Disgusted

When Shazhi finished reading the letter, she found the familiar Camel brand cigarettes, lit them, and smoked quietly in the living room of the apartment. Liu Suen, more than 600 kilometers away, was sitting by an old desk.The table looked old, with old paint peeling off, pitted table tops and legs, scratches and obscenities of indeterminate meaning.After a while, she sat quietly in this simple library, straightened her back on the dark red plastic chair, and quietly looked at a few white papers and a black ballpoint pen on the table.The window was facing the basketball court, and the female prisoners shouted from time to time.

25:[-] on a Saturday afternoon.She used to think that after she was imprisoned, the time scale would be blurred and faded in the day-to-day routine, but no, because of the stereotyped repetition, the time was more finely divided: wake-up time, meal time, work time, rest time, bath time, Activity point, light-off point-the splitting of each time period is like a frame that restrains the people inside the wall, and sometimes it seems to restrain all the remaining lives and possibilities. Therefore, it took only eight days to move from the detention center to the prison. But there is an illusion that I have grown old here—this is punishment, depriving my body of freedom, facing a very fast and very slow time scale (those "points" that are endless in front of my eyes), suffering, inch by inch Atonement.

A few screams on the basketball court brought Liu Suen back to her senses. She moved, raised her hand to hold the pen, and wrote the word "Shazhi" on the blank paper one stroke at a time. Thought it was over.It was as if all the words my emotional mind longed to say had been poured out in the last letter, and now there was nothing left.

Or, is it because knowing that the letters sent today will be inspected one by one by the prison guards, those emotions do not know how to avoid the eyes of outsiders and hide them under the texture of the words?

For a while, Liu Su'en just held the pen in a daze, and the tip of the pen left a little bit of ink on the paper.Finally she let go of the pen and turned her head to concentrate on watching the battle on the court.

The basketball court is brand new. The only prison in Macau has just completed an expansion, and sports have always been encouraged by the authorities as a form of entertainment for prisoners. If you look closely, even the balls have been replaced with new ones.Unlike the library, which has been repainted, the bookshelves and desks are still the same.Su En stared at the basketball that was thrown up and down for a long time, feeling an urge to run off the field.After all, he was someone who had played on the school basketball team for ten years.Su En smiled, let the impulse arise, and became calm again——as Kenny said, the way to survive in prison is to lower your head, lower your head again, and let the dark cloud pass.

Kenny is the "prison expert" invited by Uncle Leng, and he gave her intensive training three days before voluntary surrender.Tailor-made training courses based on her age, race, physical condition, and economic strength. First, some unspoken rules in the prison, several big gangs, the general situation of prison guards, how to deal with conflicts, and then several necessary self-rescue fighting skills.With her exhausted mental state at the time, she couldn't absorb too much, so Kenny emphasized some important keys at the end, one of which was low-key.

For this reason, Uncle Leng specially invited a barber to trim her half-length but not short hair: bangs were trimmed on the front to cover the eyebrows, the sides were thinned to cover the ears, and the back was simply cut neatly.When I looked in the mirror afterward, I also felt miraculous. Just slightly modified the face and it showed different shades. The original deep face became shallower, like a sharp weapon that opened the front was blunted, and the line of the jaw was not so rigid, so it became Unremarkable——Kenny and Uncle Leng were quite satisfied with the effect, but she didn't care, but Uncle Leng's carefulness surprised her, and she suddenly felt that her mother might be happy with him, and she got some comfort from it .

To Uncle Leng, Su En has always been grateful, but that gratitude has always been on the rational level, like an account, the addition, subtraction and subtraction are all in the left brain, never going to the heart.Until this time to contact again.

When she asked if there was a way to contact Zhang Ziqing's gambling creditors, Uncle Leng didn't ask further, but asked her to wait.Uncle Leng didn't make her wait any longer, and he didn't talk nonsense. When he called, he just said: I'm afraid it won't be easy to solve, how much are you willing to pay?

Suen remembered that she replied at that time: Do everything I can.

Afterwards, she also thought about it, if she hadn't tried to start with the debt so proudly at that time, but had directly borrowed money from Uncle Leng, sold the apartment in Macau, accepted Xiaoyu's help, and transferred the collected cash to Saori to tide over the difficulties , would it be simpler?

It's a pity that there are no ifs in the world.Not to mention how much cash Uncle Leng can move out in a short period of time, such a cash flow may not escape the attention of interested people.Throw grass to startle the snake, the snake has already been alarmed, how to calm down without paying the price?

On the day of the negotiation, Uncle Leng personally took the troops there.At that time, she had already rushed to Heidutou near the sea, but she was suppressed in the dark hall.A Biao, who came to meet him, said with a smile: Master Leng told me, it is not convenient for you to come forward, just wait.It wasn't until it was dark, and the lights on the other side came on and off, that I received news from Uncle Leng: After pleading guilty to the crime of injury and abetting, the debt can be reorganized and reduced.

Master Leng said, if you don't want to, I will send you away now.I can't go back to Fujian, so I will go to Guangdong for a while.Ah Biao's expression became serious, showing a fierce look.

How long have you been with Uncle Leng?Liu Suen asked suddenly.

Almost 15 years.My life was saved by Lord Leng.

Suen nodded, feeling that Uncle Leng would send someone he could trust to look after her.She asks Ah Biao about the current situation.A Biao didn't want to go into details, so after spending a long time, he only revealed a general idea: the creditor is the largest loan shark organization in the local area, and as long as he can receive the money, he doesn't care who pays and how he pays.It's just that this matter got out, and other gangsters and even government forces stepped in to find out Liu Suen.

