Shen Nian

○ life is better than death

My name is Luo Caocao, a girl who is struggling in life but wants to enjoy it very much.I eagerly long to be alive, to be beautiful, to be healthy, because it is really difficult for me to do it.

I have a mother who loves me very much, her name is Li Yu.She runs a small fruit and vegetable store on the street, she is very busy, and I know that she is very sad, yes, sad all the time, because of me.

I'm not a healthy kid and they all say that because I like girls and yes I'm gay.Li Yu worked very hard, and all the money she earned was used to send me to school and pay for a doctor. She said that if I got sick, we would treat it, and we would be the same as others.

I still remember when I told them about my sexuality, it broke the harmony that had been pretending in the family.I made a cup of tea for Luo Yijie and Li Yu, Luo Yijie was my father, then I knelt down in front of them and admitted that I was different from ordinary people, and told them that I had fallen in love with a man of the same sex.

Uproar.

When I jumped from the window, I saw the sky that day, so blue and so beautiful.

I was 16 years old at that time, and I only knew that I was different from others. At that time, I had enough courage to admit everything and end everything in a certain way, such as death.But after all, I didn't end my life, I still lived quietly, I still secretly liked the girl with two canine teeth when she smiled, and I still longed to be with her.

My difference brought a lot of changes to the family, including the divorce of Luo Yijie and Li Yu.

Between the ages of 16 and 17, Luo Yijie and Li Yu were full of hope for me. They were in the same state as Li Yu alone now, and they invited me a lot of psychologists.They accompanied me to seek medical treatment all over the world, and they believed so much that one day I would happily tell them that I was cured and that I fell in love with a boy.but I do not have.During that year, I felt that I was treated like a psycho, took a leave of absence from school, and couldn't see the girl I was thinking of.Then, even I thought I was crazy, my difference was so unbearable in this world.Every time we go to a city, I will leave my blood in that city. I didn't die, but it wasn't that I didn't want to die at that time. I was alive, living in their "love castle".

For me, life is worse than death.

On my 17th birthday, I was still the same, Luo Yijie made up his mind to let me live as I wished, yes, he gave up.Then, Li Yu had a big argument with him, and then they divorced, which surprised me so fast.It wasn't until then that I realized how ignorant I was, that I ruined their marriage.

At that time, I forgot that they were full of contradictions long before I announced my sexual orientation, but because of my relationship, I have been reluctantly living, and finally found common ground in my affairs. The goal of being together for such a long time is also difficult.After their divorce, I really changed. People always need to learn to grow in some events.I no longer blindly reject Li Yu, I no longer seek death to relieve me, I go home on time, go to Chen An every week for "treatment", and study hard.

I might think it's great too.

The author has something to say:

This is a new beginning. I will continue to write "Mottled", but since I really don't have any ideas, I will take it slowly.