kill a canary

While singing birthday songs, blowing out candles, and cutting the cake, Chen Ran was already very tired, and the hand holding the cake knife was trembling. Shen Yixiu was beside him, smiling softly, holding his hand on the big guitar-shaped cake Cut the first knife.

The audience cheered, colorful ribbons were flying, countless hydrogen balloons rose into the sky, and soon filled the ceiling.

Outside the window, the night is as gentle as water.

……

When returning to the ward, Chen Ran didn't reject Shen Yixiu's strong resentment for holding him, he was a little dizzy and had no strength to refuse, he leaned softly in Shen Yixiu's warm and generous arms, and let him hug him Go back to the room, put him on the bed, gently manipulate his hands and feet, and help him change his clothes.

"I'm so sleepy, can I sleep for a while and then get up to wash up?" Chen Ran squinted her eyes and thrust her furry head into Shen Yixiu's arms aimlessly.Shen Yixiu took off his coat, lay on his side on the bed and hugged him, feeling Chen Ran rubbing against his arms like a kitten.

"Go to sleep, baby." Shen Yixiu looked at his smooth and graceful side face buried in his chest, the long eyelashes trembled slightly, gently scratching his heart like feathers.

Shen Yixiu fell asleep in a daze. He subconsciously didn't dare to move beside Chen Ran. He slept very lightly. In the middle of the night, his body was stiff and his arms and legs were sore. When he woke up, he saw Chen Ran holding it up with his right hand. head, staring at him unblinkingly.

"Ran Ran?" Shen Yixiu's heart twitched, Chen Ran's eyes were very strange, pure and clear mixed with a penetrating calm, as if there was a little bit of resentment and reluctance.

"Hmm. Are you awake? I want to talk to you." Chen Ran said softly.

"Well. Tell me." Shen Yixiu's voice trembled slightly. He didn't even know what he was afraid of, but he just vaguely felt that he was hesitating about the birthday present that he hadn't given yet, and he had been brewing in his heart for a long time. Marriage vows may never be used.

"Brother Yixiu, I am very happy today, thank you for giving me such a perfect birthday." Chen Ran said sincerely: "I can feel the kindness you have treated me during this time. I know that I am sick, and I will give you I'm sorry for causing a lot of trouble."

"Don't say such things... Ran Ran." Shen Yixiu's voice was a little choked up, the nasty truth, those immeasurable guilt weighed on his heart like a huge boulder.

"However, there are some things I have to say sooner or later. I died this time, and I suddenly figured out many things." Chen Ran raised his hand and touched Shen Yixiu's haggard and tired face: "I believe now that you really like me Yes, but I'm sorry, I can't accept it."

Shen Yixiu listened silently, as if listening to a death sentence, his heart was strangely numb.

"I admit, I loved you, I was born gay, the first man is you, a person like a god that many people can't see, so even if I know I'm just a bird you keep in a cage, at any time Maybe you threw it away like rubbish, but I still couldn't control myself. But slowly I grew up and became sober. I watched the lovers around you come and go one after another, and said I was not sad or jealous That's fake, so I don't dare to love you anymore, I'm also a human being, and I can also feel pain." Chen Ran paused, took a deep breath, and then continued: "I think you will get tired of playing sooner or later. , let's just separate each other, so I just waited obediently, but you won't let me go..."

"I'm sorry..." Shen Yixiu whispered, his voice was full of regret and remorse, he held Chen Ran's hand tightly, as if Chen Ran would disappear if he let go.

"Later you said you liked me, and I wanted to believe it too, but those things in the past can't just be forgotten. I don't believe in you, and I don't believe in myself either. I don't think I'm so lucky to have you I have never given anything to others. Since I was a child, there has been a voice and a shadow. When I want to grab something and fight for something, he will come out and say to me, 'You don't deserve it, you have all the good things. I don't deserve to have', he is like a lingering nightmare, making me daunted by all good things, I would rather stay in the dark place, and dare not reach out and grab the faint hope."