Being able to talk about the current condition is that the other party is afraid of Lord Leng's connections.A Biao said and pursed his lips.Our school may not be very rich or powerful, but there are plenty of people.

This time, Uncle Leng was involved.

Hey, what people in the rivers and lakes say is troublesome.A Biao waved his hand, it's all fate, more than two years ago, Master Leng said he wanted to protect you, so he sent me to bring someone to follow you for half a month, otherwise I would have been reimbursed early.

Liu Suen was taken aback for a moment, and this finally solved a question that was entangled in her heart: how easy it was to get her a mobile phone back then, it could be stolen, kidnapped, or even kidnapped and interrogated, so why bother to find Xia Xiaoxue to get it?Presumably it was because Uncle Leng received the news and secretly protected her.

Thinking of Xia Xiaoxue, my heart still hurts numbly.I have never dared to inquire about her future.She knew that deputy editor-in-chief Liu passed the dangerous period in the end and seemed to be promoted, but she didn't know what happened to him and Xia Xiaoxue.Maybe you get married and your kids start teething.Liu Suen smiled self-deprecatingly, and suddenly thought of Shazhi.The scene of the twilight in the room falling on Saori's shoulders through the smoke that day, looking back now as if looking at the scenery on the other side of the river after a whole lifetime, made her heart suddenly warm.

It was then that she made up her mind.I accept.she says.Take me across the other side.

The crime of injury was what she deserved.She was strangely free of guilt for wanting to kill Deputy Editor-in-Chief Liu. What made her shudder was the murder itself. Holding the neck of the wine bottle with her hand, the shards scratched her skin, and the blood splashed on her face was sticky and warm. Pungent, watching a person turn pale, limp, and twitch, life in the hands disappears due to her own strength, this is the cause she planted.Even I couldn't tell how much of the subsequent chills and nightmares that lingered from time to time came from me that day, and how much came from the venomous screams of the girl in Room 307 of Baohua Building.How much more comes from your own betrayal and being betrayed.

If you don't untie this knot, you may not be able to go on smoothly with Saori no matter what.She vaguely felt so.As for the unnecessary accusation of instigating and slandering, she knew that this was the price demanded by the other party. If she admitted it, it would be tantamount to forcibly compromising her own pride and clearing up the other party. Swallowing this grievance will probably make her sleepless for a long time ... But Saori, Saori... She thought of Saori frowned and said "I don't know", Saori, who cherishes her body so much, hesitated between being in the family and letting her go overnight.That's all.It is nothing but vain pride and fame.

That night, A Biao took Liu Suen across the river, and in the next few days, Uncle Leng arranged to see a lawyer, attend training classes, and get a haircut.She knew that Uncle Leng was trying to give her room to regret by letting her know about prison life, so she delayed confirming the terms of acceptance with the other party until the end.Before surrendering, she spent the last night writing a long letter for Saori.Afterwards, she was taken into custody, brought to court, and sentenced to two years in prison for the crime of seriously injuring bodily integrity. Because she was emotionally agitated and unconscious at the time, and a celebrity pleaded for a guarantee, her sentence was reduced by six months.As for the crime of abetting, due to its bad nature and serious impact, it was fined [-] Australian dollars, and a public apology was made in major newspapers...

Suddenly the bell rang on the playground, and the break was over.Su En watched the female prisoners on the court being driven into a group like ducks and returned to their cages one after another.She stood up, put away the pen and paper, and remembered that she hadn't called Uncle Leng yet - she had promised to contact him every weekend when the prisoners were allowed to call the outside world.

Tomorrow.Suen thought.In this sea of ​​trapped time, it seems comforting to have something to worry about.

The next day, when she called, it was connected as soon as the ring rang.

Uncle Leng's voice was different from his usual calmness, he seemed a bit embarrassed: "Su En. Someone wants to see you."

"No." She said no almost immediately.Earlier, Uncle Leng had sent news that Xia Xiaoxue wanted to visit the prison, and asked if he wanted to add her name to the visit list.Up to now, seeing each other is like not seeing each other.

"..." There was silence for a while, Su En looked at the people in line behind, and was about to say otherwise and hung up, when the person on the other end of the phone suddenly changed, it was a familiar and soft voice: "Qingkong..."

Liu Suen froze for a moment, feeling that the right ear that was attached to the microphone was numb and hot.

"Suen." There seemed to be a sigh on the other end of the phone, "I want to see you."

Su En felt that the scald had spread all the way to her neck.She knew that Saori would find her sooner or later, but she didn't expect it to be so soon.

The author has something to say: Get used to running every evening.For a distance of about five kilometers, what I like most is not the light pace at the beginning, or the inherent rhythm after the body adapts midway, but the last kilometer, when the body is exhausted, but there is a feeling that you can just keep running until you are old.

"Orange" is written here, which is a bit similar to this last mile.

Speaking of it, I really like this article, and I also like the yarn weaving in it: brave, decisive, and things that are settled will not be shaken.When I first started writing, I happened to hear Lu Guanting’s live version (The Love of My Life), playing the erhu in a desolate tone, and my heart also followed the desolation. It is difficult to escape fate.The blind date is not close, or I should believe it is fate.

Until recently when I listened to Zhang Jie’s version (The Brightest Star in the Night Sky), I suddenly had hope again.In fact, the ending is the same, one is inside the prison and the other is outside the prison, it is impossible to reach, but because of love, there is a bright hope, and the heart can be at peace.

"I pray for a transparent heart,

and teary eyes.

Give me the courage to believe again

embrace you beyond lies

Whenever I can't find the meaning of existence

whenever i get lost in the night

the brightest star in the night sky

Please light my way forward"