lose

April 2011

Tong Yanxing

It has been raining heavily for the past few days. I have not gone out for a long time and have been staying at home.

The sky was very dark, I didn't turn on the light, and took my mobile phone to look at the photo of me and Zhanning over and over again.

Yan An came here a few days ago, took a bottle of whiskey and left it for a long time.I didn't feel anything when I watched it, only the rain outside the window, like the background music in a movie, was infinitely magnified.

On every rainy day, I always think of the time when I came to the hospital to confess my love to Zhanning.

I still remember his astonished look, very cute.

So I kissed him, kissed him hard.I hoped to make him realize something, but Zhanning's mother found out!

The aunt was unexpectedly calm, she just asked me to come back the next day, she wanted to talk to Zhanning.

I knew what she was going to say, but I just hoped that Zhanning would not agree to be with me.

Auntie doesn't want Zhanning to drag me down, does she?

Zhanning is a very kind boy, I guess his thinking is similar to his mother's.So the next day I took him to that place and confessed to him again.

Yes, he said no!

I was not discouraged, but asked him directly if it was because of his illness.

Zhanning wanted to run away in a panic. At that moment, I felt that if I let him leave like this, I would definitely regret it in the future!

So I rushed up and pulled him back and hugged him tight.

Zhanning was already very thin, but now he was so thin that only his bones remained, as if the wind would blow him away.

I really want to hold him and never let go, but I know that I want to stay by his side forever and accompany him through difficulties one after another.

So I said: "Even if you only have one day left to live, I will use this day to love you well..."

I mean it, I love him, no matter what kind of person he is, as long as it is him!

I'm very glad that Zhanning agreed to me, he must also very much hope to be with me.

After we confessed to Zhanning's family, the auntie cried, I don't know if she was worried or something else.But my uncle didn't speak for a long time, and finally he asked me if I would treat Zhanning well.After getting my affirmative answer, my uncle nodded.

This is an indirect acknowledgment, and I'm still very happy.

During those days, I knew that Zhanning liked to go out and the scenery outside.Some people may not understand, but when you are stuck in one place for a whole year, you will understand how wonderful the outside world is!

So I often take him out, seeing his contented appearance, I know that as long as he is happy, everything is fine!

It seems that Zhan Ning has never been to an amusement park, so the first place he took him out after establishing a relationship was the amusement park.

Because of Zhanning's health, he couldn't play many games, so he could only play small games in various booths.But both of us were failures. After playing for a long time, we couldn't win anything.

Seeing Zhanning's dejected look, I couldn't help laughing, patted his head, and dragged him to ride the Ferris wheel.

He was very excited when he got on the Ferris wheel, and he couldn't sit still and looked around.

After entertaining himself for a while, Zhan Ning told me excitedly that he had read a novel about the Ferris wheel.

I asked him to tell me about it, and Zhanning happily told me that it was a slapstick novel.It is a story about a ferris wheel that turns into a human and comes to the human world to find a lover.

I don't quite remember the details of this story, but I still think about it many years later, because when Zhan Ning told me this story, his eyes sparkled and he was very cute.

So I stood up, came to him, bent down and kissed his lips gently.

When he let go, I watched with satisfaction as his face slowly turned red.

This is the first time I've seen him blush!

In the next few weeks, I secretly took him out to play. Although I was always criticized, I felt that he was much better, so my uncle should not see it.

but……

i really forgot...

I'm afraid I'm getting carried away?

When he collapsed in front of my eyes, I remembered that his illness could not be delayed for a second!

I'm scared……

He won't leave me, will he?

Now... I can only lie to myself like this.