaoyuan in the future and take care of us after a hundred years.

I want to raise another one while I am young.

Ershan was so upset that he never touched me again.

I know what he means. I also thought that I would be a great mother. I thought I would get used to other people's pointing and commenting, sympathizing with ridicule.

Even if you live like a quail.

Greet the world with a smile, cautious and obsequious.

30 years of my life that I have struggled with have come to an end because of this crippled child and I don't know what to do.

Ershan called me just now and told me that he met someone who might be able to cure Yuan'er's dementia.

I didn't bother to ask who it was. He was cheated out of selling the house for 10 yuan a year ago, but he still didn't have a long memory.

Four years, we've done enough, enough, I've had enough.

There are many people in this world who don’t love children, and there are also many people who are forced to love children. I have changed from the joy she first came to this world to the viciousness that she never appeared in my life.

For Ershan, I still want to be a good woman, a virtuous and gentle wife, and a loving and selfless mother.

Since someone can cure it, let him go, anyway, it has been here for so many years.

next day

The man Ershan mentioned came today, a man in his 30s, not tall, and spoke softly.I was still skeptical that this man could not be trusted, but Ershan told me that this man was already a professor at a young age, and even a famous Taoist priest, known as Mr. Xiuyi.

By the time I went to the kitchen to wash the fruit, Mr. Xiuyi had already got up to leave.Ershan chased after him in a hurry, and I put the fruit back on the chopping board. I knew earlier that it was useless, and no one could cure it.

They talked for a long time at the door, and Ershan's face remained ashen.

After Mr. Xiuyi left, Ershan also went out. I changed Xiaoyuan into clean clothes and went out too.

I rode the electric bike for a long distance, and went to the vegetable market near the train station. There were so many people there, and as soon as I let go of Xiaoyuan's hand, all my sufferings would be over.

At most, it will be sad for a year or two. When I have a new child, Ershan and I can go back to the past.

I wandered around the vegetable market twice, found a corner and let go.Xiaoyuan grabbed my hand tightly, her dark eyes stared at me, and I thought of the weird dream she had when she was born, and I was so scared that I wanted to shake it off.

I felt all eyes on me, silently condemning me as a vicious mother who abandoned her own child.

I blushed, lowered my voice, and asked Xiaoyuan to stand here and wait for me.

Xiaoyuan let go, and I walked out of the vegetable market with a sigh of relief, but when I reached the door, I started running back again, I told myself, I just went back to see how she was doing.

When I saw that small figure, I couldn't hold back anymore and rushed over.

I was disappointed to find that I was already indulging in the suffering caused by her, and I didn't want to struggle anymore.

early october

Ershan took Xiaoyuan out again. I don't know how many times. Every time I go out, I have to stay outside for a whole day, and then the two of them come back with tired faces.

Ershan didn't intend to tell me what I was doing, and I didn't bother to ask. Recently we were in the middle of the cold war again, and I forgot what kind of ridiculous thing it was because of.

But this time he took me out with him.

We went to Pingshan Temple in the west of the city together.This is an ancient temple that was completed during the Tang Dynasty. When the incense was flourishing, the Baolian Temple could stretch for four or five kilometers. Unfortunately, it was ruined by the Japanese devils in the past, and now it seems to have lost its grandeur.

A gatehouse with a height of one person, the main hall and the side hall on the right are considered as the main buildings of the temple. Just looking at the surrounding walls, it is not difficult to guess how glorious this small temple used to be.

I don't know what kind of wish Ershan made to the Buddha, and I specially asked for a lottery. I took Xiaoyuan by the hand and followed, only to hear "It's not suitable to travel far."

After leaving the temple gate, he excitedly bought a pot of chrysanthemums. I finally lost my temper and asked him what he was doing mysteriously recently?Ask him why the red birthmark on Xiaoyuan's shoulder disappeared, ask him if he is going on a long trip, ask him if he doesn't plan to have us anymore...

I have an intuition that Ershan is going to leave me.

January [-], [-]

I have been busy recently, and I have been restless for a year.My mother-in-law passed away years ago, and Ershan cried like a child, and he still had to prepare for the funeral and entertain relatives with a smile on his face. They were too embarrassed to order me from the city, so I just brushed and washed things, and my hands were chapped It's broken.Xiaoyuan suddenly ran over and stuffed the hand warmer into my hand. A group of children ran in from behind her, saying that she had robbed their hand warmer. She doesn't get in oil and salt, and protects the hand warmer in my arms.

I wanted to reprimand her a few words, but I really couldn't bear it. She snatched this hand warmer for me.I cheekily pointed at the children behind her and told them, "Be generous to your friends, she borrowed this hand warmer from you, and I will return it to you later, okay?"

The children yelled that she was not their friend, that she was an idiot, that they would not be friends with an idiot, and they were making faces and saying nasty words, and Ershan came from behind and kicked them all out.

Tears rolled in my eyes, and I complained: "Who says children are pure and kind."

"They were taught by the adults, how could they understand this, don't be sad anymore, you will get better soon."

Soon soon, he always said that everything will be fine, but after so many years, nothing has changed, but worse.

January 27

Xiaoyuan has been crying more and more violently lately, and it's useless to coax her. I called my hometown and asked if Ershan could come back first.

They also panicked, saying that Ershan went back on the 22nd, and they thought they followed me.

I remember that when I got on the train that day, Ershan told me that there was a problem with the money in my hometown, and I had to go back to deal with it. I was still talking to him on the phone two days ago, and he also said that he would be back soon?I have been explaining to the other side that Ershan has not come back.

Xiaoyuan started to cry again and again, and I locked her in the house annoyed.

Let me not get excited over there.

How could I not be excited!I can't get through to his phone.

I think right, Ershan doesn't plan to have us mother and daughter anymore, the sharing of weal and woe for so many years, each other, is bullshit!

I yelled and cursed, and my hometown also hung up the phone suddenly.

I have never drank alcohol or smoked cigarettes. I heard that it is a good thing that can relieve people's sorrows. I dug out half a pack of cigarettes from Ershan's clothes pocket, lit them, imitated his appearance, and deeply I took a sip and was choked to death. I suddenly remembered, Er Shan, he didn’t smoke before.

Xiaoyuan's nails scratched the door back and forth, and I could hear the harsh sound through the thick door panel.

I went to the kitchen to find a kitchen knife, and pushed open the door. Xiaoyuan was knocked down by the door belt, her nails turned up, and bright red blood gushed out, and my heart began to ache again.

"Do you know where your father is?"

"Hunan."

"What was he doing there?"

"My soul is lost there."

"When will he be back"

"I can't come back."

I should ask her again if her soul has come back, but she said she can't come back, Ershan can't come back, no one or anything in this world can affect my emotions anymore.

She must be the evil debt of my previous life, making my whole life shattered, what did she do when she came back?I'd rather she be an idiot, a demented child forever and ever.

I looked into those pitch-black eyes, which gradually became colorful. The kitchen knife in my hand chopped down without hesitation, but it got stuck on the bed only an inch away from her forehead, and I couldn't move it.

Xiaoyuan, you killed my father, and you also killed me.