"It's not like this..." Shen Yixiu was anxious to defend Chen Ran, wishing to get into his heart and fight that little devil.

"I know mine," Chen Ran shook her head, "I'm awkward, sensitive and hypocritical. When others treat me badly, I feel at ease. When others treat me well, I worry about gains and losses. I kept getting into this horny corner, tossing Everyone in my life will live in peace, harming others and myself. I think my death will be a relief to you, me, and everyone..."

"Ran Ran, stop talking!" Shen Yixiu roared excitedly, turned over and sat up, and leaned close to Chen Ran's face: "You can hate me, but you can't think wildly and give up on yourself, you are just sick, these thoughts It doesn't represent your original intention. Do you understand? Ran Ran, you are the best, you are worthy of my love, worthy of everyone's love, and worthy of the beauty of the whole world."

Shen Yixiu suddenly made up his mind that even if Chen Ran hated him and his family all his life, he must confess the truth to Chen Ran. He could not let Chen Ran live with such inexplicable guilt and self-loathing. Chen Ran never had Doing something wrong never hurt anyone.

"Ran Ran, you didn't feel sorry for anyone, including this time, it's because my mother has been instructing the nanny to drop all your medicines..." Shen Yixiu licked his dry lips, feeling a huge sense of guilt and guilt Like a dark demon looming over his heart, he had to force himself to say it: "I've been hesitant to tell you, but now I have to say it, I've lied to you before, blackmailed you with your kindness, used those Self-righteous means to force you, I now know I was wrong, but I don’t dare to ask for your forgiveness. I hope there will be no more deceit, concealment, persecution and harm between us. I will respect all your decisions. Regarding this matter, if you If you want to call the police, I won't cover them; for our future, if you choose to stay, I will spend my whole life loving you, compensating you, and taking care of you; if you choose to leave me..." Shen Yixiu's voice dropped , with a low hoarse trembling choked: "I will bless you."

After Chen Ran listened quietly, he wasn't angry, or even too shocked. He turned his head weakly, and after a long time, he said in a low voice, "I won't call the police. After all, she is your mother..."

Shen Yixiu buried his head in Chen Ran's neck, his shoulders trembled slightly with the silent sobs, he felt that Chen Ran should have shed almost all the tears in his life.

Chen Ran was not too moved by this news, even by Shen Yixiu's sincere confession, it may be that he has really experienced life and death, and many things can be seen lightly.

He touched Shen Yixiu's head leaning against him, inserted his hand into the other's thick hair, pondered for a long time, and finally stated the decision he had already made in a straightforward way: "Brother Yixiu, let's let each other go."

……

After Chen Ran was discharged from the hospital, he and Shen Yixiu had a peaceful breakup meal at the Clove Apartment. Shen Yixiu cooked the food himself and cooked some of Chen Ran's favorite dishes.

The two of them are like friends, chatting without saying a word, neither saying any affectionate words, nor any intimate physical contact.

It's just that when eating, Chen Ran was a little strange, Shen Yixiu kept adding vegetables to his plate, but he himself almost didn't eat anything, especially meat, he didn't touch it at all.

"What's the matter? Don't you have an appetite?" Chen Ran picked up a shrimp for him, but he didn't touch it. Looking at his expression, Chen Ran asked with concern.

"I've become a vegetarian." Shen Yixiu said indifferently.

"..." Only then did Chen Ran realize that Shen Yixiu really didn't seem to have eaten meat since he was in the hospital.

"Why?" he asked dumbfounded.

"..." Shen Yixiu touched his nose: "When you were still awake in the hospital that day, I begged all kinds of gods to bless you, but when I begged the Buddha, you woke up." He faintly said Sighed: "I think I owe my life to the Buddha."

Chen Ran put down his chopsticks and stared at him for a while, Shen Yixiu looked back at him sincerely and innocently, Chen Ran turned his head slightly embarrassed, and looked away.