lose

April 2010

Tong Yanxing

After I learned the truth of the matter, I spent another month in a daze, it was December!It's really cold, and it snowed yesterday.

I remember that Zhanning likes snow the most. At this time last year, I accompanied him to finish the examination, and it started to snow when I returned to the ward.Regardless of the pain in his body, Zhanning excitedly stood in front of the window, looking at the snowflakes outside, his eyes sparkling.

"I really wish I could have a good day playing in the snow." That's what Zhan Ning said that day.

Looking at his eyes that are gradually dimming, I feel that my heart is about to burst from pain, but for the sake of his body, I can only suppress the idea of ​​going out with him.

Looking at the snowflakes constantly falling outside the window, I stretched out my hand out of the window and caught a petal.

It melts almost instantly and doesn't sit around for much time.Looking at the pool of water, I clenched my hands again.But my thoughts drifted to the email Yan An sent me this morning.

After Zhan Ning passed away, Yan An was afraid that I would be thinking wildly at home, after all I am a freelance photographer.So in August, he found me a job and worked in his company.

The general content of the email is that there will be a photography competition held in S City in a month, and he hopes that I can participate.The last words of the email were very straightforward. He said that he found that it is not enough to just let me have a job. I am still in a bad state in the past six months, so he hopes that I can be more busy, preferably so busy that I can’t think about anything.

I didn't think too much about it and decided almost immediately that I wanted to enter this competition.

The theme of the photography competition is not limited, and the contestants are free to play.Without any hesitation, I immediately thought of the photo I took of Zhan Ning when I first met him.

I'm not looking forward to the gold award, I just hope to commemorate my love with him in such a way, it's not as bad as people think, it's as pure and beautiful as all the love in the world.

The most important thing is the love between me and Zhanning.

I searched the Internet for relevant information about this competition, and after a quick overview, I started to prepare for the competition. The deadline is on the 30th of this month. It doesn't matter, I can prepare slowly.

I dug out the photos I took of Zhan Ning before, and even made a special photo album. The first page is the photo I took of him when we first met.

I gently stroked him in the photo, just like I stroked his face when he was lying on the bed.There was a slight sound when my fingertips grazed the surface. I looked at him in a daze, as if I was looking at him in my previous life...

How thin he was at that time, as if the wind was blowing gently.can scrape him away.At first I thought he was always so thin. When I went to the hospital, I always brought him a lot of nutritious food and forced him to eat, but he kept getting thinner and more emaciated.

How stupid I was at that time, I thought he had a minor illness, and asked him when he would be discharged from the hospital...

He must be feeling bad, right?

I still remember hearing those two nurses talking in the pantry when I went out to fetch water for him.

One said: "Do you know that boy in Ward 5?"

Another replied: "I know, it's Zhanning."

As soon as I heard Zhan Ning's name, I was stunned immediately, and I stood aside and quietly listened to their words, but the next words made me feel like a thunderbolt.

"During chemotherapy this morning, Zhanning was lying in bed again in pain, and I cried. You said, since he was diagnosed and had only one year to live, why didn't his parents take him home and enjoy the last breath?" Days, but let him suffer every day here?" It was a younger girl who spoke, she seemed to feel sorry for Zhanning, and she told the older nurse beside her with red eyes.

The older nurse obviously understood the reason. She comforted the little girl and said, "You are not a parent yet, so you don't know. Zhanning's parents are always waiting, maybe one day the opportunity will come, Zhanning It can be cured, right? So you have to know the difficulty of being a parent!"

Then they babbled a lot, but I couldn't hear them anymore.

Only one year to live?How could he be diagnosed as having only one year to live? ?

I immediately turned around, looked at them anxiously, and asked, "Tell me, why did the patient you discussed just now have only one year left to live?"

I tried my best to make my voice normal, but when I heard my trembling voice, I knew there was no way to normalize.

Although their expressions were a bit weird, they still told me why.

It was very cold, as if the whole person had fallen into an ice cellar.I don't remember how I got back to Channing's ward, nor how I left. I only know that the face of Channing always appeared in my mind. He smiled, but the smile was very indifferent, as if he had never arrived. through his heart.

When I came back to consciousness, I was already lying on the bed at home...

I was still thinking about Zhanning, and the memories of a month came one after another, and I finally knew the reason... I closed my eyes, and the tears flowed down...

Leukemia...late stage...

Zhanning, I'm sorry...